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Post by kathyv on Feb 21, 2004 10:04:34 GMT -5
Brief background: 3 kids, girl, 20,boy17,boy,15. The 17 diagnosed ADHD going into 9th grade, 15 year old ADD going into 7th. All three started at the same private school in Kindergarten. The "good girl" graduated and went off to a good college. Happy and doing well. The 17yr old dropped out in the 11th grade after the most unsupportive school experience. The 15 year old just got into trouble for the first time at the school. He threw a rock and accidentally hit a janitor. (who came around the corner in a moving cart after he threw the rock.) Here is my question: He was given 2 days suspension - harsh since it was an accident, but acceptable. The unacceptable part to me is that we are supposed to now sign a behavior probation contract which states he can not break any rules for the rest of the semester or he will be subjected to severe consequences. (the most severe being expulsion, "but not limited to." ) They do not list all of the rules, but it could be as small as a tardy. A high school sophmore without ADD would have a tough time being perfect, but add the ADD and I think they are only setting him up for failure. If we don't sign, they can kick him out anyway. My older son's story is even more interesting but I will save that for another time. I tried to talk my son into changing schools last year when his brother left but he has his friends since K and he is happy and well liked there.
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Post by tridlette on Feb 21, 2004 13:59:18 GMT -5
Is this contract already written, a standard contract? I would consider possibly signing it, ONLY IF, it is customized for your situation, well defined, and your son has a say in what is in the contract. He isn't a elementary school child who will follow rules blindly. He needs to be involved in the decision making, since it will directly effect him.
If he violates a part of the contract, he will clearly know in advance that he is in violation, and therefore he is ultimately responsible for the impact it his on him.
I would also insist on knowing how many other students in the school are faced with signing the contract as well... and what occured prior to their contract. Is every child allowed one mistake and is immediately sent to contract level, or is this a "special" circumstance. I immediately get defensive, but if the precedent has already been set, then I guess you follow with it... but I would make it known that your child will have an opportunity to participate in the decision making of this contract.
If there is no precedent, I would not stand for him being singled out for a relatively minor offense that was not intentional.
Please let us know how this all turns out.
Good luck.
Laurie
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Post by Sorka on Feb 21, 2004 14:39:39 GMT -5
"we are supposed to now sign a behavior probation contract which states he can not break any rules for the rest of the semester or he will be subjected to severe consequences. (the most severe being expulsion, "but not limited to." ) They do not list all of the rules, but it could be as small as a tardy" Ok 1. why would you sign a contract that allows the school to remove your son's right to a 'free and appropriate education'?? 2. if the contract states he cannot break any rules and then fails to state what the rules are how is he to know how to behave? 3. This was an accident.. or wasn't it? Is there something else going on here? 4. He is a kid, he will mess up, what if another 'accident' happens? 5. Education is compulsary.. not voluntary.. he is only 15, so this contract if carried out to the point of expusion would put you at odds with the law...  6. Does he have an IEP? a 504.. he should be protected against expulsion because this act was impulsive and impulsivity is a symptom of ADD. See the wrights law site... www.wrightslaw.com/info/discipl.index.htmI would not sign the contract. As long as it was an accident. Denise |
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Post by mctavish23 on Feb 21, 2004 14:53:52 GMT -5
Hi,
I mentioned this in an earlier post but wasn't as specific as I intended to be.
My friend has an excellant site...www.bigsplace.com........
On it he has a list of each states Client Assistance Program's (CAP) director. That would be the person in charge of all disabiltiy advocates in each state (except Michigan I think). Please check it out if you get a chance. Their services are free and they have no affiliation with any group or organization outside of their state govt.
Good luck.
mctavish23(Robert)
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Post by finnmom on Feb 21, 2004 18:20:49 GMT -5
Hi Kathy! Sorka put it out nicely, so I just follow that road ;D -Is this common thing to do in there, or is this special treatment for your family because of your older one -if it´s a common rutine, then there should be very specific rule´s, what are the thing´s you simply cant violate without getting kicked out. -Who separates accident´s from purposal action´s -........ This seems quite "funny", is it totally legal? I´am not familiar with your law´s but still...... Make´s me wonder... I wouldn´t sign it before some deep conversation about it. Marja |
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Post by kathyv on Feb 22, 2004 16:45:03 GMT -5
Thanks to all who have replied. Sorka has helped me tremendously. I never knew about the Wrightslaw site. I feel like I did a tremendous disservice to my older son. I sat back and let his school run him out of there and I basically sat by and did nothing. I will NOT allow this for my younger son. First of all, yes, it was an accident. Six other children saw the incident take place. Unfortunately, we are at a private school. Legally, they can pretty much do what they want unless we are willing to fight. We didn't fight for our older son because we still had one more child left in the school who was very happy there. It will be easy to stand up for my younger one. I will not sign a vague contract that is setting him up for failure. Breaking the "rules" can be as small as a tardy! You would think I was making it up if you actually saw the contract. I will keep you all informed. Thanks for your help.
