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Post by RiahBubbaPooh on Nov 25, 2003 11:59:22 GMT -5
I was at my parent's this past weekend. As we were leaving, I mentioned to my mom that Bubba had started his homeopathic treatment for ADHD. She looks at me and says, "Oh, so he DOES have ADHD?"
HELLO?!?!?!?! Where has she been for the last 6 YEARS?!?!
Then she goes on to tell me about a friend who has an ADHD son, and as soon as he got treatment, everything was fine, and he could eat whatever he wanted (we don't do food dye and artificials) and everyone was so much happier.
So I suppose I should just change my whole philosophy of life and drug my child because it will make her happier, huh? Don't get me wrong, if he needs it, he'll get it, but not to make HER happier!
I just get so frustrated with her. She made this big production this year about how she was going to take each one of the kids for a special outing. She took each of the girls, but not Bubba. So I finally said something about it, and she said he had been so out of control this summer, she didn't think she should (translation, she didn't want to listen to him talk.) So I steered her towards taking him to see Elf. She agreed. That was three weeks ago, still no follow through.
My ds considers my parents to be my dd's grandparents, and dh's parents to be his. He doesn't understand why they don't like him?
Thanks for listening. I think I'm done venting now.
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Post by Dad2Brooke on Nov 25, 2003 14:13:44 GMT -5
RiahBubbaPooh, some people just don't get it. I understand your frustration, but don't stop trying for your son's sake. I have often wished I could just smack people upside the head (not hurtful, just shocking) when they make an insensitive comment. So many people, if they do understand ADHD, don't understand why you can't just take a pill and make it all go away.  I'm especially sorry that your son feels that your parents aren't his grandparents.  Heres to hoping she comes around before it's too late. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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MommaToFive
Full Member
With God all things are possible!!
Posts: 113
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Post by MommaToFive on Nov 25, 2003 14:27:49 GMT -5
RiahBubbaPooh,
My thoughts and prayers are with you! I also hope she will come around before it is to late. You are doing the right things for him, don't let anyone discourage you hun!! You keep fighting for him!!
Erin
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Post by Honeysmom on Nov 25, 2003 17:22:58 GMT -5
I often wonder if my family has brains. Like my sister, who know Honey can go from 0 to 60 faster than any sports car, will get him all excited and nuts and then leave!
Or my mom who said (and this is a direct quote) "I love Honey I just don't like the way he "is" and I just don't know what I would do if I ever had to watch him." And the wonder why we are staying home for Thanksgiving, and not w/o a big helping of guilt from them.
Does your mom really think that he does not notice this? Or does your mom know that he doesn't even reguard her as his grandma? We haven't had to deal with it directly yet since Honey is only 4 and pretty oblivious to the fact that we are staying away for a reason. I hope I do not have to deal with it.
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Post by RiahBubbaPooh on Nov 25, 2003 17:31:58 GMT -5
She knows he was upset about the lack of event, but does not know he doesn't consider her his grandma. He came to that conclusion when he was 4 or 5. He's 9 now, and doesn't voice it much, but still feels that way.
He still thinks she forgot. He's starting to realize that it's intentional. Poor kid.
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Post by Honeysmom on Nov 25, 2003 18:59:00 GMT -5
That is really sad  I feel bad for him. I bet it really sucks to know your grandma feels that way. At least he know that one set of grandparents love him no matter what.  |
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Post by GSDMommy on Nov 25, 2003 19:13:41 GMT -5
RBP:
I have found through my life with kids who aren't "normal" that sometimes we make our own families out of friends and other who understand. I would like to think that my children aren't worse off for the fact that they aren't related by blood to various "aunts" and "uncles" but are related by affection. They have gained wonderful knowledge and experience from all the people who come into their lives. Some of the most understanding souls I have come across in my travels are the people in our dog training group. They also understand how to deal with the kids effectively and not blame anyone but help out. Interesting I couldn't get that understanding from my church or my husband's family, isn't it?
hang in there!
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Post by sierra on Nov 25, 2003 23:24:34 GMT -5
My mother is a weather vane. She points herself to whoever is the biggest drama queen or king.
Since I don't play those games as far as she's concerned my sprouts are in like Flint to coin a phrase.
It used to bother me. Now I know the rules. If I want to have a major life crisis then I'll have her attention.
Guess what? I don't plan major life crises. And if I happen to have one I play my cards close to my vest. When the problem is solved then maybe I'll discuss it with family. Maybe not. Guess I'm just not drama queen enough to register on their scale. And my sprouts have been through my own personal boot camp. They've learned how they're expected to act around other people. Especially my parents.
Funny thing. They'll show their warts to DH's family. But they've picked up on the here be dragons signs we've planted all around my side of the family. They just don't show their underbellies around my family.
I surely do hope they marry into healthy in-law families.
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Post by LitlBaa on Nov 26, 2003 0:41:40 GMT -5
Yes, I often ask myself that question...when I have to deal with Grandma (former husband's mother). I swear, that woman only hears what she wants to hear, and barely any of what she wants to hear is what I say...
At least she'll finally listen to the letters ADHD. Hey, welcome to my world, dd won't grow out of this. It's not because I'm a lousy mom, it's not because I divorced her son, it's not because I let her eat Captain Crunch occasionally.
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Post by loveforeric on Nov 26, 2003 14:15:03 GMT -5
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Post by on_edge on Nov 26, 2003 19:24:16 GMT -5
I understand completely. My 6 year old dd's luckily hasn't figured it out yet that my mother only asks her to come over to spend time with her about every three months despite only living 40 minutes away. On the other hand, the other grandchildren are there at least weekly.
