Advise me oh wise ones!!

[camismom]

Well, it's a good thing I got some meds today to help me with stress and depression......

Cami brought home two forms for me to sign tonight. One is a test in Social Studies in which she made a 37 on, the other is just a general "progress report" of sorts from her Science teacher to let me know her grade as of right now is a 57! The official Progress Reports don't go home until September 8th.

Of course, my initial reaction is anger because I know she isn't studying and that's part of the problem. Then I tell myself not to panick because we still have a little under five weeks until report cards and that is the grade that really counts. In other words, five weeks to bring this up.

Cami's response is "ok mom, I promise I'll do better and bring this up."

Cami, up until the end of last school year, has always done very well in school, despite her ADHD. She was always an honor student never making less than a B and most times all A's in elementary. Last year she started making C's, but I expected that being the first year of middle school and all. She is not a studier, and never has been. She has always managed to get by despite it, saying they go over it enough in class for her to remember it, etc. Up until now, she has been able to back that up. Her lack of studying finally seems to be catching up with her though. The other problem is not having anything to study, because she's not taking notes. This I plan to address in the conferance next Wednesday. But I have explained to her that she can still look through her books to refresh her memory on things done in class. She made a 55 on a Math Quiz a little over a week ago, but the teacher said the majority of kids did bad on it, so I didn't make that much of it then.

One problem according to her, is she freezes on tests. She says she knows the material from going over it everyday in class, but when it comes to taking the tests, she "freezes" and blanks out.

Another problem is she is focused too much on her friends, boys, talking on the phone, etc. I was the EXACT same way in the 8th grade and barely squeaked by that year as a result. She is living my 8th grade year in the 7th grade. Mom's curse is happening! I picked up and did much better the following year because I was at a different school and away from the previous years influences. That won't happen for her.


I'm just kind of at a loss as to how to handle this. Make a big deal of it, or just trust in her promise to do better, try harder, and bring it up?

Currently she has made an F on a tests in two different classes (don't know what her overall grade is) and she has a F as her current grade in another. I hope to get a current average in all classes next week.

Oh, I know I'm rambling, just need input for those of you who have been there either personally or with your ADHDr.

Thanks!

[rosyred45]

Well, this coming from the no experience mom for teens, but I would say ride her butt til the grades come up. Not a hard nose, but a steady reminder.

Limit interaction with the outside world from the house until she does get her grades u padn tell her that when she shows you she can keep the grades up, she'll be able to do other things.

The teenager in me says BITE ME MOM. But we can just tell the teenager to shut up and sit down and get the work done.

QUESTION: Is she capable of hte work? Is she knowlegeable and freezes u pon tests? If she is, try to get her to be able to take an oral exam if that is possible. My cousin was put into special ed because she froze u pon tests. She coul dspit it out, but not on the paper at test time...her nerves would get to her.

Good luck and I am watching everything that you do so I can apply it to Tara

[eaccae]

Well - I don't have a teen yet, either. BUT . . . she sounds just like I was (minus the notes part)! I never studied but would ace the tests. From experience - if my mom "nagged" me, as I called it, it didn't help much! With that being said, I never did it on my own either. (Don't know if that was much help). I'm sure having the notes is a big part of it. It would take me FOREVER to read my text books - but once I read them (usually the night before the test) - I only needed to read them once. I think Kaiti is right. She probably does now the info and freezes on tests but I betcha if she studied even a little bit more - she wouldn't freeze as much. (I was the same way - I would freeze up - even when I knew the info. But when I put the effort into studying just a little bit - I discovered I didn't freeze nearly as much).

[camismom]

camismom said:

One problem according to her, is she freezes on tests. She says she knows the material from going over it everyday in class, but when it comes to taking the tests, she "freezes" and blanks out.

I'm quoting myself here, but since my post was so long, I thought y'all may have missed this...

This is another thing I plan to address in next week's meeting. But Eaccae, I'm glad you brought up the fact that even if she studied a little, it wouldn't be as bad. My dh told her the same thing. Study, drill it in, and you'll remember it even more, even under pressure.

Oh, and Kaiti, that "I'm watching you so I can apply it to Tara" is a truly scary thought! ;D ;D Um, maybe you need to read my little line below again....

