punish or reward????

[mothercat]

I have a question. If your child has a problem with bringing home and doing homework would you rather

A. Have the teacher check his assignment book and bag" in front" of the class every day
B. try a reward system that makes him want to do his homework
C. Force him to learn to be responsible on his own by punishing and taking away things he likes.

I had a discusion about this today and I still feel that to punish or cause embarrassment in front of peers you wont get good positive results. I check my childs book and if he doesnt have everything we wait till the class is gone and then we go back in and get what he needs. I also reward with stickers (he collects things) for each assignment done. Someone implyed that this would cause him to not be responsible later. Now I am confused. Do we ALWAYS have to be the bad guy ?
My kids teachers all sign his book after each class not during or in front of peers. It seems to me that if he could remember he wouldn't be adhd.
We used the same method when we raised my neice and she is now 34 agood mother and more organized than me. Do you all use punishment as a reinforcement for school work or do you use rewards?

[finnmom]

Himothercatellen

I vote for reward´s along with a good theacher-parent´co-working; meaning that theacher will write the assinment´s down without making it a sharade and I´ll check them every night to make sure he has done all neede for the day. I only check after he´s done, so he know´s he has to be carefull everything is done before I´ll look at it. Reward´s are always good way to theach a child. I think you´re doing great!!!

[ohmama]

I vote for B (the reward system). Positive reinforcement will give you good results every time (a.k.a. as good as it can get). It also requires more effort on the teachers part. I've come to the conclusion that the teachers who don't use this method are most likely those who don't really like their job or are not willing to give of themselves beyond what is required of them. It's not that they don't know how to apply this, but I get the feeling they find it easier not to. And all this in the name of education?

Never punish a symptom of adhd. Always use positive reinforcement. You already knew this though because you love your child. Teachers have their own personal problems that they bring with them into the classroom.

[Linda]

odie...Don't doubt yourself as a parent...I think you are doing a good job!

I am all for positive reinforcement...the teachers here at Jacob's elementary school use it and it works!!! He knows that by following the rules and being kind will result in a trip to the "Treasure Box" on friday.

Don't be confused....follow your instincts...you know your child better than anyone!

[MistyMorningPA]

I think positive reinforcement is great! In my daughters class, ALL the kids have assignment books (the whole school uses them) and the teacher checks them all at the end of the day & checks off what was done during class. Anything left over becomes homework.

So, if anything was missing the day before,the teacher can note that in the book. When everything comes home & gets handed in, we praise her of course.

But I think theres more to it than that. We try to use NATURAL consequences & it works! If the work gets done, theres more free time . If a page is "lost" it needs to be done over (more work....less free time). If theres a LOT of missing work to be re-done, well, then of course theres less free time (which may mean less TV or no computer time, etc).

I believe that over time this will entice my daughter to remember her work & not avoid or forget it. After all, shes better off if it just gets done (or brought home) the first time.

[Linda]

Oh Yes Natural consequenses!!!!I remember when Paul was in early elem...he insisted he was not going to wear his coat to school even though it was cold!Well he made the choice of not wearing it...found out he was cold...never did it again!!

[mom2tj]

I pick up DS from school last year I to check if bag in the car and send him back in if something was missing he has since learn he better get it right the first time, I never got mad I just sent him back in

I guess the answer to your question is C for me but only because this seems to work for me


so far this year (4th grade) in terms of home work I try to let him be checking what he has done and beeing there if he needs me but at the same time it is his responsibility to do all his homework the teacher keeps kids in form recess if they did not finish so far so good I have yet to get any notes from school..... maybe I souldnt take to fast parent teacher meetings are this week I dont know what to expect.

[mothercat]

Good luck with your meetings I am sure they will go well..

Jared does okay under the reward system and he has natural consequences of detentions at school. We wouldn't interfere there. He has been typing all homework except math the last few days and is remarkably checking his own work and I only have to interrupt to set the printer and stuff. Life is good so far this week. ( he came home demanding his 3 stickers...usually on Monday nothing gets done at school.) Three assignments done is a step up.

[rosyred45]

OK, I'm torn on this, as much as we try to keep everything organized, it is a big TRY. I try to do C, but I don't necessarily punish, its more like MistyMorningPa, natural consequenses. Less free time, and all my kids hear is blah, blah, blah anyhow.

I definately don't agree with A, humiliation only leads to poor self-image along with self esteem, it doesn't solve anything.

I agree to a point with a reward system, until they want more and more and more.....then you go to plan C when they are old enough.

Make sense

[MistyMorningPA]

Yes, Makes sense, Rosyred.
Thats MY problem with the rewards. Small rewards arent what my daughter wanted. It could too easily get out of hand! And anyway, shes an only grand child (need I say more?? She gets most everything she wants!). Rewards of time werent working either. I mean, shes an only child....I spend HEAPS of time with her. We play, read together, go to the movies, to the park, etc.

Losing favorite activities & taking the natural consequences are what we are left with & it works for us! If her works not done, the time is spent doing it, not playing!

Our goal is to raise her to be a responsible, productive adult. She HAS to learn that to be happy in life. I just don't see any other way.

We shower her with compliments & she has the consequense of extra free time to do things she enjoys when the work IS done, so it works both ways!

[sweety]

;D I hate to say it but BRIBERY works well with dd. She gets $X every sunday if 1)she does her homework every night2) she reads 15 min extra every night 3)she picks up all the toys in the living/sun room every night. 4)she cleans 1 bird cage,2 gerbil cages, 1 hermit crab aquarium, 1 fish bowl every other week. If she does not do these things she gets less than X dollars.Since she is now in the throws of Pokemon and gameboy SP, she loves having money to buy games,tapes, pokemon books etc. Two weeks ago she needed money to buy a used SP. She washed my car, planted flower bulbs, raked leaves and did some other things to earn the extra money. She is learning to manage money, learning how to earn and my house looks a whole lot better. I don't buy her anything extra. If it's extra and she wants it ,she has to work for it.This routine works for us:D

[sweety]

P.S.I started by saying NO more at the store. I also got into the habit of saying"Do you have any homework?" as we walk in the door. (I pick her up at a friends house or at the YWCA) She has also gotten to where she says. "I'm reading now." and being more specific about what homework she has. I hate to have a "money oriented"child but talk about behavoir modification! it works for her.

[adhdtimes4]

Sweety - Don't think of it as a bribe, but as a paycheck! How many people do you know that say, "My boss bribed me to do my job." Money is a great incentive.

[rosyred45]

That's a good way to think of it Kayla, I was thinking that as I read it. Good for her to be able to manage money. My kids are just the "don't care kids." It finally got through to them that when they have their room clean AND the rest of the house is straightend, they can have someone over.

BUT, they don't care if they have friends over, they can see them at school, they don't care if they get allowance, they don't care if they have the best or the worst........

Sometimes this I don't care attitude is great, them other times it bites me in the butt

[Linda]

kayla is right....MONEY TALKS!