I hate alcohol!

[rosyred45]

Laurel, (((((((((((hugs))))))))))), unfortunately my family has problems with alcohol too, and your right about the self medication. There's just something there that CAN"T be controlled.

My MIL lost her mother when she was a teen to a drunk driver. There have been fights, accidents, lots of things that have been effected by alcohol in my family's life, and the biggest thing is not CONTROL, it's abstinence.

An alcoholic has as much control over alcohol as I have over your life. There is none. Obviously there is a breaking point and sadly most of it is tragic. Please get to an alanon meeting, feel free to e-mail me, my email is on the profile. If you want to vent, I'll listen. There have been a few people here that have seen my vents and I am forever grateful to get things off of my chest.

I can't talk to my husband either when it comes to that, well, we talk and it's more or less in one ear and out the other, BUT it has been sinking in more lately, thank goodness. My BIL just lost a friend to Drunk driving, 21 yrs old, military, matter of fact the services are today.

Take care Laurel, hollar if you need to

[LaurieL]

Thanks I appreciate it.

[sportsmom]

I too must admit my dh has a drinking problem . In fact just 2 weeks ago he had a binge drinking weekend. He will do ok for months and months then boom he goes off. It was way worse when my kids were younger and I feel I should be grateful for the once in a while binges but the problem with me is I don't forget a thing and all the old feelings come back full force. He has a great job now and is the best when he is not drinking but once he has just one beer he turns into jekel and hyde---and me and the kids see the worst side of him. Luckily he knows better to come around the boys. Unfortunatly my MIL doesn't think he has a problem and she will take him in and "baby" him. I probaly shouldn't put it like that but that is what it feels like to me. He does try to quit and I know it is hard---he has a chemical inbalance in his brain---no different the adhd but sometimes my heart don't feel the same way. Sorry I don't mean to go on but it is nice to talk to someone that knows what I go thru. I guess that is why I try to always find the bright spot in everything---there has to be a silver lining to every situtation doesn't there??

[rosyred45]

Oh Cheryl
((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) for you too. It is such a touchy subject that people don't want to offend others and all that.

We have had our share of binges and all that, which I really don't want to do again

Don't worry about the MIL comment. My FIL does the same thing. Pisses me off, but what are you going to do. " One beer won't hurt ya", no it's the rest that can't be said no to that will

Cheryl, you can e-mail me too, or pm any vents any time, I don't mind.
[e-mail]
there, I'll save you from having to look at the profile

[sportsmom]

Thanks Kaiti ;D I agree with the one beer comment--that is EXACTLY how it is here----right now dh is doing good and proably will for a while but my heart is still angry----If I need to I will email you to vent---thanks for the ear, you don't know how much it means to me to have someone understand!!! He can be a great person when he is not drinking--would do anything for you but when that one beer comes around it is like here we go.......

[rosyred45]

YUP, I totally understand.

I drink, more than I should but not as much as I used to, unfortunately, I live with that one drink rule myself. I hate to say it, it's embarrassing for me, but that is my reality. I could sit at a bar all night long drinking soda, but the minute I have a shot of something, I'm done. So I really don't drink when we go out, well, really don't go out much anyhow.

But I get in rutts and can't seem to get myself out of them until I'm on the brink of being out of control, so, I try my best to stay on the road because I know exactly where it's heading if I start.

Mike's uncle has been sober 14 years. He said that the first thing he learned was not how to control it, but to ask for God's help in not wanting it to begin with. Since he has asked, and really meant it this time, he said he hasn't even had the urge. Sure there's temptations, but he knows what will happen if he does it again.

I don't want to turn this into a religous debate, but I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

[stinker]

I hate alcohol too.

[Linda]

Stinker ...Can you tell us why you hate alcohol ?

[milesofsmiles]

I sat in the background for most of this post thinking that I would not have anything to add. But actually, I do have something to offer from the eyes of a child.

I grew up in a loving home with a mother and father. My father was a lifetime army soldier, my mother a stay at home mom. I was diciplined, but never struck with anything besides an open hand across my fanny. Looking back on it, I deserved what I got. I grew up those first 11 years surrounded by alcohol. That was the thing to do in the army, still is, I think. Anyway, I remember ME, making drinks for my parents, their friends, my relatives, and thinking nothing of it, getting beer after beer, knowing how to pour it so the suds wouldn't spill over. And I thought nothing was wrong with that.

