So angry I could scream

[Honeysmom]

I got a lovely call from the school psychologist today. We are having some big time problems getting Honey to go to school. He absolutly refuses. If I am lucky I can get him out there by force, if not he is either late or if DH took the car he can't go b/c I have no car to bring him in.

So the call started out as him telling me how important school was, no kidding!! Then he said that if I didn't feel school was important he never would. I am setting a bad example.

I have no idea how this man ever made it into a school system, but we had a very tense conversation. He told me that he does not buy into kids who have ADHD or ODD, or ANY behavior or mental affliction of any kind! I wonder what he though he went to school for and asked him as much. He then hit the sore spot. According to him Honey shares no responsibility in any of his problems what-so-ever, ther are all a result of "loose parenting." This jerk, who has no idea what any parent of a child with any type of problem is dealing with, had the gaul to criticize our parenting skills. I asked him to send me a copy of the book he got with his kids, my parenting manual never came. I am angry!

I didn't respond in any of the ways I wanted to, and I am mad at myself for that. He told me that as long as I allow it Honey will live in a world filled with bad self-esteem, opposition, and isolation. I swear you would have thought we were having this conversation in 1952.

So now what do I do? I don't think he is acting approiately at all, but I don't want to make a big scene and then it gets taken out on Honey at school. I also am not going to take Honey out of school b/c next year he has to go and that would only prolong the problems for a few more months.

Oh, and as a final blow he said that Mrs J. said his speech is not progressing (no kidding, again) and he thinks that if I just worked with him more and "made an effort to talk to him everyday" that he would improve greatly.

How do Jerry Springers shows end, I think with final thoughts. Mine are, this guy is a jerk.

[Linda]

Oh wow....know what? I am sure this jerk has a boss,find out who it is and report him.

I am angry right now just thinking about it...you are honey's advocate...get out your pointy hat and fight for him!!

[AnneM]

I 100% agree with Linda ... This is disgusting ... and like Linda I am also furious!! ... "School refusal" is extremely REAL and in fact I have noticed leaflets on this very subject in our doctor's office ... this jerk needs educating ... !

If Honey is refusing to go to school it is (in my opinion) because something there is making him unhappy ...

Just out of interest I know a lady who's daughter suffered from school refusal at age 13 ... she left school at that point - there was literally little else they could do. At age 16 she went on to join the college (where I work) and did SOOO well that she became "student of the year" ... my point being that things DOOO change ... and just because Honey is refusing to go to school now doesn't for one MINUTE mean it will be the same way next year or the year after ....

[Honeysmom]

Thanks so much. I agree that he does not want to go b/c he is afraid of something. I think he is afraid b/c school is a social situation and as I have mentioned before he is a social wreck. I think it makes him anixous.

It also makes me laught that when I tried to work with this this guy before school even started I told him Honey was dx'd with ODD. (looking back that was probably a mistake, but I have learned better now.) I wanted to adress some of these issues b/c we also had them at his last daycare. He told me children his age are too young for those types of disorders. Now today he threw ODD and Conduct Disorder around like he spent years studying the subject.

DH is obviously furious, but he said we are going to take some time off and go visit his family with weekend. I have 2 hours to pack and get the kid set and I am on a mini vacation!!! ;D This will be a great weekend, grandma loves to take full care of the kids, all I have to do is play with them. It is a lot of fun. (and I don't have to cook!)

Thanks, Becky

[eaccae]

DS (now 8) was sooo excited to go to kindergarten. He would wave hello and goodbye to the school every time we passed bye. Around October he would scream about not wanting to go to school. He (at the age of 4 - turned 5 in Dec) would actually feign being sick to get out of going. Getting him to school was a nightmare - much as you are describing. Well - what was going on in the classroom was why he didn't want to go. Unfortunately I didn't find out the extent of things (from other parents) until after the school year was over. But he was humiliated by the teacher on a daily basis - put in a corner by himself for most of the day, missed library, recess, etc. for not getting his work done, was yelled at constantly, etc. So my gut is telling me that there is a REASON why your son doesn't want to go to school! My heart is breaking for you - I know how difficult this is! (By the way - he had a great teacher for 1st grade and would get upset if he had to miss school even for an hour for a drs appointment - so I really do think it has to do with something going on at school).

As for the psychologist - I am appalled that he actually said that he doesn't buy into adhd. How old is this man? I am so angry for you - that he actually implied you weren't talking to your son enough! This guy is an ignorant, unprofessional who should NOT be in his field! I think you should report this to someone as well. His job is to help you and your son not make accusations!!!

[Madison]

Hi,
You did the right thing by confronting the princible. They need to hear your concerns. I would think about looking into transfering to ANOTHER school. There's people around me that has done that for whatever reason. If that's not a option then confront the teacher too about your childs dislike of school! See if there's a meeting point in the middle that would encourage your child to start attending again? It's so hard to swallow some of the complaints a teacher has about a persons child but maybe if they SEE your doing all you can and "Could THEY help you out in this situation?" maybe something could be done?? Talk to your child and see what's going on with them? Maybe HOMESCHOOL for a year? I would rather TRANSFER to another school even if that means taking them to school everyday if they don't have any answers for you to HELP him? Talk to everybody there. Ask around maybe other students/friends what THEY might see?? Sometimes another child from class can give you a insight to how things are going with your child? Well, GOOD LUCK....Madison

[geewiznit]

I think you should start out by spending the day in the classroom, observing what goes on, preferably with no advance notice to the school. The teacher will no doubt be on her best behavior, but you'll still get a sense of the classroom dynamic and how it works for your son. Most schools welcome (or at least claim to welcome) parental visits, and if yours doesn't , it should make you wonder why. As for the psychologist, just tell him your son is receiving adequate help from his own physician, who fully understands his problems and is more up to date on these issues. Then refuse to speak with him anymore. He obviously has nothing to add to the situation except aggravating you.

