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Post by aimee30 on Sept 10, 2004 16:39:57 GMT -5
When DD came in from school today I noticed she had mud literally caked on her knees. When I questioned her about it, she told me that all the little boys in her class were dragging her around on the playground trying to throw her over the fence because no one wanted to play with her.
I know DD has a tendency to not always tell the truth about situations, but it seems the mud is proof. The teacher was inside with the kids who were being punished by not having recess. Only the teacher's aide was there. I asked DD why she didn't say something to Ms. K and was told that Ms. K had told them (before going outside) that she had a no tattle tell rule.
I can understand not wanting them to tattle tell, but I think DD's situation was a little different. I also don't understand how she couldn't have seen it herself. I don't want to "fly off the handle" yet as DD could be telling a story, but at the same time I worry so much about her.
I guess I'm just angry that socially she isn't where she should be. Most kids her age have friends, she has none. Her friends are her dolls. She tells me this all the time. When I go in to tuck her at night she asks me why she doesn't have friends, when will she get some, why doesn't anyone like her, etc. etc.
My heart breaks for her and I just don't know what to do about the whole friend situation. I know this started out as a recess problem, but the big picture is so much more.
Sorry to ramble. I'm just so frustrated for her!
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Post by ohmama on Sept 10, 2004 17:17:31 GMT -5
I'm so sorry to hear about this. If you lived near me our kids would be friends!
Let me tell you what I did the 2nd day of school. On day 1 my boys told me a bully went after my fireboy and was throwing a ball at him real mean. It wasn't a game either. Now, you don't want to mess with fireboy, he can get real mean with little provocation. I teach him not to fight and to tell the teacher so that's what he did. The teacher told him he was being a tattle tale.
The next morning I went in to see the new principal and asked him what his policy was on bullies? He stated that he doesn't tolerate them. I said good because I have something to tell you. I proceeded to tell him that this bully that we knew from last year was at it again and when my son told the teacher he was called a tattle tale. I said I wonder how you find out about the bullies when the children who are being bullied are not allowed to tell on them? Please let me know how that works? I also told him my son has serious mental problems and is thought of as an easy target because of this. I hope you will be able to assure me this won't happen again?
He said he would put a watch on my son and this other boy to make sure it would not happen again. Everything has been fine now because he assigned a teacher to special watch the situation.
I think what you should do is see your principal immediately. I wouldn't even go to the teacher since she already blew it and didn't want to deal with the problem. Go over her head and right to the boss. When a child is getting dragged through the mud there is no excuse for calling her a tattle tale!!
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Post by rosyred45 on Sept 10, 2004 20:23:10 GMT -5
Aimee, I'm sorry to see this happened. Last year Mikey was getting bullied big time during recess adn at lunch, on eof the lunchlady's who I didn't particularly care for, told me he was getting picked at and kids weren't sitting with him, but because her kids were bullied because they didn't "comform"(skater kids) she took up for him numerous time. I have since obviously changed my opinion of her. BUT I agree with Ohmama. Go above her head-(this is assuming Mrs. K is the teacher, not the aide. )If by chance the K lady is the aide, go to the teacher first. BUT don't wait for it to go away. It won't and your little girls self esteem will. I was at a workshop on bullying a few times. I'll see if I can find any ideas that might help you. The biggest one I can think of is use humor. But if it is something physical like you have described, that's not just hurtin ginside, it's hurting outside too. Double time to the school Monday Morning <<<<<<<hat and broom>>>>>>>> Here's my hat and broom fresh from the cleaners if you need it Hugs to you and your little girl *I don't use the word hate very often and yell at hte kids for using it, but I HATE BULLIES  |
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Post by kstquilter on Sept 11, 2004 0:03:11 GMT -5
aimee, i'm so sorry this is happening to your dd. i have to agree with the other mom's about going to the teacher or principal and finding out what can be done to stop it.
