|
|
Post by Honeysmom on May 27, 2004 11:16:18 GMT -5
Anne, thanks so much for sharing that with me. It makes me feel alot better since I am starting to see that I am not the only person who had every dealt with this. Feeling like you are not alone is very comforting to me...thanks  Barry, I am SO glad that I went to the Al-anon meeting. They made me feel so welcome and were so understanding. Everything that I feared was not there at all! I really thought that I'd have to stand up and say my name and start going into details about how awful my DH is. Then i thought they would tell me to leave him and get on with my life. Boy oh boy was I wrong! They were accepting, encouraging, and supportive. They did not make me reveal any details in fact, they told me this is not about DH at all. It is about teaching me how to take care of me. Then I can make good decisions about my life. They did not encourage me to leave him, instead they told me to wait at least one year after I started the program. Then I will be a stronger person and really understand better what DH is going through also. They did say that if I am to the point that I no longer love him then I am at a different point. I am not at that point, so I am going to keep going to the meetings. I know I have only been to one of them, but from what I see so far I would encourage anyone to go. I even noticed that the 12 steps apply to all areas of my life. Not just this area. When I got home I felt good, I slept well, and I was seeing DH a little differently. This is a very good thing!! I hope everyone has a wonderful day...Becky |
|
|
|
Post by rosyred45 on May 27, 2004 11:26:59 GMT -5
I'm so glad your feeling better. So I guess what they said made sense right? I know that's stupid sounding, but it put things into better perspective for you.
I hope all goes well.
Kaiti
|
|
|
|
Post by Honeysmom on May 27, 2004 12:25:30 GMT -5
Yeah it did make sense. I think a lot of it I already knew, but wasn't practicing or not doing it right. It takes a long time to learn all the steps so I just put my big toe in the lake, swimming hasn't even crossed my mind yet, but they really made sense.
Then again, this combined with years and years of counseling may make it a little easier to see.
Becky
|
|
|
|
Post by HooDunnit on May 27, 2004 13:12:41 GMT -5
I'm glad that the Al-anon meeting went well for you. It seems like what the other people said made good sense. And I'm sure that they care about you. This morning, I went to see a financial planner who I have know for many years. She has several children. When I asked about her husband, she said, "He's a drug addict" and mentioned some of the details. I was glad that she trusted me enough to talk a bit about it, as often people hold back. These problems are all around us. Every family seems to have its issues.
|
|
|
|
Post by AnneM on May 27, 2004 13:41:45 GMT -5
As Barry says I also believe that most families have their issues ... i think it very very rare to find a family with no issues whatsoever ... Oh Becky !! I am so pleased that the first meeting went well ....
When my husband was first experiencing the symptoms of colon cancer he (wrongly!) made an assumption it was the drinking causing these symptoms and he went along to one of the AA meetings ... i must admit I did not go ... but I probably should have done because it may have helped me understand it all better! ... but he also came back with a very good feeling about what they are doing and how they do it ... however, he didn't get to be a regular member because he was very soon afterwards in hospital ... we are lucky in many ways ... this is behind us now ... and so is his drinking ... (or at least has been for over 6 years now) ... but I will never forget that period of time and the horrible times it gave me ... !
I am wishing you lots of good wishes ... I hope that you too one day can say "once upon a time .... " and I am sure you will ...
{{{Becky}}}
|
|
|
|
Post by HooDunnit on May 27, 2004 14:11:57 GMT -5
RE "he went along to one of the AA meetings ... i must admit I did not go ... " My understanding, Anee, is that you can't go to an AA meeting unless you are an alcoholic, or will say that you are one.
|
|
|
|
Post by Honeysmom on May 27, 2004 15:04:34 GMT -5
Yes Barry, you are right. I asked about that last night b/c they kept talking about open and closed meetings. They told me that an open meeting is for anyone who wants to go. Maybe you have a spouse that goes or maybe you are just curious how it works, you can attend those meetings. The rest of the meetings are closed. This means you could only go if you have a problem yourself. I have also heard people say that spouses should not attend the same groups on a regular basis b/c it is harder to be open when your husband or wife is sitting right next to you and may become offended. I have been told it is less effective. So don't feel bad about not going, they'd probably have sent you home anyway!! Becky |
|
|
|
Post by HooDunnit on May 27, 2004 15:14:45 GMT -5
Exactly. And the whole thing is to work on your own issues.
