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Post by Honeysmom on Jul 27, 2004 18:35:15 GMT -5
I really have been feeling low for the last few weeks. That is why I haven't been around for a while. I just can't seem to want to get into anything. Jerry is working a lot, he has put in 114 hours in the last week! 2 days he worked 12's and the rest he worked 18 hour days. I feel bad for him, but at the same time I wonder when he is going to say enough is enough and tell his boss that he needs a day off. Not just for him, but for the rest of us also. I wonder how long this is going to go on for. I feel like he has forgotten us and I feel guilty about that. He is working to support us, but at the same time, what is the point if we never see him. The worst part is that he is on a salary so he isn't even getting over time pay for it. He could work 2 full time jobs and make a lot more money if he wants to work that much. Which leads me to beleive that it is not about supporting us, but about getting away from us. I don't know, but I really don't like this. I am so lonely, I am sick of going to do all of the fun stuff alone or with my single friends, and I just want him to be here. Is that overly selfish of me? Maybe it is b/c I know (or at least I think) he is trying to do what he thinks is best. Gosh, the more I think about it, I really don't like his boss. He wonders why his wife left him, duh! His boss gets to spend more time with him than I do.  Becky |
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Post by tridlette on Jul 27, 2004 21:35:08 GMT -5
Oh, Becky, {{{{{hugs}}}}} You know dh is trying his best. Give him a hug, and let him know that you need time with him too. I'm sure he really is doing what he thinks he has to, but he is JUST a man  , so cut him some slack. More {{{hugs}}} |
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Post by finnmom on Jul 27, 2004 23:56:45 GMT -5
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hug´s Becky}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Yep, I agree with Trid; he´s propably just doing what he see´s as the best for you, but he´s a man...  Tell him that you apresiate his work, but would like to spend some more time as a family. "Use" children: they want to see more of their dad  But be sure to tell him he´s done a great job supporting you, add some  to that. I hope this will work out somehow! |
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Post by Honeysmom on Jul 28, 2004 6:58:52 GMT -5
Thanks guys  I know he is trying to do his best for all of us. I just gets hard because I get so frusterated. I know he doesn't understand what I go through here in a day with the kids and such. I suppose that is a common problem with most families. On the bright side of things, his boss borrowed him the truck last night so I didn't have to pick him up and I get to keep the car for the day!! That is huge to me b/c now I am not trapped at the house. I can at least take the kids to the library, or if I am feeling really daring we can go the the pool. I guess what bugs me is that he misses a lot, especially with the kids. Some of this stuff they are never going to do again and he never even sees it. I feel bad for him b/c he is missing out and I am not sure he realizes it, but someday he will. I just don't want him to regret working so hard in the future. It also scares me that I have become so independant. 2 years ago I would have had a nervous breakdown, but now I am so used to him being gone that I really don't mind it as much. That really scares me. It makes me worry that we are growing too far apart. Maybe I am worring too much about it. Who knows??? Becky |
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Post by catseye on Jul 28, 2004 8:58:40 GMT -5
Hi Becky! I am sorry you are feeling down and missing your hubby...
In another forum I go to, regarding step issues, we were discussing children centered homes... I am the type that my marriage is pretty much on hold till the kids get older... Dh and I dont do things with just him and I, and unfortunately lately (summer farming busy guy plus his normal 40 hr a week job) dh cant even manage doing things with me and the kids either... Lately I have been the one doing all the bike riding, swimming etc, just me and the kids (and reaping the benefits! I have lost over 25lbs since may 1)... Which is fine, but it does sometimes get to me that dh is simply too busy to join in our activities...
I guess I am kind of in the same boat, what I do is focus on playing with the kids... This winter my dh slows down quite a bit (no farming), that is when he is a member of our family again! LOL
((HUGS)) and hoping for a slow down for your husband soon!! Good luck
cat
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Post by rosyred45 on Jul 28, 2004 9:09:06 GMT -5
(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) I know what you mean about the long hours. Mike just started a different position, the 5th in the past year, smae place, just getting tossed around....partly him, partly the company. He works in the shipping department now. So his days start at 6:30 and from there he doesn't know if he'll get done at 3 or 4 or 5 or what. Sometimes it's a pain, BUT he did work 18 hrs one day a while ago, the boss heard about it from OSHA standards, they can't work more than 16 hours, so he won't be pulling more than a double from now on. For right now, I know that Mike needs to be working all that he can since I'm not. AND It's not BAD that you are so independant, that's a good thing. I KNOW that's alot to deal with, BUT you know now that you can. Just think of what you said, a couple of years ago, you'd have had a breakdown. LOOK WHERE YOU ARE  That is good. REALLY IT IS!!!!! Don't think of it as I never see Jerry, cherish the time you have with him. Make a date night. Tell him that you want to spend some quality time with him. If you don't tell him, he might have taken that same mind reading course my husband did. My husband didn't pass it either But don't whine about it, I know Mike turns right off if I start whining, so I just state matter of factly that we need some us time. And we take it from there. Ask him when his next day off is so you can call the sitter and you two can go out. I know easier said then done, but it's worth a shot. Hope you feel better.(btw I usually get that way when it's that time of the month  ) |
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Post by Linda on Jul 28, 2004 9:23:58 GMT -5
It sounds like you are feeling a little bit better today.Don't worry about becoming independent...there is nothing wrong with that!!I don't think that will pull you apart.It is probably a good idea to have seperate things to do...It makes the time you do spend together special.Make any sense?
