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Post by michellefoxx94 on Jun 29, 2005 9:54:05 GMT -5
I was wondering if any ADHD men could give me some ideas of how to get my husband's attention without nagging, raising my voice, or waving my hand in front of his face. I know he doesn't mean to ignore me when I am speaking, but sometimes it is very frustrating to say the same thing three or four times before he realizes what I have said.
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Post by Kaiti on Jun 30, 2005 7:46:44 GMT -5
Asking for miracles huh ;D I don't know the answer for the not paying attention, but I just put up with my husband the same as I do my kids. So that I know that they are listening to me, they meed to look directly at me in the eyes. Easier said then done, then they still stare off like nothing, so I try to make sure that it is really important if he has to hear it. That and I make a list of things that need to be done and tell him over and over and over ::)and it still doesn't get done until I start it  Not much help, I'll ask hubby when he gets home from work. |
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Post by michellefoxx94 on Jun 30, 2005 10:51:46 GMT -5
I will take any suggestions I can get. I had tried something similat to the saran wrap method, and it got me another ADHD child.
It also doesn't work so well when I just need to know if the mail has arrived or if he needs anything from the store. All the blood leaves his brain and travels elsewhere and then I really have no hope of being understood. ; )
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Post by tridlette on Jun 30, 2005 11:01:57 GMT -5
Being the ADHD adult in my household, I think I can speak better than my DH on this one.
If my mind is wandering, he has to get my attention. I KNOW I have an attention problem. He will actually say, "I need you to hear what I am saying, NOW!" If I can't focus after that, he will physically take my hand and move me to a new environment where he can control my mind better.
He will be straight to the point to tell me whatever it is that was important, have me write a note if it is something for tomorrow, and put it in a place that I can't miss it (bathroom mirror, attach to car keys, taped to the power button on the computer...)
He then lets me go back to la-la-land. He will then question me later in the day about the subject... " Do you remember what you put on the note that is with your car keys?" Usually I don't remember, but it reinforces that I have Something to do, and I will go read the note.
I KNOW I have a problem, and he is trying to make the best of the situation, he knows that I have responsibilties to the family, and he tries to support me with his "nice" reminders.
I can tell you, there are times when I want to scream at him for being so condescending, but when I remember he is trying to help me be a better mother or wife, I can relax. I think the difference is he doesn't nag, he doesn't whine, and he doesn't accuse. He simply removes me from distraction, tells me to do something, and then checks in to follow up later.
IT DOESN'T work for the kids! They see EVERYTHING as nagging!
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Post by Linda on Jun 30, 2005 11:03:16 GMT -5
Michelle....I deleted that post because I didn't know if you would think it was funny ;D ;D ;D If the saran wrap didn't work...well yea I guess It did ;D ;D ;D
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Post by Kaiti on Jun 30, 2005 11:04:14 GMT -5
;D
I've pretty much given up. But since my husband and I are pretty much in tune I just do things and don't ask questions. Then when he asks where things are, I tell him that they are where they belong ???so he can never find anything around here because it is put away ;D ;D ;D
Other wise if it is that important to him, I tell him to get it ;D
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Post by tridlette on Jun 30, 2005 11:18:57 GMT -5
Michelle....I deleted that post because I didn't know if you would think it was funny ;D ;D ;D If the saran wrap didn't work...well yea I guess It did ;D ;D ;D Boy, I am really curious about the saran wrap method now. The visualization in my head is running on over drive! PLEASE! Someone tell me so that these wild ideas go away! |
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Post by Kaiti on Jun 30, 2005 11:29:50 GMT -5
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;DThink Trid Think saran wrap and then a kid comes along ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by milesofsmiles on Jun 30, 2005 12:56:14 GMT -5
The last piece of cake you have been eyeing all day is covered in saran wrap and the kid comes along...  ;D ;D But seriously, I have to have all the external stimuli turned off, and make a consious effort not to take mental vacations during the conversation. I make lots of lists but it does not do me any good if I forget them. Miles  |
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Post by Kaiti on Jun 30, 2005 13:08:08 GMT -5
That's why I have about 5 or 6 running lists around the house.
Although I have been very good about using my pocket calendar.....it was my lifeline during ball season.
Back to the question.........hmmmmmm, if he ever tells you he doesn't care what's for dinner....while watching tv for example.....cook something he doesn't like......make everything he doesn't like adn when he has a hissy fit, tell him, Well, don't tell me I don't care anymore.
Worked for me ;D ;D
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Post by finnmom on Jun 30, 2005 15:25:42 GMT -5
Kaiti, you reminded me of one of our psych. theacher´s; he told´s us the story of an old couple where the lady asked everynight what hubby wanted for dinner and got the "what ever.." answer...then one night she tooked frozen bean´s form fridge, cooked them....dh asked "what is this where´s the dinner" and wifey told him that was " what ever"  I´am not adhd, but I sure can start mind-travelling while dh is telling me something ;D I wonder why... |
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mothercat
Member Emeritus
With a little luck and a lot of Gods help anything is possible!
Posts: 1,468
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Post by mothercat on Jun 30, 2005 22:47:28 GMT -5
When it comes to notes and list...I make them and stick them in obvious places...like the steering wheel of the car...or on top of his lunch in the lunchbox.. When it comes to just paying attention to casual conversation..that is a husband thing anyway...its like they are paid to let their mind wander and all they hear is a blah blah blah. (to be fair to Miles...some wives are that way too ;D ) Alot of eye contact and I have found that Bobo listens better if I am touching him..(those who have dirty minds clean them up ;D) I mean like on the arm ..and nicely not like you want shake him. ;D As for the saran wrap...the fantasy is better than the real thing...its not all that great. And Bobo learned a long time ago to never say whatever to what he wants for dinner... |
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Post by finnmom on Jun 30, 2005 23:02:10 GMT -5
Bobo is a clever man ;D
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Post by michellefoxx94 on Jul 1, 2005 8:51:41 GMT -5
Lots of good suggestions. I let DH read this thread and his first response was "Am I that bad?"
He has fits with DS13 while he is off his meds, but doesn't realize that he has the exact same problems.
I will let y'all know which methods help.
Thanks again!
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Post by Linda on Jul 1, 2005 10:21:32 GMT -5
Retry the saran wrap but this time be careful ;D ;D ;D ;D
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