What is "normal" for non-add/adhd?

[hopeful]

Probably could post this question under Behavior, but here goes.

I have a 6yo son (7 next month) adhd/anxiety. After a particularly trying time, I used the term "back to normal". Then I realized, I have no clue what back to normal means for non adhders.

He is my only child, so I have nothing to compare.

[Honeysmom]

It was my New Year's resolution not to use that "n" word, but in this case it is approiate so I guess I can.

There is no such thing as normal. What is normal for your child probably is not normal for mine. (That is why I resolved not to use the word) There are definately things that most kids, or maybe a few kids do, but outside of that I think almost anything is normal.

If there was a particular behavior that you wondered about then people on this board could probably say if they thought it was normal for his age, or for kids in general. The only normal thing we have going on in our house is that Honey is way more energetic that DD2, so I would condsider that normal for him.

Good Luck...Becky

[catseye]

I think not knowing what was supposed to be "normal" (which I do agree is a bit subjective), is ALOT of the reason that we didnt know there was something different with my sd.... I had never really been around kids much as an adult, and well we were still learning... So I had nothing to compare too...

Now that I have my son, I am seeing a whole different view of children... I can compare my son to what my sd was like back at that age... I know there is a difference now...

Guess I am not a whole lot of help huh?? Good luck

cat

[Jorgy]

OK, I have 4 kids. 1 ADHD-severe, 1 possible slight ADHD, 1 so called normal and 1 is an ADHD wannabe. They are all normally abnormal. I grew up in a family with 7 kids... no ADHDers. We were all wierd and crazy. (Still are) There are 25 nieces and nephews. All are abnormally normal and they have inherited the wierd and crazy genes. There really is no such thing as a normal kid, it is a myth. What is normal is the stages they can go through. That helps adults become even more crazy! Thank God for Baileys! Love 'em all, Sue

[hopeful]

OK, here's what I was wondering about: he still throws tantrums, small, short but powerful. Especially when he thinks he's being interupted, or when he's frustrated. "no" does not seem to be a problem however. I never have the oportunity to see the other boys having a fit. That's about it. Thanks.

[Jorgy]

hopeful, tantrums are normal unless they become too frequent or get violent. Mine have all have tantrums at one time or another. Sometimes they still do... it has just changed into door slamming and yelling at each other. It seems to be worse in the winter when there is less activities to allow them to run and get the "squirrellies" out. Anytime a kid can't vocalize thier frustrations they can have a tantrum. Even as an adult if I can't get my thoughts across I have an adult inner tantrum. One day the top is going to blow off my head during one of these! Do you talk to him at his level about why he has these? Maybe after one of them bring it up, see what he says and ask him what the solution is to help them not begin. Good luck, Sue

[hopeful]

Yes, we do talk calmly about them afterward. Yes, we try and think of solutions. This evening it seemed to happen alot, however thelast 4 days were great. (We've done a med drop to see if that helps about 5 days ago). I was just wondering if I'm becoming "too" used to tantrums.
Behavior mod doc says stay with the techniques we're using.
Some days I just feel like it's too much. Today must be one of those days...can't wait for tomorrow. Thanks for your thoughts.

[catatonic]

My boy with ADHD is the 3rd of 4 kids and the only one with this kind of problem. I know all of my children went through the tantrum phase, but the older boys outgrew it fairly quickly (once they became verbal enough to argue instead) probably by 3 or 4. The 3-year-old is still in the "I'll win if I scream loud enough" phase.

Tantrums are "normal" at a certain age. Once a child is of school age, tantrums are no longer considered "age-appropriate" behavior. For my son with ADHD, the tantrum behavior continued far longer than it should have. He's 9 now. Since putting him on the Feingold diet a year ago, we've seen very few tantrums, maybe 3 in the past year. That's not to say he isn't sometimes still quarrelsome or oppositional or over-reacting to things...but he doesn't get red in the face, scream and bang his head on the wall. Never. He did that until he was 8, and there is no way that would be considered "normal" behavior for an 8-year-old.

It was, unfortunately, all too normal for him. And it was like I'd gotten immunized to it, not realizing how bad it was and how frequent and inappropriate, until it stopped.

Age and maturity help a lot. So did consistent consequences that began with the first signs that he was losing control of himself, not waiting until he was in full hissy-fit mode. But I believe the most important thing was to change his diet. The effect was dramatic and almost immediate.

[fivegonefishing]

This is how I understand normal behaviour, below is a list of contributing factors to not only having ADD/ADHD but being a child. If these behaviours are so constant that they interfer with family life, it's abnormal.

