MommaToFive
Full Member
With God all things are possible!!
Posts: 113
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Post by MommaToFive on Nov 29, 2003 23:50:03 GMT -5
Hey all,
I am not sure if this is the right place to put this. But I am so lost I just wanted to ask for prayers. This has some to do with my ds9 who has ADHD/ODD... My marriage is falling apart and I can't hold it together any longer. My husband said he would support the choice to try the alternative approach. So we began weaning off meds and starting FG/Supplements. He has recently gone back to the mentality that my son is fine and is just acting out like this for attention. I cannot take his downplay of son's situation and just downright meanness towards ds9 (not his biological son by the way).. Also have 4 other kids with him... We have been battling over this for years. I am just so lost.. I don't know what to do. We have decided to seperate and I know this will be very hard on all the kids and I am terrified of raising 5 kids alone. But I know that things will be better for all concerned if he leaves. I just wanted to ask you all for prayers for us. I love my husband but feel I must do this to protect my children. You all have been so kind and so helpful. I am sorry to unload like this.. But I have noone near to talk to. And I needed to vent.... Please Please pray for us...
Thank you
Erin
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Post by LitlBaa on Nov 30, 2003 0:21:13 GMT -5
It's so hard to come to that decision, and so hard when you see your spouse blaming your child for the downfall of your marriage...we'll be praying for you.
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Post by mommy007 on Nov 30, 2003 7:59:12 GMT -5
My prayers are with you - I am so sorry, we are all here to for support.
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Post by AnneM on Nov 30, 2003 8:02:12 GMT -5
Hi Erin ... you can certainly count on my prayers too ... This must have been a very tough decision to come to but from what you are saying it sounds as though this just has to be the right way forward for you all.
Wishing you lots and lots of luck .... and don't forget we are always here ready to listen whenever you want to chat or vent ....
Anne
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Post by Dad2Brooke on Nov 30, 2003 9:18:27 GMT -5
MommaToFive, you and your family are in my prayers.
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Post by Amsmom on Nov 30, 2003 10:28:27 GMT -5
Dear Erin,
You and your family, especially ds9, are in my prayers. I am divorced from ds7's father and he has never agreed that my son has an organic problem. I am not in the same situation as you because I was not with his father for a long time (he was abusive while I was pregnant with ds7 and I divorced him). Also, I loathe him rather than love him. However, I'm writing this to say I know how difficult it is when your child is suffering and the other parent denies that anything is wrong, refusing medical intervention, etc. It is hard enough getting on the right path for help without a spouse who fights you on it. Please know that you are doing the right thing for your precious ds9. I will keep you in my prayers. Please let us know how you are doing.
((((((((Erin))))))))) Lots of hugs to you
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Post by Linda on Nov 30, 2003 10:44:05 GMT -5
We are here for you..and please remember you are stronger than you think.
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Post by 1mom on Nov 30, 2003 12:12:20 GMT -5
i want you to know that you have my prayers, as well. i know what kind of stress you are under, as i've gone through something very similar--except it was one child, not 5, to consider. i'm truly sorry you are going through this trial! i hope i'm not overstepping boundaries here, but may i ask a personal question? could your dh have adhd, too? it is very common for the one in denial to also try to convince the world that the old cliche's, "he's all boy", "just needs disciplining", "i was like that as a boy, and there's nothing wrong with me", are a way they rationalize the whole thing. having to admit that adhd is real would force them to examine the possibility that they might have it too. when my marriage was on the rocks, i had to give alot of long hard thought to find out what was important to me. i came to the conclusion that my religious beliefs and identity were utmost on my list. if this is true for you, perhaps divorcing--at least right now--isn't the best solution. it comes through that you still love your husband, so making this kind of sacrafice for the kids, may not be best until you are set in your mind and heart. then if you do, you will have the comfort of knowing you used every avenue you could to save your marriage. no shoulda/coulda/woulda's will keep you up at night b/c your mind will be clear. take tons of time deciding what is truly best for you. if you're unsure or regretful of your decision to divorce, no one will be better off in the end. (i also noted your signature line, and know you have powerful religious convictions). try everything possible to save your marriage first. counselling, negotiations w/a mediator, and even rethinking treatment options for ds! i'm certainly not saying to continue with meds if you have objections, b/c only YOU can decide what is best there. i believe in parents KNOWING what is best. has ds's behaviors become so negative that they are affecting your family, whereas they weren't before? it seems that something is going on with the switch from meds to nat. alt. that wasn't present before. does your dh have deeper issues with his stepson? could that be the reason for the anger/denial? is the exdh in the picture? why did he agree to go off meds and now change mind? (does he know how long it takes for meds to clear and a new treatment to start being effective?) just so many questions that need to be answered before permanent actions are taken. i wonder if he's willing to go talk to someone? when i was in your shoes, members here asked me these very same questions, (as well as pointed out the possibility of adhd in my dh--(Doink! i shoulda hadda V8-moment!)) and those posts gave me what i needed to make decisions i am quite thankful for today. sorry for the long .02 cents worth. i truly wish you to have the peace, serenity and strength you need during this time. God's love and prayers to you, erin. 1mom Hey all, I am not sure if this is the right place to put this. But I am so lost I just wanted to ask for prayers. This has some to do with my ds9 who has ADHD/ODD... My marriage is falling apart and I can't hold it together any longer. My husband said he would support the choice to try the alternative approach. So we began weaning off meds and starting FG/Supplements. He has recently gone back to the mentality that my son is fine and is just acting out like this for attention. I cannot take his downplay of son's situation and just downright meanness towards ds9 (not his biological son by the way).. Also have 4 other kids with him... We have been battling over this for years. I am just so lost.. I don't know what to do. We have decided to seperate and I know this will be very hard on all the kids and I am terrified of raising 5 kids alone. But I know that things will be better for all concerned if he leaves. I just wanted to ask you all for prayers for us. I love my husband but feel I must do this to protect my children. You all have been so kind and so helpful. I am sorry to unload like this.. But I have noone near to talk to. And I needed to vent.... Please Please pray for us... Thank you Erin |
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Post by Jorgy on Nov 30, 2003 13:52:38 GMT -5
Erin, I am so sorry. You are all in my prayers, Sue
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MommaToFive
Full Member
With God all things are possible!!
