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Post by Linda on Apr 17, 2004 11:43:57 GMT -5
daughter came to you and asked for some type of birth control what would you do?
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Post by tridlette on Apr 17, 2004 12:10:30 GMT -5
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Post by Linda on Apr 17, 2004 12:15:56 GMT -5
Laurie..Yea It is probably time..and thanks for responding..It is a controversial topic,but I think it needs to be addressed...considering our kids are so darn impulsive.  |
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Post by HooDunnit on Apr 17, 2004 12:22:47 GMT -5
I asked a retired minister this question one time. He tended to talk with a stutter. He said, "You've got to sub, sub, sub, sub . . . .sublimate!!"
By that, I think that he meant that unless a person is married, they need to direct their physical energy to the spiritual level, and bypass the sexual level. Mind you, the minister had himself never been married. He had never been a parent. So how practical his advice would be, I don't know.
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Post by Honeysmom on Apr 17, 2004 13:25:29 GMT -5
Linda, I remember this as a teen myself. My mom always said if you need it, let me know and we'll talk about it. I took that as let her know, what she meant was, let me know so I can yell at you and then make you feel bad for asking.  I hope (and am working to provide) that when my kids are older (like 30 or so) they will not be ashamed or scared to talk to me about these issues. I will tell them repeatedly through the years to wait, but if they can't they should talk to me about it. If push comes to shove and they reuse to wait as I would urge them to, I would provide for them. I know many people don't agree with that, but it could be a life or death decision. Getting pregnant at a young age is one thing, it wouldn't be great but with family support and love can be dealt with. Getting AIDS is a death sentence as of now and that is a punishment I would not want to be responsible for having any part of. And Linda, if Paul has some to you with this request, good for you in providing him with such a safe enviroment that he is not scared to ask or feel ashamed.  Becky BTW, if I ask this question in the years to come please remind me of what I said when I had a clear head...  |
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Post by Linda on Apr 17, 2004 13:30:33 GMT -5
I will remember that Becky..lol
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Post by swmom on Apr 17, 2004 17:53:23 GMT -5
I'd see what age they are and then go from there. If they're 13 or 14, no. Important to wait until they are more mature. If they are 16 or 17, maybe, depends on the child and their sex. Male, probably. Female, probably not. If they are 21, yes.
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Post by AnneM on Apr 18, 2004 4:15:40 GMT -5
I am struggling on this one ... I did however love Tridlette's reply and thought it was 'spot on' how I would have felt/reacted when Sam was around age 13 ...
But now Sam is almost 16 and the legal age in the UK to have sex is 16 ... (is that the same in the US?) ...
Whenever Sam and I speak about sex I am always throwing in the VITAL fact that he MUST wear a condom ... but it is a difficult one for parents... I certainly do not want to be pushing him towards having sex .. but I DOO want him to be 100% responsible when he does .... (and at present fortunately I am pretty certain that he is not sexually active .... YET!) ... Of course it isn't just a question of the danger of a girl becoming pregnant it is also a protection against venereal disease as a whole which the papers say is still very much "Out there" ...
I guess what I am trying to say is that YES I would support him completely if he were to ask me this question ... but somehow I don't think he will ask me that ... I think he MIGHT ask his Dad that ... but I think it is honestly much more likely that he will supply them for himself ... because he certainly by now KNOWS that IF you have sex .. you wear a condom ... Period!