That mind set came to a screeching hault one day when I was 10 years old. My mother came home from the hospital for tests one day and said that she only had 6 weeks to live. She said that her liver quit working and it was from drinking too much beer and booze. My mother went in the hospital 4 weeks later, never to be seen alive again by me. She passed away on my parents 19th wedding anniversary. While she was in the hospital, I pleaded with my father to stop drinking, for he was drinking just as heavily has she. He told me he couldn't. The last I saw of my father was him standing over the sink with a trail of blood and vomit across the floor. He also died, just one week later, on Christmas Day.

I have never had a drink in my 37 years of life and will never have one. I have lost "friends" due to peer pressure, I have had to fight my way out of drunken college room parties. There is not much that can get my anger, but try to force me to drink, and I will do whatever I have to to keep it from getting to me.

I have to agree, the best control there is, is never to start in the first place. I could never put my son through what I went through. I think that is why it is so frustrating to me when he takes advantage of me. I never had the chance he has to get to know his parents.

I know this doesn't have much to do from the perspective of a spouse, but if you have kids, it might be worth a thought.

Miles

[Linda]

Very powerful miles....Thank you

[jacobsma]

Becky,
I just read your post and wanted to tell you this.
My mom gave my dad an ultimatum that he either stop drinking or she was leaving him. She had my brother and I and was pregnant with my sister. My dad stopped cold turkey that day. I never understood why he spent almost every waking minute at the YMCA working out, running and swimming. That was 23 yrs ago and he has NEVER touched another drop. It can be done it takes patience and understanding. I look at my dad in a different light now knowing he overcame his disease because of how much he loved his family. I want to tell you that I am praying for you and your husband and I know that he can do it.
Jen

[rosyred45]

Linda, get me the tissues

Miles, I grew up about the same...... but it was just beer. The firemen would have it in the old soda machines, and of course I was the best kid for the keg, I could get that beer with no head.....I was a little entraprenor, made a quarter everytime I got someone a beer.

I'm sorry to hear about your family history, know that you are giving the best that you can to your son.

[tridlette]

Well, I have also stayed quiet in this issue, just reading. But Miles has opened up the playing field to another level.

I remember holding my sister's hand while she lie in intensive care, on a ventilator (respirator/ breathing machine) after drinking herself into acute alcohol poisoning. I sat there, 5 months pregnant, wondering if my son-to-be would have a God mother. Wondering if she would make it through the night to make it until her first wedding anniversary the next day.

She has done this 3 times more. I worry about allowing my children to visit over night at her house, because I don't know if she will binge on any given day.

I have not had a drink myself since I found out I was expecting Michael nearly 15 years ago. DH has beer with every meal, it is always here. Last weekend, he ran out of the home supply, so he made Marguerita's and Daqueri's by the pitcher.

I hate it, my kids won't get in a vehicle if Dad is driving after dinner. I hate always having to be the Designated driver. I love him, I hate the addiction. He works hard, provides well, doesn't get mean (occasionally he gets horny), and generally is an easy personality to live with despite the permanent "beer breath" that bothers me.

My kids even talk about how "Grammy and Grampie's" house smells like wine from the driveway. They also are never without a drink. My MIL comes to visit, and BRINGS her own "tonic" with her, premixed, so that she won't be without, since she knows I will not let anything but DH's beer in the house. (he borrowed the mixer's from a neighbor last weekend.)

It is a drug, in the purest sense of the word, and has caused more death, destruction, and heart ache in this world than even war has. There is good reason to HATE it.

I sometimes wish I could drink socially once in a while, just to relax, but for me, ONE drink will start me back into a downward spiral that I also REFUSE to let my children have to see.

[rosyred45]

(((((((((((hugs))))))))))) to trid too.

Bring hubby out to the club for a few Sunday's. Mike hasn't been bringing beer out there, so I figure we can stick Mike out in the field pulling, while you hubby goes thru the first WD symtoms. He can't leave or he'd get lost trying to go to the liquor store or bar.

Oh, we'd have dinner and everything and he'd HAVE to stay sober ALL DAY.

Boy can we torment or what. Oh then we'd have to have a bonfire out in the field, and you HAVE to stay for the clubs bonfires, they are awesome. Then it would be too late to drive home because you are tired adn he has no idea where he's ging. You'd have to spend the night.

Oh Boy, we got a plan going now
And Mike wouldn't be able to leave either

[tridlette]

Did I mention my DH is a Life Scout, worked in wilderness search and rescue, is nationally certified to run FEMA search? I don't think getting lost, even on a highway, is of any concern to him. We call him McGyver for good reason... he has enough survival gear in his pocket to last a few weeks

He proved it when we lived in Vermont and lost power for 38 days in January/February...

But, maybe, just maybe, we might get away this weekend... weather looks good, and it is Columbus Day weekend, so we get an extra day of play!!!