How do I stop Negative feedback from the teacher?

[tridlette]

I am extremely frustrated with Shaun's teacher at school. She is a really nice lady, all 3 of the boys have had her. But for some reason, she cannot find it in her to write a positive comment on his papers.

I just got his January work home, and his book log has a nasty note on it.

Shaun was in school a total of 10 days in January.

**You can skip this long history if you want: If you recall, Shaun was struck by a car while riding his bike on Dec. 30. He was really shook up, and just not himself the first few days back to school. The following week, he was in school 1 1/2 days before getting ill. He had a sore throat and headache and was vomitting and nauseous, missing 6 days of classes. There was a weekend and a holiday in the middle of that mess. He went to class1 day, and then the doctor called to say he had strep throat and I kept him home for another 2 days (1 for antibiotics to kick in, the second was a diarrhea from antibiotic day!) We then had 3 snow days the following week. That brought us into February. Now he has an ear infection.**

While he was home sick, I was teaching his brother his regular classes. When he wasn't vomitting or sleeping, Shaun sat in on History and Science. One day he got bored so he started reading a book on his own. I put that on his book log. He read the entire book in one sitting.

His book log for January has just that book on it, so I put a note saying that Shaun was sick for 10 days, but that he did read the entire book.

The teacher writes back, where she put his grade for the month... "Should write down what he read" and that was followed by 2 exclamation points underlined with an unhappy face.

I am SOOO angry. Here is a child that has been traumatized and ill, who made the effort to read a little bit despite spending much of the month with his face swollen or vomitting into the toilet bowl, and she cannot find a positive thing to say after HE chose to read one whole book while home sick. "Sarah Plain and Tall" It isn't like I kept him home to go to movies and pizza parties the whole month

Now I am so worked up that I wrote in the communication book that I want a conference with her.

YOUR JOB: give me the words and encouragement to tell her how to do her job. I am tired of her destroying his self esteem. She may not be saying really negative things, but if he never hears a positive thing from her, it is just about the same as all negative! He knows that he is sloppy, no one can read his writing. He knows that both his brothers are gifted students and he isn't. He knows that they stand out above the rest of the class and he doesn't.

My oldest son only reads comic books now, and my middle son absolutely refuses to read ANYTHING since getting out of 4th grade with this group of teachers. I can't and won't sit by and let them destroy Shaun's love of reading too.

PLEASE HELP <beg, plead>

[Linda]

Trid...I would not ask...I would DEMAND an immediate conference with this teacher!!

Should write down what he read? Grrrr,sounds to me like she is trying to punish you!! Like the poor kid can help it if he is sick?He has had enough trauma without the teacher adding to it.I'm sorry if I am coming off sounding mean but this really ticks me off!!

If she can't say something nice about this wonderful child then she doesn't need to be teaching.

I f you get nowhere with her at the conference,then go to the principal.

[TexasMom]

I had a simular thing happen with Steven when he was in the third grade. I had several conferences with the teacher and finally had to have a joint conference with the principal and the teacher. This teacher wrote a nasty note to me when I tried to explain why Steven mistakenly did the wrong assignment. I just told the principal I was tired of her snotty attitude. Maybe in a joint conference you could persuade the teacher to be more positive. A little pressure from above never hurts.

[catseye]

Well for some reason I didnt take it the same way?? I read it to mean that the teacher felt shaun should of wrote the books name down, and not mom??

I agree she needs to salute the work that is being done, and not critisize every turn... I do hate when the teachers focus on the negative... Good luck in figureing this out!

cat

[tridlette]

Cat... I wondered the same thing. But she omitted all reference to WHO should write it down. The sentence started with a capital "Should have..."

I like the phrase "salute the work being done". It really says what I am thinking.

I wrote a note asking for a conference. I already met with the principal in October when the sprang it on him the day before Halloween that he had missed 3 homeworks in October and would not be allowed to participate in the Halloween parade and party at school. I walked in with DH and demanded to see the principal and Shaun in the office immediately. When we were done and they wouldn't change their tune... I signed him out of school for the day and took him out for ice cream with Dad! And I demanded my $5.00 contribution for the party back. That I did get.

I am hoping that she waits till the end of the school day to call so that I can get all the advice possible!

Thanks for your help.

Laurie

[Honeysmom]

IHMO, what she wrote is not the end of the world, but how she wrote it. As if by adding two exclaimations points and a sad face would drive her point home. That was not very nice. Hasn't she ever heard the saying...If you can't say anything nice...you know...

