friend dogging me about using meds

[sweety]

???My mother was a little concerned when I started medicating Rose. Her thought was "We all survived growing up without meds, can't she too?" Then the study came out about ADHD kids who weren't treated, medicating themselves with illicit drugs and she stopped complaining. My sister God love her said "No one is medicating my child."when my nephew was dx with ADHD at 7. When my nephew was 15 or 16 he got into drugs and OD'd when he was 20. No one talks about not medicating your children in my family now. I also know how much I struggled in school and I don't want my child to go through that. Maybe it's because I am a RN but I am a firm believer in modern medicine. If there is a drug that can help a major problem get it, take it, control the problem. If anyone has a question about what I do with Rose, it is THEIR problem not mine.

[rosyred45]

OMG< I CAN"T BELIEVE WHAT PEOPLE SELL, OR BUY FOR THAT MATTER

Sorry Sweety, that wasn't refering to you, after I posted, I realized I was talking about ebay, not meds.

Sorry Honey

[Budsmommy]

I'm sorry to hear that your friend can not be more supportive. I have recently put my son on meds and it was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made. But I doubt not one person on this board said " I can't handle my kids acting this way I'm just going to drug them" That seems to be what some people think parents with ADHD children do.

My son was very anxious and sad all the time. When I would ask him why he would say "I don't know" This to me was proof that something wasn't right. He was on the meds for a little bit and his teacher noticed some improvement in focus and sitting still. I took him off for a little because I was still trying to find the right way to give it to him (he is terrible with medicine). In that week his teacher noticed he had regressed and he was having terrible days of interrupting and not sitting still. Also when he was taking the medicine he seemed happy when I picked him up from school. It is because of this that I have put him back on it but have also decided to give him some of the natural supplements.(Magnesium, Omega-3, and multi-vitamin)

I have been lucky that my mother, mother-in-law, and friends are supportive in whatever decision I make. It is nice to have someone to talk to that also interacts with my son and can see the difference.

All of us are doing what we need to do to help our children feel better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;D

[rosyred45]

Good for you Budsmommy, don't let others steer you against what you want to do.

Glad that you have that support with the family, sometimes things get a little hectic around here and we just hibernate away from everyone to keep our sanity

[DANIEL]

although my children dont have add/adhd or as we know of it yet, my son does have shor gut syndrome. a title that irritates me because it sounds like he was born that way, he wasnt, the doctors made him that way, and without going through six or so pages of mind anguishing babble, i will move on the relavant part. i know how you feel about people making suggestions about your child, and ways to help or what you should be doing. i have decided to type up a business card explaining what the condition is what we have to do, ect... it take a long time to explain this to people who by in large , although they ask, they dont really want to hear the answer. for those of you here that dont know, short gut syndrome basicaly means that my son has a very short amunt of small intestions, in his case 21 cm. this is not enough to sustain life. he has a broviac(permenant iv that goes into his chest and attaches very near his heart) from this he recieves 90% of his nutrition. he has a g-button( a tube that comes out the side of his stomach that we pump food into) he did have an ostomy( what was left of his small intestines were sewn to the outside of his belly and thats where the feces came out) we attached a bag to this to collect his output. fortunately he no longer has this they reattached his small intestines to his large intestines so it was not needed anymore. now on top of all the special care he has to have, he gets sick quite frequently. this month he had to go to the hospital 5 times and has stayed a total of three weeks. the hospital if 3 hours away from where we live. we have one car which i sold my soul for, so that we could have reliable transportation back and forth to the hospital. my wife who is the best mother in the whole world has delt with these difficulties and done very well, has to put up with her parents telling her that we would be in a better financial situation if she would just go out and get a job. and then proceeds to tell us what we need to have the doctors do to make our son better,,, bla bla bla and so on. granted this months debasing we got from them is because we borrowed $100 from them... my bad i realize but gas is expensive and with as many trips as we have made in the last few months it has drained us and our reserves. i usually dont have to many problems making ends meet but like i said the last few months he has had to go to the hospital many many times...but what gets me is that her parents and my parents think she should get a job..? how he requires constant supervision... he is hooked up to a machine 18 out of 24 hours a day, and the level of sanitation that must be kept in order to keep him from getting sick is very high, and i dare say all but loving parents would not pay attention to every detail. plus i also have a daughter 3 years old ( he is two just turned on th 26th )... my response is if you can find a daycare that can take him i would do it and she can get a job... their response is if you tried you could find a way.. well yes i guess she could get a night job and i could stay awake night takeing care of our son...but then i wouyld not be able to work for being to tired.... i just want to throttle them grrrrrrrrr...... plus everyone that asks, after they hear the story, is like well couldt you get a transplant, or some other such thing... really OMG i never thought of that WOW thats a great idea.......... or one of a hundred diffrent ways to keep him from getting sick yada yada yada any way i feel your pain and am soooo sorry for you ....
Daniel

[rosyred45]

Daniel ((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) for you and your family.

