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Post by lindad5432 on Jun 5, 2005 22:38:32 GMT -5
We're heading into an evaluation with my 8 year old daughter in 2 weeks.
Based on everything I've been reading, I'm pretty resigned that she is ADHD with primary issues around hyperactivity/impulse-control. She's very immature and rather socially inept.
Obviously she is going to realize that this isn't a regular doctor's appointment. I still haven't decided the best way to tell her what we're doing.
Any advice? Thanks in advance.
Linda
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Post by kstquilter on Jun 5, 2005 23:05:29 GMT -5
hi linda and welcome,
there are alot of great people here. and if your daughter is adhd, it's not the worst thing that could happen. it also is treatable.
our daughter, brittany, was diagnosed at about that age, 2nd grade. she's 20 now so i know many things have changed.
maybe your dr or ped can help explain it to her if you aren't sure how. i don't really remember how we explained it, it was a long time ago!
just explain it as best you can and at her age level.
if she is adhd, she already knows she's different. this might help her understand why and how she's different.
basically your dd sounds just like mine. social skills, impulse control, some hyperactivity and still immaturity.
and whatever choices you make for treating the adhd, explain that as well and tell her how it might help her.
if you try meds, which we did, she may not see or feel a difference. brittany didn't until recently. i think that varies with each kid but most can't at that age. but you and/or her teacher will know what works and what doesn't.
the best part about our kids is what great kids they truly are. just like adhd traits, many of our kids also share the wonderful parts too. they tend to be quite bright, kind, generous and a loyal friend even when the friends aren't so loyal.
i felt such a relief when brittany was diagnosed. because i knew what the problem was and that it was treatable.
so many things have changed over the years and there are lots of people here who know all about the IEP and 504 plans that schools must have to help your daughter if needed. i didn't know about them early and she did great in school until late in her jr. year. so i have no experience with them.
this is a great place to vent, get ideas, help with your own sanity, etc. so come as often as you need.
welcome
karen
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Post by Linda on Jun 6, 2005 6:24:50 GMT -5
Hi Linda and welcome to our family where you will find support.
Your dd already knows there is something different about her.We told Paul (now 17) that the Doctor was going to help him try and "put the brakes on". If you don't make a big deal out of it...she won't either.
karen is so right...our kids are so bright and creative. I too was very relieved when we got the dx at age 6.
Check back with us and let us know how everything went.
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Post by camismom on Jun 6, 2005 9:49:19 GMT -5
Well, if she's in 2nd grade, chances are she is already aware of a "problem." With my daughter, dx'd in first grade, she knew there was something wrong. She could see how she was always still working on her worksheets in school when everyone else had already finished. She couldn't understand why when she was "trying so hard". Anyway, I just told her there was something called ADHD, and explained to her what it meant... attention deficit made it hard for her to concentrate and stay on task in school while the hyperactivity part made it hard for her to slow down some when she needed to and also maade it hard for her to stop and think about the impact of certain actions before doing them.... hence the impulse problem. I then told her we were going to the doctor to find out if she did indeed have this and if so find out what we could do to make it better. Just put it all into terms she wll understand and I bet you'll be surprised how much she unserstands.
Good luck, and hope to see you around more. Welcome to our "family"!!!
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Post by finnmom on Jun 6, 2005 12:13:53 GMT -5
Linda, welcome to our online family  As other´s have alredy told you; your dd most propably know´s there is something different in her action´s, our adhd kid´s are often so clever that they know they behave and achieve thing´s differently that their peer´s. I´d tell her that you´re seing a doc that might help her to concentrate better and help her to use all her abilities that she has. Good luck, keep us posted on how it goes  |
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Post by lindad5432 on Jun 6, 2005 17:32:35 GMT -5
So I guess that seems pretty straight forward... much easier than the question about how do *I* get to an "acceptance" point. Maybe that's premature, we don't have a diagnosis. But my gut tells me this is it. I've even done some of the online self assessments and compared our score (and I scored it conservatively) to some of my peers with children in the same age range. I was stunned, just stunned at the difference.
