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Post by camismom on Nov 6, 2004 13:51:38 GMT -5
Well, as we all know social skills is a part of our children's problems. Question is, how can we help that?
After Cami left for her dad's this morning, I had to leave myself to take her friend home after spending the night. It's a nice 30 minute drive and the friend and I had a nice talk about Cami. I overheard Cami doing some things last night that only a patient and understanding friend would deal with (being demanding, emotional, jelous, etc) and I just started talking to Anna and thanking her for putting up with Cami's "off" side sometimes. She told me she can see a difference in Cami on meds vs. off and how she is more emotional and "mean" when she's off.
That is Cami's biggest problem in a nutshell. Cami has a lot of friends but only a couple of real close ones. I know that at this age it is hard for kids to understand our kids and what "drives" them. I talked with Anna and explained to her that what she sees in Cami off meds is actions she's not entirely in control of. That in reality she is a wonderful person, has a heart of gold. that all she really wants is to have people like her, for everyone to get along, to just fit in.
Anna told me she sees Cami changing personalities from "prep" to "punk" to "skater girl" trying to do just that. She said some kids thinks she "weird". I asked Anna why they felt they had to categorize people, why they can't just be themselves. She said that's just what they do. Anna said she sees Cami trying so hard to become popular. Seems obsessed with thinking that being popular will make all things great. I again explained that Cami is just trying to find her place. Anna said she understands and will stick with her, it's just hard sometimes because Cami seems to have a problem every day. She can be too dramatic, and others feel that way too.
I know that, and I understand what makes her her, but I know all these 13 year olds don't and it makes me sad for her and it makes me worry for her and her future.
Like I said, all she really wants is friendship and to fit in.
How do I talk with her about this and help her? I don't want her to feel she has to change who she is. Does all this make sense?
What have any of y'all done to help your children thru this pivotal age?
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Post by Linda on Nov 6, 2004 15:26:54 GMT -5
The only thing I know for sure Christy is that cami will find her own way.13 is a time of deep insecurity and besides she will have you for a model ! Cami might have a few things to say about her friend anna too...did you consider that? There is also nothing wrong with just having a few close friends either. She will be fine.  |
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Post by Amsmom on Nov 6, 2004 15:39:04 GMT -5
wow linda, you said that really well! christy, listen to linda, she is one smart cookie!! (as you know!)
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Post by camismom on Nov 6, 2004 21:48:30 GMT -5
Cami might have a few things to say about her friend anna too...did you consider that? Oh yeah! I know this girl isn't perfect herself. She is actually the driving force in some of Cami's recent actions herself. I mainly talked to Anna to give her Cami's side and make her see that Cami is human too and yet sometimes not in total control of her actions. She's just so vulnerable. (Is that the word I'm looking for?) I guess it just scares me to think about the lengths she may go to to find that acceptance, ya know? |
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Post by tridlette on Nov 6, 2004 22:05:53 GMT -5
Michael just turned 14 in Sept. and started high school the very next day. He has always been the "weird" kid in the crowd, his best friend Steve is equally weird. Steve's mom and I have become like sisters over the last 4 yrs. It is so encouraging to me to have her as a friend, who sees my son and hers in the same light. She has a son who just graduated from college, and is starting to find his own niche too. So, she is experienced and knowledgable. Steve tells me things that he would never tell her, and Michael is the same with her. The boys know that the mom's compare notes twice a week. The boys are in karate together, so we spend an hour together. Anyway, back to the subject at hand. Michael has never had anyone but Steve call, except twice when a classmate made the mistake of trying to get missing homework assignments from him.  This semester, he has TWO local girl friends, (twin sisters actually) and he hasn't missed a football game yet (as a spectator or last night as flag bearer) and I've been to all but one of them. I give him lots of space, and I am known in the bleachers as Michael's mom. I hear kids calling him at home now, he had girls asking him for his autograph last night after the game. He had his VERY FIRST overnight friend here three weeks ago (yes, it was a MALE friend, and they were still up at 5:30). I don't know what the difference is this year, but it has been very enjoyable to see folks calling him by name, girls chasing him, and friends coming over the house. His guidance counselor called me and told me nothing has changed academically, so I really am still a nervous wreck about him, but at least he has finally found a little social comfort zone. And he hasn't forgotten Steve, which is the most important thing to me! I can't lose his mom as my friend and "big sister". Give her time, and support her, and be a friend to her friends, so that if something does fall apart for her, you can step in a work it out for her until she develops her own coping skills. Michael just got dumped by his "first" girlfriend and he shrugged it off better than I did! But that's a whole other story (as Kaiti found out first hand!... Kaiti, tell Mike again for talking to Michael about the P-ville girl!) |