[TexasMom]

All I can say is, that this guy "claims" to be a psychologist? The next time you see him, you should ask for a copy of his diploma!

I would also go over his head to his supervisor and tell him what he said. He was totally out of line.

[rosyred45]

Make sure you document what the psycho(how do you spell it, ahh, doesn't matter) has said. If you have any future dealings with him, tape it, if you can.

Please don't worry too much for honey's sake. Last year I had a boy that ABSOLUTELY refused to go to school. He came to SACC first, so we would get him relaxed and adjusted, but for his mom to get him even into the building, was a pain.. Then he would wander around the school and eventually his mom would pop her head in to check if he stopped in. Most of the time he did. If he didn't, he was busy talking to the janitors. We always new where to find him thank goodness.

Keep you chin up and smile everytime you see that psyco, make him wonder what you are thinking, even if you want to rip his head off ;D
Kaiti

[Denise110]

Man where did this pshyco get his diploma The University of clowns! It makes me so mad when people who don't have children with ADHD or ADD and have no idea what it is just automaticly assume it's the parents falt.

This pshyco could use a education in ADHD all the other probs that goes with it. he needs to be given an 8 hour class to teach. There needs to be about 25 kids in that class from the ages of 4 to 11 all these children having 1 or more disorders ( ADHD, ADD, OCD, ODD, bipolar)and they cant be on any meds. I bet that would make him a believer.

I agree thou there must be something going on at school that's making honey not want to go.
Maybe he feels it's just to hard and he doesn't want to try anymore.

[dansmommy]

DS had a principal like this in kindergarten and first grade. Isn't Honey FOUR years old? Is education mandatory at four for your kid? Really at this age the work of the young child is play and my pre-k daughter has two short circle times and one mandatory art project a day (and she goes 2 1/2 hours a day three days a week). Also I don't think four year-olds have the cognitive ability to take responsibility for their actions (did I misunderstand that comment? It just sounds so bizarre). Socialization and exposure to new materials is enough of a goal for this age. I would definitely complain to someone about the psychologist. Is he really a psychologist?!?? YIKES. Christie

[Honeysmom]

Thanks for all of your responses!! I don't remember excatly who said what, but I kind of know the reason he dislikes school.

He is doesn't like the EC teacher. She is not his primary teacher, he sees her for about an hour each day. He loves his own teacher, and so do I. The one he if afraid of can be very overbearing. She is very positive about it, but sometimes she invades his personal space (talks too close makes eye contact and tries to get him to,) and he really has a hangup about that.

There is an alternative school I can send him too, but I have more checking to do into it. It is a special needs school. It actually sounds like a dream place, but they have to accept you and you have to go through all kinds of interviews and meetings. We have to wait until after his next doc's appt and then we will have more to go on from there. I cannot homeschool him, I do not have the patience or confidence in myself to do that. I am too afraid we will spend the whole day fighting b/c he does not want to learn, or I have not found the right way to get through to him. Also, since he is so socially akward I was hoping he would pick up some social cues from the other kids.

I have a conference scheudled for Thursday with the principal after parent teacher conferences.

And I know I saw a diploma, but I can't remember if it said Clown University or Close-minded State. ;D

[camismom]

Becky,

The school district I work for has a department all it's own for the School Psychologist. It is simply called the Psychological Services Dept. This dept. has a director that is ultimately the boss of the school psych. Anyway, my point is, if Honey's school system has the same set up, go beyond the principal and report it to the director of this dept. I would also ask that this psych. no longer work with Honey, and tell them you want another one assigned to him. It is the psych's job to find out what the problem is. He should be working with Honey personally while Honey is in school and doing investigating of his own as to why Honey is not wanting to come to school. Obviously this clown isn't doing his job and doesn't even deserve to have it. I would definitely not let this go though, because if he treated you that way chances are you're not the only one and it needs to be brought to someone's attention. Good luck with the conferance!

[Honeysmom]

I didn't even know that it could be set up that way. I am going to have to check into it. I highly doubt that it is only b/c we have one School Psych for the 4K-12th graders. There is no one else that could be assigned, but you made me see this from a differnt way. I was so mad at the things that he said I never even thought about the fact that he too should be looking for causes why Honey does not want to go to school. Thanks so much!! Becky

[tridlette]

BECKY, you said they have posted in the office the list of 504 students and their accomodations. I would recommend looking into "FERPA" through google. Basically, it says that you have the right to inspect your childs education records, and that you have the right to have them make corrections when errors are made, and you have the right to be told before any information is disclosed about your child.

Sounds to me like they are in direct violation of FERPA. Even if they are within the letter of the law, I think this is violating the intent of the law and you can scare them into privacy if you study the Federal regulations for a few days!

Good luck. Laurie