5 down, 175 to go....

[milesofsmiles]

Here we are, day 5 and we are already starting to feel the friction. Actually, it started about a week before school started, when Nate started exhibiting some dormant behaviors. For most of the summer, he was great, the teachers said how much he improved etc. Then, the kids started talking about school at the daycare. First thing that started happening again was he "forgot" to go to the bathroom. Second thing was it was getting more and more difficult to get him up and going in the morning.

The first day of school was good, the second and subsequent mornings have gotten worse and worse, to the point he refuses to get out of bed without help. No motivation will get him out. He is ignoring me and switching the topic anytime I ask him a question. We got our first note from the teacher yesterday saying that Nate did not "want" to do his writing assignment. He started to disturb others in class and the BS (behavioral specialist) teacher took him down to her room to complete the assignment with a lot of prompting and coaxing. The afternoon, he again encounted a difficult situation with a group activity and was asked to put his head down until he could join or the group was finished.

It seems like he picked up right where he left off last year. The teachers are asking me what to do already. His appointment for an update is not until the end of the month, but this is getting cut and pasted into a fax when I complete it. I hate to blame it on his medicine dosage, but it is a lot more stressful and a lot more is being demanded of him. The teacher is very motivated and encourages kids to do things on their own. The writing assignment was to write about something he did during the summer. He could not get started and is extremely shy about asking for help. So he reacted inapproprately, as he will do in a stressful situation. We are trying to teach him how to ask for help, but it is a work in progress. We let the teacher know that he may need more help getting started. We gave her lots of examples of the things he can do once we gave him the tools to start the project. I can see the anxiety of school is stressing him out. Me too. He reverts into infant like behaviors when he can't handle something. It is soo frustrating. Big sigh. See what the doc says.

Miles

[StrugglingAgain]

Miles, I hear ya. My son suffers terribly from Executive Function problems. He cannot organize anything in his head to get it to paper. It sounds like Nate has the same problem. In their frustration, they misbehave to direct the attention away from having to do it. When my son was having trouble last year in the 3rd grade, I discussed it with his pdoc. The pdoc was very emphatic about "let the school handle the problems at school". He said unless they were handling it VERY inappropriately, let it go. He said we, as parents, have enough to handle at home and not being at the school, you can't do much. THEY have to figure out a way to get him to learn. It's hard to do when you're getting notes and phone calls. So far, my son has gotten a teacher this year (4th grade) who gives very little homework (woohoo!!). Sometimes I worry that he's not learning the written word, etc., but then I decided I can only worry about one year at a time. Do you ever think about, OMG I HAVE TO DO THIS FOR TEN MORE YEARS?? I do. Just this morning, my husband and I said we wish we could just fast-forward and get him into a plumber or electrician apprenticeship. They use their hands and are very talented in what they do, as well as make enough money.

[Linda]

miles....I always hated blaming it on the meds too but more times than not that was the problem. Academics are very hard now for our kids not to mention they have to focus hard....not get out of there seats....plus trying to fit in socially.

I bet it is just going to take Nate a little longer to"fit in"

As far as the writing...that is so hard for most of our kids....does he work with an OT?.

[milesofsmiles]

Linda, actually his penmanship is excellant. He was working with OT last year, and something clicked and no problem. It is as S/A mentioned, he has a lot of trouble organizing his thoughts to start a project, and then misbehaves. His teacher also does not give a lot of homework, but expects the kids to put out in class. We also can write notes just a good as the teachers so we do lots of notes and emails and calls. Today we sent one back with Nate that said to try this, that and the other thing. It looks like he expects the teacher to be his personal assistant and coach, but there are 18 other kids in class. I mentioned to my wife that Nate needed to be home schooled. She said who is going to do that? I said, me, she said, no way. She's right, I do not have the patience for that. It will just take time for him to fit in and get comfortable in his new environment.

Miles

[Linda]

Sometimes it takes time for an ADULT to to fit in and adjust to a new environment Imagine how hard that must be for a child!

[milesofsmiles]

Ohhh I do agree!! Nate has never one to just go along with the flow without an explaination. "Just do it?" Ha! "Let's find a way to get this done", well now we might get some cooperation. Time will tell.

Miles

[Kaiti]

Miles, what kind of stuff can they dangle in front of him to get him started? They should know that one would work.

Not that it would help, but do they count down the minutes until the next activity, or would that be detrimental to Nate and cause more anxiety?

