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Post by buttercup on Jul 28, 2004 16:05:08 GMT -5
OOoh, darnit, I hate to watch a car wreck and yet I know darn well when people were telling me to basically stay away from the "candy" that I really, really, wanted, I was annoyed, then hurt, then embarrassed. But, just in case you're not as hardheaded as me, I'll give it a shot anyway like I would with a sister or someone I really care about. You know what you already need to know about this guy. 99% of future behavior can be predicted based on past behavior (thanks, Psych 101). He likes to talk at night because daytime relationships are more "real" than nighttime talk, which is just far more exciting, especially when someone is hot. If I could talk to the younger me and impress anything upon you, it would be be to really, really ask yourself "What's going on in my life? Am I pursuing something important and meaningful? A career? Or, is a hot guy just a really great distraction from the dump of a life I have right now? Focus on your life pursuits and make a very definite plan, tell the guy his behavior is not acceptable and MEAN IT, then march boldly forward toward your ambitions. If this guy is capable of being anything but a cad, he will shape up and you will know it. If not, he will fade into the background like just another noisy, colorful slotmachine in a casino. I have heard that for every quality thing, there are lots of cheap imitations. Ask yourself, how do you tell the difference? Just because he can walk and talk like Matt Damon does not mean he is Jason Bourne. (Yah, I am having an imaginary relationship with Jason.. ;D ) I guess it really comes down to this...we get to learn this lesson quickly in life or take the long way (like I did). Bummer.  buttercup |
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Post by jdmom on Jul 28, 2004 16:25:40 GMT -5
You know, I really expect him to call tonight and just start talking like nothing happened. I'm not going to gripe at him. I don't feel that we had any type of relationship that I have a place in to reprimand him on his behaivor. I am going to let him know that I was disappointed that he didn't take me out or call me to let me know he wasn't. But I'm also going to be sure to subtlely throw in that I went out anyway, so I wasn't TOO disappointed, and that he missed a good time. (I was in bed with a book by 8 p.m.  ) If he asks me out again, I'm going to be busy the first time. If he asks me out a second time, we'll see...but he's going to have to give me a time and a place and I'm going to let him know that if he stands me up again, he'll be sorry!  I'm also going to let him know that he owes me big time and that it had better be a really nice date. I think this is how he'll justify last night: on the phone he said he was sorry he has been so busy and that he didn't have any thing he needed to do the next night. So I said we need to go out. And he said yes, we do, I'll call you tomorrow. In his mind, he probably didn't stand me up. MEN!!!!! |
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Post by buttercup on Jul 28, 2004 17:28:26 GMT -5
jdmom, you might want to check out my thread "MAY DAY MAY DAY!!!! CODE 5" in the General area.
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Post by rosyred45 on Jul 28, 2004 18:37:40 GMT -5
Oh Barry hush.........he's married or gay  Kidding Well, if he has a busy life then he can be upfront about it. Nothing hurts with a little honesty, well, unless your fat and you husband says so  No NOT ME |
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Post by HooDunnit on Jul 28, 2004 22:26:42 GMT -5
Where I live, you can be married AND gay. Are those nice ones? I don't know.
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Post by rosyred45 on Jul 29, 2004 6:50:10 GMT -5
They are passing those laws around here too Barry, then you got the Supreme Court trying to outlaw it.
Personally, I don't care. If you want to be married, be married.
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Post by jdmom on Jul 29, 2004 10:57:03 GMT -5
Well, he didn't call last night. I refrained from calling him also. I'm trying to ignore the purely feminine instinct to call and ask "What happened, what did I do?!" I know that is really dumb, but you still want to know. That's one big difference between men and women. Men just shrug it off, while women still have that little nagging voice in the back of their heads.....
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Post by rosyred45 on Jul 29, 2004 11:17:35 GMT -5
OK, this gives you how many times you can blow him off and not give an explanation  Don't worry too much. That would just make you feel worse, his loss, know what I mean Hugs to you |
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Post by eaccae on Jul 29, 2004 13:00:39 GMT -5
JDmom - 10 to 1 it has NOTHING to do with you! Seems like this guy has a lot of issues going on in his life. But it shows he doesn't have enough respect to give you even a phone call to cancel. And the lack of respect isn't reserved for you - I betcha he does this to his friends as well!
My personal view - whether it be guy OR girl - if people make plans and don't call to cancel (and it becomes a repetitive thing) - then it is bye-bye! You seem like a confident, well-grounded person and you deserve much more (whether it be a casual acquaintance, a friend or more)!