First there is the guilt that we (my husband and I) have been treating this as willful behavior for a few years now and maybe we just didn't recognize signs of a problem.
Second is my prejudice about ADHD, how it's overdiagnosed and how medications are overprescribed. Now I'm likely to be among them and facing that prejudice from another perspective.
Third is my fear that I can't handle this. I'm, well, some days I'm just barely holding this family together, it feels like. I work full time and it seems that with five kids there is constant chaos. I don't know how I'll handle ONE more thing being added... what if it's a special diet or a special behavior plan or whatever. How am I possibly going to accommodate even ONE more thing.
And last is this fear that if we get a diagnosis, well, she won't be "normal" anymore. I know that's silly because she's already not normal, in that she has this driving impulsivity and these explosive emotional outbursts and lack of control and lack of organization. But she's not labelled and AFTER... well, I know nothing about 504s or IEPs or any of that and I read all this "be your child's advocate" and special classes and special testing rules and special this and special that and fighting the school administrators and on and on. And I'm scared of THAT and it seems like it will swoop the 'normal' right out of our lives.
Sorry... you people don't know me from Adam and here I am pouring everything out. I think it's like the SARA process, isn't it... sadness, anger, rejection, acceptance. I'm in the middle of sadness and anger. I guess we'll see what the future holds...
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Post by kurs10b on Jun 6, 2005 19:11:13 GMT -5
After you have your child tested and find out the results good or bad, you may get your "normal" child back again. I know meds have helped my son. He still has his share of problems and I think his meds need to be adjusted a bit more, but at least he can sit still for 5 minutes and do his work.
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Post by kstquilter on Jun 6, 2005 20:58:14 GMT -5
linda,
don't worry about being a stranger and pouring your worries out. we were all strangers once. what we have in common is our kids.
your child really won't ever be normal but that's not completely bad either.
as far as holding it together, some days are better than others. this board will help your so much. you'll get advice and help and if no one here can help, it's a great sounding board by people who know exactly what you're going thru.
lots of people have a predjudice against an adhd diagnosis and the meds involved. we have all been accused in various forms of not doing the right thing and coming here to explode about it!
don't worry about what you don't know! between the dr, your own research and everyone here. you'll find the answers you need. this group has so much experience in just about every area of adhd and many of the problems that can go with it.
try not to be too overwhelmed. my dd was diagnosed before the internet was so common. i sure wish this much help and information had been available when she was first diagnosed. but i'm still learning alot here and trying to help people with problems similar to those i've dealt with.
there are places here to help you with education, medication, more holistic way of dealing with it, and lots of other things.
keep in mind your adhd child may need counseling but so might the rest of your family. i take an anti-depressant that helps me deal much better with our lives in general. it's not the answer to everyone's problem by any means. just remember that your entire family will be affected
just take one day at a time. get your diagnosis, learn what you can and ask all the questions you need.
this board is always here, thank goodness and thanks to the great moderators who make it possible!!!
