When will it end?

[gabrielsmom]

Hi guys:

Can anyone hear tell me when my son will stop being bullied and teased and singled out?. Will there ever be a time when the kids will stop being so mean to him? Gabriel is such a sweet and friendly boy. Why then, are the other kids so mean to him. He can come up to a child and say, " Hi, my name is Gabriel" and the kid will literally look at him, roll his eyes and say "Don't talk to me".

I have been racking my brain trying to figure out what it is that Gabriel is doing wrong and I can't for the life of me figure it out. Okay, so he's a bit on the hyper side, even with the meds, he's easily distracted and sometimes he gets so wrapped up in what he is thinking that he may miss some social cues, but he is never mean, always polite and very accepting of others. What is a mom to do? How do I help him?

He has exactly one friend who goes to school with him but is no longer in the same class and during school this friend doesn't really interact with him anymore(he has other friends now) so they only play on the weekends. I am really worried about how this will affect Gabriel emotionally.

Sorry to vent but I am sooo overwhelmed by this. My heart is so so broken over this whole thing

[mothercat]

Try talking to his teacher..sometimes they have ways of bringing kids together.. the bulllying is a problem everywhere.. It usually changes when they get older and go to high school ..sad to say it happens at all but it does..I think that topic is one of the more talked about topics around here.

[Linda]

You are right m/c it IS a hot topic. I don't think the problem will go away anytime soon.

g/b...It is so sad to see our kids go through so much pain. Be happy you have such a wonderful sweet child. One thing I have learned is that it hurts us a whole lot more than it does our kids.

[gabrielsmom]

mothercat:

I have talked to his teacher and she really is trying to help. But nothing has changed. I have talked to the principal, assistant principal. All to no avail.

How about if I switch my approach?....How can I help compensate for this?...Is there anything that I could do that could help alleviate the pain of rejection from his peers? How do you guys deal with it?

Josh

[mothercat]

Luckily my boys went together and hung together... till this year. Strangly enough Bud was the one who got the brunt of teasing (he is my nonadhd one) but it was because of his hair being long, and he is real quiet along with spending a good portion of 7&8 grade on crutches.
What we did was ..we sat the kids down and talked very openly about bullies, teasing, individualism, and what a true friend would be. (these bullies would never qualify ) We told them that it was being done not so much to hurt them but to put on a show. Bullies are mostly attention seeking. We told them not to take it personal and that what really mattered was that they are really good people, that they live by the golden rule, and that we love them. Bud still has one kid that is immature enough to carry the crud from grade school to high school but BUd handles it well (even though i think he would really like to clock the kid a good one ) and he has alot more friends than he did before.

Kids can take the truth and usually accept the way it is better than we parents do..they adapt well..its just a shame that there are bullies out there but they have existed since the beginning of time.
I will climb off the box now.

[kstquilter]

i do understand your pain. my kids were both on the receiving end of bullying. unfortunately i have to agree with the others, there isn't much that you can do. at least nothing i ever tried worked.
we talked to our kids as well, we tried having parties so the kids would come to the house to play. sometimes only one or two children came. then they left early because no one else was there. we tried to involve them with different acitivities.
the thing that helped both my kids the most was growing up. maturity has helped dd the most although she still has a ways to go. getting bigger helped ds. once he grew enough to not look as easy to push around, the bullying stopped.
linda is right tho, seems like it hurts us a lot more than it does them.
wish there was something that helped us all.
karen

[mothercat]

Have you tried things like boys clubs, cub scouts,
little league, etc.

[finnmom]

Joshua
I agree other´s, I think bullying will continue in some level through hole life There will always be people unsecure enough to bully other´s to make them look better

I´d try some activity´s, if not baseball/ soccer etc. kind of team thing´s (in wich my ds is not so good at) then mayby some martial art´s, art-class, boy scout´s... some place where he would meet other kid´s in adult control, have something meeninfull to do that is not depending on how well he does with other kid´s, if you understand my meaning.... Or mayby you´ve already tried that....

[sweety]

:)I was bullied from 3rd through 8th grade. I don't know particularly why it stopped in 9th grade other than I was at a different school with different kids for the most part. I didn't talk to anyone about it so I can't say how much the teachers would have helped. It was different kids at each school I went to, but it was the same kids as long as I stayed in that school. All I know is that I was overjoyed when it stopped and consider high school a wonderful time in my life. I question Dd periodically to make sure that she is not being bullied. I know her school has a strict "No bullying" policy but sometimes that doesn't help when kids are alone in the corner of the playground or in the bathroom out of earshot. I sympathize about bullying but I really don't know what made mine stop.

[sweety]

:)I think the clubs or sports is a good idea. Is there something Gabriel is good at that he could take classes in? Do you have a house of worship that has a kids group or some kind of supervised activity? Kids tend not to bully in those places. (I would hope) I was very active in my church in Jr High and High school because the people were more pleasant most of the time and it was closer to my house than school. Good luck.

[george2]

Respecting each other is required in karate classes. It is one of the focuses. It doesn't make a nice child act worse to be in martial arts. It just gives them a place to get exercise and have chances to interact with others. New friends that go to the same school can be made also.
There is a thing called peer mediation in schools where a bullying situation occurs. The counselor is in charge of that process. The kids that bully stop bullying just to not have to explain their misbehavior in front of their peers.

[mothercat]

I think peer mediation would be a great thing in every school. I think I will suggest it to the principal at Jareds school as a "try it out" program for next year. He is always willing to hear new suggestions about these things. There are no counselors but I'd bet they could use it just the same. I wish someone would've mentioned it years ago.