new teacher

[SKay]

DS's teacher had a baby at Christmastime. His new teacher will be the teacher for the rest of the year. Before I started hearing things, I was a little concerned because I thought there could be a personality conflict there. I think his new teacher is very strict and doesn't joke around much with the kids. (I know her, but this is a guess about her classroom habits.)

DS has been coming home with stories of the teacher thinks I did this, but I didn't. Sometimes the kids accuse him of something, or sometimes it's like today: one kid was goofing off in line and DS told him to stop. I guess they weren't supposed to be talking so he got in trouble and had to sit with the girls at lunch. (I didn't say anything to him, but even at his young age, I don't think this was punishment! ;D ) I'm not sure if I should say anything to anyone, or just wait until the teacher brings up behavior problems to me. I haven't heard her side of it either so it's hard to know what's really going on.

DS is very hyper, but he really isn't defiant. He just wants to goof all the time, and it's difficult to settle him down.

[rosyred45]

Alright Miss Skay, stop trying to say my kid is yours ;D

OK, all kidding aside, if I were you, I'd get in there pronto and talk to the teacher. Ask about certain situations, like the one you mention about the line.

Mikey would get picked on and poked at all the time, and he wouldn't "tattle" he would take matters into his own hands >:(and hit the kids back, of course, this being prime to my hockey theory....retaliation gets the punishment.

I wouldn't automatically steer either way, for nor against until I heard the whole thing. If it seems like it is little things that he is really is doing, just remind what the rules are. If it really isn't happening, and if he's anything like Mikey, he'd be in tears explaining what was what.

Lately in SACC, the Kindergarteners have been on tattle tale rampage :-*all against Mikey. They are waiting for him to do something and running over to tell on him. I thought it was me being a sensitive mom at first, until I watched it today

Sorry, little rant. Anyhow, make sure you call or stop by and ask why he was put on pounishment when all he was doing was trying to keep someelse from being punished.

Does the whole class get into trouble if it is only one or two kids? There's an issue I have but for another thread.

Good luck

[SKay]

Thanks, Kaiti. We have a Parent-Teacher Meeting Monday night (report cards come out Mon) so I may get a chance to talk with her then.

DS had already told me that this teacher won't let him tattle, and if he's not allowed to tell someone to stop acting up, what should he do? I suppose in this case, the kid may not have been picking on or hurting DS so he should have ignored him.

I realized I didn't really finish what I was starting to say in the first post. Because DS is so hyper and noisy, I think he annoys people, and it's easy for him to get blamed or punished without assessing the whole situation. He's the loud one, and that automatically makes him the bad boy.

[eaccae]

Good luck at the meeting! DS has the best teacher he's ever had this year - but she's pregnant and will be leaving in March. I fully intend to meet with the new teacher before she leaves. - Especially since there is going to be the 504 meeting at the end of the year with the 5/6 school . . . I am so sad that she is leaving (happy she is having a baby but selfish me . . . )

[SKay]

Monday at PTM I didn't get a chance to talk about the social issues; there were too many academic-related problems. I'm afraid that I had my own preconceived ideas about the teacher. I think now that she is strict, but not totally serious. I'm not sure what to think about the possible personality conflict. I am rethinking the "picked on" idea. He came home today saying that "I lost my job [as monitor] because the teacher said I wasn't walking in the hallway but I was." Well, you have to understand, this kid never walks--at least by a normal person's definition. Take the pompons out of this figure's hands and that's how my son "walks"--never in a straight line and never with a normal stride! ;D I feel kinda bad for him because Monday he was so excited about being the "thermometer." (I have trouble getting through to him that it's "monitor.")

BTW, he holds nothing against his teacher, even though he feels that she isn't being fair. He runs up to her and hugs her everytime he sees her at church.

[Linda]

Bless his heart...that is one of the things I love about our kids...they don't seem to hold a grudge.

I think your son is just being a kid and I bet the teacher is different in the classroom...after all your son hugs hers

I had to laugh about the line thing...Paul never was in a straight line either..he was ALWAYS outside the line ;D ;D

tattling is not really allowed here either...I tell the kids it had better be something really serious for me to listen to it. It is way to time consuming.

[SKay]

Well, I'm really tired and my head is killing me so maybe this seems worse to me than it is. When I picked DS up from school, he said that the boy in front of him was pushing his desk but the teacher said HE was acting up. He said that she wrote me a note about calling her tonight. Well, she called me at suppertime. She said DS has been disrupting class and drawing attention to himself. She didn't mention the desk incident. I wonder if DS misunderstands what he has done wrong. Oh, before she called, I looked at the note, and DS had crossed it out. Over the phone she told me about it; she had seen him do it. At the supper table, he told us it was an accident. He has not been one to lie, but that was obvious a lie. I'm so tired of all this. Some of it is my own selfish pride. I know people think we are the worst parents--well, except maybe the ones who know DD. She gets a lot of positive attention; people think she's wonderful. Anyway, I think I may call the teacher back and ask that DS and the boy in front of him be separated. All of his problems (at least the way he tells them) seem to revolve around this boy.