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Post by rosyred45 on Nov 8, 2004 9:32:17 GMT -5
Oh Christy (((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) Even though Tara isn't a problem, so as much just a girl, you are my leader and I am taking notes. Tara has talked about other girls in her class that are very snotty and nasty. To which I tell her not to stoop to their level. She is trying to find herself as well, and hopefully will have the confidence that we have bore into her. I personally don't care what others have thought... shocker there, I know, but I think that confidence from me is what Tara sees. And she uses it to her advantage. Her favorite phase that I have over heard her tell a little snotty kid: AND YOUR POINT IS  ;DThat's my girl. I don't go out and buy the latest gadgets for myself nor my kids. I think we are the only ones around here without a play station, gameboy or anything like that  It bothers them sometimes, but when I mention the fun things that we do that the others don't, the kids realize that they are lucky for what we do. Of course then there's Mikey ::)He has my couldn't care less attitude, so I don't worry about him as much in the social factor. He'll flit and flutter where ever there is action or inaction. Alright off the soap box, just let Cami know that it's not a matter of who others see her as, but what she sees and is comfortable with. |
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Post by Linda on Nov 8, 2004 10:04:23 GMT -5
I don't think it is just a girl thing....boys are effected too. Jacob(7) is upset because his "bestest" friend wants to be friends with another boy!I told him they could all be friends....but he said I have known Lee longer that the other boy..... It happens with boys too. |
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Post by finnmom on Nov 8, 2004 10:13:58 GMT -5
Oh, social skill´s; it´s a killer ;D even at older age  And specially among´s the girl´s, but boy´s can be really ugly to each other´s too  I dont know what to say Christy, but tell Cami again and again that she´s worthy and loved and wonderfull girl, no matter how many friend´s she has or what the other´s say think about her. We are no angel´s anyone, wonder why our friend´s should be  I know this is not a girl thing, ds has problem´s in this field too, he´s too nice, other´s just tend´s to walk over him AARRGGHH But there is nothing more to do for that than be a good mom as you alredy are, and love your child as you do. After all, family matter´s the most.... with loving parent´s they have someone to lean on and they can at least confront these situation´s much better Keep on the good work!! |
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Post by rosyred45 on Nov 8, 2004 10:43:05 GMT -5
I do agree it isn't just a girl thing, I hope it didn't sound like I meant it like that  |
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Post by camismom on Nov 8, 2004 11:48:34 GMT -5
Thanks for all the great advice everyone. I guess I do havfe to remember that these are the awkward years, the "find myself and place in life" years and trust what Linda said.... she will find herself one day.
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Post by camismom on Nov 9, 2004 7:21:19 GMT -5
Last night she was pretty upset because it's looking like she's not going to have quite the turn out she wanted for her birthday party. Course it doesn't help that the blasted Georgia-Auburn game will still be going at the time the party starts! |
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Post by rosyred45 on Nov 9, 2004 8:14:04 GMT -5
SO HAVE THE GAME ON AT THE PARTY  Seriously, we always have the TV going for "the guys", I know it's for a teen ager, but still.....I'm not helping none am I  |
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Post by camismom on Nov 9, 2004 9:13:02 GMT -5
Oh, believe me Kaiti, my dh is a huge Georgia fan so it WILL be on and I told Cami to tell her friends that. We'll see. |
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Post by rosyred45 on Nov 9, 2004 9:21:24 GMT -5
You could try to arrange for some of the others to bring their own chairs or something if you don't have enough. Sunday at a birthday party for my 2 cousins and uncle, we flipped back and forth between the Steelers/Eagles game and the race, while the kids played outside |
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Swim Chick
Full Member
fall out boy - my new favorite band!!
Posts: 102
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Post by Swim Chick on Apr 18, 2005 16:39:48 GMT -5
mom - i wish you would have told me about this conversation
i am not changing like that (from prep to punk to skater girl) on perposs that is just me being me i thought anna knew that but i guess i was wrong yes i know i have a hard time with the people ate skool and accepting who i am but like yall said that just comes with growing up (if thats not exatly right its close anuf)!!
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