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Post by finnmom on Jun 13, 2004 11:14:00 GMT -5
Hi This is a good thing, kind a  Ds has been palying with his friend, the bossy one, all day. When chekking on them, I found out htey´ve been making a tent. It was great, very nicely builded  Friend´s mom said it´s totally my ds´s idea and architechture "our boy wouldn´t have an idea how to make that" she said ;D  So that´s the good part But; ds told me they did it, was thrilled of it and told me several time´s that: "I made it, ¤¤¤¤(the friend) is the boss in there  So what´s that I hate to watch him be the underdog  He is good at thing´s, why shouldn´t he be the boss some time´s Well; the same old same old..... Marja |
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Post by Linda on Jun 13, 2004 11:22:40 GMT -5
The other boy is the boss because your boy is letting him....give him time...someday he will want to be the boss...and he will!! |
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Post by finnmom on Jun 13, 2004 11:28:35 GMT -5
Linda, I know it´s because my ds want´s/let´s that be this way  O´boy, I want this day to come when he realize e can make his own desision´s It´s not near soon enough for mom´s mental healt ;D Marja |
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Post by songwriter on Jun 13, 2004 12:06:41 GMT -5
Finnmom-
I beleive the case with your son could be a personality type issue. Some people are just more comfortable in a supportive role. There is a certain' pecking order' in most species and not everone thrives in the role of the choleric leader dominant type of personality.( And that's o.k. )
I beleive your son may be better as a team player than many others. He is also creative and oftentimes people like this are better with 'things' than 'people'- He could turn out to be a world class architect, musician , author,who knows...
Focus on his strengths, not his weaknesses. He will gradually move into his lifes work and you'll be soo proud of him.
I feel he is destined for great things , you'll see!
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Post by finnmom on Jun 13, 2004 13:28:43 GMT -5
Songwriter, that was sweet thing to say I too, belive that he´s destined to something important in his life He can turn out to be anything, there is so much potential in him Sometime´s I feel amazed how well he exell´s in many area´s I dont actually want him to be bossy, but it would be so nice if he would stand up for himself, take the credit sometime´s, but then again, it may be me, who need´s that, not my son I, most certainly am boss-type, no supportive player So it´s hard for me to see him being the underdog... But I guess you may be right, thank´s for opening my eye´s for this possibility Marja |
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Post by rosyred45 on Jun 15, 2004 7:34:30 GMT -5
Marja, your son has big generous heart. If he lets everyone else be in charge, that's ok. Like song writer said about the pecking order, his personality is what it is. There aren't many kids that willingly give up being in charge. Heck, you shoulda seen the kids fighting at SACC yesterday, OH,,,,,, I snapped at em, took away the baseball and bat and told them that when they decided to come up with a game plan, they could have it back. All of them wanted to be the pitcher. So needless to say they went off and talked for about 15 minutes and came back with their game plan. THEY DECIDED NOT TO PLAY ANYMORE Only because they couldn't decide anything, so they didn't want to risk loosing it for the rest of the school year. Yeah, a whole 3 days, but still. He's a sweety Marja, Kaiti |
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Post by finnmom on Jun 15, 2004 7:55:27 GMT -5
Kaiti I agree; HE´S A SWEETY Mayby you´re both right, mayby I should just lay back a little and let him be the person he is... my mother´s-heart cant just let it go  Marja |
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Post by Linda on Jun 15, 2004 10:02:33 GMT -5
Marja...he will take care of business when he is good and ready....he really is a sweetheart |
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Post by finnmom on Jun 15, 2004 11:23:55 GMT -5
O´kay, o`kay... You got me convinced ;D I´ll let him be who he is. I´am shure he´ll do alright.
Thank you all!!
Marja
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Post by kstquilter on Jun 15, 2004 20:24:16 GMT -5
yep, let him be who he'll be! i think alot of our kids tend to be bossy and make all the rules, either that or it's a first born syndrome!
i agree, lots of people lead and lots more follow. we all have a place. but i do understand about wanting him to stand up for himself.
is your ds small for his size? my son, non-adhd, was sort of small in size until 8th grade. as has been noted in other posts, kids can be very mean, especially middle school. he used to get bullied and picked on all the time.
he grew between 7th and 8th grade and his 8th grade year was much better because the other kids left him alone.
when it comes to kids, you never know why the bully is bullying and why the other kids allow it, even if for awhile.
he'll find his way. sounds like he's a great kid, the way most of our kids are. God seems to bless them with generous hearts when he gives them adhd.
if it is a bullying issue, you may need to help him find a way to stand up to his friend.
also with my dd, she usually had so few friends that i think she would tolerate a certain amount of others leading in order to have someone to play with. she is very much a rule maker and likes to be in charge but when it comes to actually dealing with other kids, i think she tolerates things in order to keep friends.
does your ds have something he's very good at? keep at it until you find it and he'll have something that helps his self confidence and self esteem. then maybe he'll be more likely to stand up for himself.
good luck. i know it's very hard to watch your kids go thru painful times. our job is to fix things. the older they get, the less you can fix unfortunately.
karen
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Post by finnmom on Jun 16, 2004 1:19:21 GMT -5
Kstquilter Thank you for your reply, it´s always nice to hear from some who´s kid´s are older, kinda "past" this stage. Ds is not a small kid, he´s tall, not fat but wide shoulder´s and the work´s That´s propably that, he doesn´t get hurt physically, so he doesn´t seem to mind the situation. it´s not bullying at this time, it´s more him just following other´s, mayby it´s his way to learn to cope He has so many strenght´s in him... thank you for remainding me Marja |
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Post by kstquilter on Jun 16, 2004 16:35:36 GMT -5
marja,
no problem! didn't seem like that long ago, my kids were in elementary and middle school! there's good and bad about them being older.
maybe this is an easy relationship for your son. who knows. i guess as long as he's ok with how it's working out most of the time, i'd try to leave it be.
but really understand how hard it is to sit by and watch them get hurt or struggle thru thiings. i wish i could tell you that part got easier but it doesn't. it really is hard to watch and do nothing or very little.
karen
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Post by Linda on Jun 16, 2004 17:40:40 GMT -5
Eventually,they do find there own way...some just take longer than others. |
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Post by kstquilter on Jun 16, 2004 21:33:57 GMT -5
linda,
that's what i keep telling myself! she'll end up in the same place as her friends, it'll just take her longer to get there!
i've had a few parents tell me this and i can only hope it's really true. and i can only hope i'll be here to see it!
karen
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Post by Honeysmom on Jun 17, 2004 0:55:13 GMT -5
Marja, this is kind of funny b/c Honey has this same problem with his little friend. I always hear the other boy tell Honey he is fired from playing b/c "R" is the boss and Honey isn't following directions and talking back. Then Honey gets worred b/c he doesn't understand that this kid is trying to boss him around so he caves in and is a follower. In fact, on his last progress report is said under leadership, Jerry is a follower. I think someday he will stand up for himself, but I don't think he really understands how and that is not the kind of thing you can teach. Your son will get sick of being the follower and either get a new friend, or set the kid straight. My Avery is a leader, and that is not all good either. She can get so dang bossy other kids don't want to play with her. I always tell DH, if only I could make them trade a little of her bossiness for a little of his following, I'd have the perfect kid... Becky |
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