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Post by crillmom on Jun 8, 2005 16:10:31 GMT -5
tridellette ,the reason for me wanted to do this is because we would like him to grow he is the smallest boy in his grade, not by much but enough that it bothers my husband and myself, we know the meds are working well that's my only hesitation his friend said to him the other day, " C I don't think you have adhd anymore." it made us all feel good, my son also takes meds for anxiety that is the one I am more afraid to take him off of , but even his Dr. woulds like to because he has been on the same med for about 18 months
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Post by camismom on Jun 8, 2005 19:02:41 GMT -5
Linda,
There's not much more I can add to what other members already said. No we don't know you from Adam, yet, but this place is called ADHD "Support" for a reason. We are here to support anyone who comes here needing it. We were all strangers when we first came here and in time we all came to know each other and some of us have become good friends. I spent a good bit of time talking to a fellow member and now friend on instant message this afternoon about something private regarding my daughter. That's what we become here and we can do for you if you want.
As far as where you are in the SARA process, I'm sure there isn't a soul here who hasn't been there, done that. And I can tell you, even after you reach acceptance, there will be times you will go back to anger. But let this thought console you.... no ADHD is no picnic, no it's not easy, but it could be worse. I can't tell you how many times I will fall into pity-party mode.... "Why does my child have to have this?" or get angry about her struggles. Then I turn on the news and see where someone's child was kidnapped and murdered, or was killed in a car accident and I think.... at least my child is still with me. -Or-, I watch a telethon for the Children's Miracle Network, or St. Jude's and I see those small bald babies fighting cancer, or children confined to a wheelchair and I think, "If my child had to have something, thank you God that it was only ADHD." Our wonderful administrator Anne, and her son have been watching a close friend of his battle leukemia recently. Though I know her heart is breaking for this boy, I'm sure there have been many times Anne has been thankful that ADD is the only thing she has had to help her Sam through. Now don't get me wrong, this is not being said to add to your guilt, only to make you see it ain't all that bad. It's just another bump in the road of life.
As far as normal, throw that theary out the door!!! There is no normal. Really, when you truly think about it, do you really know of a Brady Bunch out there? Or a Ingalls family? Or whatever family the media has painted for us to try and buy? Whether ADHD is a part of our lives or not, I'm sure we all have a few stories to tell about our own families to throw "normalcy" out the door! I could write a soap about mine! lol My mom and dad divorced before I was born, I grew up in the "projects" of my city on welfare and food stamps. I met my dad when I was 14. Is that normal? My ex husband's father died in Vietnam and at so he came to be the "man" of the house as he helped his mom finish raising his two younger sisters along with himself. Is that normal? My current husband's father was an alcoholic and he watched him throughout his early childhood physically abuse his mother. The cycle ended when his father died of cyrossis of the liver due to his drinking. My husband was only 11 at the time. Is that normal? None of us were ADHD... ADHD wasn't even heard of.... but we didn't fit the "normal" mode. Some of us are blended families, some of us are raising an adoptive child, and some of us are still married to our children's father and yet have other issues. There is always something, whether it be ADHD or something else.
Anyway, you poke around here all you want. Read, soak it in, post if you want, vent if you need, and remember ..... you are WOMAN!!!! Therefore you CAN handle it!!! and on the days you are feeling weak, we are here to pick up the slack.
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Post by lindad5432 on Jun 8, 2005 21:10:47 GMT -5
I hope my normal comment wasn't misunderstood... I guess I didn't mean normal as in the opposite of abnormal. For me, I was very young when I had my first child. I got looks all the time... "babies having babies" and that sort of thing, more than a few eyebrows were raised, often was disapproved of just with a glance. I decided way back then that I just wanted to be low-profile, inconspicuous... even when my oldest was put in the gifted program, I was worried about the upset to the routine.
The diabetes comparison is good... my husband has been diabetic (type 1) since he was a toddler. I've been terrified of one of my kids getting it (it is genetic) because I hear stories of all the special things and extra things and different things his mother had to do and I think "I just couldn't do that... I'd screw it up... oh, please not me." Maybe it does feel the same with this.