however, the rest of the picture is just as tough. my dd is 19 and still having the same issues with friends and maturity. it did get better in high school. however she has had to remain at home and go to a community college while all her friends went away. we are now stuck with an emotionally abusive boyfriend and no support system to help her get out. other than us of course and that isn't even a last resort for her unfortunately, at least in her mind.
i wish i knew the answer for the lack of friends. it is truly heartbreaking to watch.
the few things i did were just to try to help as much as possible, tried inviting kids to our house. sometimes they came, sometimes not. and if she was invited anywhere, i bent over backwards so she could go.
she still cries once in awhile when everyone seems to have ditched her. i've just tried to tell her with as much love as i can that she can just be overwhelming at times. she also doesn't take her meds anymore and think she is a little easier to take on them.
it also helped in high school when there was a larger group for her to hang out with so no one person had to be her only friend. sometimes she was with the whole group and if not, she seemed to be with different kids alot, as if they all took turns. no one did it in a mean way and i certainly understand how tough it must be for the other kids. i love her to death and she drives me nuts, so must be hard on kids.
i wish i could give you some real help here. just know you and dd aren't alone. it truly is heartbreaking to watch tho and am so thankful the worst of that seems to be over.
karen
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Post by finnmom on Sept 11, 2004 0:37:24 GMT -5
(((((((((((((((((((([glow=red,2,300]Aimee and DD[/glow])))))))))))))))))) I agree other´s; go as far as you need with this toget solved! Tattle telling is one thing, you know your child, but telling about being dragged around and having mud in her knee´s... That´s no tattle telling Go for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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Post by Amsmom on Sept 11, 2004 9:47:35 GMT -5
Oh Aimee, this just makes me so mad, kind of like my ds's situation at his school. I cant stand that no tattling rule, that just lets the bullies get away with their bad behavior. I would absolutely go to the teacher in charge and/or principal. i cannot understand how mrs k did not see something so blatant. good luck! |
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Post by dansmommy on Sept 11, 2004 10:48:19 GMT -5
I was so afraid this would happen to ds if he had a conflict when he started school, but it hasn't. He's more the type to get into fights than to be bullied, but I have called the school when older kids are picking on him and they called the kids into the principal's office that morning. Anyway even if it isn't bullying per se, this "no tattling" policy is just lazy and doesn't teach kids how to solve their problems. They need adult guidance about how to get along, even beyond protection from bullies. We have a program called I think Second Steps which teaches kids problem-solving skills, and it's been great for teaching them how to get along. Christie
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Post by 1kaitsmom on Sept 29, 2004 22:19:10 GMT -5
We ran into this bullying issue in elementary school and unbelievably they tried to make it my daughters fault because she was the one with poor social skills. We ended up having to insist the school treat it for what is was instead of trying to duck dealing with it by blaming the victim. When they realized we were serious, they did do something about it and it stopped. I am amazed at how they can talk about how they won't tolerate bullying but then they just turn a blind eye and try to pretend it isn't happening. As far as the playground in elementary school, I found there is far too little supervision and the kids know it. I am so glad we don't have to deal with that in Middle school.
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Post by rosyred45 on Sept 30, 2004 8:29:58 GMT -5
Boy are you lucky :PTara, (non adhd) in 4th grade is now dealing with who likes who and who's friends with who. I can't stand it because she gets so upset when the slightest thing happens.
Mikey on the other hand holds it in and acts out in other ways. He plays with little kids instead of kids his age, since they tease him. He tries to play with the big kids, but because he's littleer, they don't want him playing with them.
