aaa-alison
Member
"Hold on if you feel like letting go-hold on it gets better than you know"-Good Charlotte
Posts: 84
|
Post by aaa-alison on Apr 13, 2004 22:03:20 GMT -5
Okay. I'm going off here. I grew up during the Nancy Reagen era of "Just say No". Today the saying is " Don't do Drugs or Say No to Drugs". I hate these phrases because it's like setting up forbidden fruit for kids. I think Drug use like Sex should be really discussed and openly discussed. A lot of kids are told not to do drugs and then they doitor something, they feel no real bad affects and then they lose faith in why they shouldn't do drugs at all. That is cause most have never been told "why not to do drugs" and "what drugs can really do to people". Plus kids usually don't know those people-people in the real world who can't hold jobs or their head up. This is because it isn't one joint that messes you up-it is the cumulative affects that change brain chemistry. I know people who do not have ADD and have given themselves ADD due to there drug use. I know for certain that my drug usage gave me more anxiety and attention problems. I don't know, I just worry about the kids so much today and I don't even have children.
|
|
|
|
Post by Honeysmom on Apr 14, 2004 9:09:45 GMT -5
Alison, I agree with you. Drug usage should be explained to kids, how and why it can hurt or kill you. I don't think that the drug usage was a wide spread when I was a kid as it is now. Or maybe I was just really nieve.
It seems to me that it is not just "drugs" that are the problem. I have seen many news shows on kids who take OTC medicines in large quanities to get a high from it. I know many kids are afraid of drugs, like heroin, b/c they know how dangerous they can be, but they are not well informed that many meds, OTC or perscription, can also kill them. It really is sad, and I don't think their parents ever dreamed on things kids can come up with to get high.
I think the best thing parents can do is let their kids know how they feel about drug usage, anwser questions, and hold their ground.
|
|
aaa-alison
Member
"Hold on if you feel like letting go-hold on it gets better than you know"-Good Charlotte
Posts: 84
|
Post by aaa-alison on Apr 14, 2004 9:27:59 GMT -5
Dear Honeysmom-thanks for your reply. I wish so much that kids today didn't feel like drugs are the way to be cool or the thing to do. I wish they would find better ways to chill out. It breaks my heart, cause I know what drugs can do and have done to so many of my friends. Sometimes, I wish we were like tribal societies where coming of age rituals are supervised by the entire tribe. Kids seem to want a dark challenge to mark their capability to be an adult, but illegal drugs are a bad way to go and Raves are a bad place to go to. Trust me I know, I was hit by a guy in the face there and my (friends) didn't care. I have one old friend who is legally insane. After a person does more than three hits of acid they are considered insane. He has done about 120 hits or more. He is brilliant and (I think) bipolar-and his drug use has increased his polarity.
|
|
|
|
Post by finnmom on Apr 14, 2004 9:38:33 GMT -5
aaa-alison and Honeysmom I agree with you both. I think we really need to educate our young-one´s of drug´s as well as the danger´s of unprotected sex. I´am with you honeysmom, thinking that drug´s were not such a big deal 20 y ago when I was a teen. Or mayby it´s about money, I know I had enough for goodie´s and nice thing´s but bot nearly enought to drug´s, seem´s like today teen´s have much more money to use  I work partly as a school-nurse. Tomorrow I´am going to a school in my district to tell about drug-, alchol- and med-use. There will be me, socialworker who work´s with -addict´s/user´s and a teen´s socialworker, with all the kid´s and hopefully their parent´s too, all are invited. Kid´s will be 11-12y old. I think the main thing, in here anyway, is to get the parent´s see that this is not just something that happend´s to someone else´s kid´s! Well, my two sent´s Marja |
|
|
|
Post by rosyred45 on Apr 14, 2004 9:58:31 GMT -5
WELL, I had to walk away and think about this one.
I think as an overall society, the more "knowlege" people have, the more good can be for good and bad could be for bad. I guess that ying/yang thing.
To be point blank. Kids have too much time on their hands that is unconstructive and totally unsupervised. They aren't being monitored like we used to. There is no "I'm going to call your mom because I saw you walking down the road instead of being at school."
Nobody wants to be called a nib nose any more, except me because I don't care what anyone else thinks. And if you are trying to help, that's what you are accused of. If you turn your back, your accused of not caring. Parents hands are tied as to being able to disipline how they want or need to. There is too much better than the Jones' where sanity is saccrificed because people have to be the best. Not the best to the ability, THE BEST.....
