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Post by camismom on May 16, 2004 20:30:27 GMT -5
Tonight at church I confronted our Youth Pastor and asked him for a private talk. The pastor is new and changed the youth group when he came on to include 6th grade. Being a 6th grader, my dd joined at that time. Well, since that time she has been repeatedly shunned by the other girls in the group. Problem is, with the exception of one other girl who has the advantage of having an older sister in the group, Cami is the only 6th grade girl. All others are 8th grade and up. Sooooo, they ignore Cami and don't inlude her in anything. This is partly understandable because of the age gap, but partly not because they are all supposed to be a part of the same group/ministry. Tonight right before time for the student ministries to start, Cami had gone in to the Family Center area and sat at a table eating some snacks. I watched as one by one about four other girls came in and sat at the table next to Cami instead of with her. They didn't even speak to her, they just sat down and started talking amongst themselves. The last one even walked up to Cami's table, looked at her, grabbed a chair from her table, and spun it around to the other table to sit down with the other girls! After I saw that, I just kind of "blew" in that I had had enough, so I went to Joel and talked to him about it.
Cami is upset with me for doing so. She feels all I'm going to do is cause trouble, or have Joel "force" these girls to socialize with her. She says she doesn't want them to be her friend because they have to, but because they want to. I agree with her about that, and that is not really why I went to him. I just feel that these are supposed to be christian girls, and they aren't acting very christian-like doing that. I felt he needed to know there is a problem. I found out when I talked to him that two other girls have already come to him with the same thing and he lost them to other church groups as a result. All that said, Cami is still upset that I did this.
What do y'all think? Was I wrong?
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Post by Linda on May 16, 2004 20:46:59 GMT -5
Christy...I think you have a very mature girl...you should be proud of her....I don't think she really cared that much.  Having said that...I probably would have done the same thing you did...the mama in me would have wanted to protect her cub.  On the other hand these girls are supposed to be christians,but instead they are acting holier than thou! I think cami handled it nicely. nawwww....you weren't wrong...just a good mom ;D |
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Post by aimee30 on May 16, 2004 20:50:51 GMT -5
I agree with Linda, you weren't wrong. It may have embarassed Cami, but she will get over it. All of us want our kids to be included socially and it's hard not to say something when someone is excluding your child right in front of you.
I think most of us moms would do the same thing if we were in your shoes.
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Post by Linda on May 16, 2004 20:54:08 GMT -5
I probably would have been screaming at those girls. ;D
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Post by camismom on May 17, 2004 7:55:37 GMT -5
I was still realing from it this morning... I mean to do it at all is one thing, but right in front of her mom and stepdad is something else! I really have a thing against snobby girls!!  Cami could tell I was still mad and told me to let it go. She said she goes to church to worship God and doesn't need friends there to do so! Oh, if I could learn from this kid!  Did y'all ever notice that the problems with our kids bother US more than they do them? They just seem to let everything roll off their back, while we prepare for the kill! Wish I could be a kid again and have the simplicity like that! |
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Post by Linda on May 17, 2004 9:43:54 GMT -5
That is something I have always said about our kids...They are resilient. ;D
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Post by finnmom on May 17, 2004 10:50:10 GMT -5
Christy I replied your other post before this, so I may be repeating myself ;D (As I wouldn´t otherway´s  ) I think you did the right thing Atleast you didn´t yell at them ;D That might have been embarassing It´s our job to protect our kid´s, you handled it well, [glow=red,2,300]GOOD WORK [/glow] Marja |
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Anna
Full Member
Posts: 124
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Post by Anna on May 17, 2004 11:54:39 GMT -5
Discreetly pulling the youth director aside was a good move. As long as he doesn't publicly tell the others that the reason he's mentioning it is because of Cami's Mom then it should be a problem...Honestly it sounds like there WAS a problem if the others have left from feeling left out.
