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Post by mom2tj on Apr 29, 2004 11:15:38 GMT -5
Yesterday was DS's school concert, I buy him a new shirt, get a sitter for 2yo drive 20 min back and forth, DH takes time off from work to be there so maybe I was expecting to much?  When DS comes out to the stage he walks off and sits on the floor on the side of the stage where no one can see..... with 3 other boys, he has a trangle throuw the dans and song the 2 other boys swiches places and go on stage but not mine!!! he just sits there and dings the triangle 3x....... when everything is done they all get up and stand in the back of the stage for the final song I DS beeing very small can not be seen at all the girls are standing in the front and the boys in the back... to make it short we saw nothing I didnt even get one picture of DS..... to make thing worse my friend's boy also ADHD was omitted complitely from the concert he was made to stand at the buttom of the stairs and slap his hands this poor little boy was crying, at least my DS has no Idea he was set aside...... I am devistated,,,,,, I want to say something but Am I just to touchy.... I feel the concert whould be for everyone and if DS was beeing uncoopertive I should have been notified.... I've been crying all morning and no one seems to get my point ... I questioned DS and he says he wanted to play the xenophone and the teacher said he would but changed he mind.... he also said he wished the instoments could have been set on stage.... He is not to upset and I didnt voice any disapointement to him made him beleive that he did a great job and that I was very proud but my heat is saying something else... DH thinks that DS doent seem bothered so leave it be... but I feel it was unfair that my son did not have the same role as the others.... would you speek up? thanks for reading so long but you people are the only ones that understand.... I tried to talk to my long time friends but she doesnt get it... the pain we feel for our kids.... the looks or how these special kids are treated, she doesnt get it..... |
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Anna
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Post by Anna on Apr 29, 2004 11:30:56 GMT -5
(((((Big Hugs)))))
Thankfully your son doesn't seem upset about it, he probably thought he had a really "cool" part by getting to play the triangle! (I know at my daughter's school that it's one of the "coolest" to play an instrument) Now I think he should have been on the stage with the rest of the kids... and I guess I'm not understanding why the other little boy wasn't up on the stage.......
I think I would either call or email the teacher and ask why your son was off to the side during the performance. Was it because of his behavior, or was it just poor planning on the teacher's part... Chances are it wasn't intentional!
But I COMPLETELY understand feeling hurt that your child wasn't even seen during the performance!
((hugS))
Anna
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Post by shelly75964 on Apr 29, 2004 11:46:07 GMT -5
I know exactly what you are going through. This happend to my son last year in the 4th. grade. He wanted to play a big part in the school's year end play, he didn't get the part, and the part that he did get really didn't bother him. But it bothered me a great deal.. Because some of the kids that got the bigger parts weren't any better than my son (that's the mom speaking..LOL ;D) Anyway, I just held my head up high and when the play was over, I gave him a big hug, told him that he did a wonderful job, and then put my hurt feelings away (as hard as it was). As long as his feelings weren't hurt I figure that it is okay. As long as he does not feel left out, that is okay. But!!!!! The minute that my child feels "discriminated" against, you can bet the farm that I will be there will bells and whistles a blowing!!! LOL. But in my opinion.. as long as he is okay with it, it is okay..
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Post by mom2tj on Apr 29, 2004 13:29:51 GMT -5
But he said he wished he would have been on stage too there is no reason he couldnt bring the triangle on stage.....that is my beef.....
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Post by Linda on Apr 29, 2004 13:37:47 GMT -5
I would have been upset too....and yes speak up..you are your childs best advocate...Find out why things happened the way they did.  :oI am really sorry this happened...post back and let us know. |
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Post by shelly75964 on Apr 29, 2004 13:46:22 GMT -5
Oh!!! I see. I must have missed that part.. If you are that upset about it.. Call them..
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Post by babytay on Apr 29, 2004 14:49:21 GMT -5
Well I think if he was hurt I would say something. My kid is always left out. I think the school always thinks he will mess up or something. I am usually on pins and needles myself during these programs.
I have never asked I just figure they thought my kid couldnt handel it. He is usually happy so I dont push it and I tell him to try again next time.