[Linda]

Christy welcome to the world of middle school...we had some of the same problems when Paul was in middle school.I have never had so many phones calls in my life!!

ok about the "freezing" on tests...Kaiti is right...see if she can take her tests verbally.It might make all the difference.

If you were the exact same way at her age...then you should be able to zero in on the social aspect...boys phone...etc.

Our kids all say I will do better and I think they mean it at the time,but we have to stay on top of it to keep them motivated!Maybe taking away a privilege will help?You know here better than anyone so you know what to maybe take away.I am guessing the phone!

Things got a whole lot better for us in High School...but middle school ...shudder shudder!!You have got a good kid there Christy....hang tough.

[rosyred45]

I'm praying Tara makes it to ten, let alone 13

Oh and I HATED getting the phone taken away, that was the carrot being dangled for me. First thing to go

Litterally, my mom would unplug the phone and hide it, we had our own line, so I'd try to sneak down in the middle of the night to use theirs.....um, when I was talking, most of the time to Mike, and she tells me to get to bed, , let's just say I didn't push my luck too much

[adhdtimes4]

After riding one of mine all through middle school, it finally dawned on me that he couldn't focus well enough to study on his own. When I would say "STUDY!!!", he would only look at the pictures and read a line here and there - nothing that would help him LEARN anything.

I still have study with him, read every chapter out loud, help him organize the material in his head, make notecards and come up with mnemonic devices for facts. He's making great progress, but he still can't do it on his own.

I'm not being easy on him - remember, I have three more, and I don't give any of them the assistance I give Joe. But he really needs the help.

[dansmommy]

I'm not a "wise one," but of course I can't resist answering anyway. I read the book _Get Out of My Life, But First Can You Take Me and Cheryl to the Mall?_ and it had what sounded like good advice for raising teens. It talks about having a regular study time and enforcing it, even with older kids. Good luck and I'll be writing to you for advice in a couple of years. Christie

[jdmom]

I never studied in school, either. I was really good about doing all of my homework, and faithfully brought home my books. But, I just never studied. I didn't really need to. I made good grades without it. This started kicking my butt about my freshman year of high school, when I took biology. That was my first C ever. Math and science were my weak subjects. But math was better, because there was a concept behind it, you know? Once you got the concept down, understood the formula or whatever, studying didn't really help. Science is different. It was more memorization. In biology, we had to memorize the organs of whatever we were disecting. Yuck!
It really hurt me in college. It was like I didn't even KNOW how to study. I had to teach myself. In college, you just flat aren't going to make the grade if you don't study, and I was on a scholarship and had to keep my GPA at a certain level to keep it. It was really tough times. Looking back, with what I know now about Jarrett and his ADHD, my whole problem was probably that I couldn't focus to study, but at the time I was kicking myself in the rear for never studying. I just didn't even know where to start.
You really need to work with Cami on her study skills so she learns early. College was stressful enough without making myself sick over my grades.

[Allanque]

I did that in 5th grade. Which is when Mom went nuts trying to find information on why the heck I suddenly did a 180 on her and couldn't find a darn thing on adolescent girls. Everything had been researched on boys, 'cause you know, girls work exactly the same way . I had 2 teachers. At the end of the time with them each day, I'd have to get them to sign a note saying what my homework was if I had any. Mom had to sign it when I finished and I had to bring it back the next day.

I never went back up to getting straight As consistently. I nearly failed U.S. History every 6 weeks my freshmen year because I hated the teacher and the way she did things (she's the one who gave me a tardy basically because I was being too polite to interrupt her).

I was getting Cs and low Bs in my biology class - but read through all the chapters the night before the final and got a 97 on it. Talk about a way to tick Mom off.

I'm still working on learning study skills. I've gone into student services before and said I need help with study skills. "Well, ok, what do you need help with?" "I don't have any."

I've always done things at the last possible moment, never really planned ahead, and managed to get by. It doesn't work quite as well in college when you do that.

[Sorka]

It does sound like you need a two prong approach. You should really look into whether you can get her help on test taking skills. If she freezes mabye some tried and true test taking methods will help her relax, reorganize and trounce on those tests.

