friendship skills

[1mom]

when you were a child (or for your child today) what helped boost social skills and friendship making?
1mom

[on_edge]

I had a very hard time making friends as a child. I really didn't accomplish the social skills/friendship making until I was an "young" adult and gaining self-esteem through accomplishments. Yeah, that is what turned it around...being secure in the person I was and enjoying what I was doing. Once I got that down, I had friends coming out of the wall wanting to enjoy my life with me.

[rosyred45]

Growing up I was sorts shy, sorta not, depending on the situations. Mom always told me to be nice to everyone. Well, being the fat girl with short hair glasses and zits wasn't exactly winning me any popularity contests, but I was always nice to everyone. I did get walked on and would not want to repeat the same child hood, but in a sense, I am the same today.

In a crowd of strangers, I'll talk and be happy and funny and just very out going. If there is a group of a lot of peole I know, I just want to crawl into a shell. I don't know why, I'll chat and be polite, but I don't like act as out going if I'm at say a christmas party with all the locals as compared to meetings or conferences that I go to with thousands of people around the country or on Sundays with people when they order something from the kitchen.

My grandmom has a sign that hangs in her door:
STRANGERS ARE ONLY FRIENDS WE HAVEN'T MET.

I saw that when I was little and have applied it all of my life. It has paid of for me emotionally when I am down because it gives me the strength to talk to others I might not normally talk to.

sorry for the windedness, struck a cord
Kaiti

[Linda]

As a child I was extremely shy..I started to come out of it when I was 14 and had my first job.

I think what helped me out was my sense of humor,and my friends appreciated that,because I have never been afraid to speak my mind.

As for Paul..His sense of humor and off the wall remarks has helped him out in a lot of situations.Like a lot of our ADHD kids... non ADHD kids just like to be around them.

[jdmom]

I have always noticed that the more exposure that a child has to different groups of people, the more outgoing they will be. I went to school in a small town, so I was always around the same classmates. In situations like that, cliques are formed extremely early and it's hard to break out of one and become involved in a new one. My mom and dad let me start playing softball in a league run by the county, and suddenly there were all these different people, who I had never met before. I made a lot of friends that way. That would go with any extracurricular activity, I think. You are going to meet a variety of people all with a common interest whom you have never had the opportunity to meet before.

[Honeysmom]

Something that helped me was ignoring the clicks. Once I realized I liked my friends b/c they were fun I didn't care how "cool" they were. Sometimes they best friends are the kids who do not have any friends. They actually care about friendship with their new friends.

I also take a lot of pride in how my family looks. My kids may not have brand new clothes all of the time (actually most of the time) but they are ALWAYS clean, pressed, and stain free. That way the other kids cannot ever make fun of how they look. I try to make them look like all of the other kids as much as possible. I think that makes them feel good too. I know Honey sees me put lots of time into getting his clothes ready for school and he realizes I care about him. That sounds dorky but it helps.

[ohmama]

I didn't have any social skills as a child. I didn't want any. I still don't. You guys are the only ones I get along with. I don't understand how or why people make small talk. I don't know how to do that. I'm still a social misfit. I guess that's how I like it. I think to be social you have to care about what other people think. I've never found much value in that.

[LitlBaa]

We moved every year whether we needed to or not, always a different town; my dad was a corporate gypsy who accepted every transfer offered. After a while I shut down. Why make friends if we're just going to move again? It took about four years of being in the same town before I became more outgoing, I think it was during my freshman year of high school. Now I'll talk to anybody! People in the elevator, waiting in line for the bathroom, on the laundry soap aisle at Target, doesn't matter, I like to talk.

[rosyred45]

Ohmama, it's not that people do or don't care in a social situation, quite frankly when I strick up a conversation with LitBaa, I might not care what she thinks, just something to pass the time. No offense Litbaa, I do the same thing. My husband laughs. Matter of fact he does it, our kids do it. My daughter makes more friends at the laundramat with my mom because she offers to share everything with any other kids there. Coloring books, crayons....

We have met more people just by small talk and in passing, and it all reflects on my kids. We hold no grudges as to who we talk to, where or why.

Thinking about it, the lacy at Burger King has begun to ask me if I want cheese on my whooper because I keep forgetting to tell her. We go there like once every 2-3 weeks, but she's good. I'll have to get a letter or something together for a compliment, maybe that'll winner her some brownie points or look good on her file anyhow.....

Have a good day,
KAiti

[Linda]

ohmama....that is sort of sad...that you don't care what other people think...I think you said you didn't see the value in it.