For awhile, I went to a group for codependents. I would say, "Hello, my name is Barry and I am a codependent." They would all say, "Hello Barry". A codependent is someone who takes other peoples' problems onto themselves, or tries excessively to help other people with their problems. I'm not exactly sure why I was there, but someone took me along so I went. I heard some incredible stories. Oh, I remember now -- my wife thought that I should go to some kind of group and found someone to take me. LOL
|
|
|
|
Post by AnneM on May 27, 2004 16:40:48 GMT -5
Ah ... hubby never actually got as far as finding out about the open and closed meetings ... but that makes a lot of sense to me ...
|
|
|
|
Post by Linda on May 28, 2004 8:06:27 GMT -5
Becky...I am really proud of you..I will say it again..You are a strong woman. |
|
|
|
Post by finnmom on May 28, 2004 8:17:09 GMT -5
Becky I am clad you talked about this to dh and went to the meeting, it´s good for you I agree Linda, You´re a strong woman, you´ll get through anything Marja |
|
|
|
Post by Honeysmom on May 28, 2004 11:47:35 GMT -5
Thanks Ladies!! With this kind of support it is a whole lot easier to face any problem. Becky |
|
|
|
Post by shelli on May 28, 2004 18:38:47 GMT -5
Becky,
Brenna's biological father whom she does not know was an alcoholic. I left him after 5 years when I was 3 months pregnant. He would not quit drinking or could not. But I just could not bring a baby into his lifestyle, so after 3 months of begging, encouraging, and fighting with him to stop I left. He never called while I was pregnant, and then when she was 3 weeks old he called me in the middle of the night drunk and i asked him what he wanted and he said to talk about the kid. I hung up on him and never talked to him again. Brenna has a wonderful father now who adopted her and things are much better. Her biologoical father signed his rights to her away, the most unselfish thing I have ever seen him do, especially since he was still drinking all the time, to the point where he was in and out of Jail for drinking related things. But I have been there and know how mad, sad, and frustrated the whole experience can leave you. Hang in there, I hope things work out. I am glad you are going to meetings for support and education. If you need anything let me know.
Shelli
|
|
|
|
Post by Honeysmom on May 29, 2004 12:20:16 GMT -5
Shelli,
Thanks so much. I am so glad for you that you took care of yourself and found a loving hubby and father!
I am also very suprised that your XDH signed his rights away, usually people get pretty stuck on those things. He must have know he would not be of any good help raising her.
Thanks again..Becky
|
|
|
|
Post by LaurieL on Sept 2, 2004 13:18:16 GMT -5
Hi Honeysmom I just saw this post and wondered how it was going for you and your husband? Are you still attending Al Anon meetings? Has your husband stopped drinking? My husband too has an alcohol problem but will not admit it. The only time he will admit he has a problem is after he has been really drunk and done really stupid things. I am still trying to come to terms with what I should be doing. I believe that I am an enabler so have just made his life way to easy. I am trying to change that. I am also trying to detach from it. I need to go to Al Anon but just can't seem to make myself do it. He went once to AA and never went back.
I think he has ADHD himself and is self medicating himself. What I can't figure out is why someone would not want to stop drinking after hearing and seeing the things they do once they are drunk and I would assume feeling like crap the next day also. I can't even discuss it with out him getting up and walking out, it is like talking to a brick wall. He feels he isn't hurting anybody. Anyhow thanks for letting me vent and I hope things are going better for you.
|
|
