HELP!!ADVICE, SUPPORT, OPPIONS NEEDED

[mommie in nv]

Ok, today was the schools halloween party for my ss today. now, some background info. he is 5 years old, w/ adhd+ we controll a lot of his hyper-ness with giving him no sugar, no red 40, and not over- feeding him. he is in kindergarden for 2 hours. my husband and self have advised the teacher before that he cannot have sugar, juice, etc. because another child was sharing snacks with him and he would come home all wild. we wrote a nice letter to his teacher asking that no juice, or snacks with sugar be given to our child. since the note he had a substitute give him juice, and some snacks at school where they celebrated another childs birthday, which we were fine with and never mentioned. but now this is where we have to draw the line? we think? he had his halloween party, and we were ok with it because we knew that he would have no school tomorrow(nevada day) and be home for the weekend. so we figures letting him have a halloween party would be nice for him.. big mistake. he came home with a tummy ache and said he was going to puck.since he walked in the door he is literlally bouncing off the walls, and just non stop movement, almost like he is on drugs. we thought he was just excited for the fun day, until night came and he cant get to sleep or follow any directions. so we asked him what he ate at his party. he said 5 cupcakes, 4 cookies, tons of candy, peanut butter and jelly sand., etc the list goes on and on....he said the teacher even told him he had enough and told him he had to stop eating. my husband and i were so mad that they would feed a child this much. he said the other child ate 1 cupcake, but he just kept going up to the table and getting more. now what school puts up a table for 5 year olds and lets them go at it. my child that gets no sugar is going to go crazy and eat anything and everything. What would you do? do you write another letter???to who????Do you not let your child interact with school holiday parties? it makes us mad that we had advised the school that he couldnt have this type of stuff, and here its like it was no concern. Like who care's , he's gone for 3 days. If you do write a letter, what do you say without being rude? plus how imbarrasing it is for us to think that the other teachers, and parents that were there probally think that we dont feed our child. what should we do...please any advice over the weekend would be nice, because i would like to handle this on monday..what would you do?

[catatonic]

We have similar problems with the school. We're on the Feingold diet. (BTW, if eliminating Red 40 has helped, I'd recommend eliminating ALL artificial colors. I know they trigger my son's migraines as well as his worst behavior. Tartrazine (yellow) is WORSE that all others, and scientific studies demonstrate this.) Teachers insist on giving out unacceptable food treats no matter how often I ask and even if I bring in alternative rewards to use instead. There is some limited success to taking in a supply of acceptable treats. You might want to try that.

I tell my son that I will buy any unacceptable food items he brings home to me. (We're not talking big money, only 25 cents.) That helps him control the urge to stuff himself with candy.

I also schedule his doctor appointments on major candy days. Today, for example, he has a doctor appointment that will remove him from the classroom at the end of the day when treats are given out. I take him out to lunch on the days when they are giving out the Honor Roll popsicles so that he won't get one or know that anyone else got one until it's too late.

Mainly, though, I talk to him about being in charge of his own body and what he puts in it. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't. I keep hoping that with more maturity, he will show more self-control about turning down foods he knows turn him into a crazy person. (Yes, I know that's hilarious. You can stop laughing now.)

[mommie in nv]

thanks for the advice. i know now that we will have to remove him on these days. but shouldnt i say anything to the school? we talk to our son about him and his body but he doesnt care about anyone or listen to anything we say. He has been living with us for 9 months now, and we are trying to re-program his thinking that he is ruler of this world and that he doesnt get to do what he wants when he wants. this child was poorly neglected and basically does anything he wants. i just cant beleave the school would just let them go up and get whatever they wanted as much as they wanted. it's a good idea though to pull him out on those days. i just dont know if i should address anything to the board or teacher...doesnt any schools nowadays practice nutrition?

[Veronika]

We had a similar issue at Johnathon's school...( my 12 yr old ADHD/Mood Disorder)

It seems that there are a lot of children who have allergic reactions to peanuts. At the beginning of the school year, all parents were given handouts on what foods we could send to school for a snack, lunches etc... that did not contain peanuts.

Every parent respected the fact that there was a child in the classroom who would become ill or have a side effect from peanuts. So there were NEVER any snacks containing peanuts in that classroom.

During "Parent's Night" at school, the parents would give eachother helpful hints on what food they could send to school peanut free.

This is just my opinion......I think you should speak to the teacher and ask her if she forgot that your son CANNOT have these snacks that were served at the party.
He is her responsibility while he is in her classroom. She should have respected the fact that you have already told her once that he can't eat foods containing sugar. As for the sub teacher who gave him juice, I would have gone straight to the principal, or a board member. If the teachers are not kept informed on the health of the children, or special requirements, the children could be in danger.

In the peanut allergy case at my son's school....the teacher never had be reminded about having a 'peanut free' classroom. There is a difference, the reaction from that child eating peanuts is deadly. But if a child cannot eat a certain type of food, that should be respected in the classroom.
Another thing I would point out to the teacher is your son is only 5 years old!!! He's not 10, and able to reason with the fact he can't eat sugar. He's a little boy who wanted to eat what all the other kids were eating.

If I were you, I would go straight to the principal or board member. But I'm also a hot head, I always had to 'cool down' before I confronted the school

[Laura]

I have so many thoughts about this. No one decision on what to do.

When my son was in public school the last 3 years (K-2) I saw several kids get picked up by their parents and taken home before all the parties and sugarfests. I don't think that's too unusual, but I think it's sort of a temporary fix. These kids already feel different from the others bec they're ADHD and they are on diets and not letting them go to the classroom parties is just one more thing that makes them different.

From my experience in public schools I noticed that schools are notoriously unorganized with a lot of miscommunication and lack of communication. You can tell teachers things they can't remember two minutes later bec 3 other parents told her something in the interim. When I needed the teacher to know something. I told. I called and left voice messages. I emailed. I showed up and monitored either out in the open or spy mode. I reminded and reminded. I made her post it notes to put on her moniter. So in your case I would email the morning of the party to remind her about the no sugar rule and then I would have attended the party. Not always possible I know.

Thankfully in Texas we have, this year, gotten rid of sugar in the schools. The school can no longer provide it. They can't give it out as rewards or incentives or sell it in the cafeteria. It's frightening just how much candy teachers were giving our kids as rewards. I'm not sure what it means to parties bec we are in a private school this year that prohibits sugar, with some minor well controlled instances, and then only for certain kids. It's a school for LD and ADHD kids so it's vitally important.

Another thought is your child is going to have to learn to control himself. Since all this sugar food is forbidden for him having an all-you-can-eat sugar buffet right there is going to be that much more interesting. Maybe since it made him feel sick he will not do it again. Natural consequences sortof. I have never forbidden my son sugar, left it out so he can eat it whenever he wants it and consequently he has little interest in it. His friends who come over who are forbidden sugar are obsessed with it.

[Dad2Brooke]

Guest-Laura said:

When my son was in public school the last 3 years (K-2) I saw several kids get picked up by their parents and taken home before all the parties and sugarfests. I don't think that's too unusual, but I think it's sort of a temporary fix. These kids already feel different from the others bec they're ADHD and they are on diets and not letting them go to the classroom parties is just one more thing that makes them different.

[glow=red,2,300]Awesome point Laura![/glow]

Our children are already ostracized enough. If there is anyway to let them stay, then they should. Leaving before the party just sets them that much further apart.