Sorry to ramble, hope I didn't confuse anyone.
Oh and parents are afraid to tell their kids NO for fear of them calling social services or threats of running away.
I was told if I could make it, don't let the door hit me one the way out, growing up......
Kaiti
|
|
|
|
Post by finnmom on Apr 14, 2004 10:22:51 GMT -5
Kaiti You hit the nail with lack of supervision  I think it´s very alarming to see how even young children can be out late and noone care´s. I dont know if it´s lack of parenting-skill´s or just plain old; I have no time to supervise you, or I couldn´t go and do what I want.." selfisnes, unreal idea of parenting, thinking that kid´s can take care of them self´s... AARRRGGGHHHH make´s me mad! And that good-old; not my kid, not in this town  Uups, I think I´ll handle this soap-box to the next one, here you are ;D Marja |
|
|
|
Post by AnneM on Apr 14, 2004 11:10:38 GMT -5
Ok can I take a turn on the soapbox? ;D
Hmmm ... This is a very tough one .... I agree that "Just say no" is absolutely not the way forward .... Kids need to "REALLY" know WHY they should say no ... so I think education is the key ... Kids should know all about drugs ... they should know all about the pitfalls of drugs ... they should know it ALL ... warts and ALL ...
I know in the UK (and imagine it is the same worldwide) there is a lot of education about drugs within the schools ... and I don't mean just lecturing and saying "Say No" ... I mean really trying to educate the kids on what drugs are REALLY all about .... Sam has come home from school with some amazing leaflets .... detailing exactly what each drug is ... and of course the real dangers of each... This information has in my opinion been very good because it isn't "patronising" (lets face it kids see straight through adults being patronising) ... it is factual, realistic and written in a "casual" way ... almost like one kid telling and warning another ...
I also think it is essential that parents must know ALL about drugs as well ... the whole lot ... what each different drug is .... what it's street names are ... what it is used for .... and also OF COURSE the dangers it can bring ... You can look a real idiot if your kid asks you questions and all you can say is "All I know is that they are bad for you ... so just say no" ... !! (What kind of an answer is THAT??) ... The kid who gets this response will very probably seek a better answer from his peers and this may well be what we really do NOT want our kids to hear! ...
OK ... I will jump off the soapbox now and leave it for someone else ... but my message is that both we and our kids must be really 'educated' thoroughly when it comes to drugs! It should be an "open" subject and NEVER a "taboo". In my honest opinion that is the very best we can do for our kids because drugs are "out there" and unless we keep them (our kids) under lock and chain (and try doing THAT to a teenager!) they WILL come into contact with them throughout their teenage years...
Hopping off box ....
|
|
|
|
Post by rosyred45 on Apr 14, 2004 11:54:52 GMT -5
Cutting in line here.....my turn.....
Marja said it with the not my kid thing. Everyone is so afraid that something will be done as retaliation to them if they say a word to teenagers around here. At halloween my mom's house ALWAYS get bombareded(sp) with toilet paper, soap, kids stuff, but the kids don't get yelled at for it. Mom gets it because she's that mean teacher that holds the kids accountable for their actions. (She does take into consideration any dx's, so she's not THAT mean)
But because the parents are LAZY about parenting, they think the easy way out is to blame mom for what happens. I think it's BS. "well, if she wasn't so mean.."you know what, she wouldn't be mean if your kids were held accountable for their actions. BUT as Marja also said. SELFISH NESS. We wonder why kids are lazy? Look at the parents. I'm taking a good hard look at myself here too, so don't be offended by any of this.
And ANNE: most parents look for the easy way out to explain things. So if it is covered under "Bad for you" well, it can be bad for you to sit too close to the tv. It is also bad for you to do heroin. HMMMMMMMM Along your lines, your right, the kids have no idea the varying degrees of anything.
Kids are told to have a healthy self esteem, but when bolstering that self esteem, you are also taking away the fear factor that makes people stop and think
"I might get hurt", they keep hearing, "you can do anything you want". Even though it might be meant for a career, they are taking it to the next level. If I can be what I want, the nothing can stop me. Nope, nodda, I am indistructable.
DING DING DING------reality check please.....
I'm sorry it might harden my kids, but they watch the news at night with us. They ask us why someone would dump a new born baby in a dumpster? Why was that kid playing with matches and burned his house down? Why did someone shoot someone else? How come? why? You know, soemtimes I sit red faced explaining my beliefs to my kids. AND I also sit and see the benefits of doing so.