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Post by finnmom on Apr 18, 2004 5:29:25 GMT -5
Hi I know that after this you all think, rolling your eyes"OMG, those europian´s"  But; I think that 16y is old enough to have the needed information about safe sex, because, eather you tell them or not, they can have experiment´s. they are teenager´s, they will talk about it by themself´s, they get the image that "everyone else is doing it" and they may get attempted. that´s why they should know what to do to protect both girl and boy of all those unwanted result´s of unprotected first time´s!!!! By educating, I mean both the "what to do"-part and the MOST important " you have no hurry, this should be an act of love, you must wait until you feel you really want to do this"-part. Actually, they should get that part first and then the protection-part. Not knowing will not keep them safe, it´ll just get them to trouble! In here they get the first lesson´s of menarce, teenage, hygienity around 11-12 y, by then girl´s also get to know that when you have period´s you can get pregnant. That´s not a "go ahead" it just to warn them already, before they get the i´dea. The same lection tell´s about those "trophy-girl´s" wich noone apreciate´s, and how you should never buy acceptance by allowing anyone abuse you. Uups, seem´s like a novel already, so mayby I just hop of now and let you other´s carry on! Marja P.s. I would tell about the way´s to protect themself´s for 16y and up, under that I would try to slow them down and talk the sence to them. Personally I think that marriage is a good time to start. |
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Post by Linda on Apr 18, 2004 7:53:42 GMT -5
Anne...That is interesting...sex is legal at 16? I don't know of any law in the states where this is so. I know in the states it is legal to get married at 18,and in some states even younger with a parents permission. I don't think Paul would come to me either,probably his dad.To my knowledge he hasn't "done it" but it does concern me. marja..I think the europeans are fantastic..you are not so different..we have the same problems. |
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Post by finnmom on Apr 18, 2004 8:05:13 GMT -5
Linda
Here 16 is the age what seperate´s the child-abuse from "adult sex" so 16 y is old ebough to have sex with even older partner. Under that it´s illegal and considered as childabuse from the older person´s side.
18y old can get married without parent´s aproval, if they are under 18 they need a special aproval to get married, usually it´s only admit in case of pregnancy.
And I agree, problem´s are the same no matter where you live. OOOH, that teenage terrifie´s me so much, I´d better not to think it now ;D
Marja
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Post by catatonic on Apr 18, 2004 8:48:56 GMT -5
I have a 15-year-old son who is a high school freshman. He knows kids who get drunk. He knows kids who smokeit. He knows kids who have sex. He knows kids who do all these things at the same time.
I'm not talking about his friends, mind you (and thank goodness for that!!!!!!!) but the point is, he is exposed to all of this at school so it is critically important that he be educated about choices, consequences, and the moral values of this family.
At church, the youth minister is just beginning a course for teens on sexuality (which I intend to make darn sure my boy attends) and in looking at the curriculum it seems to address the moral issues very well. However, it's not uncommon for hormones to triumph over morality, so the education aspect is just as important.
If my son asked me for birth control at this point, I am not entirely sure what I'd do. For one thing, the "age of consent" in our state is 16 years. Therefore, if he's having sex with a girl his own age, it's technically statutory rape. I do think the first thing I would do is give him condoms because dying of AIDS is much too harsh a way to convince someone that they were too young to make responsible decisions about sex. The second thing I would do is haul him off to our priest for some serious conversation.
I don't think I'll be dealing with this issue for a while yet, and I can't tell you how glad I am of that. My oldest is a reserved, careful boy who has only ever gone on one "date" and he takes our youth minister's advice very seriously.
It's hard for me to talk about sex with my boys. It's easy to talk about with my friends' daughters and I'm sure it will be easier with my own daughter when she's old enough. But the boys...I wish I knew a way to make it a more comfortable topic!
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Post by Linda on Apr 18, 2004 9:27:48 GMT -5
You made a very good point catatonic...The moral aspect is very important,but as parents hopefully we get through to our kids.To me it is like alcohol...the temptation is always there.
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Post by AnneM on Apr 18, 2004 10:52:19 GMT -5
This is such an interesting thread! ... Going back to the "age of consent" ... At 16 in the UK you can: Get married, Legally have sex, legally buy and smoke cigarettes, join the army, drive a 50cc motorcycle on the roads, leave school and get a full-time job At 18 you can: Legally drink alcohol, vote At 21 there is nothing new at all that I can think of!! ... In Spain you can do all the things listed at age 16 at age 14 !! ...  |
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Post by Linda on Apr 18, 2004 11:15:53 GMT -5
wow,thanks Anne...you are really educating me!! :oYou can leave school here at 16 too..but we are working on that to change the law. 14 in Spain...unbelievable!!!!  |
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