my pity party

[SKay]

I wasn't sure where to post this.

Isn't it hard when you feel that no one likes your child or that others think you are a failure as a parent? DS's grade started a reading contest Friday. Unfortunately I didn't know about it because DS came home saying that he didn't have any homework so I didn't check his backpack until this morning before school. I feel like I'm failing DS in not keeping up with him.

Tonight was parent-teacher meeting. I wish I hadn't gone. I just get these negative vibes from the teacher. It could me just being paranoid, but I don't think she likes us. (I had a thread about this awhile back in the education section.) Between DH and I, we work with him a while each day on reviewing school work, but it just doesn't seem to be enough. I don't think the teacher knows this, but it doesn't matter if it's not helping him.

The sad thing is that DS has been coming home excited about different accomplishments that he's had, but I just got no positive encouragement from his teacher (or his report card for that matter).

[mothercat]

You are not a failure as a parent ..trust your maternal intuition.. it sounds like the teacher has formed an opinion.
When Jared was little I used to sit outside the classroom during teachers conference while the teacher would go into every minute detail about other childrens education with their "pto" parents. Keep in mind ..they were pto while I had a spiked hair cut , and 4 earings in one ear with 2 in the other..I also wore my product quite a bit ;D ( I design hemp jewelry) imagine the opinion they have had of me. ;D ;D
When it was time for Jareds turn all I got was he needs to pay attention and try harder. (just one sentence and no more..yet they denied he was adhd any time I asked)
Teachers are human and really do have to be asked direct questions about certain things sometimes.
Some might even consider that it isn't as important to discuss what the child is doing well at ..if they are on a time restriction they might just bring up what needs worked on. First thing I always say is I hope you have more than five minutes cause you are going to need it. (they are only scheduled meetings for five minutes per parent on teacher meeting nite at our school)

We have all" not checked" the book bag on occasion and it doesn't mean we are failures..we have all worked with our kids and they still needed extra help ..still we are not failures.. if we were qualified to do it all .. We wouldn't need teachers in the first place.
Keep encouraging his accomplishments and take everything into account when you look at the report card.
I would call for another conference( you are allowed to call them anytime) when you have more time and just openly explain how you feel and try to let her know you are willing to work with her.
Isn't it kinda late in the year for meetings? The year is almost over.
Just a note..I always call a teachers meeting the first day or two of the school year ( or before school starts if possible) to explain my childs needs, and problems, and our goals for the year..that way they know what to expect and how to work with Jared and that as parents we are watching.
You are doing a great job working with your Ds on
reveiwing school work ! You are a great mom!
You dont need a pity party ;D ..the teacher does! Keep up the great work it will get better! Never think you are a failure!

[finnmom]

Skay
No, you´rew not failure as a parent!! You´re doing the best you can, keep up the good work

Sound´s like theacher has some isssue´s in there, she has made up her mind about your ds and she isint going to change it Fortynately the year is almost over, is ds going to have the same theacher next year too??

Dont feel too bad about forgetting to check the backpack, it happend´s.... I think it´s just good to show our kid´s that we´re not checking on it all the time, so you have to keep track on your test´s etc. by yourself too...hard lesson but it need´s to be learned someday...

Have you or can you talk this through with the theacher, to get to see what´s bothering her.... or mayby better to do that only just in the end of the year...

You´re a wonderfull parent, you´re doing great work

[Linda]

First of all...you need to quit beating yourself up. We as parents at some time or another have self doubt as a parent. Our kids sometimes just plain exhaust us.

Your sweet little boy seems uneffected by this teacher...sometimes I have to wonder why our kids are so darn forgiving of other peoples actions. I think you and your dh have done done a wonderful job with your ds.

School is almost over...look forward to next year...you are a good parent. Don't forget it.

[Amsmom]

skay
you are a wonderful mom, dont think anything else but that, please! i think we are pretty good judges of involved parents here on this forum and you see how great we all think you are!!!!
i think the teacher needs to take a look at her professionalism. she should never show favoritism or negative feelings towards students.
re not looking at the backpack situation---oh my! i have done that before and what a bad feeling, but i do the best i can. i definitely know i am NOT the only one who has done that!!!

[gabrielsmom]

I agree with everyone. You are a GREAT MOM!!!

As for forgetting to look in his backpack!! Girl if I had a nickel for everytime I forgot to look in my son's backpack, I would be a VERY VERY RICH WOMAN!!! LOL.

Often times, we let other people's attitudes about our children make us feel like failures. The truth is that we can't control what other people think. The fact that they think whatever they think does not make thier thoughts the truth. You have a great kid who happens to have certain challenges. But he is a great kid none the less.

Joshua

[camismom]

Skay I agree with what every one here has already said. Don't knock yourself for forgetting to look in his book bag... we ALL forget from time to time (although I have failed getting my dd's asst. princ. to understand that). As far as worrying about the teacher not liking you..... Who cares? That's the attitude I have come to adopt over the years. Someone has to advocate fr our children and if a teacher doesn't like it, oh well. You're doing things for your child, not her. Next year she will be history, but your child is yours for life. Wouldn't you rather a child look back with love for his mom for all the times she rose to the occasion for him instead of disappointment for the times she didn't because she didn't want to upset the teacher?

Don't sweat it girl! WE like you and we know you are a fabulous mom!

