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Post by Linda on Nov 6, 2003 9:47:02 GMT -5
I remember on our other forum...several people were having trouble with bullies.....How is everything going? :-/I hope it has stopped!   |
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Post by mommy007 on Nov 6, 2003 12:45:00 GMT -5
Linda,
My son was having problems last year. Now he is not in any of the same classes. . . however, just last week, my son was sick and feeling tired at school. Two girls were making fun of him, of his walk - They followed him in the school yard at recess and continued to tease him. He finally dropped to the ground (after getting so upset he got lightheaded). One of the monitors outside finally noticed him on the ground and took him into the nurses office - he said he can't take it anymore. He went to the councelors office. Luckly for me I had just spoken to the councelor the previous week (she is new this year) to give her a little history.
He and his friend were "interviewed" by the principle as well as the two girls involved. The girls said the boys were picking on them (NEVER) these are two little adhd boys that have no time to even talk to girls.
The principle of course believe the BOYS, the only action taken with the girls was a warning (one of the girls is the smartist in the class).
I don't believe they will pick on the boys again after the principle spoke to them. But I wounder if it were the boys fault if I would have received a phone call?
So what I learned was to be as pro-active in communication even before there is a problem to deal with. I now keep the school painfully aware when ever the wind changes direction!!! Before that incidence he has had a terrific year so far.
Thanks for asking
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Post by catseye on Nov 6, 2003 13:40:31 GMT -5
Opposite here... My sd8 adhd/autistic/hearing impaired IS the school bully... And is about the size of a 3-4 year old at the age of 8... Smallest bully I have ever seen...
The couple times anyone attempted to tease her she is quite oblivious to it... But you have something she wants??? Watch your back!!!
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Post by Linda on Nov 6, 2003 13:49:26 GMT -5
cat..just curious...what do you do about the bullying?  |
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Post by catseye on Nov 6, 2003 14:09:13 GMT -5
This was mainly last year btw... Sd got in over 20 physical infractions (some minor some not minor!!)... My husband and I had no clue what to do... Finally near the end of school the teachers came up with a behavior plan they implemented at school, and the physical behaviors slowed down... We followed through by not allowing computer, quad time after school if there was a referral in her bag, other than that we were flabbergasted, as sd was physically attacking her dad, me and her 1 1/2 year old brother... It got real real ugly...
This year sd now 8 is on clonodine, and has only had one bad referral this year in school (last year at this time she had 10 that was about once a week!!) Since this year was going so well except the one incident, we touched on the subject of what sd was supposed to do ie go get teacher... Also this one was provoked, as the other child scratched sd first, so we chose to pretty much ignore this incident... Last year was nothing but negative, so we are trying to focus on the fact that so far only one incident... HUGE improvement comparitably... I certainly hope it stays that way, my husband and I are TERRIBLE disciplinarians!!! Thus why I am so petrified of the teen years!!! LOL
cat
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Post by AnneM on Nov 6, 2003 14:45:13 GMT -5
I always have problems trying to decide which is more painful (for us parents) - for our kids to be bullied or to be doing the bullying ... and whichever way I seem to look at it I am JUST NOT SURE of the answer! ... I think it is SO tough from both sides!
My son (now 15) has been substantially bullied three times over the years .... and my heart nearly broke for him on all occasions ..... BUT if anybody was to say that he was being the bully this would be EQUALLY upsetting.
Hey Catseye - it sounds like the clonodine is really helping though .... fingers crossed for no more referrals!! ... and I do so much agree with the big difference between being provoked and not being provoked.
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Post by TexasMom on Nov 7, 2003 0:08:56 GMT -5
We're making progress with Steven's bully too! He had an in school suspension for a week (not solely for bullying Steven), was back one day and got a one week out of school suspension for several infractions. One of those was deleting one of Steven's paper's on the computer. Other kids tease Steven, but this kid was the one who egged them on and he was the most vicious
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Post by HollyNTx on Nov 7, 2003 9:32:21 GMT -5
my son has been bullied. and he is the type that wont fight back untill he has been thuroughly ticked off. He tends to cry which is even worse for the bulliing.
