What will the future hold?

[mele]

We have a ten year old son who was was diagnosed ADHD at age six. Yes, he's on medication, but that's not the subject of my post; rather, the subject is academics. Third grade was fine. His only homework was spelling words and his grades were good. Fourth grade was a bit of a shock. There were many long nights of yelling and tears. With a lot of effort, however, he did O.K. Looking back, it seems like there was a lot of work but the substance of the material was within his ability to comprehend. Now, he is in fifth grade and we are beside ourselves with worry, tension, and fatigue. All of the problems from last year are still present, but I fear he has "hit the wall" as far as his limits for comprehension, analysis, and insight. No longer can he get by with simple memorization. Last night we asked him what the teacher talked about in one of his classes, and his only response (after intense thought) was "something about baseball." His reading has stalled and he is having a problem with advanced math because he can't remember the steps. Obviously, we will continue to do our best to help him and get him special help in school if he needs it.

My question is, what happens to these kids? My parents are well-educated and my brothers and sisters all have some schooling past college, as do I. How does a kid like this get into college? We can't continue to spend a minimum of three hours a night with him. I've reviewed these forums and I see a lot of distress, worry, and anquish but no one seems to know how their stories will end. Is my son going to suffer from low self-esteem when he begins to get failing grades? Should he start to learn a skill or trade in which success is possible in the absence of academic skills? He has many, many, great qualities, but it seems like his mind just isn't suited for academics.

I'm looking for some first-hand accounts from people who have raised their children to adulthood. Thanks in advance.

[Veronika]

Hi mele, Welcome to the forums! I posted some information at the top of the forums.
Here's link that might help you understand the school system, and what you can do to help your son.

adhdsupport.proboards23.com/index.cgi?board=whatis&action=display&thread=1067982370

[Beckie]

I have a very good friend who is severe ADHD, barely made it through High School. She is now in her second year of college and doing just fine!
It's easy to worry, but don't give up hope! I've seen it work out for my friend. She has IEP for her college courses, and gets tutouring as well. She works her tail off, but she's making it and has a B average!
I've not raised my kids to adulthood, but I look at my friend and I know it's possible. Keep your chin up and remind your son that anything is possible. There is help along the way, and he can go as far as he wants even if it requires using the help that is there for him.
Many ((HUGS)) to you!

Beckie

[adhdtimes4]

I have three teenage boys with ADHD/Inattentive, and sometimes I wonder if they'll ever be able to function. But -- my oldest (17) has his first job while going to highschool. His grades aren't terrific, but he's really trying for the first time in his life. It's been a struggle, but all our work is paying off.

My brother has never been diagnosed, but he has all the symptoms of ADHD/PIT. He's almost 40, and has his own photography business.

Another friend of mine has a son she despaired over for years and years. He's in the Navy and is doing great.

Hang in there. You have to compensate for a long time. YOu have to spoon feed for a long time. But if you make your child responsible for what he CAN do, and teach him to love and respect others, he'll do well.

BTW, have you tried alternative approaches to remembering the steps in math? A rhyme, a drawing? One of my sons has to draw stuff on his test paper to jog his memory. There are lots of ways to learn, and you have to find the way that works for your son. If you haven't read "Right Brained Children in a Left Brained World", give it a go. Anything by Dr. Mel Levine is also good.

[Jorgy]

Mele, Looking back on my life, I am sure I was ADD. I was luck to get C's in school. I was one of 7 kids and everyone else in the family did much better than me. I was very lucky to even graduate. We didn't have any special ed and I don't remember my parents ever helping any of us with homework. I actually went to college for a year and pretty much flunked out. I was very insecure and felt I was pretty stupid. To make a long story short as I got into my 20's and into the real world I began to figure out ways to compensate. I went back to tech school and now 20 years later am a Registered Nurse. I specialize in emergency medicine and internal medicine. Not a career for "stupid" people. I might add that I am highly regarded also. I have come to know my worth also and am no longer insecure. Do we know what the future holds for any of our children and what choices they may make? Some very, very smart people with college degrees make some very, very stupid decisions. We also have a 5th grader who is struggling. It is a tough age. Good luck and God Bless, he will make it. Sue

[mskris]

Hang in there. There is a lot of help out there in the education system for our kids. We have to know the laws and advocate for them. Sometimes we have to don pointy hats and ride brooms to get them the help, but it is possible. You can get your son the help he needs through an IEP or 504 plan, both of which accomdate for disabilities. Check out www.tourettesyndrome.net/advocacy.htm. Also, www.wrightslaw.com. Other posters can also point you in the right direction.

As for adulthood, it all depends...I'm sure my dh has add - he went to vocational/technical high school for carpentry and was working in construction when I met him at age 22. His parents never suggested he go further. BUT, he went to college after we met, chose a 5-year Bachelor's program, earned nearly straight A's, and is now an architect!

I think a lot of it depends on your expectations for him and your attitude toward education and his aspirations. I was raised with the expectation that I'd go to college - there was no question WHETHER I'd go, only where I'd choose to go. I'm doing the same with my kids.

My ds is only 8 and in 3rd grade. He's quite bright, and is doing well. He has a 504 plan, but not all the accomdations need implementation right now (eg, the homework amount has not been modified so far). IF I see that he's beginning to struggle, you can bet I'll be in touch with his teacher and the school to ensure that he receives the appropriate help.

The worst thing you can do is to give up on your son. He CAN achieve his potential, especially if you BELIEVE in him.

Kris