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Post by AnneM on Apr 18, 2004 11:58:18 GMT -5
Hey.. we could start a whole new topic here .... ;D ... because they are also working on a change of law here to 'legally' keep kids in education for longer .. BUT i watched a very interesting programme the other day about this and it pointed out that there are many kids who hate school, they do not want to be there, they will never actually 'achieve' at school and cannot get out of there quickly enough... and to "force" these kids to stay in the education system would be a waste of time and potentially detrimental not just to those kids but also to the teachers, other pupils who actually WANT to learn and of course a drain on educational resources.... so there is some resistance to this idea here .... I was left thinking "Oh Goodness... I am not sure what is the right or wrong way forward here" ...  Wow!! Got way off topic there! ... ;D ;D Back on topic ... Catatonic I agree that talking about sex "across the genders" can be difficult ... I also find there is quite a bit I just don't KNOW about male puberty ... and the changes in the male body ... I keep looking to my husband for support but to a certain degree he says he just cannot remember those years that well! ...  |
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Post by Honeysmom on Apr 18, 2004 16:24:00 GMT -5
With that age of consent thing it is different fron state to state in the US. I do know a boy who got a 16 y/o girl pregnant when he was 16 and is now a registered sex offender. He did everything right after getting her pregnant, he got a second part time job, make really good choices and everything. Then when she was 8 months along her mom got mad b/c he thought it would be best if they both lived with their parents until he could save more money and the mother had him charged with statutory rape. What I don't get is if they were both 16 shouldn't they both have been charged??
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Post by Linda on Apr 18, 2004 16:30:05 GMT -5
Becky...same exact thing happened in my city...the mom had the boy charged,and I am wondering the same thing you are.Seems sort of sexist to me. |
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Post by Honeysmom on Apr 18, 2004 16:58:45 GMT -5
Linda, I think it was the same situation, but I guess what gets me about it is that this is a less than ideal situation to start, why must it be made worse?
In this case the mother was the one who made the charges, and now this boy cannot even see his daughter without a court-appointed supervisor. He just turned 18 and has a permanent record. While being pregnant at a young age may not be a pile of roses, realistically, she has a beautiful little girl who brings her tons of joy. He is the one who is punished. It sure does seem sexist.
Becky
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Post by rosyred45 on Apr 18, 2004 17:15:26 GMT -5
I've been mulling over this since it started, and I think that if I lock my kids up until they are 21, they'll have NO idea of what life is like.....so that's out of hte question  I do hope to have the patience to REALLY listen to my kids before passing judgement or anything, but I would probably not supply birth control pills, just because it could mess up your body(personal opinion not meant to be offensive or anything, too many horror stories from friends) but I'd rather have a frank talk about not doing it. Which would probably lead to the I'm old enough to think for myself I'm goin to do it anyway stomp off. I just don't know. I'll be totally honest. I haven't been put in the situation, but I do know that if something were to happen and Tara said she was pregnant or Mikey said he got a girl pregnant, we'd be accepting of it. Kaiti |
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Post by aimee30 on Apr 18, 2004 20:53:51 GMT -5
I have been thinking a lot about this topic and can honestly say I have no idea how I will react. I would be very concerned about STD's. AIDS in particular, since I have known several people who have died from that dreaded disease. Not to mention worrying about pregnancy.
My mother asked me to come to her when I decided to have sex. I had a steady boyfriend (we dated almost 5 years). I went to her when I was about 15 and told her I had made the decision to have sex. She was in shock and informed me she wasn't going to pay for me to see a Dr. I ended up waiting until I was 16. When I had a job I scheduled my own appt. and my BF paid for everything. Sometimes I think my mother still thinks I shouldn't be having sex, even though I'm married and have three kids.
I don't know how I will handle my kids coming to me, but I hope they feel like they can come to me and talk about it.
