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Post by catseye on May 20, 2004 9:51:14 GMT -5
 As for the IEP, I am not sure if I am feeling better or worse... Sd's mom apparently called the school to tell them she wouldnt be able to be there... I guess her work schedule is just not flexible enough (guess we dont have to worry about bm trying for custody, with all sd appts and such work would need to be flexible!)... Basically the IEP stayed the same... Sd still qualifies for all the services, unfortuntately that means she is still way behind her class in quality of work etc... Dh asked a question I wish I hadnt heard the answer to though... He asked if there may come a time that sd will just click and get it, and not need special ed... Unfortunately all the teachers, and therapists at the meeting, dont believe that will ever happen for sd... In fact they went on to say if we are thinking even farther ahead, that there are vocational schoolings (job training) that might help sd when she gets to that point... None of them felt college would ever be in sd's future... Oh that was so heartbreaking to hear! Poor dh, that had to hurt him worse then me... As for my reaction I am really scared, to know we have 11 more years of dealing with special ed, and people who dont know the whole situation judging dh and I parenting ability is just so frightening... It just all around stinks! My heart aches for sd, and all the future struggles with life she is going to have to endure... Of course my heart breaks for myself and dh also, this is not going to be easy in the least! I never dreamed parenting would be like this... I know alot of people would say it isnt my concern/responcibility, but I just dont see it that way... Since dh and I are doing the brunt of the raising of sd, we have the biggest influence on her little mind, and it obviously looks like we are failing... Sorry as you can tell I guess I am feeling worse after the IEP... Dreams, hopes for the future, have been squashed... I guess I need to have a good now...
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Post by finnmom on May 20, 2004 10:01:47 GMT -5
Cat I´am so sorry to hear your new´s  I know it must be heartbraking for you to think the future, but even if it seem´s pretty hopeless just now, you´ll never know how it goes in the end. I bet your sd is going to do great with your help and support  You´re so strong and loving mom to her that you´ll make a huge difference in her future Not everyone has to go to college, there are other way´s to succeed in life I know you´ve pictured a future for your sd and now seem´s like it aint gonna happend, but this is no end of the world, she has plenty of change´s left When you have some time to think about this you´ll notice that your sd is still the same girl you love and will fight for. This is hard, but you´ll get through it!!!!!! [glow=red,2,300](((((((((((((((((((((((HUG´S)))))))))))))))))[/glow] Marja |
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Post by rosyred45 on May 20, 2004 11:41:43 GMT -5
((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))) I feel bad I don't have the awe inspiring thing to type abotu now, BUT on the positive side about the vocational schools. I think they are perfect for kids that are book smart. Period. Here we have votech with culinary, child care, cosmotology, CAD, auto mechanics, auto body, PLUS more that I can't think of off the top of my head. My husband would have been perfect going there, except that had those kind of classes at his high school, so he didn't need to worry about it. Back to you, I'm sorry that you had to hear what you did. I know for me, when the principal told me she knows exactly what I am going through, and it won't get any easier, I wanted to cry. Actually I did cry, then the teacher started, then the guidance counsoler, then the Principal, I swear people woulda thought we were watching a sad movie. And hubby ALMOST broke down. But he was in school, so he had his school face on for the day  Look at and emphasize the good aspects of your sd. That way, it might tap into a whole other world for her . More (((((((((((hugs)))))))))))0 Kaiti |
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Post by camismom on May 20, 2004 13:28:31 GMT -5
I know alot of people would say it isnt my concern/responcibility, but I just dont see it that way... Since dh and I are doing the brunt of the raising of sd, we have the biggest influence on her little mind, and it obviously looks like we are failing... Nonsense! You are not failing! You are doing the best you can and that's all any of us do! Let's put the "step" label aside and call it like it is, you are this little girl's true mother, and I admire the heck out of you for stepping up to the plate! I know how you feel because I hae often looked into my dd's future and have thought she probably couldn't dut it through college. But hey, there are many avenues you can follow without college. The vo-tech route isn't a bad one to take. I have never been to college and yet I'm getting real close to being promoted to first shift computer operator where I work. We have techs here that only took vo-tech courses at our local tech college and they go from school to school repairing computers, loading programs, software, etc. My hairdresser is about as ADHD (major on the H) as you can get but she is a wonderful hairdresser with more clientale than she knows what to do with and she makes more money than I do! She just bought a $150,000 house all by herself! Tap into some of your dd's interests when she is older and go from there. Cami has a wonderful imagination and can make up some pretty good stories. This is something she loves to do. She also loves to take pictures. As a result her plans right now are to be a children's book author or photographer. There is a future for your dd. It may not be a bachelor's degree, but with the continued love and support she gets from you and dh, she will succeed. Of course it's not going to be easy, but when we look at the big picture, nothing in life ever is. Take care! |
