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Post by LucyBell on Nov 25, 2003 9:04:57 GMT -5
Hi, I'm brand new to the group and have been trying to find time to post some questionsand gripes. I believe lack of time, because our daughter consumes so much time, is where I will loose my mind first People give me a difficult time because I don't know what's going on in the world or even know what comes on television. They just can't understand the amount of time we spend on our daughter. Thank goodness I found someplace to talk to others that understand. We have a 14 yr. old daughter that was diagnosed with AD/HD Innattentive this Septmember. This was after my suspicions of her having it in 5th grade, and the psychologist more or less suggested organizational skills. Well, of course symptoms, problems, and frustrations continued until we made that huge transition into her Freshman year. The more research and reading I did, I just shook my head in disbelief that we and others had missed this for so long. She is THE TEXTBOOK CASE for ADHD/Inattentive. Even though of course there isn't such a thing. Since she started Straterra, improvements have especially been made in her concentration, and she is working more independently. She has always been an A/B student, but not without alot of effort. I feel like I'm in high school all over again. Her written/verbal communication skills seem so far behing. A few weeks ago, I spent 4 1/2 hours on Saturday just teaching her how to write a 5 paragraph essay. She just has so much trouble putting her thoughts into words that are age appropriate and cohesive. This however, is one of many issues. It's just the one that is most recently on my mind. I have a couple of questions. We have not gotten the school involved with a 504 or anything. I want to be really careful about labeling her. Can I have some opinions on this? How will this effect peer/peer relationships and later applications to colleges/universities? Also, I have read so many books, but I am finding limited resources on getting additional help. For instance, I would like to help her improve her writing skill, verbal communication, peer/peer relationships. Any suggestions or comments on this? Thanks for listening to all this.  LucyBell (my daughter's nickname) |
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Post by Jorgy on Nov 25, 2003 9:21:25 GMT -5
 Welcome LucyBelle! Glad to have you here and vent away. Come live with us in Acceptance. To find out about Acceptance read the thread Wish List. 1mom is great and will be the town's writer. Sue
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MommaToFive
Full Member
With God all things are possible!!
Posts: 113
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Post by MommaToFive on Nov 25, 2003 10:40:25 GMT -5
LucyBell,
Welcome to the family!! There is a wealth of knowledge, love and support here... I hope you will find it as comforting as I have. I understand the fear and reluctance to "label" her... However, I don't think it would affect the peer relationships she has. She is the same girl... Just maybe has some modifications that help her to achieve everything she wants and needs to acheive. As far as college, I don't know the particulars but I don't think they can discrimanate against her because she is who she is. And I think that any modifications that are made can and are held up in college. You have to do what you feel is best for her. And we here are supportive and encouraging in any way we can be.
Once again Welcome!!!
Erin
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Post by Dad2Brooke on Nov 25, 2003 11:02:58 GMT -5
Welcome aboard, LucyBell. You have come to the right place for answers and understanding. "Labels" are a hard thing, but IMHO the children are already somewhat labelled anyway. They may as well get the help and benefit of it. Again, welcome aboard. ;D |
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Post by lgmvol on Nov 25, 2003 19:05:35 GMT -5
Iknow how you feel about labeling your daughter.
We just found out my 13 yr old son is ADHD.
We went from having great grades and no problem to struggling with all homework and test taking.
He is entering High School in the fall and I am worried sick!
I have discussed using a personal computer type thing called CaluScribe in class to the teacher modifing his notes (which seems to be his biggest problem). He is technically a great student but is really struggling right now. He can make great grades in Honors algebra but can not take notes in Social Studies~
He is taking Concerta which is helping with the implusivness a lot and also with taking personal responsibility.
I would love to hear how it goes with your daughter and her progress this year. Any tips for ADHD in high school are welcome!
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Post by LitlBaa on Nov 26, 2003 0:58:59 GMT -5
Welcome!
I understand your feelings about having an IEP/504 because of the labeling. I don't have anything in place for my daughter (age 12) for the same reason. So far her teachers are willing to accomodate her without a formal written plan. I know I've been very lucky in this.
Here in CA, the community colleges will work with you on modifications if you have a note from your doctor/therapist. My hubby was recently dx'd three months ago and is a full time college student.