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Post by AnneM on Apr 19, 2004 6:24:16 GMT -5
With that age of consent thing it is different fron state to state in the US. I do know a boy who got a 16 y/o girl pregnant when he was 16 and is now a registered sex offender. He did everything right after getting her pregnant, he got a second part time job, make really good choices and everything. Then when she was 8 months along her mom got mad b/c he thought it would be best if they both lived with their parents until he could save more money and the mother had him charged with statutory rape. What I don't get is if they were both 16 shouldn't they both have been charged?? Oh goodness ... what a terrible story!! ... and I agree Becky that this is grossly unfair and extremely sexist!! ... |
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Post by Linda on Apr 19, 2004 6:24:25 GMT -5
That's the part that scares me the most too aimee.STD'S Let's hope none of us have to go there anytime soon!!!Scares the heck out of me  |
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Post by vickilyn32 on Apr 19, 2004 8:48:00 GMT -5
My DS will be 14 in one month and DD is 11. I have talked with both of them loads of times about sex and drugs. So far I believe that they both are very open about asking me questions, and I have been open with my answers. I also bring up topics when I see something on TV or in the news that I think they should know or if I think it will start a discussion with them. DS has a girlfriend, and he told me all about their first kiss when it happened. We also talk about which friend is doing what, with whom, and when. They both are not afraid to ask me anything yet, and I hope I can keep them talking to me. I try very hard to not be embarased when we talk, but to give them the correct answers as well as my opinion on each matter. I was able to ask my mother for birth control at 16, and got it. I think she was shocked, we had not discussed much before that, but she was good about it. I do not want my kids getting the wrong information from their friends or TV, I want them to tell me anything without fear of being yelled at.
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Post by jdmom on Apr 19, 2004 9:40:24 GMT -5
My mom was really open with me and I could discuss anything with her. She gave me the sex talk when I was 14 or so. But I have to admit, I didn't talk to her when I decided to have sex. I was afraid I would disappoint her of all things! I was 16 and had been dating the boy about 2 years. I think I'm the 3rd person to reply to this thread stating that 16 was the "age". So all you parents of teenagers take notice! Especially if your teenager has been dating the same person steady for a while! She did eventually find out that I was sexually active, but I don't remember how she found out. She took me to the doctor and got me on the pill immediately.
Jarrett is only 7, so I don't even want to force myself to think about these things. And it's one of those things that you probably have a very firm opinion on until it happens to you. But I would like to think that I would handle it calmly and have a long, detailed talk about protection and everything else that goes along with sex. If I had a girl, I would probably put her on the pill, and then make sure she took it faithfully!
Okay, now that I've stated my opinion, I am going to push the worry of my little boy having sex out of my mind for a few more years!
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Post by Honeysmom on Apr 19, 2004 9:51:41 GMT -5
Amiee, my mom is the same way. When we stay with them for the weekend they put us in twin beds! I humor her, but it is sort of annyoing.
Becky
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Post by Linda on Apr 19, 2004 9:57:57 GMT -5
Becky...Are you serious?Twin Beds? |
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Post by Honeysmom on Apr 19, 2004 10:32:55 GMT -5
Oh yes!! I had to start hormone therapy a few weeks ago and I asked my mom if I side effect I was having was normal and she told me that asking those kind of questions was not polite and to call my pharmacist. And my mom is not even old, she is only 45!! My grandma is more open than she is.
Becky
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Post by BBW4EVR1 on Apr 19, 2004 12:56:05 GMT -5
Oh you guys!! Why do you keep posting questions you know I can't ignore with my stubborn, absolutes! LOL! I think all of your logic is very admirable--but after the long talks and all of the reasons why and wherefore--my answer would be, you guessed it, a straight forward, absolute (there is that word again) NO! Yes, my kids know about sex (appropriate for their age level)--so I am not ignoring their hormones. It is just that we believe that sex is to be after marriage and is so taught in our home. Our daughter is 21. When the kids get to be that age there are just certain things a parent doesn't want or need to know--we call it TMI (too much information). She is on her own for her decision making. All we can do is teach them and let them go! |
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Post by finnmom on Apr 19, 2004 13:12:20 GMT -5
BBW I think you´ve got it right at your place. If you educate them like they should be educated by they age´s, then you´ve done as much as you can  If you have a zero-tolerance, then you have it. I think that everyone has to make this the way it feel´s good for them! There is nothing wrong with zero-tolerance of anything as long as it does include proper education (by that I dont mean that you should let them try anything they want) I think total silence is the most dangerous thing with teen´s! Marja |
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