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Post by sierra on May 20, 2004 17:21:39 GMT -5
I don't think schools have any business making judgements like that about young children.  I can't think when I've been more mad about something a school employee or a batch of 'em told a parent. I have met many many ADHD adults since finding out about my own sprouts ADHD. Maybe it's because you have to have a certain amount of gumption to take on schools that don't plan on educating your child but all the ADHD adults I've personally met are successful people who don't discourage easy and who are determined to make their ADHD children's childhoods as enjoyable and rewarding as possible given the schools have different plans about how their children spend their spare time. I know I got a slow start and I'm sure non of my elementary teachers thought I was college bait. I bet maybe one junior high teacher thought I had it in me. Well 2. Maybe. Maybe they were both humoring me. Here are a few things to think about. 1. In a lot of districts schools don't have the programs or facilities or trained personnel to remediate children once they fall behind. The LD and ADHD kids who most often fall through the cracks are the ones whose parents think schools can educate them. The LD and ADHD kids who for sure won't fall through the cracks are the ones whose parents think most schools are designed to prevent education not promote it. And then there's a whole bunch of LD and ADHD kids whose parents are suspicious and keep an eye on things and generally scrape by until they do click like you hope your SD will. Since I was a clicker I'm inclined to believe that kids can and do click no matter what schools expect. The most important thing is what you expect and what you provide in the way of learning opportunities and support and positive feedback. There is nothing worse on a child's ego than to feel like the system has given up on him or her. I know. Because the school system gave up on me. I'm lucky my parents didn't . They kept their expectations high though they didn't have many ideas on how to help me if the schools wouldn't. 2. If your SD hasn't had external testing to pinpoint her learning problems then you probably don't really know what her learning problems are. Once you understand the problems then you can work with the school and probably with external programs to put together a program to help her. 3. External programs aren't cheap but the reason there are so darn many of them is because there are a whole lot of parents who don't think their kids are getting an education in public school. Think real hard about whether you could afford 6 months or so of specialized tutoring to help your SD. It could be one of the best investments you ever make. Interview a bunch of programs don't just pick the first one you talk to. Talk to parents to get their experiences. Ask for parent referrals. Ask the parent referrals if they can refer you to anyone. The more people you talk to the better sense you'll have of whether the program is effective. Don't assume the big names are the best. I know a lady in the CA flatlands who took her dyslexic son to a mom and pop tutoring center. The woman was a genius and my friend says she tailored a reading program specifically to her son's weaknesses and learning style. It took a year but that boy isn't even considered dyslexic anymore. If something like the education centers had been around when I was a sprout I think my parents would have jumped at the opportunity. As it was they hired tutors every summer. Most of them were school teachers who just tried to teach the same old stuff the same old way. But even then a school teacher working one on one with me could tell I wasn't a lost cause. That helped me and I'm sure it helped my parents. 4. Homeschooling can be an excellent choice for a child who doesn't learn things the way schools prefer to teach things. I've thought about this and I still do. It's always an option if I decide school is interfering too much with the process of my sprouts getting an education. 5. And this is my last point. A college degree isn't everything. My own brother barely scraped through high school and had no intention of going to college. He kind of apprenticed himself to someone with a trade he was interested in. His mentor taught him the ropes of that trade and how to run a business and make a bid without going into the red. He worked real hard the first few years but he's probably richer than me today even though I'm the one with the fancy degrees and the impressive resume. He also has a thriving business to turn over to his sons in a few years if they're interested. Basically all I can give my sprouts is a good start in life whether it's a college education or some seed money for their own businesses if that's what they choose to do. So who's done better? My brother would argue he has. I would argue I have. We've never asked an impartial 3rd party. Don't give up on your SD. And don't believe everything you hear from her school. |
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Post by rosyred45 on May 20, 2004 18:32:19 GMT -5
I wish I had as many answers that are as good as seirra's, but I don't.