But I'll tell you this. My 8 year old is ANNOYING THE HELL OUT OF ME. hahahaha Oh my god, and ever since we started down this path, it's like I've become HYPER AWARE of her issues. Is that normal? I swear, NOTHING can be going on in this house without her getting in the middle of it. If two of her sisters are playing in the other room, she HAS to bust right in the middle and claim the fun for herself. If I say "Sarah, settle down!" one more time I will SCREEEEEEEEEAM!!!! Today I am ready to buy ADHD meds on the black market. LOL
Our evaluation is next week. I was heart-broken reading the teachers report (she had to fill out this 8 or 10 page evaluation profile). None of it surprised me, really, because it's what I see at home. But seeing it all written down... some of the comments... well, it just made it seem so real. Like, maybe before that it might have been "parental exaggeration" or something, but once I saw that, I knew it was way more....
Just rambling.
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Post by tridlette on Jun 9, 2005 7:42:28 GMT -5
Lindad... don't worry... we all know EXACTLY what you meant with the normal idea. We have all been living with the diagnosis long enough to realize that what one person considers normal isn't reality! We KNOW that normal is non existent, and any one who tries to tell that something "isn't normal" is living in a dream world! We all want to teach you to ignore any reference to "Is this normal"... because that is an intangible ideal! AND IT IS ESPECIALLY TRUE FOR GIFTED KIDS. The more I delve into the world of "gifted and talented youth", the more I question the accuracy of my son's ADHD diagnosis! Look at www.hoagiesgifted.org and skim through the descriptions and personality traits of gifted children. They are "normal" either... The behaviors that are described are often parallel to our ADD kids. BUT... getting a label of ADHD may help you build an education program that is suitable for your child. Some schools don't have any special education accomodations for gifted kids, and they get bored and disruptive. You would be doing hour child a great service by getting a 504 service plan if she qualifies. If she is in a gifted setting, some of her less endearing behaviors may subside! Gifted kids need gifted peers. I was at a conference once where the web master from the hoagiesgifted site pointed out that giftedness often runs in families. So... if this isn't the same child (the suspected ADHD and the gifted) it would be well worth the effort to have the suspected ADHD child evaluated for giftedness. Gifted kids can drive you nuts just as quickly as an ADHD kid... but the approach may be somewhat different. Just food for thought! Laurie |
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Post by camismom on Jun 9, 2005 8:19:38 GMT -5
Oh, your normal comment wasn't misunderstood at all. Gracious, I think that comment has been made by all of us at one time or another. lol
I hope things works out for the best for you and your daughter can get the help she needs if ADHD is indeed it. As I read the description of your feelings right now, I just shake my head with total understanding. You are just starting on this road that I turned onto six years ago. The hyper awareness of her issues is so me back then. I became obsessed in a way and began to blame every little thing on the ADHD. That will become your biggest "job", trying to figure out at times what behavior is caused by the ADHD and what is "normal" (there's that word again, lol) behavior for a child of that age.
Again, I can't and won't promise you this is all going to be easy.... you will have good days, so-so days, and days from hell... but once you have a dx it really does become a little easier because you know what you're dealing with and you know what you have to do to make it better... one day at a time.
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Post by Linda on Jun 9, 2005 8:39:24 GMT -5
I would also like to add that as a parent you have not caused ADHD....JUST LOOK AROUND ON BOTH SIDES OF THE FAMILY....There is probably a lot of undx and dx ADHD. I know she is annoying the hell out of you now...we have all been there...still there sometimes ;D ;D ;D Things look scary right now to you...but it will get better. Your comment about "babies having babies" hit home. That was said to me many years ago  ...comments like those you need to "blow off"....I was a good mom at a very early age and so are you.  |
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Post by kstquilter on Jun 9, 2005 10:33:00 GMT -5
linda,
the others are all right in that no one took your comment about normal as anything other than the way you meant it. like i have a more normal child in that he isn't adhd, doesn't mean he's normal at all or that i expect him to be anyone but who he is. frankly i find anything remotely "normal" to be pretty boring!