[DANIEL]

i find people that think they are a failure because they dont think they are doing enough, are in fact , the best person for the job, having seen the bad side, i can say that every person here i have read from is a good parent, we cant do everything, thats just not possable, i used to beat myself up too, my son being in the hospital for weeks at a time and me being 3 hours away, i only get one day off a week and i cant visit him if i am sick, when he was in the hospital for 3 months i got to see him 3 times, it kills me and i think to myself how bad a parent i must be, but then my pity party falls to the wayside and i realize i do what i can, i cant do everything. we as loving parents sometimes forget that, we tend to think it is our job to do it all for our children and to some degree that is true we must protect them and teach them help them learn and love them. and we do, but we cant do everything we cant be there every minute and we have to come to terms with the fact we are human, i never felt good about admiting that but there it is, Hi i am Daniel and .....i am ....human........................
pick your self up feel good about you and your children and remember theres a pretty good chance when they get older, there going to be smarter than anyone else, better adjusted, and when they get depressed and sad, they will look back and remember mom & dad and they maybe 20, 30 ,40 or 60 but they are going to want a hug. because through it all they knew they had you, you have been there for them. parents are like clover, you cant throw a rock without hitting a patch of the stuff, a good parent is like the 4 leaf clover, very rare , and your lucky to find one welcome to the elite people, you are the best, your are awesome parents, and everyone else on this whole planet can get bent, take their snide looks and thier dissaproving glares, and tell them to stick it.. ok getting off my soap box now sorry
daniel

[Linda]

I agree Daniel...anyone else can just get "bent"...they are not walking in our shoes!!!!!!!

[StrugglingAgain]

skay, I'll tell you what the problem is and I have it, too. IT'S TIME FOR SCHOOL TO BE OUT! We're all just dog tired of beating ourselves up over homework, make sure you sign this or that, check your child's backpack, don't forget the lunch money, and there's a field trip on Wed., etc!! With an ADHD child it's double/triple the work! My ds is all of a sudden doing terribly in school and I don't know what to do about it. The teacher says he's becoming a bully! Great, what am I supposed to do about THAT? I have the feeling his meds need to be changed, but I thought it best to wait one short month till school was out before trying that. We're seeing a new therapist, but we're not getting much of anywhere yet. Last week my son stole $40 out of my purse...he's NINE years old! He comes home with things that I know aren't his and he tells me he "trades" things for them. What am I supposed to do about it? Oh please, we just need some summer so that we're not on their backs all the time. I feel like such a nag!

[mothercat]

I agree..it is time to be out of school.. the kids are ready for a break (but they just had spring break) why dont they hold off on spring break and just let them out a bit earlier. Concentration is down and hyperness is up and its a full moon....everything together makes for hyper kids and tired adults. We are all sick of homework, dragging them out of bed every morning, and very very sick of teachers complaining.. the lessons should be winding down for the year . Just four more weeks!

[kstquilter]

i have to agree with everyone here, and daniel, what a nice thing to say about us. it sure feels good to have someone tell us we haven't screwed our kids up forever.
i can't tell you how often i forgot to check book bags and planning books. it happens.
i also tried to notify teachers before the year began or right after to mention possible issues and to let me know so we could adjust meds, etc. that i was always available for help, etc. but they had to let me know if there was a problem.
the only additional point i might make is that if any of your kids don't do well with your help, try to hire a tutor. they tend to listen to others much better and quicker than they do parents. check local colleges for education majors or a major in the particular field your student needs help with. we've used them many times and have found them very reasonable and so helpful.
karen

[SKay]

You all are so kind; I've been down all day, but am a little better now. My review time with DS went pretty well.

Mothercat, our school regularly schedules PTMs at report card time, which is every 6 weeks in the lower grades. This was our last one for the year. I was a little down going into the meeting because of my missing the beginning of the reading contest. Then during the general part of the meeting the teacher told this story about her own daughter which did not amuse me. (I can't even remember the point it was supposed to illustrate.)

Linda, you're right about him being unaffected by her. Sometimes missing out on social cues has its blessings! Sometimes when he has had a good day, he says maybe you will get a good phone call from Mrs. C tonight. Of course that doesn't happen. He doesn't mention it after that so I don't know how disappointed he is from it.

I wish the teacher could see DS the way we do--like a few days ago when he told me that some boys in his class were picking on another boy and said that as he thought about it later he almost started crying. He told me, "I just wish we could all be friends."

I need to go get some supper; I may write more later.

[Linda]

SKay...you have one sweet boy there...others should take direction from him. He is an inspiring little boy.


Let's hear it for summer break ;D ;D ;D ;D Of course we will all be complaining about something else. ;D ;D

Mom I'm boreddddd ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[SKay]

Well, the only thing that I remember from the other day about what else I was going to say was that I went into this situation expecting it to be bad, so that may be clouding my view. When I found out who DS's teacher was going to be, I was afraid there would be a personality conflict. I know the teachers always are supposed to be as positive as possible at these meetings, though, and I sure didn't get much positive encouragement that night.

The problem with summer break is that it's only good if the kid doesn't have to go to summer school. For us, summer school is retaking the entire year of math, phonics, and reading (? I can't remember for sure) in 5 weeks. DS will have to take summer school like he did last year if his grades don't improve.