Second prong the study time.. you should set a specific study time and not waver from it for anything. Turn off the phone the tv everything if she protests that there is nothing to study.. hey review! Practice makes perfect. If you make it the same time every day and cut off all the distractions.. reward her when she does it.. and hey take that phone away for the rest of the night if she doesn't!
That would be a nice immediate punishment.
And if she doesn't use her study time the next night same thing! it'll get old. she'll find something to do!

But I would definitely scour the area for a test taking skills class, tutor whatever because that can be a real problem especially for ADHd girls!

Denise

[camismom]

Thanks for the replies and good advice.

Alla, it was esp. good to hear from you. that is what I'm needing right now... to hear from someone who has actually been in her shoes and get a better understanding of the problem. Also to find out what worked for others so I can try to figure out something that'll work for her.

I was a great student in school, and never had problems taking notes, studying, etc., I graduated in the top 5% percent of my class, Nat'l Honor Society, the whole bit. Cami knows this and gets very sensitive when I try to talk with her. I usually wind up hearing things like, "well, I'm sorry I'm not perfect like you were!"

I talked with her dad about it some because her had (has?) learning disabilities and had great difficulties in school himself. He said he would try talking with her some this weekend and sharing with her some things that worked for him. (She is with him this weekend.) I think it might help her some hearing it from somebody that can actually relate with her, somebody who wasn't "perfect".

To add to it all, she brought home another report yesterday. Her current grade in Pre-Alg is a 64. Thing I don't understand though is the report shows 11 grades so far. Nine of them are A's, two 90's, the other 7 are 100's. Then, there are two F's. One 55, one 0. OK, I know a zero can pul your grade down a good bit, but how do we a arrive at a 64 out of 9 A's and 2 F's? This I plan on finding out in Wednesday's conferance.

[Allanque]

*blinks*

You're my mother, posting to try and catch me doing something that will get me in trouble, aren't you? She was the perfect student too.

My guess would be that her grade is weighted and the 2 Fs were on things like tests.

I never had a REAL problem with notes and studying in high school - I'm an auditory learner with a very good recall memory, so as long as I paid some attention, I would do fine.

Then I hit college. And everything went ka-boom.

And, here comes my usual recommendation for study skills. Go find "Learning Outside the Lines" by Jonathan Mooney and David Cole. Written by a dyslexic and an ADHD, lots of alternative study skills. If she's only in 8th grade, you'll probably want to read it before you decide if she gets too. They were two guys with *ahem* "college mentality" when they wrote it.

[JulieinSC]

As others have mentioned, she may not know HOW to study. For my son (8th grade, ADHD-inattentive) just READING the information doesn't do it. For example, his science book is broken down into sections within each chapter. Each section has section review questions, plus vocab words. At the end of each chapter, there are chapter review questions. Usually the section/chapter review questions are assigned as homework. We also make our son write each question or vocab word out on index cards. Every time he writes out the question/answer it reinforces the concept. Then, before each test, he goes over the flash cards.

We are also trying to teach him to work AHEAD. For example, if there are 5 sections within each chapter and you are on section 4, you KNOW a test is right around the corner. Also, he needs to review his flash cards EVERY night.

In a perfect world, he would do this without any prompting! Unfortunately, our son hasn't reached that point yet!

[camismom]

Well, I had the conferance yesterday morning. She has brought up two of her three F's to C's. She worked last night on an extra credit project for Science that will bring that one up. We found out that the main reson for the F's was due to assignments or homework not turned in. The assignments she is not completing and the homework she is losing. She had two zeros in each subject. So, we had to explain to her the impact that just one zero can have and that a lower grade on an unfinished assigment was better than a zero and a lower grade on an assignment turned in late due to losing the original was better as well. Her counselor is going to start meeting with her weekly for a few weeks to go over some tips and strategies for organization as well as studying. Finally, for her 504, we added in the accomodation that she be provided copies of notes from teachers and of course reinforced giving her extra time as needed. Otherwise ALL of her teachers talked very highly of her and said she is a good kid, bright girl, and not a behavior problem at all. She has a 94 in Lang. Arts (her strong subject) and that teacher really praised her.

So, let's hope these things will get her back on the right track to better grades!