Don't worry about the parents, mine do the same thing, although it isn't with money, my mom will take the kids shopping, and since she took them shopping to get them "good" clothes--hey, hand me downs worked for me----I have to be at her beck and call.........NOT.

I hope your boy gets better, so you don't have to use so much gas, ain't it a pain. I know what you mean though, gets tight around here too.

But you know the parents would be the first to complain that your wife shouldn't have been working if something were to happen WHILE she was at work.

Keep doing what you are doing, We'll keep you in our prayers.

[Isabella]

Wow Daniel, I'm sorry your son has to experience so much at such a young age. It sure sounds like he has wonderful parents though. I will spare you the cliche about God giving you what you can handle, I know you are sick of that one! The Bible doesn't say that anyway.

One of my best friends has a special needs child with multiple medical problems. I have seen firsthand through her experience what a lonely, exhausting, overwhelming problem this can be. Her marriage didn't survive it, but it sounds like you are making yours a priority.

I really pray that your little guy stays well. It sounds to me like that is your top priority, and that is all you need to say to people that butt in to your decisions as to how you manage your household. My goodness, day care would be an immunological nightmare!

If it matters one bit what some stranger says on the internet: You guys are doing the right thing! Bravo to you for being strong for your son! More power to you man!

[ohmama]

Daniel,
I am glad to see you are able to express yourself so well. It is not good to keep things inside and I know this forum will benefit both you and us because you are here.

I have to say ditto to everything Isabella says!

[DANIEL]

well they are our kids, i used to refuse to procreate, i did not want to add to what i consider an over population problem i think the world has now, also i did not want my kids to grow up in a world full of such violence. two things changed my mind though, this is kind of cruel but true, and that is that the morally defunct and people deprived of common sense seem to breed like rabbits, while smart people tend to be conservative when having children. if smart people didnt have kids then eventually.....well you get the idea.. anyway the second reason, is me and my wife were slipping into a depression...i was pretty bad, i didnt work, i didnt leave the bed for days on end... i just sort of gave up..my wife fed off of my depression, and well things didnt go well for us.. we didnt fight...we just didnt do anything, not talk not anything...until one day we sat down and my wife had a heart to heart with me.... and between the two of us we found that maybe the depression was the result of lack of purpose... it was to some extent... later much later i found that it was mostly a product of add. but in the end we decided to have a child to try to create purpose in our lives.. it worked...eventually(we had a misscarrige the first time) but after my daughter was born our lives changed. she was so beutifull.. i am six foot 3" and when i held her the first time she fit in the palm of my hand.....i found later that having children is the best and the worst thing you can do to yourself.... i would not change things for anything though...it irritates me though to think of my upbrining and see my parents treat me the way they did and what i cant figure out is how can you look at that child and want to do anything but make it smile or laugh, that the best thing in the world, to give joy to your child.. dont get me wrong my kids get their fare share of spankings, i dont like doing it, but it is needed, that and i consider "time out" to be torture, and useless...honestly, lets put our child in a chair/corner/room, for a length of time so they can sit there and not "think about they've done" but instead get more angry and frustraited about the situation they are in..plus a good ole fasion butt whipping is instant get the point accross and the child and you can move on...hmmm ok ok ramble ramble.....kids are awesome love them while you have them they dont stay home forever..

[rosyred45]

I agree, why not enjoy them....then again if you ask my kids I'm the biggest meanie in the world :oJust because they don't have all of the latest and greatest things

You sound alot like my husband, sure, just when I try to escape reality, BOOM, there it is again, Just kidding.

When we first found out I was pregnant with Tara, a friend of ours said, well, kiss freedom goodbye. WHAT? NO WAY?Well, then again this friend didn't like kids, so he said it in a very mean way.

Anyhow, we have raised our kids to be taken anywhere, we get compliments about their behavior, now if they would only act like that at home we'll be fine.

But I was the same growing up, please and thank you's to everything. Mom told me one time she was sure they were talking about another kid.

Did I mention pay backs for how much of a pain I was.....

[Amsmom]

Daniel, Lots of hugs to you and your wife for taking such wonderful care of your precious little boy. Don't listen to the grandparents. You know you are both doing the best thing for your sweet boy. You are so right about people giving their unwanted advice on how to care for your child, I get it all the time regarding my bipolar/adhd son. "leave him with me for a week and he'll behave." oh yea right, go to you-know-where, will ya?
keep doing what you are doing, you are awesome parents and your children are so lucky to have you

[mothercat]

I wish I had a dollar for every time I had to walk into the school doors and another dollar for every concerned person who tried to tell me how to deal with my childs meds. I'd take another dollar for all the "all knowing" who tell me how to raise my kids but have none of their own.