karen
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Post by Linda on Jun 7, 2005 7:42:48 GMT -5
Well....I will say it again....what the he11 is normal anyway? ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by finnmom on Jun 7, 2005 7:52:24 GMT -5
Karen, this board is exactly as good as you all member´s make it to be  Linda Just vent as much as you need to. We all know what you´re going trough right now. I know your fear´s and the feeling of total helplesness that come´s with this. Here are few thing´s I want to say: First, your child will continue to be just the same as she has always been. Getting a dx help´s you and the rest of the family (and school)to react to her differently, to realize it´s not her hardheadness that you´re so bored with, but it´s something that she cant really help, but you can help her little by little. Having a normal child??  What really is a normal child. Our kid´s are so clever, wonderfull inventive person´s, mayby a little hard to handle sometime´s but....  Dx and med´s, well we all have gone trough that too, to wonder weather to medicate or not, just remember that it´s your decision not anyone else´s, you deside what suit´s best for you and your child. Med´s can help some, but not all. There are some other way´s to treat adhd too, natural route´s may be the best for some kid´s, chech our natural alt´s section you´ll find lot´s of info from there. And last; what will other´s say.... hmmm well, they do say thing´s about your kid already, at least then you know why she act´s like she does. Havinf adhd is not the end of the world, you´ll learn very quivckly to be the "witchmom" when needed Trust me, it happend´s to all of us My ds is almost 10 now, he has had the dx for 3 year´s and I do really think that gettign the dx has made my life easier, now I know what I can ask becasue of it and I can handle those bad day´s much better now when I know why he does thing´s he does... I agree Karen, this place is such a great place to vent , let the steam out, everyone know´s what you´re talking about, it helps a lot |
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Post by lindad5432 on Jun 7, 2005 22:37:38 GMT -5
Thank you to all... I'll probably just poke around and read until this process moves forward (still have over a week until our appointment).
I appreciate the kind words...
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Post by tridlette on Jun 8, 2005 7:02:54 GMT -5
Poke around all you want! We are here to share our thoughts and ideas, our successes, a few failures, good ideas, and mostly our raw emotions!
Think of this a bit like having diabetes... some people can modify it with diet and exercise, while others need medications to maintain a functional blood sugar level.
At different times of my son's life, we have found that each of these was the right answer. He started with a karate class to teach him a little self control. Then he hit a rough road in a new school, and meds were the right choice. Next came puberty with all the imbalanced hormones, and a med wash was necessary. Now, in high school, he uses meds during more stressful times (like finals week), but just functions on his own self control.
The schools are a battle for every parent who is involved in guarenteeing their child is getting a fair appropriate education... regardless of whether the child has ADHD, an LD, is gifted, or "normal" (I have to ask again... what is normal?) We all get innovative teachers that make the year a joy, and then we get the demon teacher who puts 153 vocabulary words on the HISTORY final (that was yesterday's nightmare for my son).
You may not be in a normal family... but just by having 5 children you already are not the "norm" (BTW... I am child # 5 in my family, dh is #7 in his... so we are all for being abnormal!)
Having a support system like this web site will give you a better grasp on handling every issue... not just ADHD related issues. Because... you see... for all our ADHD kids, most of us have 1 or 2 or 3 non-ADHD kids and so we all experience the other ups and downs of life too.
My son was hit by a car, and the people here held my hand. Kaiti was the organizer of the town halloween parade, Marja went on holiday to Lego Land with her kids, Patrick found a dead rabbit, someone got a new car, someone's toddler tried to drive her car into McDonald's for her! We have the good, the bad, the funny, the sad... you know LIFE!
And we feel like family. We are allowed to disagree, but we do it with respect for each other. We have all been on one side or the other of the "to medicate or not to medicate" argument. We all accept another's choices. And the way this board is set up, I can skip the "alternative" section if I prefer the "medication" section. I can go to "inspiration" if that is what I need, or I can choose to "Laugh out Loud".
Poke, poke, poke! And that is a pun, since that is what my sons do to each other in the car on long trips!
Anyway, welcome!