I just wanted to go and rip the hair off of the boys doing it. I always ask my son if he wants me to say anything about it before I go and loose it at the school or on the bus. Of course he does not want me to say anything. So we just tell him that he has to stand up for himself or it will never stop. and once they see that he is not going to take it they will leave him alone.
So one day last year this boy was picking on him on the bus. He hits the boy back and they get into a fight on the bus. My son and the other child got kicked off the bus for a week. we did not get onto our son and was so proud b/c he finally stood up for himself.
We have not had a problem since with that child.
This year he got into a fight a few weeks ago b/c a group of older boys were making fun of his last name.
Now I have tried to tell him to walk away from things like this, but he is 13 now and I know that words CAN hurt too.. Well he ended up punching one of the boys in the face and they got into a fight. A friend of my son's broke it up and he went off and was crying. A coach saw him and asked what was wrong with him and the funny thing is, is that he told on himself. He told the coach that he was jsut mad b/c some boys were making fun of his name and that he got into a fight..
hehe.. silly boy..
well he did not get into trouble for it and I could not help but laugh when he told me he told on himself..
But again I was proud that he did not take the bulliing.
My son really made me proud of him though when he came home one day a couple of weeks ago and told me that he wanted to become a body builder and learn to fight so he could take up for all the kids that were being picked on, he said that it just wasn't right that they had to go through that everyday.. My heart also broke for him b/c I knew that this came from experience.
Holly
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Post by Veronika on Nov 7, 2003 18:42:46 GMT -5
BULLIES ARE A BIG ISSUE FOR ME!!  Johnathon (my 12 yr old ADHD/MD) was bullied everyday since Kindergarten I hated the teachers and the principals for not doing anything about it. This year he's the bully!! Should I be mad? I'm not happy that he's doing it, but I'm not surprised. If a child is being beaten on, and made fun of everyday for 8 years, what should people expect? We have always told him to stand up for himself and to defend himself if necessary. Yes, this year he has taken it to the extreme, and we don't condone it. On the other hand if he NEVER got any help or support from the teachers is he suppose to sit quietly and take the abuse everyday? That brings back one painful memory. One day in grade 3, there was a boy jumping on Johnathon's back in the school yard. >:(Johnathon tried to get up, but the boy out weighed him by about 15 pounds. When Johnathon got up, he punched the kid in the face. In turn I got a call at work from the principal telling me Johnathon was in the office because he punched a boy in the face. Johnathon was then suspended for 2 days because of this. I asked the pricipal "Is Johnathon allowed to defend himself?" She said "NO!" I said "So if a child is beating on him, he's suppose to wait until the child is done and then go tell someone who's not going to believe him anyway?" She said "Yes"! She came VERY close to getting a punch in the face from me!! >:(Does that make any sense? I know that our kids seem 'different' to other kids. But I don't think kids can just pick out the" ADD kid "in a crowd. Johnathon was always the one who got 'caught' when he defended himself. He was always labelled as a liar. The other kids made up their stories and stuck with them. Johnathon's mind is always racing so something different came out every 2 minutes! Which made him look the 'liar' out of the group of kids. I am not very partial when it comes to teachers, and I know there are some GREAT teachers out there. But in my experience Johnathon's teachers made things worse for him. The teachers ALWAYS centered him out in class, either they were throwing things at him, calling him names... the list goes on.....so why would the kids outside treat him any differently than how was treated in class? We have ALWAYS told him, "If someone is picking on you, go tell the teacher on duty!" About 95% of the time there was no teacher on duty! Or if he went to tell they would tell him he's making it up! It wasn't until 2 yrs ago when my stepson Keith moved in with us that the teachers listened! (sometimes) Because the boys are close in age (Keith is now 13)....when they were in the school yard and some kid started picking on Johnathon, Keith would either go tell, and the teachers would listen bacause Johnathon had a witness, or he would beat the crap out of the kid! One day Keith came home VERY upset. I asked what was wrong and he said "All we did was walk out of the side door of the school for recess, and 5 kids jumped on Johnathon." When Keith went to tell, the teacher ignored him and around the corner there was Johnathon getting beaten on by 5 kids! So Keith went over and started beating on them. Who got in trouble? Keith and Johnathon!! I'm not happy that he is getting into fights at school now. But I am glad that he doesn't get picked on anymore. Does that make me a bad parent? |
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Post by HollyNTx on Nov 7, 2003 19:00:45 GMT -5
I think that is so wrong.. I totally understand where you are coming from Veronika.