[SKay]

On second thought, when he said that x-ing out the note was an accident, maybe he meant that he wasn't thinking when he did it on impulse. Of course, it still is not acceptable behavior and needs to be changed.

I struggle a lot with having the balance between wanting him to know that I'm there for him and allowing him to get by with too much. I'm afraid I've listened to him TOO much so now he makes excuses for everything. When I listen too him, I don't always take his side, but I must be doing something wrong. And now that he seems to think his teacher misunderstands him, and I just don't know how to handle that.

[Linda]

I think as a first step I would have the boys separated too...then take it from there.

I don't think you are doing anything wrong...we have all been there.

Jacob does the same thing with me and I believed everything he told me. I actually think the kids do believe some of the things that they are telling us.



Anyway I have started to wise up...If he tells me something I am not sure of I call him on it.This is his favorite one.......If he doesn't like what his dad is cooking for dinner he calls me and says we don't have any food in the house...then he asks what we are having ;D ;D....then I say...put your dad on the phone....he says that's ok gramma!!!!

Set up a little talk between your son,teacher,and yourself....you have good instincts...

[Sorka]

If I had a quarter for each time I heard it was an accident.. I would rival The Donald!
80% of the time it is just impulsive action, 20 % and accident. The 80% I call him on it, and there is a consequence usually not a really strict one and usually related to 'fixing' the problem that he caused.

I would also opt for the meeting. And bring up those specific situations that you mentioned to us, especially the ones where you have heard 'both sides'
Is she just making blanket statements like he is acting up, or he is drawing attention to himself? General statements are not very helpful.
SPecific behaviours as well as what happened just before and just after are most helpful.
I would ask for an observation to be done.

AND OBJECTIVE ONE! from the school counselor, principal someone.. an observation of him in two different settings, ie, regular class.. then another class, like music or something.An observation should not have the words,, lets see .. seems, might, or anything that implies that the observer knows the reason for or assumes anything about the child .. it should simply state the facts.. Jimmy is slouching in his chair and resting head on desk.. rather than Jimmy seems tired today.See the difference?

You can also have them observe a SPECIFIC behaviour and get a count on the frequency of that behaviour during that period of time.




then work on these steps with them,

1. The problem must be defined, usually by count or description.

2. Design a way to change the behavior.

3. Identify an effective reinforcer.

4. Apply the reinforcer consistently to shape or change behavior.


But the first step is to get an observation to see what the exact behaviours are from a more objective point of view.
Denise

[Linda]

May I add one more thing....If you opt for the meeting...it might be best to go through the principal...usually I believe in going through channels...but in this case maybe not.

[mskris]

Skay,

We had a similar situation with ds in 3rd grade. Teacher said he was performing "attention seeking" behaviors. I pressed for specifics and found that some of them were putting his head on his desk, falling off his chair, etc. When I thought about it, I realized he did these things at home, too, when he was overwhelmed with homework. So, I spoke with the teacher and expressed my opinion that I didn't think he was seeking attention (I also asked him about them, too).

We came up with a point system that was broken down by class period. He could earn a certain number of points (0-4) per period. These were defined. There was no punishment or reward, but it gave him a goal. Also, and probably more importantly, it made him realize how his behavior affected the other kids. On a bad day, we'd talk when he got home. I usually told him everyone has a bad day now and then, or probed to see if something had happened that upset him. Usually it was just an "off" day. He strove to do well, though. He LOVED the teacher, too.

Good luck. I'd definitely have a conference and propose some solutions.

Kris

[SKay]

Thanks for all your suggestions! I will have to print them so I can see them in front of my face every day as a reminder.

We talked to the teacher on the phone last night. I've never been a good communicator, and it has caused problems here. DS has not been officially diagnosed with ADHD and because the private school he goes to doesn't do much extra for such kids, I didn't bother telling her about his problems beforehand. Last night DH told her that we think he has ADHD, and she said, "No one told me that; I have worked with such kids before." Oops--my fault. She had already decided to separate the 2 boys and move DS to the front of the classroom (he was in the back).

I'm not so sure that the problem with him misunderstanding what he's in trouble for has been taken care of, but next time something comes up, I will contact the teacher right away to try to get to the bottom of it.

His grades are slipping and he failed a couple of tests this week so something really needs to change. In kindergarten and 1st grade, he started having more problems in March. I guess he's early this year.

[Linda]

You have taken the first step with his teacher...the lines of communication are now open...run with it....keep us updated

[SKay]

Things are not getting any better. We got a call from the teacher. DS was goofing off and got other kids to act up too. Then there was something about him pushing a couple of other kids. He hasn't been aggressive before so I don't know what's going on now.

He still doesn't always bring papers and homework home when he's supposed to. The teacher even made him open up his spelling book and rip out the page, but he still did not bring it him. It really seems to be willful, not just irresponsibility.

I'm just about at a loss for what to do. He's constantly trying to get the other kids to laugh at him. He's seeking attention. Maybe he feels he can't measure up academically so this is the way he gets attention; I don't know.