What about your hubby and children? Your parents or siblings?Do you not care what they think?

Personally,I care very much about what my kids think about me,because I like to think I set a good example for them growing up.

[lofo]

Let's see,
I moved around fairly frequently so the friends I had were only for a few year at a time until Jr.High. My mother's positive attitude has had a great influence on me including friendships. I think parents priority of friendships teach children how to form their own in their lives.

Do to others what you would have them do to you - is great to live out only if your expectations are stripped. I try to act out little bits of sunshine for others who may need a lift, even if it just a call of encouragement.

There is a great book about women's friendships by Dee Breston,a Chrisitan book author, "The friendships of women." It highlights that we need to take the risk of being open to others. You initiate contact with someone you like and invite them over for coffee or go out to lunch. Tell someone how the Lord has brought you through trials in your life. Now of course you don't do the big dump of dirty laundry to just any aquaintance, but transparency is the goal in forming a deep friendship.

Ohmama, I belive you must have the gift of encouragement or acts of service evident by your strong support for others here at this board. You seemed to be well respected at the last board and you have been rolled out the red carpet when you came here. I think you don't give yourself enough credit for the good will you freely give to others. Kudos to you!

A smile can brighten a stranger's day.
A friend's hug can lighten the load for the way.

Lori

[rosyred45]

I have to agree, ohmama, you have always shown that you deserve respect from me and I value what you have to say.

One thing I love to do is sit on our front porch and wave at everyone going by. Why? I don't know, I guess just an acknowlegement to others that I see them. I have to correct my self from the post of not caring what people standing in line think. It came out sounding kinda mean, and I'm sorry.

I'm trying to put into words something that I can't. Do unto others is the motto that I go by, but one thing I don't understand, call me niave (air headed/blond moment),is what do you mean by stripped?

Just wondering. Not enough coffee yet.
I actually have 1 best friend. That is my husband. We share everything (I think, haha) We have lots of friends, aquaintences, what have ya, but in the past couple of years of eye opening, I have come to realize that I would rather have LOTS of FRIENDS and AQUAINTENCES, then have a few best friends.

Sorta like growing up, when I had or thought I had a best friend or friends, I was always odd one out. Somethings never change. I watch as people go from clique to clique and I'm tired of being with these same people that have nothing better to do than talk about the people that they were JUST friends with. God, I feel like I'm back in High School.

People think me and my husband are kinda anti-social because we don't go out every weekend. Know what ? I DON'T CARE.
I don't go out with the girls, he doesn't go out with the guys. We have fun being right here at home. With our kids and the few people that stop over to visit.

Sorry for the length..... still trying to think of that STRIPPED thing
Kaiti

[lofo]

Rosyred,
I'm sorry, I must have been too abstract. I mean that you must strip your expectation that others will do likewise if you are doing good to them. If you go into life having high expectations of others, you will be disappointed. I try to look at each kindness shown to me as a gift from God through his servants with some skin on.

You can really see who your close friends are by looking back at your hard times and seeing who stuck by you .

I have a couple of close friends but not really a best friend. I've been praying for that, but I think God has his timing for everything, and right now I'm quite busy with 3 kiddos. Knowing me, I probably would spend more time doing fun things with a friend than blessing my home and family (I'm a 2nd time Flybaby).

You know, I do think encouraging others goes a long way. That is why this board is successful- to share stories, share resources and knowledge, and most of all to let others know- hey, I value your experience.

Have a beautiful day!
Lori

It's not having what you want that counts, it's wanting what you have.

[lofo]

I forgot to include this-
Louisa May Alcott, author of Little Women, learned how to show kindness to others because her parents did this. Her books are filled with sweet glimpses of joy the March family brings to others with their kindness.

Lessons like this are better taught to our children when "caught not taught." Our actions towards our friends are the best lesson for our children in how to be a good friend.
Lori

[rosyred45]

NOW THAT THAT IS CLARIFIED:::I AGREE 150%.

I have to admit, I don't attend church regularly, but I have always been told that the church is the spirit of the people not the building. I have the same spirituality, when it is time, you will be given it.

A friend of mine has a sister who is severly mentally retarted. The doctor's gave her MAX 2 yrs. She is now, let's see 25yrs. My friend has always been a little out there, goofy wise, but he told me one day that God doesn't give us anything that we can't handle.

That's something that I have thought of sometimes days on end. And as long as I believe, I will accomplish.
Kaiti