I know what you mean - as women we want to know the reason - but you probably wouldn't get a good one anyway - or even the real one! He may be good looking but clearly there issues behind the face! You'll find someone even cuter with much more respect! In a few days you'll forget all about this guy and the question as to why he didn't call. in the meantime - you have to realize that people who do this do it to everyone and it isn't you.
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Post by Amsmom on Jul 31, 2004 11:14:33 GMT -5
jdmom, Please don't go out with him! He has already shown you that he has no respect for you by not calling when he is cancelling plans a number of times. Even tho you think you don't want anything serious, trust me, you will get even more into him if you go out just one time and then the next time he doesn't think enough to call you, you will be more upset and the cycle will continue. I'm with your friend who said drop him like a hot potato. Just think, the beginning of any relationship is when we are putting our best foot forward, showing off our best side. THIS is his best side?? He KNOWS he's hot, he has probably gotten away with this kind of crap before because he is so good looking. He is bad news, even if he IS hot!! |
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Post by buttercup on Jul 31, 2004 15:14:06 GMT -5
jdmom, Please don't go out with him! He has already shown you that he has no respect for you by not calling when he is cancelling plans a number of times. Even tho you think you don't want anything serious, trust me, you will get even more into him if you go out just one time and then the next time he doesn't think enough to call you, you will be more upset and the cycle will continue. I'm with your friend who said drop him like a hot potato. Just think, the beginning of any relationship is when we are putting our best foot forward, showing off our best side. THIS is his best side?? He KNOWS he's hot, he has probably gotten away with this kind of crap before because he is so good looking. He is bad news, even if he IS hot!! Words to live by. Amen. buttercup |
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Post by Amsmom on Jul 31, 2004 17:55:31 GMT -5
thanks buttercup, I'm older than you and jdmom and can definitely tell you from experience, this guy is going to hurt jdmom if given the chance.  I was thinking about this today, jdmom: If a new girlfriend asked you to go shopping or out to eat and then just didn't show up or call, time and time again, what would you do? I don't know why we women give men who are jerks so many breaks, but we do. I did it many times. But I definitely learned from it. It's usually easier for friends to see jerks for what they are worth, b/c they are not emotionally involved in the situation. jdmom, you said that you had a hx of relationships with inconsiderate men, but you can stop hx from repeating itself. I know it's hard b/c we get used to a pattern, but you can do it!!! Good luck honey. You are better than him AND you can DO better than him!!!!!!!!!!! |
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Post by Allanque on Aug 12, 2004 12:11:06 GMT -5
So much for Prince Charming charging in and whisking me away on his white stallion to Never-Never land..... *sigh* "Cinderella lied to us. There should be a Betty Ford Clinic where they de-program you by putting you in an electric chair, play "Some Day My Prince Will Come," and hit you and go "Nobody's coming...Nobody's coming...Nobody's coming." - Judy Carter, in Kiss My Tiara Had to share that one. |
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Post by jdmom on Aug 12, 2004 13:01:45 GMT -5
Wow - that was really cute, Alla!
BTW - Guess what one of my friends found in the paper!? The guy was in there under the court appearances for writing bogus checks! We got a good giggle out of that one.
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Post by buttercup on Aug 12, 2004 14:52:27 GMT -5
They almost ALWAYS give signs. That is why I have learned (in the last couple of experiences) to pay attention to the small things and do more observing and less forcing of square objects into round holes. For example, I still do not know why the guy who pursued me (wrote about in another thread) and who majorly flaked out twice, disappeared when I called him on it. But I think I have decided it's probably for the best and may even be something I really did not want to know.
Mark Hacking, the now infamous killer of his wife in Utah, apparently gave signs (sent home from his mission early, caught lying to Lori about school even before they were married).
Looks like Amber Frey saw some signs in Scott Petersen (when he lied to her about never having been married--pretty significant). Also, looks as though she wouldn't have been as inveseted if she had not have slept with him on the first date. Becoming familiar physically and emotionally too quickly is a real gamble...especially as an adult when people start to build "histories" and track records.
Where does that leave me now? Pretty much it leaves me neutral. I'm really happy not to be fretting over a guy right now, not bitter or negative about all men, but just thinking that I want to be more involved in things so that I get to know a man as a friend first. I definitely feel wary of men who pour on the gas to impress me. It's kind of scary to me and leaves me feeling off balance. No thanks.
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