BTW How is your job going?
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Post by Honeysmom on Jul 28, 2004 11:08:59 GMT -5
Cat, way to go on the weight!! Good for you. I would like to make a date night, but during the summer he doesn't really have days off. The only time he does is if it rains and I can't plan for that. I don't whine about it, but I don't lie about it and say that I am happy either. If he asks what's wrong I tell him but, he doesn't see it my way. Jerry is one of those people who looks at everything and says suck it up and get over it. That is probably why I feel the worst, b/c I think, I don't want to suck it up, I want to fix it. Oh well... Work is going pretty well. I still really like it and I am getting a few extra hours here and there. I am really glad that I have it b/c it is my escape during the week!! I know being independant is good, but I mean when I get so used to it that someone else being around is annoying to me. That's what I don't like. But then again, 2 days after they slow down I'll be used to it again. Becky |
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Post by Douglas on Jul 28, 2004 13:52:19 GMT -5
I have been in the husband's shoes, here.
I would need more than a day off. I'd need a note in my lunchbox, an out-of-the-blue phone call once or twice a day, a backrub ...
... and a new job ...
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Post by Honeysmom on Jul 28, 2004 15:11:54 GMT -5
Douglas I agree, on the part about the new job.
Notes, calls and back rubs would be nice, but not possible. He doesn't take a lunch, don't have a cell phone, and he falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.
If I have the car I try to catch him on the road b/c there is only one main one and if we play at the park I see him drive by and can chase him down to say hi. Otherwise, he doesn't know where he will be working from day to day b/c the fields are all over the county.
He did tell me last night that he told his boss that he needs an assistant and they claim they'll get one when they can afford to hire another person.
It's looking like it might rain today so that will be great, then he'll be home much earlier. If he is then we'll do something with the kids. Actually, probably absolutly nothing! We'll probably get some ice cream and lay around, and that sounds pretty good.
I do feel bad for him also b/c IMHO, they are really taking advantage of him. It is one thing to ask someone to work overtime, but another to take over their life. I understand that farming is sometimes awful hours, but really this is going to far. Plus, I know he wants to do a good job and wants to provide so he is afraid to complain, I can't say I blame him for that.
Becky
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Post by HooDunnit on Jul 28, 2004 15:49:13 GMT -5
My wife and I will be married 25 years this fall, and some of the things mentioned have echoed through our marriage -- loneliness, depression, wanting the other person, etc. When we were first married, I think that my wife's thinking was centered on me. At her insistence, I dropped out of a lot of the activities that I had been involved with as a single person. She later came to regret that, as I never went back to those activities and lost a lot in the process. But after we had been married for 10 or 15 years, she realized that I (or having my time) "wasn't going to solve all the problems" in her life. So she decided to develop a new life. She has a whole new schema of friends and involvements now. Her world is not centered on me. I am just a part of her world.
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Post by rosyred45 on Jul 28, 2004 18:26:16 GMT -5
Oh Barry, SUCK IT UP  I'm kidding honey ;D As I am sitting here, my husband came home early ;DBut we went to the dump and I smelled a hose burning in my truck ::)UM, the water pump is going to blow in a day or too. Plus Mike just figured out he needs to replace the cadalytic converter in his truck .....so my levels just went south. Well, I guess I really ain't goin anywhere soon......I'm loosing it, seriously.....I have been running aroun the house in goofy voices and all..... I need to get out ::)Oh I can't,, there's a big puddle of anit freeze under my truck  |
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Post by HooDunnit on Jul 28, 2004 18:36:17 GMT -5
RE "Oh Barry, SUCK IT UP" Well, yes, actually, it was a great relief for me and better for her.
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Post by rosyred45 on Jul 28, 2004 19:16:07 GMT -5
If I was the center of my husband's world I would go bonkers That's why separate lives mean so much to us. We would live for nothingelse but the happiness for each other and BOOM We would then realize we had nothing else |
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Post by Honeysmom on Jul 28, 2004 23:49:20 GMT -5
I don't want to be the center of his world either, but I do want to be at least a part of it.
I know he is busy, but he left here at 5 AM and I asked him to call me if he was going to be later than 6PM so I would go ahead and feed the kids. Now is it 11:20 PM and I haven't heard anything yet. I know he can use the phone at work, and he is at the gas station at least 4 or 5 times to refill his truck.
That is why I wonder and get mad. Ever since the last fight we had about 6 weeks ago when he said that I take him for granted I have been doing my best to not complain. Not even when I scrubbed the floors and he walked across them when they were still wet with his barn boots on. I don't know how much nicer I can be. I am not a maid or a nanny and that is what I have become.
Hopefully tomorrow when I wake up I feel better again. I am on the verge of getting a twitch from stress. I wonder if they have internet service at 2 East?
Becky
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