All I know is that I am happy with 2 pain in the butts that I just yelled at. If or when the need to home school woul be, we already thought about that. A friend of mine already has his equivilant to a diploma when I was in 9th grade.
Well, all kids have their strong suits, it's up to us to find them and build upon them.
Take care
Kaiti
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Post by TexasMom on May 20, 2004 22:01:45 GMT -5
Sierra has it right! What, your daugher's in 1st grade and they already know what she'll be like when she's an adult? Where's their chrylst ball? It makes me so mad! If you can possibly at all do it, you need to have independent testing done. Then you will have something to wave in their face to show them wrong. I had it done, and it was the best $500 I ever spent!
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Post by vickilyn32 on May 21, 2004 9:15:11 GMT -5
We had a teacher this year have her students write a paper on what they want to be when they grow up. Of course being in 7th grade almost all the boys want to be a professional sports player of some kind. This teacher handed the boys back their papers and told them to redo them, that noone from our town could ever be a professional anything. I and some other parents went off on this teacher. The chances of someone from here being "discovered" is extremly slim, but noone has the right to take a childs dream away from them. Who knows, one of these boys who wrote about being a famous sports person just may be the only one from our town to make it. However, if they give up before they even try, the defidently wont make anything. Before you give up on SD going to college, I would just wait and see what happens in the future. You never know what may happen, or what new information may be found to help our kids.
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Post by camismom on May 21, 2004 9:40:00 GMT -5
or what new information may be found to help our kids. That is an excellent point. I mean new medicines and technology is discovered everyday! Who knows what "cures" we could have years from now! |
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Post by babytay on May 21, 2004 12:58:30 GMT -5
I cant believe that they said that. How do they know what will happen years later. I know for a fact there are alot of people with ADHD that have succeded. It is not like ADHD has just started or any other problems children have. There are alot of people before us who had learning problems and I am sure many of them went to high school, College and did more. What about our great inventors I know some of them had ADHD.
I just think that was a quick judgement to make on their part. You never know what will happen. God works in mysterious ways. I would just let that make me try harder to make sure my child did make it to do whatever they wanted to.
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Post by catseye on May 21, 2004 14:44:01 GMT -5
Just a reminder my sd is also autistic along with the ADHD... No maybe they shouldnt of made assumptions, but my husband was asking their opinion (since they know more autistic kids then we do basically)... Neither myself or dh are college educated, so we do know that it certainly isnt a requirement, just a dream we had hoped to give to both our kids (sd and my son)...
I guess we will have to look into the independent testing, at one point I did but it was out of reach money wise (now we are doing much better), and since we have never received any child support or medical bills help we were really in a hole at the time...
Thanks for all the support I love ya all!! I am feeling better today about it...
cat
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Post by TexasMom on May 21, 2004 21:34:36 GMT -5
Just for an example, I remember seeing a news story on tv about a woman on tv who was autistic. She ended up not only going to college, but became an engineer and a professor who invented some devices that are used in the meat packing industry. Autistic does not mean hopeless |
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