Friendship should we encourage?

[catseye]

it to continue, even though time will be quite limited together next year?

My sd is still in her regular school right now... (2 more weeks ) sd's best friends mom is aware of sd moving schools but didnt want to tell her daughter till after school was out.... Best friends mom also offered to take sd every other monday during the day, so the girls could play together...

Well in hoping to help sd transition from schools, the current school gave sd a book about her new school... It is really cool has pictures of sd at new school, has pictures of teachers, cafeteria, gym etc... Just helping sd get familiarized... Well her best friend saw the book, and could read it, and found out the hard way sd is moving schools... Bad parents we should of dealt with it first... NOW sd's best friend (did I say ONLY friend also??), is acting out in school, and has been really mean to sd even... Making it THAT much harder to get sd to WANT to go to school, she absolutely hates it, and has been crying nearly every morning "no one likes me there anymore"...

And sd's mom summer schedule has almost TOTALLY blown the monday play dates... We will only have sd for 3 monday's this summer, and 3 weekends ... Obviously being that short on weekends, isnt making me want to plan play dates in there too, since it is really our only time to do fun things... I mean I will try, but we wanted to camp and fish etc.. and I am not sure this friend is capable of something that unstructured (she has asperbergers), or else I would offer to take her with us...

Any ideas how to help repair this ONE friendship sd has? Or should we just let it go, since the girls after this summers minimal contact wont have very much contact after that? Crossing our fingers that sd makes friends at new school, obviously! We could probably plan other play dates (different days not monday's) since sd will be home for a few various tuesday nights to thursday, but there are only 3 of those also... Just wondering how far we go to try and repair a relationship, that is going to be limited simply by sd going to a new school next year...

This limited time this summer really BITES! I am not used to it at ALL, and will be whinning frequently I am sure... Just a warning! I know it should be a good thing, but shelfishly I am not at that point yet...

cat

[catseye]

Someone? ANYONE? Suggestions, guesses... HELP! ;D

cat

[kurs10b]

The friend is probably just upset that she will be loosing one of her friends. If you have a chance, try to do something special with them. Maybe a trip to a pizza place. Reassure them both that they can still be friends and see each other even though your daughter is changing schools. If both parents allow it, maybe they could both have a very selective IM list so they can still chat on the computer.

[sportsmom]

Cat~~~Sounds like you and your family are going to have a busy summer. The best you can do is involve sd friend anytime you can and hopefully vice versa. As for now maybe you could have the friend come over a little bit more often (at least until school lets out) so she can be reasurred that sd is not leaving yet and they can still be the best of friends. Are they on the same summer sports team? that would be a great way to keep the girls together I bet once sd goes to the new school she will make new friends. I am hoping the best for your sd. It is so hard for kids to make friends and it is even harder to lose the one best friend they got. Good Luck!!

[catseye]

Soooo you both think we (parents) should try and repair the relationship, and maintain it after the school change?

I guess my post was a little hard to follow yesterday! This crying from sd every morning, is breaking my heart and making me an emotional mess!

cat

[kurs10b]

When I was in 2nd grade, my best friend moved across the country. I was upset. I didnt have the emotional problems associated with ADHD, but it still affected me. My friend and I became pen pals for 2 years until she moved back. It was like we had never been apart.

Do you live very far away from this other kid? Maybe they can drop in on each other for an hour or so every week. If they are that good of friends, a little bit of upheaval shouldnt ruin it. I say try to fix it. Once things settle down, you can reevaluate. If things are back to normal with them it worked. If not, you all can always drop the friendship.

[tridlette]

What about just having phone dates? Shaun still calls his best friend in Vermont... they knew each other for less than 2 years, back in 98 and 99... when the kids were 4 and 5 yrs. old. He is almost 11 now, but still gets "homesick" and calls Beth every few months.

Mostly, they say hello and there is a lot of silent time and then they say goodbye. But it is the reassurance that he still has her as a friend that is important to him. I don't think it matters to Beth either way. But I pay the phone bill to keep him from tears!

[tridlette]

Oh, I just had another thought. Shaun's new best friend transferred to a private school last year, and then Shaun transferred to home school at Christmas time. He and Ben joined the same Boy Scout troop and see each other weekly.

His only other "friend" from his old school, he has seen twice since Dec. We went to a school play at the old school together. That may be a way to get the kids involved in common interest things. A concert at your girl's school, and reading night at the old school... stuff like that.

I think with the other girl having Aspergers, she may be acting out to avoid feeling hurt. It might do both girls good to let them know that they CAN still be friends. They might not stay lifelong friends... but right now... anything will be better than nothing for both.

Remember, at school most of their time is structured and limited play time is given... so they get along. Play dates may be better to keep them short anyway.