• Is easily distracted
  
• Does not follow directions or finish tasks
  
• Does not appear to be listening when someone is speaking
  
• Does not pay attention and makes careless mistakes
  
• Is forgetful about daily activities
  
• Has problems organizing daily tasks
  
• Avoids or dislikes activities that require sitting still or a sustained effort
  
• Often loses things, including personal items
  
• Has a tendency to daydream
  
• Often squirms, fidgets or bounces when sitting
  
• Does not stay seated as expected
  
• Has difficulty playing quietly
  
• Is always moving, such as running or climbing on things (In teens and adults, this is more commonly described as a sense of restlessness.)
  
• Talks excessively
  
• Has difficulty waiting for his or her turn
  
• Blurts out answers before the question has been completed
  
• Often interrupts others

My daughter always has exhibited most of these behaviours all the time, it interfers with how we live and the decisions and choices we have to make, however my boys sometimes exhibits the same behaviour but not to the degree of interferring with our day-to-day activities.

Hope it helps.

Tammy

[MomA]

Have you been borrowing my son, hopeful? Mine's also turning 7 next month, also an only child, and also throws tantrums.

I don't consider it normal when I compare to other children his age. Though he does excellent in school (truly a sweet angel in the eyes of every adult there...completely different from home), his teacher agrees when I say he gets upset over things that a first grader shouldn't be upset over anymore. At school, he gets quiet and sad...curls with his head on his knees... instead of throwing the tantrum he would at home.

I have nieces and a nephew, and I teach preschool and K Sunday School. The 3 and 4 year olds (even a few with ADHD themselves) don't get upset as easily as my boy.

On the other hand, I think I know what you mean about "back to normal." After particularly hard periods, I take comfort in the tantrums that are "normal" for him. At least my husband and I are used to it and know how to approach it. I hope that, as he grows, the message will start to click and he'll naturally mature himself. In the meantime, the normal "abnormal" is okay.

[AnneM]

I also only have one child but he has a bunch of cousins of various ages both older and younger .... so to compare him with them ....

He is quicker to get upset about something (although this has improved hugely with age!) ... he is MUCH more impatient about EVERYTHING ... he will get an idea in his head and it just will NOT go until it is achieved (but I think this is some OCD rather than ADD/ADHD) ... he is extremely sensitive about what others say/think about him BUT will also seemingly very quickly put it behind him after the initial hurt and anger ... (i.e. no grudges) ... he is bad with money and saves NOTHING ... (spends anything that comes his way) ... he is disorganised and will forget homework, asssignments or things he was "meant" to take to school today! ... he procrastinates like crazy and often just 'doesn't finish what he started' ... always saying "I'll do it later' ... but often "later' never comes ... "Revision/Studying" to him are alien words and he just doesn't settle down long enough to do enough of them ... he can be restless and always looking for "the next thing I am going to do" ....

BUT all of this was 100 times more obvious when he was younger.... but some of it still definitely remains ...

So... what is normal? ... Well i would say normal is that they may not be "perfect" in all the above, but the above are just not "BIG" enough to become big obstacles in daily life...

[mctavish23]

Hi,

That's an excellent question and not real easy to answer.I also try and avoid the "N" word.

The best way to look at ADHD in terms of how it creates differences between ADHD and non-ADHD kids is, in my opinion anyway,as a developmental disability(which it is).A developmental disability is a delay in the emergence of the "normal' rate of development,i.e., the lower rate of milestones.The delay must differ from the "normal" rate of development in a significant and observable way.This also takes into account that every child doesnt perfectly meet all milestones at the same time but there is certainly room for growth.
The other key point to make is that these delays in turn create an impairment.Simply put: No Impairment= No Disorder.This is really another way of saying that there is impairment in a major life activity; whether it be in the inability to persist over time,control or inhibit impulses ,control or inhibit motor responses, develop appropriate peer relationships or manage time, etc.

I hope that helps a little and again, I really like the question.Thanks and take care,

mctavish23(Robert)

[1mom]

robert,
i'm glad you're a member here. your posts are so informative AND positive. looking forward to reading more.
prayers,
1mom

[loveforeric]

Well;

I have four kids:1 Severe ADHD,anxiety,ODD,OCD; 1 mild ADHD; 1 Has hearing loss; and the baby girl is two and seems to be without ADHd.

I know that having two with ADHD can influence the way the younger two without it, see the world and the people in it. I mean, the dynamic of their lives is directly shaped by their brothers lives on a daily basis.

Any way, NORMAL is just a word that I think that exists to enable the intolerance of people in the world.

I am not sure that any one person could say that there is normal about any thing these days....

Our children just see the world through a different kaleidescope than others do. And sometimes that can make for some really wonderful and beautiful shapes and persspectives of the world that we would never have seen without them..

Have a peaceful day,
Christina

[sierra]

What can I say? Both my sprouts are unique in their own special ways. Oddly enough it was the ADD one who always struck people as marching to a different drummer. The ADHD/ODD one people always say, "Now he's going to go places in this world". People's perceptions may be right. But danged if I know what normal is.