i think the more you know about adhd and understand, the more you see it in your child, especially at the beginning. what used to be just annoying or irritating, you can now see as part of adhd. the more off task they get, the more focused we become on it as parents it seems. mainly becuase you have to watch closer, see where potential problems are, if the meds are working or the therapy. dr's ask questions and you want to be able to answer them as well as bring problems to the attention of your dr.
keep in mind that every kid drives you nuts, it's their job! the adhd kid just drives you nuts most of the time instead of once in awhile!
i personally found the adhd diagnosis such a huge relief. i just thought i was the worst parent in the world since i couldn't get brittany to behave properly. i tried hard and tried to be consistant and follow thru and none of it seemed to matter. i even asked her once if she heard that little voice in her head that said mommy will be so mad if i do that and she said no. scared me to death because i thought it meant she didn't have a conscience.
so once i realized it was "just" adhd, i was thrilled! of course i had no idea what all was involved but i'd already been living with it. now i knew what it was, that it wasn't all my fault, it could be treated and was way better than alot of kids end up with.
brittany is very bright and probably borderline gifted as are alot of our kids. just be careful of getting her too involved in honors and ap classes as she gets older. their brain can handle it but their focus can't always do the job. brittany took some and didn't do well. she'd have been better off in regular classes. she could have kept up better without the additional pressure. the self esteem would have been better and we wouldn't have fought with her as much about getting the work turned in. to say nothing of the grade and we don't expect all a's either. or even all a's and b's!!! but you have to turn the work in! the tougher the class, the more involved the projects are as well as the quantity required. it can be great for some kids, but not all. so it's just an FYI from someone who's been there.
as all the others have said, we've been there, done that. we've all survived and so will you! now our sanity isn't completely intact for some of us but we survived!
come back often and you'll get lots of cyber hugs, thoughts and sharing. we've all taken turns on the giving and receiving end of help and you will too as you move along.
karen
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Post by finnmom on Jun 9, 2005 11:01:13 GMT -5
Linda, no offence about your "normal" talk at all, I think we´ve all had our laugh´s about how boring and uninteresting it would be if someone of us would actually have a "normal" child. Every child is different with or without adhd. I know I´am gonna have way more trouble with my non-adhd dd  Oh what fun the future hold´s for me ;D |
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Post by mskris on Jun 9, 2005 11:18:50 GMT -5
LindaD:
As you can already tell by the previous postings, we're all in the same situation, or have been, at one time or another. Everyone here knows what you're feeling. Yes, I think you're in SARA mode. I went through it, too. I knew there might be a problem with my son, because his father's family has a history of these types of disorders. But I prayed and prayed he wouldn't. When his kg teacher suggested it, I was in deep denial.
When we moved before first grade - BAM! It hit us in the face - he was bouncing off the walls and the teachers were calling constantly.
Then I went through grief, wondering if he'd manage to reach adulthood in tact and go to college, etc., etc. We found a wonderful peds neurologist and this support group, plus some friends and neighbors with ADHD kids, and it really helped. Medication made Taylor able to have and keep friends (he actually became popular!), do well in school, and develop his talents. The diagnosis and subsequent treatment helped him BE normal, as we say. So it's not the end of the world.
As for donning hats and climbing on our broomsticks occasionally, you'd probably do that anyway, at times. Dealing with the schools is a matter of life with kids - you have 5, you should know that by now! LOL.
And these people here are so open, caring, and sharing. It's really a village of acceptance, like it says. No judging, no criticism, just helpful advice and commiseration!
Welcome!