Anna
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Post by rosyred45 on May 17, 2004 12:17:18 GMT -5
OHHHHHHHHHH How I love to mess with snobby people ;D I'll be doing that here in an hour at work ;D ;D ;D I think you were right, maybe he needs to cut back on tables, that would make them all sit together w/out anyone being told they had to. AND just to make you smile, I think I said this before, but it's still funny. At my husbands 10th yr reunion, he looked around and told me he didn't care where we sat, then he spotted on of his buddies, so I picked that table. Well, little miss snooty tooty was sittong there and was HORRIFIED when she saw him sit next to me. Um, hubby was a freewill-burnout-metal head ;D Mind you I say was, Annyhow, they tried to ignore me, but I kept commenting on their conversations I know, rude, but I couldn't have cared less since Mike asked one of the girls how her brother was. He's fine.....is all she said, SO I just kept cutting in. For somereason, they didn't stay at the table after we ate....I don't know why? ;D ;D ;D ;D Mission accoplished Kaiti |
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Post by 1mom on May 17, 2004 18:03:56 GMT -5
i think you did the right thing. if the problem "doesn't correct itself", i'd have a private chat with the pastor and not let your precious dd know. they are terribly resilient, but also i think they cover up hurts because they don't want us to suffer!
is there any way you can send her to the table with something REALLY cool? something the big girls would want, too. i don't know...(i have a boy!). but this may spark conversation and a nicer attitude if she had something that broke the ice AND was willing to share (even with those who didn't share themselves with her). a good opportunity to turn the other cheek!
prayers,
1mom
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Post by aimee30 on May 17, 2004 19:43:44 GMT -5
1mom wrote
amen!
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Post by camismom on May 18, 2004 7:12:00 GMT -5
1mom. Nice idea, but she's done it. I have to give her credit, cause she's barged in on them a few times and I'd be way to scared to do that. They'll be receptive to her if she really pushes, but I worry she'll make herself known as a pest. My dh plays softball for our church and a couple of the really hot older (college-aged) guys in the student ministries are on the team and have become buddy-buddy with dh. Anyway Cami has been taking pictures at some of the games and last week she had them with her. Course they were all interested in them, but once they saw them, they were back to their clique. Grrrrr, how I hate snobs!!! I'm just glad she has decided she doesn't need them to have fun and do what she goes there to do. She has never been one that has trouble entertaining herself, and as far as the camp and mission trip she'll be taking this summer, there will be kids from other churches there she can hook up with. The main thing for me was making Joel aware of this problem (which I found out he already was) and the need to do something about it before they run off nay more new girls.
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Post by vickilyn32 on May 18, 2004 9:08:00 GMT -5
One thought. These girls may not be doing this on purpose, they just may not know or realize because she is younger. She and those girls are the same age diffrence between my DS and DD. While Dan's friends will talk to Amber, and even visit with her on ocasion, they all mostly ignore her when she is around. They are trying to grow up, and she is still what they consider a little girl. I know they dont try to be mean (if she is in trouble any one of them would defend her), But even the girls dont have much in common with her right now. The one time that they will play with her is when they are doing cheerleading or dance stuff since she is better than them. Otherwise she is just Dans little sister. I figure in a few years she wont seem so much younger, and they will hang out with her more. This may be the same thing that is happening at Camis youth group. Why cant they seperate some of the younger kids so they are not with the older ones?
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Post by Linda on May 18, 2004 9:52:00 GMT -5
vickylyn...you are a really good problem solver...makes sense to me...why didn't I think of that ;D
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Post by camismom on May 18, 2004 12:15:58 GMT -5
Vickilyn, I can understand your point to a certain extent. I have already acknowledged the main problem being th age gap (these kids are getting ready for high school are already there where she is still middle school) but to not speak to her at all is something else! I have seen them walk by without so much as a hello, but they are looking at her so they know she is there. Other times I have seen Cami grab a chair and pull up right in front of them and sit trying to join in. The main thing is the age gap, which we knew about going in and was afraid of this happening as a result. I'm trying to get Cami to invite some friends and maybe get them involved, but she says her friends have churches of their own. Who knows? We'll just have to wait and see how it goes tomorrow night. I have to admit, I am a little nervous.
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