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Post by Dad2Brooke on Jan 16, 2004 14:06:53 GMT -5
Brooke drives me nuts when she apologizes, which she rarely does and it's usually because we make her.
The first apology is usually along the lines of soooorry, and is completely insincere.
We always make her apologize again and tell her to say it like she means it. Then she will apologize a little better the second time.
Does anyone else have these problems and if so how have you solved them?
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Post by catseye on Jan 16, 2004 14:14:59 GMT -5
Dad2brooke, sorry I will be absolutely no help here... With sd haveing the high functioning autism, she cant possibly express any sincere remorse...  Only emotion she can express easily is anger!! LOL With my son he is still trying to say the word sorry (he is 2 1/2), usually I just make him give a hug to whoever he hurt or whatever... Maybe given brookes age (5or 6 right?), have her write "Im sorry" over and over again or something?? If the verbal apology is snotty sounding... It would give her some writting practice!! |
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Jenn
Full Member
Hey all just let me know you are from ADHD site :)
Posts: 121
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Post by Jenn on Jan 16, 2004 15:18:06 GMT -5
Both my kids are like that. I put a wish list on Amazon for Scott to look at. The Explosive Child, The Defiant Child, From Chaos to Calm, and a bunch of others. You can get some of them used for under 10 dollars before shipping cost.
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Post by finnmom on Jan 16, 2004 15:25:04 GMT -5
Hi My ds does apologises and I even think he means it. Sometime´s he forget´s it but usually he is so sorry about what happend. More sorry for adult´s than sibling though ;D Like he does not always "remember" to apologisies to his sister´s, but they are both quite the same way ;D that´s propably just "love" between them  Marja |
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Post by 1mom on Jan 16, 2004 18:44:32 GMT -5
when younger, the apolgy came only when he was forced. then it sounded as forced and insincere as possible. (we resorted to letters of apologies to teacher, etc.). at 13, he now apologies readily (sometimes too many times), then moves on quickly from it. he does seem to feel remorse, regret much more now than when younger (thank goodness!). so, there is hope  prayers, 1mom |
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Post by Linda on Jan 16, 2004 18:48:56 GMT -5
1mom said it for me...it is much better now...he is genuinely sorry,and he moves on.
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Post by mom2tj on Jan 16, 2004 19:51:31 GMT -5
dido Ds will do it with an attitude and doesnt realy meant it  I try to make him aware of others but most of the time it feels like i'm talking to the wall |
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Post by LitlBaa on Jan 17, 2004 0:30:00 GMT -5
We also get "well, sooo-rrreee!" usually accompanied the FLIP of the ponytail. Or "Excuuuuse me!" and the FLIP.
I'm so sick of that darn ponytail!
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Post by rosyred45 on Jan 17, 2004 6:57:08 GMT -5
Put that Pony tail in a bun, can't flip it then, and didn't cut it off ;D
Any how, I couldn't check anything, because
#1: most of the time they do it on their own,
#2: but if they don't feel like they did something wrong,
I tell them to apoligize.
#3: they always sound sincere, I have always told them the "How would you like that to happen to you" deal
#4: if they are really into what they are doing, it does sound kinda fake....see rule 3 above.....
I try to always make sure the kids at the program, apologize to each other too. I always get the "accident" excuse, so I tell them it would still be polite to apologize just the same so they know it WAS an accident.
I have always been a really big apologizer, my husband's friends used to tease me about it, but I was really sorry I walked in front of someone I didn't see, spilled something, etc.....
Kaiti
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Post by kellys4babies on Jan 17, 2004 7:35:39 GMT -5
My son is only 6. But want I do is if does not apolize on his own I give him one chance by saying you ahve somethig to say to so-so. If it is not said in a nice way he will have to go to his room until he is ready to say it right. I wil check in on him about every 15 minute and normally by that time he says " Mommy can I go tell so so I am sorry Please." I do this with my 4 year old as well but I start at when they are 2 by making sure they understand they hurt someone and telling them to give that person a hug. It has worked for me so far. I know that things will change when he get oldest but it is working now.
Kelly
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Post by Honeysmom on Jan 17, 2004 10:29:57 GMT -5
Honey refuses to say he is sorry. I really do not think he feels any remorse for anything that he does.
I with DD2 I will pretend to cry if she hurts me and then she will say sorry on her own b/c she realizes what her actions caused. I think since she can't actually see that she hurt me she sometimes doesn't even realize it. If I try that with Honey he tells me to "quit my whining."
No, I really do believe he has no idea how to feel remorse or compassion. I make him apologize to other people b/c I think it is something he has to learn but I am getting no where with it. Usually to get the apology I have to threaten something and then follow through since that rarely works.
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Post by rosyred45 on Jan 17, 2004 10:43:58 GMT -5
Honeysmom, I used to have a boy in the program that used to refuse to apologize, so he just would BLOW if he was confronted by any of the other teachers, they would have a fit and send him to me. I'd get his story of things and ask him why he didn't think he had to, put it into perspective for him, on his level not my level. Whatever was of value I would make sure it had an impact. It was tough because everything had to be to the minut detail, but eventually he got to the point of feeling some remorse, or at least did a good job of fooling me. He would apologize and actually go about pretty good for the most part. He was 11, so he should have known, but he was let get away with things because he would get violent with his sisters and mom was abused by the dad so that was pretty much his life. He isn't with our school any more, and I miss him, he was turning things around and becoming a fine young boy, but I guess somethings can't be the way we want them to be Kaiti  |
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Post by Blue Oreo on Jan 17, 2004 13:19:24 GMT -5
mine can apologize until they are blue in the face, but never mean it. Two seconds later they do the same thing again, even with another apology in tow., My DD10 is a pathalogical liar, so know one every know whats the truth with her, and she never means her apologies anyway. Even her brothers are picking up this bad behavior.
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Post by adhdtimes4 on Jan 17, 2004 15:21:06 GMT -5
I don't make mine apologize - usually it's forcing them to lie! When they were small we made them admit guilt by saying, "It was wrong to kick you so hard that you bled. I shouldn't have done it. Will you forgive me?" I think that saying you are wrong - even if you're not convinced you are wrong - is a lot more painful than an insincere "Sorry." And if I'm wrong, I do apologize and beg your forgiveness.  |
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Post by 1mom on Jan 17, 2004 16:47:53 GMT -5
you brought up an excellent point, times4. i also have made it a point to admit my mistakes, apologies, and ask for forgiveness. i think when adults role model great behavior that kids learn a lot more. "do as i say AND do as i do." thanks for the reminder!
prayers,
1mom
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