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Post by crillmom on Jun 8, 2005 9:13:41 GMT -5
tridlette, when you did a med wash for your son what did you find? did he need to go back on meds or did he do just fine without it? how old was he when you decided to do this? We are thinking about doing this for my son in Aug. how long did you give it until you made a decision one way or another about how he was doing? thanks for your help
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Post by tridlette on Jun 8, 2005 9:41:07 GMT -5
tridlette, when you did a med wash for your son what did you find? did he need to go back on meds or did he do just fine without it? how old was he when you decided to do this? We are thinking about doing this for my son in Aug. how long did you give it until you made a decision one way or another about how he was doing? thanks for your help At the end of 7th grade, Michael was 12, and having horrible monster let downs at the end of each day while on Adderall 20 mg. I called it the Jolly Green Giant to the Incredible Hulk change. That was right about the time that Stratterra had been out 6 months and Millermom had been doing all her info. gathering. We opted to try Straterra for the summer. On morning #1 after taking first dose the night before, he bounced out of bed, ate breakfast, came in to "visit" with me while I was still asleep, and then popped up saying he didn't want to miss the bus! I cried with excitement for the whole day! By October, the school nurse was sending him home 3 or 4 days a week with debillitating migraine headaches. The doctor immediately stopped EVERYTHING cold turkey on him. We didn't plan on stopping, but he was so sick that we had to. His grades have been lousy since, but his personality is sure a lot more likable now that he has grown 10+ inches and gained 50 lbs over the last 2 yrs. I just started him back on the Adderall 15 mg. for the last 3 weeks, because he asked to give it a try. He says it definitely is helpful now, but he wants to go without. The few months of getting accustomed to nothing was a nightmare, and we did that during the school year, so he had run ins with teachers, coaches, and classmates. I am not sure that was the ADHD or if it was puberty. We kept him off the meds. when we did the wash because at that point his focus and control weren't any better or worse either way. But his physical health was suffering on the meds. So, now I am very stingy giving him any meds. He gets a pill only on days that he can prove to me that the benefit is worth the risk. He leaves for military camp on Friday in 90 degree weather, so I don't want him to have anything in his system. But, he has been taking 2 or 3 finals at a time over the last few weeks. I guess I'll know if there is any real difference when his report card comes in. But I got e-mail from his english teacher yesterday saying that he misses a lot when he isn't focused! DUH... I think EVERY PERSON ON THE PLANET misses a lot if they don't pay attention! |
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Post by Sorka on Jun 8, 2005 14:53:44 GMT -5
Hi Lindad! Welcome!
First.. don't feel guilty because you did the best you could with the information you had at the time...
Second..yes ADHD can be over diagnosed.. and in some cases not recognised at all.. And yes you will have a different perspective.. but that is a good thing! I can't tell you how many times I have thought to myself if I had only known.... (about ADHD) when I started teaching.. Now that I am home teaching my own son with it I sure KNOw alot more about it!! hehehe
Third.. You CAN do it! If I can homeschool with four kids.. you can handle a little alteration in diet.. or a behavioural plan.. BECAUSE!!! IT WILL most likely make things easier in the end!! OK!!! YES that is why you do those things.. So if you develop a plan (and you should) stick with it and be consistant!!! It will cut down on the chaos!
LAST... I agree with Linda... what is NORMAL anyway??? I sure don't 'get' why people put so much stock in being NORMAL.. everyone is different and that is GOOD!! '
Now I think that what you really mean is that it confirms that things will be difficult for her. That is true.. and as a parent we would love things to go easily and smoothly for our kids.. ( and for us too ) But had anything really been easy and smooth? That is not what life is.. at least generally. we all have to get through the bumps and the rough stuff.. It's just the way it is.. Some of us have more bumps than others to get over!!
You will always get caught with those.. why can't she do this like everyone else times.. but do your best not to let her see it.. and do your best not to compare her to her siblings.. It sets up a lifetime of self talkand jealousy that is deafeating and devistating.. (trust me I know) that is one thing that I basically vowed not to do to my kids.. compare them to each other.. Rather I compare them to themselves.. things they have already done and how they have done the task better this time.. or not as well this time.. etc...and I have actually stuck to it..
Now.. also.. make sure you have time for you.. a little alone time.. and with 5 kids!! Make sure you have Mom and Dad time out too guilt free. now.. those kiddos will be fine without Mom and Dad for an evening..and they move out eventually..heheh you need to not forget that guy you married..!!
Denise
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