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Post by finnmom on Apr 29, 2004 15:27:36 GMT -5
Oh that´s so unfair  And the other adhd-kid left totally out I would speak up, if your son is feeling bad anout this It can be something totally innosent, but still... call/email her and let her know how your son and you feel about this! Marja P.s. Overreacting I dont think so, just being a good mom  Who else would stand up for our kid´s |
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Post by TexasMom on Apr 29, 2004 19:05:24 GMT -5
If nothing else, you went to the trouble of getting a sitter and taking time off of work and your son wasn't even on the stage! I'd certainly be upset. I don't have that much time off that I can waste it on that sort of business. I'd complain to the principal.
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Post by vickilyn32 on Apr 30, 2004 9:17:58 GMT -5
I worked for the Jr high band for two years and no child was ever made to stay out of sight or off the stage. I think it was very unprofessional for the teacher to set some of the kids aside like that. You and the other parent should both complain. In all the years my kids have been in programs or band no one was ever singled out that way.
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Post by mom2tj on Apr 30, 2004 20:19:41 GMT -5
Well I did it I wrote a letter and sent it I was very polite yet clear about how disapointed I was I told her I hope this does not put a damper on things and I mentioned that this does not change how I feel about her and I still think she is a great theacher but I felt I had to say something.... we'll see I hope I didnt make a mistake... Ds has her again next year....
Finnmom thank you you are wright if I dont stand up for him who will?
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Post by finnmom on May 1, 2004 2:35:15 GMT -5
Hey Mom2TJ You´re a good mom, TJ is happy to have you standing for him Good for you sendeng the letter, I always believe in the power of politely, it make it hard to take any offence of it when you put it in polite way  GREAT!!!! Marja |
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Post by catatonic on May 2, 2004 9:34:54 GMT -5
Some teachers don't handle ADHD kids well. When it's a teacher your child is going to have for a number of years (like a band teacher) then it's a much bigger problem. In my experience, there are several routes you can take, and none of them are ideal. There's the approach where you don't make waves, figuring that if you do try to address the situation it will only make things more difficult for your child in the long run. (Especially if the teacher is vindictive, and especially if you have a tendency to lose your cool in such situations.) Unfortunately, this may also allow a situation to continue in which your child is being treated unfairly, even victimized. Then there is the squeaky wheel approach, where you make sure to share your concerns with the teacher, the principal, the school district music instruction supervisor, etc. (Preferably in writing, which makes it harder to deny the problem exists and that you've tried to deal with it.) This is risky if your child is going to have the teacher again, because it won't make the teacher very happy. It does, however, make an impact. There are times and situations where you have to take a stand, no matter how inconvenient or risky. But I consider this the "big guns" approach and reserve it for situations in which I'm willing to go down with the ship! Then there's the conversation with the teacher. Always a good first choice, although not necessarily effective. Share your concerns and questions and possibly the teacher will realize that they've treated your child in a way that has had results they didn't intend. I personally would speak up, just as you've done in writing a note. If you don't get good answers to your note, then I'd go talk to the teacher in person and ask why your child was excluded from participating in the concert, and even prevented from standing up with the band. If there's not a good reason for it, ask to have it changed. Have a conversation with the principal if you have to. I certainly don't believe you're being too touchy. I'd also guess that if your son is anything like mine, he's more bothered than he lets on but is able to mask it since he's gotten used to being treated worse than the other kids and believes he deserves somehow to be treated badly. To me, this is the scariest part about letting things slide in order to avoid ticking off a teacher you'll be dealing with for a few years. What does it teach your child? That it's okay he was treated unequally? That he is somehow less worthy than the other members of the band? Of course, it's entirely possible that the band teacher thinks he's not very good at playing his instrument. Then it makes sense to give him a minor role, although not sitting out of sight apart from the other students! I apologize for sounding militant on this issue, but it is one we've been dealing with as well and I can't set aside the fact that I'm outraged by what's been going on here! To me the bottom line is, our children may be more challenging, but that does not make them any less deserving of LOVE and PATIENCE and KINDNESS and FAIRNESS and any teacher who is unable to do this ought to be KICKED OUT!!! So there. Thank you for letting me blow off steam! |
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