S/A is right though, let the school deal with it, since that is where he is. At our SACC program, I only ask the parents for their input if there is something serious and someone is going to get hurt physically or emotionally.

Otherwise, it's my job to worry about how to get the kids done doing things, not the parents. That's why they send their kids, so they don't have to worry.

If a kid is having problems starting writing, I ask them what they have to write. Then ask them how they are going to write it. If they tell me "I don't know", I just give them an example of what I would write. Then I tell them I'll be back in a few minutes if they need anymore help.

And as I walk away......when they start staring into space, I just call their name and ask them if they are thinking about it........usually that gets them at least writing something.

It doesn't embarrass anyone or draw negative attention to a situation. They don't feel like I'm singling them out or anything. But I make sure to stop by to put a little heat under them as long as I need to....reminding them that after homework we go out to the playground and they don't want to miss that now do they.

[milesofsmiles]

I guess from the reaction we got from the teacher, "What do we do?", that she never read his IEP. I reread it and it clearly explains the problems he has getting started with tasks, and how to address them. It is an organizational problem, and how he starts depends on how it is presented. Kaiti, you make some good points on the followup on the part of the teacher. Counting down IMHO would send him into a tizzy. My wife will be there in class on Monday to give some pointers and set an example. We don't want to tell teachers how to teach, just how to present it in a neat package to get results.

Thanks for letting me blow a little steam on this one.

Miles

[Kaiti]

Funny thing at our house, Mikey, if we count down, will sometimes get it done lickety split, other times he just crumbles and draws "roller coasters"......just little swirlies


It's good that your wife is going in though, was that set up so that SHE would show the teachers or so that she could observe and comment?

[milesofsmiles]

She has off next week, and was planning on spending some time volunteering at school. Showing the teachers how to get results is just a bonus.

Miles

[Kaiti]

:DAnd then they could swap horror stories ;D Sorry, couldn't avoid that one ;D

[jen]

Hi
I'm new to this forum. My DS is 8 and in third grade and sounds SOOOO much like Nate. Was wondering what focalin and disperal are? My Jack has been in gifted and diagnosed ADHD since he was in Kindergarten. We've been on adderall, stratera and now concerta. We've used magnet therapy, diet modification, chore charts, timers, punishment, rewards. One time we actually stripped his whole room of everything but the bed and pillow until he remembered to bring his work home from school. Everyday he did, he would get something back. And he has a lot of stuff.

Needless to say, NOTHING seems to work for any length of time. We keep switching techniques, hoping to hit on the right one. But alas, school started with a bang for us too. Day three he was already in clinic with a stomach ache. He has yet to make it thru one day completing all his assignments. And he rarely remembers to bring his homework home.

Where do we go from here? Sometimes I feel so helpless. I grew up with 2 ADHD brothers who were outcasts, nearly failed out of school and were social loners. I refuse to let that happen to my son. Somebody help, please!

Jen

[Kaiti]

Hi Jen, if I remember correctly, Miles is on a business trip, so if he doesn't get back about the meds, don't worry he isn't ignoring you.

Anyhow. You definately have an advantage over your parents. You know and can nip in the bud any behavior that you see. You said you don't want your son to turn out like his uncles, so now is the time to act, not wait for him to do something and react. KWIM

I saw in your other post that you have your IEP, GREAT JOB!!!!!!! As long as you don't make you rson think that there is something wrong, he won't be an outcast. He migh tbe different than everyone, but I teach my kids tolerance.

I don't let them prejudge with approval. We are all friends until someone gives us a reason not to be, is what I try to instill in my two, and hte kids I work with as well.

Good luck

[milesofsmiles]

Hi Jen, was out of town like Kaiti said.

Risperdal is actually a medication for Bipolar disorder. But Psychiatrists have been using it as a medicine to treat anxiety too. It is basically a pretty strong tranquilizer that suppresses the anxiety inside him. Also the Focalin is a medication for ADD to help him stay focused on task. Not sure we are at the right doses for those, but it is an ongoing process.

This week went pretty good from what I hear, there were only a few isolated incidences of acting out, non of which required him to be removed from the room. He enjoys the teacher now, and knows what to expect. Being put in a new situation was a big time stressor for him. Hope he found his groove.

On the topic of friends, in one week, ONE WEEK, he said he has a girlfriend. They have pet names for each other. His is Candy, and hers if Flowergirl. He says he is in love with her...BUT he says he has different girlfriend at daycare. I am away for ONE week and look what happens.

Miles

[Linda]

Hmmmmm.....I wonder who taught him that? ;D ;D ;D