friend dogging me about using meds

[Isabella]

>:(Ok, I am a little piiii.....ticked.

My friend sent me an email today with the words "a little homework" typed in the Subject line. Here was my homework: a link to a bunch of books by Peter Breggin MD.

First a question: how many of you put your kids on meds without doing any homework? On pure blind faith in your doctor? For those of you who are religious, did you not pray about it? My point is that I resent the fact that she implies that I made this step without a lot of homework, not to mention soul searching and prayer. I tried everything! I wanted diet, or homeopathy, or herbs, or whatever to work for us, but they didn't! The meds really work for my daughter, and the side effects are very minimal.


I just wish I hadn't told my friend that my daughter is on Adderrall.
MORAL OF THE STORY: [glow=red,2,300]tell no one about your PERSONAL decision to medicate your child![/glow]

This ends Isabella's rant.... ... I ranted here so that I do not take it out on her in person. What do you say to people who get to intrusive when they disagree with a decision that is so personal?

[camismom]

To answer that last question I say, "Until you have actually walked a mile in my shoes, you have no right to judge me."

And sorry to point this out, but anyone that would send an email such as that is no friend. Friends are supposed to support each other, not judge them.

Tell that friend to take a hike and mind her own business.

[Linda]

I agree totally with Christy...she is not a friend.being who I am I probably would have told her to mind her own da :Pn business....but that;s me.

[Amsmom]

as they say, with friends like that, who needs enemies?!! there are always people who think that they can do a better job of raising our children whether we ask for their help or not. i remember when my ds8 was an infant, he had to take medication for reflux. extensive testing showed that his little tummy muscle did not close all the way, he had bad tummy aches and could not eat without throwing up. the "friend" who was babysitting him while i had to work told me that she was not going to give him the meds because she "loved him" excuuuuuuse me? ? ? i was furious at her implication, told her so and got another sitter. now that my ds is on meds for his mood disorder, i have had my share of unwanted comments, but i dont sweat it. i KNOW that i am doing the right thing for my son. he now has the opportunity to be happy, productive and live his life to the fullest. these people are uneducated and ill-informed and havent lived with our children. as you said, we do tons of research and have hadmany nights of tears before we make that hard decision. if that "friend" had a child who was a diabetic, would she withhold meds from her? good luck, honey, and dont worry about the uninformed folks out there. we understand

[sportsmom]

Boy with friends like that who needs enemies??

It is so easy for someone else to judge us as parents and our decisions about helping our children the best way we can......Not many of my friends or family for that matter know about Levi having ADD just because I don't want what happened to you happen to me---my mouth tends to get out of control without thinking first and it might not be a pretty site . At least you vented here---maybe your friend really wants to help but she sure didn't address it the right way. Good luck to you the next time you have to face her---I think you will need it ;D

[sportsmom]

Amsmom,

That is too funny-----your post showed before mine but they sound too much alike....just goes to show how us moms stick together LOL

[Isabella]

:)Thank you cyber-friends. You are a balm to my soul.

[eaccae]

Isabella

My own mother still does what your friend does. And you are right - most of us HAVE done plenty of homework before choosing medication. I think that there are a few out there that do not make educated choices but it is a myth that all of us who do decide to use medication do it blindly without educating ourselves. In fact, I think it is the opposite. I believe that most parents research it carefully.

I have a relative who basically told me bluntly time and time again that there was no such thing as adhd. Guess what her child has? Like what Christie wrote:

"Until you have actually walked a mile in my shoes, you have no right to judge me."

I have learned over the years to have tough skin. I know that I have educated myself, I know what is working for my son, I know what it was like before and what it was like now - and so I choose not get upset by others or I would go mad.

Don't worry - you are not alone. Unfortunately it is something we all deal with!

[ohmama]

Give your friend some homework of her own. Have her read Taking Charge of ADHD revised edition by Dr.Russell Barkley. Then have her go to

www.brainplace.com/bp/atlas/default.asp

to look at brain scans of people who take medication. She can view before and after pictures showing proof that medication is a life saver and generally improves the quality of life for someone suffering from a brain disorder such as adhd.