I think what you said about his self-esteem and feeling like he is not as smart as his brothers is definately a point to bring up. Let her know that this type of comment overshadows the good work that he put in. I also agree that a conference with the principal would be helpful. If this is an ongoing problem I highly doubt that she wants to change it. I also wonder why he was excluded from the Halloween party at the last minute without letting you know a few days in advance. I know my BIL has had that threatened to him in the past, but always with about a weeks notice and a note home to his mom.

Also, ask Shaun how he feels about her. He might tell you he dislikes her and exactly why. Then you can add that in your own way, like by saying, "I am afraid that Shaun will start to feel....b/c of all the negative attention." That way you don't have to use his name or that he said it.

Good Luck, let us know how it goes...Becky

[Sorka]

When I was student teaching at our college lab school we were assigned 4 students each. Each week we were to write down three praises and a wish for each student. This was done for us as well Each week our supervising instructor observed us and wrote down three praises and a wish. This went a long way toward how we looked at our students and ourselves.. I need to get back to doing that now that I am teaching my own children at home.. for them and for me..

Stating the negative item as a wish also helped.. it helped us to turn it around and see it as more of a possibility.. a hopeful thing something that will be worked on and improved upon..

The one thing you wish for her is that she would catch him being good more often... ok the old addage... you will catch more bees with honey.. Kids need to hear those praises.. not false ones but real stuff.. I like the way you lined up quietly, your story was really interesting! Wow you are ready to work (when they get all their stuff out..
Your biggest ally here might be a school psyc of consellor.. they will agree with you on this one and be less threatening to the teacher than the principal. Because the same principals apply to her...

D

(I'm just too darn nice)

[dansmommy]

My little guy that I'm babysitting (5 y/o preschooler, no diagnosis yet) has been such a handful that I asked his teacher for some ideas and she said what works best for him is to have him on a plan where every seven minutes you find something to make a positive comment on to him. I think we're all so trained to make negative comments, but last summer when ds went to a day camp where they complained about some aspect of his behavior every day was a nightmare. And they don't effectively correct it either. Hope the principal and you can offer the teacher some "guidance" about better techniques to improve student performance. (Or even to recognize the times when kids are human beings first and need to be healthy to do their work). Christie

[tridlette]

Well, I met with the teacher, her new student teacher and brought Shaun with me (for moral support)

I started off with the friendly part of my agenda... Shaun has missed so much school, what does he need to focus on to catch up. I was amazed and irritated to find out he is all caught up. She has been keeping him at recess every day to make up the work! If he had told me that, I would have been in a whole lot sooner to raise their roof.

So acedemically he is is just fine. Then I asked her about his handwriting, and she says there has been no improvement (as suspected).

Next, I asked her about the social issues with the bullies. The student teacher handled that question! It seems Shaun boldly puffed out his chest when they started on him last week. He held his chin up and said, "If you could understand how desparate you look when you try to act big, you would shut up and find a nice way to make friends. Your method isn't working for you, so go think up a new way to make friends nicely!" The student teacher was excited to hear the answer because she can see a future in teaching and wants to always remember that answer for future bullies!

Then I asked what she meant by the unhappy face on his reading log. She said he should have been reading and logging his books. I said he logged everything he read, and that I didn't think it was appropriate to comment with an unpleasant gesture. She said she didn't realize she had done it. I believe in her sincerity, maybe I am a fool, but I have been dealing with her for 3 out of the last 4 years.

Anyway, I pointed out to her 4 times that Shaun really needs positive feedback, since he compares himself harshly to his successful brothers in so many ways. He needs to feel proud of himself every chance possible, and please help him promote himself.

She agreed to work with him. It was interesting, because even before I told her the real reason I was there, I noticed several times she complimented him on various aspects. Like that during the recess make up time, he was "caught" helping another little girl figure out how to do the math problems on her make up work.

I will keep my eye on her, make sure Shaun gets positive responses from her. Again, you folks come through for me! Thanks all so much.

I wish I could learn to wear my pointy hat with out looking like I am just playing dress up. I have to get more "mean", I am just too much of a softy.

Laurie

[Linda]

I just loved what Shaun said to the bully....good for him! Seems things are back on track now,now you can go forward. I t sounds to me like your son is going to do just fine.

Way to go Shaun!

[BBW4EVR1]

I am all for teachers and great proponent of teachers-but when I hear stories like this-I just want to go kick some +**! I sure would feel good and I bet the teacher would get the message with a size 8 up her behind!! Sorry, guys sometimes even I get frustrated with certain teachers who make it tough for all of the excellent teachers that are out there trying to make a differernce for our kids!