Kris
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Post by camismom on Jun 9, 2005 11:50:33 GMT -5
brittany is very bright and probably borderline gifted as are alot of our kids. just be careful of getting her too involved in honors and ap classes as she gets older. their brain can handle it but their focus can't always do the job. brittany took some and didn't do well. she'd have been better off in regular classes. she could have kept up better without the additional pressure. the self esteem would have been better and we wouldn't have fought with her as much about getting the work turned in. to say nothing of the grade and we don't expect all a's either. or even all a's and b's!!! but you have to turn the work in! the tougher the class, the more involved the projects are as well as the quantity required. it can be great for some kids, but not all. so it's just an FYI from someone who's been there. Isn't that the truth!! Cami was placed in an Advanced AP Language Arts class last year. Thouh she was obviously smart enough (she was placed there due to the previous years CRCT test scores) there was a LOT of writing involved and she couldn't keep up. There was also a very extensive project they were going to have to do that entailed a great deal more work than the regular classes. She just couldn't keep up and it was really damaging her self esteem. I requested at the semester change she be dropped to a regular LA class. They accomadated my wish and she did very well the rest of the year, grade wise and self esteem wise. |
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Post by kstquilter on Jun 9, 2005 14:08:34 GMT -5
christy, i know exactly what you mean! there was alot more writing and that's not brittany's strength. although you'd think she'd write bettter since she reads so much! our school isn't good at letting students change, they are in different places enough that we have to finish the year. some of the projects also involved other kids which means your childs' problems now affect another child's grade. unfortunately, all those problems in high school then affect your gpa and ability to get into various colleges. brittany tested into college english honors here but elected to stay in regular english and only got a C for the year. it was all composition and she struggles with papers in all of her classes. of course she also doesn't go to the writing center for free help either! is being stubborn part of the adhd traits?? or is that just heredity? not from me of course!  karen |
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Post by milesofsmiles on Jun 9, 2005 16:36:50 GMT -5
Hi all, been away for a while but peek in once in a while. This post got my attention. And what was up with having to give up my second born to get back in here, geesh!! Anyway, our children are unique. We can each look to ours and see that they are special. We can look into their eyes and fall in love all over again. We fight many battles for and with our children to open up their worlds to new ideas. Each day when we lay down at night we hope that something was learned that day. Just yesterday in a moment of frustration, I made the comment to my son, :That after 177 days of school, you would gotten better at leaving on time for school". His reply... "178 days, Dad." Our kids are sharp, always thinking, sometimes not the appropriate thing, creative, deliberate, focused, and sometimes not. As parents we have adapted to respond to our kids needs. Afterall, that's how we all found each other. The most difficult thing that I as a parent have to let go of is trying to create a little me, of reliving my life in my child. He will not think the way I thought. He will not behave as I behaved. That I found is the source of my frustration, and it hits me a lot. Some day we will sit back and laugh at the days when he had to dress himself in a car in sub zero weather because he refused to put his clothes on in the house. Some day we will be able to work through our homework frustrations without ripping the book in half. Until then, we have each other to lean on, and each day is a new day ripe for adventure. Miles  |
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Post by finnmom on Jun 10, 2005 11:57:06 GMT -5
Miles  It´s so nice to see you´re back  I hope you all are doing fine. |
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Post by lindad5432 on Jun 11, 2005 18:45:04 GMT -5
Thanks, everyone.
Just a few more days to our initial eval appointment... I'm a bit nervous. I have told Sarah about it. I said "It won't be like a normal check up. You know how sometimes they check your hearing or vision by doing special tests? Well, this time they're going to do a special test that's all about behavior and it will involve a lot of questions and talking."
I didn't make a big deal out of it. She didn't react in any way specific... it was kind of "OK, whatever."
I haven't mentioned what ADHD is or that we think she might have it or any of that yet.
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Post by tridlette on Jun 11, 2005 18:55:54 GMT -5
Just let her know that the doctor might be able to help her find a way to help her think better, or concentrate better so that she will be able to get her work done faster and better, and then have more time to have fun without getting in trouble. No guarentees, but the doctor is going to talk to her to see if there might be a way to help...
Good luck... let us know.
Laurie
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