Oh but there is a light at the end of hte tunnel, I'm glad to see
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Post by tridlette on Sept 30, 2004 9:47:30 GMT -5
I guess I'm just angry that socially she isn't where she should be. Most kids her age have friends, she has none. Her friends are her dolls. She tells me this all the time. When I go in to tuck her at night she asks me why she doesn't have friends, when will she get some, why doesn't anyone like her, etc. etc. My heart breaks for her and I just don't know what to do about the whole friend situation. I know this started out as a recess problem, but the big picture is so much more. My mom had a comforting answer to this problem for me when I was in 5th grade and had no friends. She said that I had no friends because I was too good for just any run of the mill people. I was better than them and that I had to wait for the perfect friend because the local kids just hadn't the proper standards for a what a REAL friend does. If I waited a little while longer, the ideal friends who come into my life and they would be TRUE life long friends that would be with me all my life. GUESS WHAT! She was right. It was hard to believe some days, but MOM knew that when Cara and Rod and Jim came into my life, they would be with me through EVERY up and EVERY down. They still are although Rod lives 450 miles away and Cara is 250 miles from me. (Jim lives in my bedroom!) I hope you can help you DD see that she is a wonderful person, not to be SNOBBY, but to believe in herself and know that she doesn't have a lot of friends FOR NOW, because she is so special, that a real friend for her is such a rare treasure, that she just has to wait for the most precious ones to come into her life! |
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Post by rosyred45 on Sept 30, 2004 10:14:12 GMT -5
BRAVO TRID!!! Couldn't have been said any better  |
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Post by catatonic on Sept 30, 2004 11:12:16 GMT -5
Aimee,
Take pictures! You never know when you will need documentation, and you may never need it, but better to have it just in case. Same thing with notes to the teacher - keep a copy - and jot down notes from any meetings you have with the teacher or principal. I think it's awful your daughter was treated that way. I don't know if she has the same problem my son does, but when he gets mistreated, the teacher blows it off. It's like she somehow thinks he deserves to be treated crappy. The whole thing burns me up. Just because our kids tend to be socially challenged doesn't mean everyone "cool" should be allowed to victimize them. Sorry, I'm flying off the handle, but this is one of the few things that can make me lose my temper! And I am in total agreement with OhMama -- go to the principal.
I just ordered a book that was recommended to me that you might be interested in as well. It's called "Raise Your Child's Social IQ" by Cathi Cohen. I have high hopes that it will help me to help my son.
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Post by mom2tj on Sept 30, 2004 19:03:36 GMT -5
this gets my SO MAD..... no talle telling but no fighting!!! (not that I incourange that) what is a kid to do grrrr dont give in get ot the buttom of this.... in our school they have older students called peace pals... that should be keeping the peace but last year they where bullying little male monster  I went nuts (in a nice way) I wrote to the principal and all teachers that i could think of and made it clear that I would not stop there if IT didnt stop now.... good luck |
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Post by rosyred45 on Sept 30, 2004 20:18:38 GMT -5
Oh Lise, thats a shame. I'm sorry that happened. Especially since they were trusted to the big kids to be looking out for them. I can't stand bullies. The best thing I ever heard was to call every kid on everything, that way they couldn't devise a PLAN. Yes, it getss tireing sometimes, but it works. We don' thave the bullying at our program like the school has  |
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kdee1
New Member
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Post by kdee1 on Jan 14, 2005 13:02:52 GMT -5
Hi...I just read your email about your daughter and your situation sounds so much like mine. I have a 9 year old son with ADHD and he is really having a hard time socially. Everyone used to say that he would mature and things would improve, but it seems that the older he gets, the more pronounced the differences in him seem. Like your daughter, he asks me constantly why he has no friends and why everyone is mean to him. I feel so helpless. I have shed a lot of tears on his behalf. I try to give him advice, but he never follows it. I just don't think he is capable of following it. I know what you mean about the stories. It's like his perception of a situation is so skewed. I'm constantly telling my husband. He just doesn't "get it". We have a younger son and he does "get it" and the relationships he has developed with his peers reflect that. I guess I don't have any real advice for you. It helps me to know there are other parents out there dealing with the same problems. Sometimes I just want to blame myself. Maybe I did something or didn't do something that made him this way. We just try to give him as much love at home as we can and make sure that he knows we think he is terrific.
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