But, she also does this to my boys, and they are not the hyper type. She hasn't seen them since their birthdays last July. The last time my sons stayed with my parents, they supposedly lost my dad's rubber thongs he wears around the pool. They still keep bringing it up and has not asked my sons back for a visit since. What is so stupid about the whole thing is it happened a year and a half ago. (Forget about me replacing the shoes because it hasn't worked yet.) Even my BIL keeps bringing it up when we are at their house. I just want to scream at them to give it a rest already!
The dd's paternal grandparents live on the east coast and we live on the west. She really doesn't realize they exist since they only talk to her about once a year and never has never given her a Christmas or birthday present/card.
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Post by Allanque on Dec 1, 2003 15:26:07 GMT -5
Note: Long rant.
Luckily I've managed to get out of Christmas with the family.
I know it sounds bad, but Dad's side of the family drives Mom, my sister-in-law and me all nuts. They live in a small town in Texas. The only thing they normally talk about is small town gossip. They normally sit and watch football and drink beer and don't do much else. I normally watch my cousins' kids in the other room because they'll at least be watching Disney movies or something interesting.
I think that side of the family has reverse black sheep syndrome. The black sheep are the ones accepted. I'm the first girl of all our cousins to make it out of high school without getting pregnant. My brother was the first to get married without having a kid either on the way or already there. None of that side of the family even came to his wedding.
The two aunts who married in are great. One is now divorced from my dad's brother. Most of the family started trashtalking her because they can't possibly understand why she would want to divorce my uncle. I have a feeling that my mom has a good chance of ending up in the same situation. We still go visit my aunt when we're in the area. Last time, Mom and I were over there. My brother and his wife went to grandma's when they got into town. I got a phone call from him requesting that I come pick her up. Immediately. They hadn't even been at grandma's for half an hour, probably. They were already driving her nuts.
Several of my cousins are also ADHD. One was diagnosed a long time ago. Grandma always blamed my brother for any trouble my cousin got into. ADHD couldn't possibly have come from their side of the family. Mom started asking a bit when she realized that there's probably a big genetic component involved. Grandma said that none of the kids (ie, my dad and aunts and uncles) were hyper at all when they were young. Grandpa said that he sure was when he was little. From the stories that I've heard from Dad, they pretty much all were.
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The other side of the family is a whole lot better. I think they still don't understand what ADHD is and how it affects people for the most part, but having a younger cousin who is severely ADHD kinda helps with that. They don't entirely understand why we act the way we do (heck, we don't either), but they accept that it's probably not going to change any time soon.
My aunt's boyfriend doesn't think ADHD exists. He thinks that my aunt should just discipline my cousin more. Therefore, he blames everything that goes wrong on her. The other two have picked up on it and realized that if their mom's not there, they won't get in trouble unless it was obviously their fault. She's doing better on meds, but my aunt's boyfriend swears that there's no difference, even when he's remarked on how much worse she is on days when he didn't realize she was unmedicated.
We generally end up shopping at some point in time when we're with that side of the family. Last year, I had to walk with my hands pretty much right underneath my cousin's armpits. That way, when she started to take off, all I had to was lift and she wasn't going anywhere. She's much better on meds. The family realizes that and understands that she doesn't try to be a bad kid. We think my aunt should kick her boyfriend out of the house because he doesn't know how to deal with her. She feels like a bad kid. Mom will generally have her down once or twice a year by herself for a visit. She was in individual swim lessons while she was here for a week or two because she scares the crap out of us when she's around water (no fear whatsoever) and they wouldn't be able to watch her close enough in a class.
The cousins who are my age aren't exceedingly fond of me. I think I disturb them sometimes because I don't act how they expect me to.
Mom and I stopped by Michael's (craft store) on Wednesday. I picked up some of those little cross stitch kits that were on clearance. I sat and did one of them most of the time when we weren't off doing something or playing cards. I could do that and still talk, so it was better than me reading a book. Thanksgiving was probably the most I've ever been social with either side of the family.
I think hand-sewing is probably a good thing for me to do when I'm going to have to be around people for extended periods of time. I can keep my hands busy and still be able to pay attention to the conversation. I'm going to learn how to crochet in the car on the way to San Marcos before Christmas. Something else that can keep me busy pretty much wherever I am...
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Post by GSDMommy on Dec 2, 2003 8:09:53 GMT -5
Hey Allanque,
Crocheting saved my tail a few times!! They put me on bedrest the last week of my last pregnancy. I was going bug stuff inside of an hour!! I crocheted one afghan that covered a twin bed in that week. I crochet everywhere I go where I am going to be forced to sit still and listen. Mostly just sitting still will get me. I was even crocheting when I was in labor!! The nurses laughed at me, but I don't think they realized it was what was keeping me in bed!!LOL
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Jenn
Full Member
Hey all just let me know you are from ADHD site :)
Posts: 121
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Post by Jenn on Dec 2, 2003 12:33:39 GMT -5
I have had problems with Kat's real fathers mom. She even told me she wanted me to give up my kids to her. Mikie is no relation at all to her except that he is Kat's brother. She always misunderstood things Kat would say. This was before the dx. And at the age of 7 and 8 Kat knew this and would say things to make her worry. When we went to visit Christmas 2000 Kat said that I don't feed her supper. I said what? She goes remember there were a few times when you made me and Mikie eat cereal for supper. I went off on her before grandma could say anything. Told her listen up until recently I was working 36 hours a week and overnight and was too tired too cook. Food is food no matter what. Needless to say grandma didnt respond.
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Post by lovemyson on Dec 2, 2003 12:53:14 GMT -5
I wonder every time they make reference to the fact that DS is on Meds.....He's only 6 but already thinks of it as he is different because he has to take meds....Sometimes people can be so insensitive. I have to add, it is mostly my IN LAWS......
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