Post by Linda on Sept 23, 2005 8:44:51 GMT -5
Very good article 
=====================
Making Good Decisions
=====================
Making Good Decisions
By Jim Taylor, Ph.D
One of the most powerful ways you can encourage your children to become successful, happy, and contributing people is to teach them good decision making and then to allow them to make their own decisions. The decisions that your children make as they approach adulthood dictate the people they become and the life paths they choose. Unfortunately, popular culture has different ideas about your children's decision making. Popular culture wants to make your children's decisions for them; what they wear, what they eat and drink, what television and movies they watch, what video games they play, and what music they listen to.
Making Bad Decisions
Whenever I speak to a group of young people, I ask how many of them have ever done anything stupid. With complete unanimity and considerable enthusiasm, they all raise their hands. When I then ask whether they will ever do anything stupid in the future, the response is equally fervent. I also ask children why they do stupid things. Their responses include:
* I didn't stop to think
* It seemed like fun at the time
* I was bored
* Peer pressure
* I didn't consider the consequences
* To get back at my parents.
Yet when I ask them if it was usually worth doing that stupid thing, most say, "Not really." Because children lack experience and perspective, they tend to make decisions that are rash, egocentric, and short-sighted. This absence of forethought can cause children to overlook the consequences of their decisions and to ignore their long-term ramifications.
Children should do stupid things. Making poor decisions and experiencing the consequences helps your children learn how to make better decisions in the future. A problem arises, however, if their poor decision making continues. Because decision making is a skill, children can become very good at making bad decisions. This usually occurs when parents don't hold them responsible for their poor decisions, instead, bailing them out of the trouble their bad decision brings. These children learn that they aren't responsible for their decisions and can continue to do stupid things without fear of consequences. The long-term personal, social, and professional implications of children growing up to be poor decision makers are profound, negative, and, I think, obvious.
Raising Good Decision Makers
Ceding decision making to your children is an incremental process based on their age, maturity, and, decision-making history. It would be downright dangerous to give children complete latitude in their decision making. But you can begin to teach decision making with very young children. For example, you shouldn't take your children into a convenience store and tell them they can have anything they want; they would be overwhelmed by the choices. But you can give them a choice among jawbreakers, licorice, and bubble gum (or, better yet, sesame sticks, fruit wraps, and yogurt peanuts) and they would then decide which treat they want.
As your children get older, expand the number of choices you give them. Then, increase the importance of the decisions they can make, for example, what activities they choose to participate in or when they decide to go to bed. With each decision, they should recognize and take responsibility for the consequences of those decisions. Also, retain veto power when needed, but use it judiciously.
=====================
Making Good Decisions
=====================
Making Good Decisions
By Jim Taylor, Ph.D
One of the most powerful ways you can encourage your children to become successful, happy, and contributing people is to teach them good decision making and then to allow them to make their own decisions. The decisions that your children make as they approach adulthood dictate the people they become and the life paths they choose. Unfortunately, popular culture has different ideas about your children's decision making. Popular culture wants to make your children's decisions for them; what they wear, what they eat and drink, what television and movies they watch, what video games they play, and what music they listen to.
Making Bad Decisions
Whenever I speak to a group of young people, I ask how many of them have ever done anything stupid. With complete unanimity and considerable enthusiasm, they all raise their hands. When I then ask whether they will ever do anything stupid in the future, the response is equally fervent. I also ask children why they do stupid things. Their responses include:
* I didn't stop to think
* It seemed like fun at the time
* I was bored
* Peer pressure
* I didn't consider the consequences
* To get back at my parents.
Yet when I ask them if it was usually worth doing that stupid thing, most say, "Not really." Because children lack experience and perspective, they tend to make decisions that are rash, egocentric, and short-sighted. This absence of forethought can cause children to overlook the consequences of their decisions and to ignore their long-term ramifications.
Children should do stupid things. Making poor decisions and experiencing the consequences helps your children learn how to make better decisions in the future. A problem arises, however, if their poor decision making continues. Because decision making is a skill, children can become very good at making bad decisions. This usually occurs when parents don't hold them responsible for their poor decisions, instead, bailing them out of the trouble their bad decision brings. These children learn that they aren't responsible for their decisions and can continue to do stupid things without fear of consequences. The long-term personal, social, and professional implications of children growing up to be poor decision makers are profound, negative, and, I think, obvious.
Raising Good Decision Makers
Ceding decision making to your children is an incremental process based on their age, maturity, and, decision-making history. It would be downright dangerous to give children complete latitude in their decision making. But you can begin to teach decision making with very young children. For example, you shouldn't take your children into a convenience store and tell them they can have anything they want; they would be overwhelmed by the choices. But you can give them a choice among jawbreakers, licorice, and bubble gum (or, better yet, sesame sticks, fruit wraps, and yogurt peanuts) and they would then decide which treat they want.
As your children get older, expand the number of choices you give them. Then, increase the importance of the decisions they can make, for example, what activities they choose to participate in or when they decide to go to bed. With each decision, they should recognize and take responsibility for the consequences of those decisions. Also, retain veto power when needed, but use it judiciously.