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Post by rosyred45 on Feb 22, 2004 17:20:12 GMT -5
kathyv, keep in mind if they have a "zero-tolerance" policy. I know this maybe too late for you to look intom, but if it was truly an accident, the board of directors or who ever should be notified of the "lack of clarity" in the discipline policy.
Private or public, there must be someone to give you specific answers.
Good Luck
Kaiti
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Post by kathyv on Feb 22, 2004 17:33:08 GMT -5
They have a zero tolerance drug policy, but I do not believe it extends to accidents. I will definitely look into it and let you know. I just wanted to add one more update regarding the contract. I just found the last contract that was drawn up for my older son. (1/13/03). It is less vague re: the rules. It clearly states" must abide by all school rules(no exceptions are made for excessive tardies, uniform/dress code violations, etc.)" How is that for making a child feel wanted? He didn't last through the month.
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Post by TexasMom on Feb 22, 2004 23:56:54 GMT -5
Sounds to me like they want to get rid of the kid. I would insist on having EVERYTHING spelled out or I wouldn't sign.
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Post by kathyv on Feb 23, 2004 12:18:07 GMT -5
Thank you all for your input and advice. I have done a lot reading this weekend. Unfortunately, the school appears to be protected. When we signed the contract for a private school, we signed away our rights for an education protected by the constitution as long as we remain at that school. They can enforce any rules that they want and we must either abide by them, or leave. Since my son loves most of his teachers and friends he really wants to stay. I read the handbook that outlines disciplinary actions, and although the rock was unintentionally thrown and an accident it was still behavior that put another in harms way. Now I need to talk my husband into signing the probation agreement. (Not going to be easy)
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Post by rosyred45 on Feb 23, 2004 13:12:00 GMT -5
Well, looking at it this way, if your son really likes the school, at least he feels welcomed by them. And maybe this might be one of those told you you shouldn't so that kinda moments, you know when accidents happen when you least expect them too  Hope you come to an understanding with your husband Kaiti |
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Post by kathyv on Feb 24, 2004 13:00:52 GMT -5
Ok, different day. My son came home yesterday and started to tear up. He can't believe this is happening to him. It was an accident. My husband and I and my son saw the janitor last night and we apologized. He said he understood but he had to tell the teacher because he could have hurt someone. I agree. My son was wrong to throw the rock back to his friend. (An impulsive response) This is the first and only behavior problem he has confronted in 11 years at the same PRIVATE school. (Not counting running or talking out of turn) The behavior contract sets him up for failure. Last year when my older son left school it was after numerous behavior problems. The last one was a lie by the principal who wanted him out. The headmaster investigated and admitted the principal had lied. My son refused to stay there. The only reason we did not sue was because we didn't want to hurt our younger son. Now it appears that he is getting hurt anyway. Private schools can get away with just about anything. We still have not signed. We have postponed our meeting until Thursday. We are trying to learn as much as possible.
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Post by rosyred45 on Feb 24, 2004 16:56:36 GMT -5
My first impulse would be to yank my son out of the school.
But thinking like about it, well, if they are doing this to you, who else are they going to do it to? Personally, I would be combing up any scrap that I could to use against the school. I don't know how to fight private schools or that kind of stuff, but there has to be some kind of contributers that might give you a listen and threaten them(the school) with yanking funds if they don't get into the real world.
My, I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to sound that nasty. Yes I did. I don't care who anyone thinks they are, but your son doesn't deserve to be treated as a criminal. I can see that it is affecting him, he does feel guilty about the accident, but it's better than for him to have no remorse.
Is there anyone that seems kinda mellow around the school that you might be able to dig up some dirt from? I know, not nice, but they aren't playing fair either.
You could "politely" remind them that the children are not the same. And if they have that much of a problem with it, they better hire more "educated" teachers that can handle children being children, not clones or drones.
OK, off the soap box for me. I can't stand seeing kids getting the brunt of adults stupidity.
Kaiti
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Post by finnmom on Feb 25, 2004 12:57:01 GMT -5
Well, I dont know about privat school´s eather, but I´ll second Rosyred; there has to be some regulation´s for those too. this sound´s so bad considering your child...
I hope you´ll get some help...
Marja
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Post by Sorka on Feb 25, 2004 15:44:57 GMT -5
what does the disciplinary process say in the handbook? what is the process?
if you can please send it to us, we may be able to help get you around some tricky wording..and figure out a solution
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