OPPS, did I cut infront of someone.....ok, I'll go to the back
Kaiti
|
|
|
|
Post by Honeysmom on Apr 14, 2004 13:30:29 GMT -5
I think access to money (or more than we had), lax parenting skills, and being the best all contribute.
My little brother went to a pricy private high school. Those kids were the worst! They had pretty much all the money they wanted, and all the parents had to be better and more fun than the next, and they NEVER questioned anything! No one ever found it suspicious that a group of 16-18 y/o boys are still having sleepovers at the one house that never had parental supervision?
Plus there were times when kids in my brother's class were carrying at least $100! I don't even get to carry that kind of cash. Makes ya wonder??
|
|
|
|
Post by AnneM on Apr 14, 2004 14:16:16 GMT -5
Jumping back on the box again !  I think you definitely have a point Becky about the kids holding too much money ... I know that it is pretty well-known here in the UK that the drug problem amongst the expensive "private" schools is in fact worse than the problem amongst the non-private schools ... Having said that however I also understand that marijuana is DIRT CHEAP! ... Cheaper than buying alcohol or cigarettes for example ... I have been told/read that for under $10 you can get plenty of marijuana to get a group of 5 teenagers stoned for an evening ... that is a mere $2 each!!  However, I think in the private school population the drugs gather momentum and the more expensive ones like cocaine (as one example) come more into play..... Hopping back off again! |
|
|
|
Post by Linda on Apr 14, 2004 14:20:23 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by AnneM on Apr 14, 2004 14:27:19 GMT -5
Heh heh Linda !! GOOD ONE!! ... Sam often accuses me of "worrying too much" about him ... he has even said "Why can't you be like some of my friend's mums? ... they don't worry about their kids ... " Hmmmmm ... !! I wonder WHY we worry so much ?? Because we KNOW what's 'out there' that's why!!  |
|
|
|
Post by finnmom on Apr 14, 2004 14:38:36 GMT -5
And I´am back again, move on Linda it´s my turn ;D At dd5´s playschool I see lot of little girl´s making playdate´s like:"come to us to play..." then I hear other girl´s dad saying"so you´re going to "Jane" to play, would that be o´kay, I guess it is...." I wouldnt do that, without asking the parent he send´s his 5 y old to play to an other 5 y old´s home O´kay, it´s a little thing, but if you, let 5 y/old do that, what do you let 10 y old do, or 13, or 15....... Call me ancient, but I HAVE to know where my kid´s are, I have a code with the mom of my kid´s almost-everyday-playdate´s: we both kick them out to go home at 7.30pm if not said anything different. They can go there, but nowhere else from there without me knowing. Yeah, yeh, yeah, I know, the mean-mom syndrome hit me bad It has been said in here earlier, but I repeat it: something positive of getting use to(/ and get our kid´s use to be) monitor, monitor, monitor ;D At least we dont have to learn any new pattern´s later ;D O´kay, I hopp off...... Marja P.s. I wrote this before I saw Anne´s reply, so.... |
|
|
|
Post by Honeysmom on Apr 14, 2004 16:12:35 GMT -5
Once again I agree. If you remember that was one of my concerns for Honey's B-Day party. None of the parents knew me, so I wondered if they'd let their kids come over. I know I am a nice person, but they don't know that. Well, one mother said she would like to stay with her son. That was fine by me. (more adults the better  ) Another mother said she'd stay if her son wanted her to. A few didn't ask, but did talk with me for quite a while on the phone. The last one was odd. She told me who her kids were and immediately asked if she had to stay. I told her she was welcome to if she wanted to and she said "Hell no, see ya Sunday!" That really susprised me. I don't see a problem with cell phones as long as they are used responsibly. In fact, I love Linda's idea of checking in with Paul. Yeah, I can see I will be the mean mom also, but better safe than sorry. My dad always said, "I'm your parent not your best friend. I want to be your friend, but then I'd be a bad parent." He was probably right. Becky |
|
|
|
Post by BBW4EVR1 on Apr 14, 2004 18:34:10 GMT -5
My turn-
Short and sweet and to the point-
Point 1-"Mom, why can't I take drugs?"
"Because son, it is wrong, and I said NO!"
Point 2 - My mother has always told us that it is not the "high cost of living" that takes us away from our children, but rather the "cost of high living!"
That's all!
|
|