As for the time issue, I fully understand! And it's worse when you work full time. I attended a seminar on ADHD several years ago, and the speaker said that in many cases, we aren't parents, we're policemen on 24 hour duty. We monitor this and take care of that, it's exhausting to do over and over again.
A book I found really helpful was "Understanding Girls with ADHD" by Sari Solden. Each page had something familiar.
Best of luck, so glad you've joined us!
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Post by Yanlee on Nov 26, 2003 10:52:41 GMT -5
Hi,LUCYBELLE! I can really feel your frustrations.Recently my son,AL,was a victim of labelling and isolating.It's terrible but it did happened and it's very common situation.I'm still new just like you but I have learned and understood a lot not only about AD/HD but feelings of other parents.It makes a difference to me and my son. I 've transferred AL to another school with smaller population and with teachers who understand and believe every child has the right to education no matter how different they are.He loves going to school now and he's happy and motivated.He has difficulties in Reading and Writing too.We were recomended to see an O.T for his writing difficulty and he is in tutorial to help his reading ability. There is hope for our children. Keep on going....  |
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Post by LucyBell on Nov 26, 2003 11:34:05 GMT -5
To All,
Thanks for responses on your experiences on 504's and IEP's. I will also get a copy of Sari Solden's book.
It really feels so good to read others experiences and relate to each one.
I'm so looking forward to school being out for a few days. I'm hoping for some down time in all of the holiday bustle.
Thanks a bunch,
LucyBell
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Post by loveforeric on Nov 26, 2003 13:40:21 GMT -5
Lucybell; Welcome to this safe and wonderful place. The people on this site are so welcoming to you. I understand the labelling can be difficult to get past, however Ralph is right, our children are labelled everyday, by someone. Why not use it to their advantage and get them what they need to live in this world. Lack of time is all we have as parents right,LOL... Please continue to vent with us, it helps you and us all. I do hope you have a great Thanksgiving Holiday and a good day. Christina |
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Post by kstquilter on Nov 26, 2003 19:49:00 GMT -5
Welcome Lucybell,
I do understand your concerns. i guess we were lucky in that our dd was diagnosed in 2nd grade. starting anything new in high school is hard enough with all the changes they are going thru. we had time to work thru some things before she got older.
i would worry about your child being labeled, however as some else already mentioned, our kids are already different and everyone knows it. they just may not know why.
i was told by a cousin to not allow the school to test because then they could decide where to put them as in special ed. so we had our testing done with dr's. plus dd wasn't bad enough to be tested at the school. i guess there were too many other kids needing to be tested that had more or bigger problems.
i wish i could give advise on high school. we made it thru but not without many trials and tribulations. just like all of you.
keeping on top of school gets harder as they get older because less and less goes thru you. the school tries to teach the kids to become more accountable and responsible. needless to say, the child is never any help when you ask how was school!
organization is a big thing for dd. keeping papers straight, when tests and assignments are due and remembering to turn things in on time.
we did try huntington, a sylvan like place, they were supposed to help with that as well as study skills. not sure we got our money's worth. but maybe had we started earlier it would have done more good. then i wonder if we should have tried sylvan, anything to help.
but at some point they have to be held accountable even if in small degrees.
gear up for driving tho! that's one of the worst things so far besides the boyfriend and birth control. don't mean to frighten those of you with kids on their way to high school. but the reality is our kids have to live in the same world with everyone else and be held accountable to same basic standards.
i wish all of you luck. we're still struggling with her as a freshman in college. however college structure does seem more suited to our kids.
lucybell, come back and vent or ask questions any time.
karen
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Post by mommyclaire on Nov 26, 2003 21:12:40 GMT -5
LucyBell, Welcome. I'm new here too, and find it to be a very comforting and supportive place. We're all coping with similar issues, and every bit of advice and support helps!