I cant believe the way schools do kids.
My son was being picked on one time when he was in the 2nd grade. I told him to fight back next time it happened. I even called and told the principle that this was going on and I was tired of them not doing anything about it and that I told him to fight back, and that he was NOT to be punished for this. \
Of course she did not agree.. so I told her " let me put it to you this way, If I was to come up to the school and punch you in the face are you telling me that you would not defend your self?"
of course I would not do that, but she got the point.
I jsut dont know what to do about bulliing and how to stop it. I think it will always go on, we just have to teach our children how to deal with it and that it is not right.
Holly
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Post by Lost and Looking on Nov 7, 2003 20:02:37 GMT -5
We have bully problems too, only I cannot narrow it down to one or two. My 7 y/o son is always coming home taking about how the other kids make fun of him. I think he just fidgets so much that he draws a lot of attention to himself. The other kids are relentless. he is VERY soft hearted (though stubborn) so they hurt him deeply and yet he makes no attempt to change the behavior that draws the negative attention in the first place. Lately though, he has been reacting aggressively to them. I am afraid we are going to be dealing with fist fights if we don't get a handle on in soon. And his teacher, well I don't think much is done to discourage the other kids from teasing and picking on him. I think the thing that bothers him the most is when they make a point of excluding him. He is just heartbroken and does not understand why the other kids don't want to be his friends.
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Post by Beckie on Nov 8, 2003 5:28:50 GMT -5
This topic gets me. My 8 year old daughter gets bullied at the bus stop and got in-school detention because she hit the boy who was pushing and calling her names with a stick. While I do /not/ condone her hitting him with a stick, the boy would not back off even when she walked away from him. My son confirmed this story, and did get into trouble for not telling the bus driver what the other boy had done to his sister.
This same boy has an older brother that feels the need to ride his bike by our yard and call my daughter a f*g**t and idiot, etc. She's just minding her own business in her own yard, and he can't leave her alone.
I did tell the boy at the bus stop that if he was picking on her again, I would call the Principal, his mother and the police and we would all have a meeting. I hated doing that, but I can't be at the bus stop with her and no other adults are there either. He stopped for a while, but he's back to name calling, and I'm sure the pushing, hitting is going to start again. I just hope her brother will stick up for her this time around!
Beckie
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Post by LitlBaa on Nov 9, 2003 3:13:06 GMT -5
After the administration intervened, the bullying stopped but Katie still saw the girl looking funny at her. Several weeks ago the girl transferred to another school, we don't know if it was a voluntary transfer or not but Katie acts like a weight has been lifted from her.
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Post by dansmommy on Nov 9, 2003 22:50:51 GMT -5
How frustratiing for you guys dealing with bullies. My ds's school uses a program called "Second Step" and then at the beginning of the year they talk about bullying, encourage other kids to stand up for the victim, help kids talk about their feelings when they're frustrated with another kid, etc., etc., until the kids are so sick of it they don't scrap. When he was in first grade there was a kid who was aggressive on the playground and I called his teacher, who took care of it right away. Also, they sent a third of the kids off to a new school at the end of first grade so they have better supervision now. Hope things start to get better for you guys too. Christie
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Post by Linda on Nov 10, 2003 6:09:00 GMT -5
We have programs in our schools too but it still happens .I think if the schools have large populations it will continue to some degree.  |
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