Tell her you want a full report of her findings because you would like to think of her as well informed and supportive so your friendship can grow. She means well, she just doesn't have all the facts.

[Amsmom]

sportsmom said:

Amsmom,

That is too funny-----your post showed before mine but they sound too much alike....just goes to show how us moms stick together LOL

sportsmom, i thought the same thing!!! lol! ;D

[Brenda]

I'm actually having to keep the truth from my mom.Last year when my dd had to try several different meds because of side effects, I told my mother.She kept saying"let her just be a kid".We took her off meds over the summer but when school started back it was clear that she needed help.I talked to my mom first and she said" Don't drug her up".She watched my son while I carried Stephanie to her ADHD appt and when she asked how her appt went I told her fine.She's on adderall now but I'm letting my mom think she's not on anything.I hate lying but I don't want anymore opinions.I don't like DRUGGING her up but I feel like it would be wrong not to.It's the only way she will have a NORMAL life.I'm going to find a GOOD book on ADHD and give every member of my family a copy for Christmas. ;D

[vickilyn32]

I agree that she dosent sound like a friend you want around too much. I guess I am lucky, everyone here knows DS is on meds, and I have never had any problems with parents or other kids being negitive about it. In fact they are all very suportive. I guess being a very small school where everyone knows everyone may help here. They have seen him before meds and after, and it is soooo obvious that meds have been a tremendous help, that I have never heard anything about it, except how well he is doing. The only problems he has had with other kids or parents, are just normal "boy" type things. I cant think of anyone who just stuck their child on meds first thing. No parent wants their child on such strong medicine without a lot of research and thought. In our case it took almost 3 years before I finally tried meds. Now I only wish I had done it sooner.

[finnmom]

Isabella

Sorry you have such an "friend", I dont actually see her as an friend though These people just have to open their mouth without thinking. Like christy said: try walking in my shoes...." soem poeple just will never get it

You´re right, I think most of us parent´s do a lot of shearching before this desicion, it´s so hard to get your own child on some medication. I also hate it when someone say´s " oh, but he seem´s such a lovely boy" yep, he´s a lovely boy, who just happend´s to have a special problem that need´s to be taken in consideration


I´am lucky, my family relies on me with this, they support me( well mil is hole an other story, but even she doesn´t question my decicion´s on adhd-related thing´s) so at least I can relax at home. Just let it go, she´ll never get it

[tridlette]

I have the reverse situation. I tried the medication, without doing my homework, my son went through several ups and downs, clinically, educationally, emotionally...

I then started research, and swear that it is NEVER too late. Hind sight is 20/20... but since I can't go back and change things...

My mother also gets upset when my DS gets a little on the H side at her house. "Your sister gives her kid his meds EVERY day, and you don't see HIM behave like that." And my sisters kid calls her the wicked witch with a lot of B instilled in the saying! KWIM?

My "best" friend, gave me homework once too. She told me that my DS's behavior was so out of control, I should read a book, called "good dog... great owner" to learn some bahavior modification plans for my DS.

I promptly showed her to the door, (with her "good" dog, and bad kids) which was really painful for her, since she had just driven here the day before over 400 miles with her 8 week old puppy and her 7 and 9 yr. old "angels" (choke, choke).

She had also YELLED at my DH when my DS physically came after me one day, and he just sat at the computer working. She was angry that he didn't come to protect me. His calm response was, "I am not here 24 hours a day. He needs to know that she isn't afraid of him, and that it doesn't matter whether I am here or not. We are equal, we are a team, and he isn't going to get a reaction to his poor choice of behavior."

So, my point is, there are many types of "friends" and no matter whether you did homework or not, people have no understanding unless they are living it. People with no tact will never learn it, and therefore are not to be given a challenging child by God. He chose us to be parents of challenging children, because He trusts us.

End of story!

[rosyred45]

Isabella, sorry to see this here, but Rant Away, we all do it.

I typed up a whole big thing, but after I read it, it didn't sound right for some reason.
Anyhow just ignore the friend or better yet, send her to the brainplace like ohmama suggested. It really is a neat site to look through.

Good luck and ears are open for more rants. Like my husband says, MY SHOULDERS ARE BROAD