My DS, who is 10 yrs old, is ADHD/Inattentive also, dx'd at age 8. I went through the same difficult decision that you are dealing with, whether to involve the school by having him classified, fearful of the labeling, etc. I am very glad that I made the decision to go ahead and have him classified. Now the school has a legal responsibility to provide accommodations based on his IEP. As a parent, you have a lot more say in what happens in the classroom if you have an IEP. Though I still have to be involved and communicate with the teacher regularly, I feel that there is a structure in place, a child study team and documentation that requires the school to provide adequate support for my son. In my situation, I haven't found any adverse effects of classification or of "labeling." By having him classified, the school acknowledges ADHD/Inattentive as a justifiable reason for services. What you need to know is that as a parent, you have legal rights here, too. The school doesn't suddenly get to decide what to do with your daughter, you must agree. At least that is the law in NJ. I don't imagine it is different in other states, but perhaps. It's always a good idea to research what the law says and know your rights so that you will be well equipped when you meet with the school. If you don't get an IEP, then you are relying on every teacher figuring out what to do to help (or not help) your child.
I would be very surprised if a diagnosis of ADHD in and of itself limited your daughter's ability to get into college. If she get the proper help/services in school, she will succeed. If she struggles because she doesn't have support in school, then I could see her grades suffering and getting into college becoming more difficult.
I know this is getting long, but I have one more thought about your question about peer relationships. Recently, I had to make the decision about medication for my DS. When I was talking with my DS's psychologist about my concerns about side effects, he said, you have to weigh the side effects of being on medication with the side effects of NOT being on medication. I hadn't really thought about it that way before. Similarly for you, what might the side effects be for your daughter socially and academically of NOT getting special services in school?
I hope this helps. I go back to the same place as where I started. The school has a responsibility to teach your child. If they are willing to give her special services, I say TAKE THEM!
Good luck to you, and keep us posted!
-Claire
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Post by EllenR on Dec 1, 2003 11:06:45 GMT -5
LucyBell,
I work at a university and there shouldn't be a problem there with accommodating any problems. We have an Office of Disability Services where some students take their tests. Other students in the class do not know who has problems and who doesn't.
I myself taught a class once (to help freshmen adjust to colege) and had one student who was supposed to have more time to complete the test. The student gave me a letter a couple of classes before the test. The individual took it at the same time as the the rest of the class but in another room. For the final, the student wound up taking it early with another student who did not need extra time. Although they took it in the same room, neither knew if the other student needed more time or not.
Sorry to take so long. Just really wanted to let you know that colleges/universities do make accommodations and other students don't know it.
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Jenn
Full Member
Hey all just let me know you are from ADHD site :)
Posts: 121
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Post by Jenn on Dec 1, 2003 14:05:57 GMT -5
I have to say I love my kids being labeled. That way I can be more up to date on what is going on. I don't get those Kat is just not focusing she is not doing her best when ever her grade drops a little. And Mikie they understand the ups and downs of his meds and so they give him some understanding. Plus they are forced to learn about what to expect with an ADD and and ADHD child and how different they are even within familie.
Prime example, Mikie has been haveing problems remembering to bring things home. I got tired of it sent in a note and got a phone call and ended up demanding an IEP. The princpal told the teacher in front of me that with Mikie you have to force him to put his coat on and watch him pack his bag because he will loose everything betweent he class and the bus. That helped because I have been asking for that since school started. It will help with all sorts of things that you haven't even begun to imangine.
Sometime work can be modified to help. She will be able to do papers on the computer instead of writing so that she can spell check and for some reason some kids do better putting it on the computer than printing it that writing it.
Just my humble opinion.
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Post by Allanque on Dec 1, 2003 15:56:58 GMT -5
*blinks*
Mom?
Nah, I wasn't diagnosed until I was 19. They told me I'm poster-child worthy at that time.
I also have massive problems with writing essays and such.
Peer/peer relationships - How does she interact with people with now? I was always a loner because people recognized that I was slightly odd and didn't know how to act normal (I still don't). I have a few more friends now because I'm getting better at realizing when I'm driving people nuts or when I haven't seen or heard from someone in a week.
College/university applications - If she's struggling with high school, you might want to look into a school that has a program to help ADHD/LD students. There were two books that Mom had of schools with that sort of program and they both used different ranking systems, so we used both for reference. She won't be required to disclose that she has ADHD on applications, even if she does have a 504/IEP in HS.
I recommend a book called Learning Outside the Lines. It was written by Mooney and Cole and talks about all sorts of alternative study skills and how to write papers and the best ways to cram for tests and all sorts of stuff. You might consider it slightly age-inappropriate - it was written by two college guys with minds in about the place where most college guys' minds are, so there's a few slightly but not too dirty parts.
As for peer/peer relationships...if you find anything, would you let me know?
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