HELP!!!!

[camismom]

I posted this under behavior too, but since it has to do with both beahvior and education problems, I thought I'd put it here as well:

I just got a call from one of Cami's teachers. The call came from the ONE teacher she hates, and the one I have come to feel has no true understanding of ADHD and how to teach a child with it. He is the one that acted like a complete butt at her 504 meeting saying things that even the ap was having to tell him were ADHD related, when he was insisting she is just lazy and defiant. He is the one that has noted "Modified Curriculum" on her last two report cards in the comment section...... Anyway, I'm rambling......

The teacher calls me all bent out of shape because today while in his classroom, Cami opened a door of a metal cabinet and sat on it while working with a group of kids on a project. Her weight bent the hinges of the door and now the door won't close properly.

First reaction to this was : Typical Impulsive Behavior. Acting before thinking of consequences. She forgot her med this morning (I realized as her bus was pulling off) so this is understandable.

Next thing is, when he confronted her on it (he SWEARS he saw this with his own two eyes ) she denied it.

Sooooooooooo, he started off going on and on about the cabinet, at which I ended up at a complete loss as to waht else to say to him. I apologized, offered to have husband come up and see if he could fix it, offered to pay to have the school fix it, offered to pay to replace it, and told him I would definitely speak to Cami about her doing it and tell her not to do it again. He kept on though.... what else do you want from me After a while I asked.

He then moved on to the fact that she denied it. That much I agree on punishment being necessary for. That is typical Cami. She gets caught doing something and approached for it, she always denies it at first. I know she is afraid of this teacher and thinks he hates her, so she probably figured if she owned up he would write her up, so she denied it. This much I will definitely speak to her about. If she did indeed do it (this is the same teacher that INSISTED she hit a boy last week again seeing so "with his own eyes" when all other witnesses say she didn't) I will have her write an apology to him and give her a few days of restriction for lieing. All I can do there.

I hung up the phone completely frustrated because I feel the teacher was blowing it all WAY out of proportion.

No. 1 - she has ADHD. This was typical impulsive behavior of an ADHDr. This should be considered.

No. 2 - There is only 6 days left of school. The last day is next Friday. I'm sure all teh kids are getting antsy about now. This should be considered too.

I wanted to ask the teacher if it would make him feel better if I told him that I'll beat her rear end until it bleeds as soon as I get home? Geez....


But on the flip side of all this is that there seems to be one thing after another with her going on this last month and a half. First there was the all out fight with the girl in chorus. Three days out of school suspension. Then the bad recommendation from her teacher commenting on how she "constantly has to redirect Cami, etc." that she later retracted and blamed on her own bad mood of the day, then the pushing incident in the cafeteria with the boy that cost her the cheerleading tryouts, now this.

Should I attribute this all to her age, the time of year, or should I look into a med increase? Heck, I've even started wondering if I should have her tested for ODD. I saw Barry's post on "Kick--- Teenagers" and it got me wondering. But isn't all this just a part of the age too? AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know what to think anymore!!

What do you all think, and what would y'all do about the current situation and do you think I handled it wrong? I know I automatically go on the defensive wiith her and I know I'm not crazy about this teacher either which probably affected my reaction to him.

?? I'm so confused!

[vickilyn32]

I dont know if it helps or not, but I remember last year before Dan turned 13 as being a terrible year. I did not know if we would surrvive it or not. Every morning when he went to school I would worry about what will happen today. I also worked at the school so as soon as something would happen, his teacher would find me. I felt like I was holding my breath waiting for the next thing to go wrong. Now a year later things are lots better. I believe it was a combination of things. Starting puberty, moving into Jr High, the rest of the class starting puberty and moving in Jr high, and a teacher who did not understand him. Combined with a student who loved to pick on him, it was ripe for disaster. We tried a med change to strat, went back on adderall XR this year, got the school to allow him to remove himself for cooling off periods (its in his IEP now) and a few coaches this year that really understand him and allow him to excell in sports without putting him down have all helped this year a great deal. We managed to make it thru 6th grade in one piece, and now we are looking forward to next year. It is a great feeling to not worry all the time. I hope our expirence helped some. DS is a year older than his classmates so he will be 14 this month and starting 8th grade next year.

[rosyred45]

First question: personal, but, does she get her monthly bill yet? Maybe her hormones are a little wacky lately.

The impulse thing is just that. Implusive. what she really needs to do is slow down and think. YEAH YEAH YEAH--I'm thinking the same thing. AIN"T HAPPENING HERE EITHER.

As for thinking about the teenage thing, I think because she IS trying to come into her own, that's part of it. She is proving that she isn't a baby anymore, so don't treat her like one. The only problem with that is that she still needs to be monitored because of the impulsiveness.

I take my hat of to you, cause Tara has yet to have anything "wrong" with her and she's gonna be lucky if she sees 10

Thinking of ya ((((((((((hugs))))))))))
Kaiti

[vickilyn32]

DD just turned 11 and we are already having the pre-teen hormones going. She is not ADHD, but I am wondering if she will be even worse than Dan was last year. She will be in 6th grade and as you can tell, that was rough for Dan. He got ISS and a ticket for calling a teacher a B#### behind her back. After she accused him of breaking his reading glasses to get out of work. I never did punish him for that, I agreed with him but told him he should not have said it. Amber has the eye rolling thing down pat, and is starting with the attitude already. We are also getting the end of the year, teacher burned out and kids with spring fever stuff now as well. If Cami does not have that teacher next year, maybe things will be better for her, if she can get thru the rest of this year.

[camismom]

Ok to update: As far as last night goes, I spoke with her and to begin with she truly didn't believe that she had bent the door. She showed me what she was doing and she was not sitting on the doors, but on top of the cabinet, which she says students do all the time. She was resting her legs on the doors. She felt that since she doesn't weigh "that much" and it was only her legs, that no way could she have done that. This is why she denied it. My husband explained to her that it doesn't take much pressure/weight to bend metal. Only then did she come around and realize she could have done it. She claims those doors have always been hard to shut though. At this point I was at a loss, but to smooth things over with the teacher, had her write him an apology, and I wrote him myself explaining that I had talked with her, implement some punishment, and offered yet again to pay for the repairs or replacement.

Kaiti, to answer your question, her monthly "curse" has not hit yet, but she has the tell-tale signs that it's coming and can be very moody and "hormonal"!

vickilyn, no she does not have this teacher next year. Each year of middle school is a whole new "team" of teachers for that grade. I've already started praying for a better team! Seems to me that if a school knows a child has ADHD or any other problem for that matter, they would bend over backwards to place them with a teacher that has a full understandinf of that disability and how to teach a child with it. Nice wish though, I know!