Posts: 113
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Post by MommaToFive on Nov 30, 2003 15:29:42 GMT -5
Hey all,
I am a bit clearer minded today! Thanks to my church and the fellowship there... I am sure I am on the right path. And feel very confident in my choice.
I appreciate the prayers and the words of wisdom you all offer!! It means more to me than ya'll will ever know!!
1mom~~
I believe that my husband does have some ADHD... And maybe that is part of the problem. However, it doesn't help that my husband had a very very tough childhood. He comes from a long long line of alcoholics and drug addicts. He didn't have any real role models as to what a husband is and does much less a parent. There were not any boundries for him as a child and from what I have heard he was very violent and defiant as a child.... He also had a lot of issues with the focusing and many other things that carry through to today. His past certainly has not helped our past path and is not helping our present or future paths. And no ds9 bio-dad is not in the picture. He and I divorced when ds was a baby.. He was very violent and decided to pursue a relationship with another woman. He chose not to be a part of ds9's life and continues to choose that.
There are alot of factors outside the situation with ds9 that have been in my thoughts when coming to this decision. This is not one I take lightly at all! I am very very religious and have a strong walk with the Lord. And this too is another thing in the works. Dh has stopped attending church with the kids and I and refuses to participate in anything religious (praying, bible study, activities at church, etc..). This is HUGE for me b/c my children must have strong and dedicated role models showing them everyday how important it is to be faithful to Him. I want my babies to have the Lord in their lives and be active in their walks with Him. I have done alot of soul searching and praying about this and I feel down to my very soul that this is what I need to do. Not just for the kids but for myself too.
We have tried many many things... We have done counseling with both our preacher and a professional. I have talked until I am blue in the face... The list is too long to mention here.. Just suffice it to say that I am not making this decision easily and it is not one I have made quickly. I have been patient and understanding as long as I can take it..... When there is a huge change in my children when Dad is home and when he is gone. They are happier(laughing, playing) and active(with me~play games, sing,etc...) when he is gone... When he is home they tend to stay to their rooms and are very very quiet. As if they are afraid to make too much noise... They whisper when speaking to me or to each other. They avoid him if at all possible. These are a few of the changes.... Maybe I am wrong but I take those as a big red flag flying in the air of my home... I think something needs to change. My children are my world and my life. I would never ever intentionally hurt them in any way. I am dedicated to them and their entire well-being. I have thought this all out and I truly believe I hae tried everything in my power to save my marriage. Yes, I love my husband and I want him to be happy. I would love to be able to fix this... But I truly believe there is no other choice.... Thank you for your two cents worth. I appreciate the input and honesty.
I will keep you all posted on things here.... Just FYI ds9 is doind great... The changes in him in 3 weeks is awesome! And I am so pleased!! I am beginning to see the sweet little boy that I haven't seen in 3 years!!
Thank you all for all your prayers and kind words! Sorry this is so long. I just felt I needed to explain a few things more in depth...
Erin
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Post by 1mom on Nov 30, 2003 19:06:46 GMT -5
my children must have strong and dedicated role models showing them everyday how important it is to be faithful to Him. I want my babies to have the Lord in their lives and be active in their walks with Him. I have done alot of soul searching and praying about this and I feel down to my very soul that this is what I need to do. Not just for the kids but for myself too.
erin,
you have most definitely done the introspective and inside searching that has to be done before moving on! i can tell that you are ready and able to move on with your religious identity right in place. way to go!!!
your next phase in life will not be filled with the doubts and worries b/c you can sleep at night knowing you truly did it all, and didn't just jump into it.
i wish you all the comfort, hope, and a fresh, POSITIVE new beginning that you and your children deserve. i will include in my prayers for our Father to place a Godly man on your future path--a man that will be the religious and supportive mate and model--one that deserves you/your love.
peace and prayers,
1mom
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Post by mom2tj on Nov 30, 2003 19:10:02 GMT -5
I'll pray for you and your family my God give you strengh, and feel free to dump on us.
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SKay
Member Emeritus
Posts: 1,126
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Post by SKay on Nov 30, 2003 21:36:02 GMT -5
I'll be praying for you and your family.
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Post by vickilyn32 on Dec 1, 2003 10:00:46 GMT -5
I will be praying for your family as well. I am sorry it has come to this, but I hope that in the end things will be better for you all. I also feel that you are showing your children what a fantastic role model you are.
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MommaToFive
Full Member
With God all things are possible!!
Posts: 113
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Post by MommaToFive on Dec 1, 2003 10:27:18 GMT -5
Thank you for the prayers and the kind words.... I appreciate it more than you all know. I hope I am being a good role model for my kids.... I often question myself and wonder if I am a good mom and role model... I appreciate the encouragement!!   1mom~~ Thank you for the prayers... but after the two husbands I have had... I don't think I want to get married again..  Only He knows what my path holds and I will follow whereever He leads me. ;D |
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~~~~Erin~~~~ 
