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Post by finnmom on May 8, 2004 16:35:59 GMT -5
Hi Why, oh why is it so hard for ds8 to stand up for himself  I know it´s a selfesteem-question, but still I wonder Today, he was playing with 3 other boy´s, I saw them playing cop´s and robber´s and ds ending up as a prisoner ALL THE TIME  they all run after him all the time and dragged him to "prison"... until this mean-mom, ME, came and told them to change tactic´s or get out of my carden  They agreed, and after that he had good time, they were playing a long time after that, no hard feeling´s  But why do I have to stand for him I know that he has got all the love and support possible from us, godparent´s, granparent´s, you name it. What can I do When I talk to him, he agree´s but then when needed, he can´t stand for himself  What about when I´am not around Any good ideás Anyone Marja |
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Post by Linda on May 8, 2004 17:37:25 GMT -5
Keep standing up for him marja because by the time puberty hits he will have no problem taking care of business!!
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Post by finnmom on May 9, 2004 2:01:38 GMT -5
Linda  I shurely hope you´re right Because, now it seem´s, that it´ll never happen Thank you for those promising few´s for future  , it´s nice to know that his might go by ;D I´am getting quite tired of this, but you know me; you´d better not mess with any of mine ;D I belive the "it´s my yard, my rule´s" Marja |
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Post by 1mom on May 10, 2004 5:06:46 GMT -5
finmom,
i agree with linda, keep standing up for him when it's neccessary. also, you're doing the best thing by talking to him afterward and explaining the situation. maybe some role-playing would help, too.
prayers,
1mom
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Post by camismom on May 10, 2004 8:51:29 GMT -5
Marja, add me to the list of people who agree with Linda. When he has had enough, one day, he'll come around.... as far as right now.... I believe that our children so badly want to be accepted that they do whatever to keep the approval of their "friends". Better to go along and keep the "friends" than to risk getting them angry and losing them.
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Post by rosyred45 on May 10, 2004 11:25:42 GMT -5
I can't say I know what you mean because Mikey is the My way or the highway type player. If he doesn't like the rules, he'll play something else.
But thinking about, he's trying to make his playmates happy and they are just taking advantage that's all. Maybe next time you can sit down with all of them and just ask why they always make him the prisoner. And then when they start playing again, make sure they can see that you ARE watching to make sure they didn't lie to you about it.
Just an idea
Kaiti
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Post by finnmom on May 10, 2004 11:49:55 GMT -5
Linda, 1mom, Christy, Kaiti Thank you, so i just keep up being the meanest mom on the block ;D funny how they just appear to bouns back like bumerang´s everytime I straighten them up ;D Kaiti; I did as you said, at saturday. I cathered them around, asked about of it, got the "it´s not only Sami..." and then walked around the carden when they played ;D So they know that I mean what I say O´kay thank you for giving me strength to do this over and over again You are great!! Marja |
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Post by AnneM on May 23, 2004 12:01:58 GMT -5
I missed this thread (somehow!) and only just saw it now ... and I want to add my 2 cents worth ! ... Marja ... I have ALWAYS felt this about my own son Sam ... he has never stood up well for himself but although it HAS improved as he has got older he is still not great at it! ... I can say hand on heart he has never ever protected himself properly and definitely never physically ... he will always back away from confrontation and HE will be the one who ends up apologising more often than not!! ... even when the other person is clearly at fault !! ... It drives me MAD on occasions! ... it has also meant (when younger) regular intervention from me when I saw other kids bully and mistreat his genuinely "easy going, people-pleasing" nature! I remember when Sam was about 12 and his OWN friends told him that he was like our dog ! ... TOO trusting, TOO generous, TOO easy-going, TOO quickly forgiving and TOO eager to please ! .... Having said all this Marja ... these are not BAD traits ... in some ways they are so hugely endearing ... BUT ... BUT ... they do need to toughen up ... and Sam HAS toughened up to a degree ... but I think he will always be a "people pleaser" ... Give Sami a big hug - it WILL improve !! ... |
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Post by finnmom on May 23, 2004 14:34:48 GMT -5
Thank´s Anne I´ll deliver the hug This accured to me again today, there is one boy who has been bullying him at the afternoon care, I found 2 cm scraths on him yesterday I´am gonna tell the supervisor´s about this I kept the "pep-talk" AGAIN, you know " you´re smart, he isn´t, dont let him get under your skin, if it´s only talking, let it go...... if he hit´s HIT BACK " kind a talk. Then I reminded him about the friend´s he has, some really nice guy´s who´ll be his friend´s, who tell him to forgot those dummie´s and play with him TG of those boy´s I dont know if it sank in??? I sertainly hope so! I´ll just have to keep trying, monitorin, taking control, the same old same old..... Sami is a big boy, but so soft Hurt´s easily a dream target for a bully BUT DONT FORGET THE MOM ;D ;D Thank you Marja |
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Post by Linda on May 23, 2004 14:57:06 GMT -5
YES....DON'T FORGET THE MOM! ;D
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Post by finnmom on May 23, 2004 15:11:35 GMT -5
Linda ;D I start to feel like an ancient warrior ;D I just have to belt myself up and go for it ;D Imagine how motherhood has changed my view of life ;D  Marja |
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Post by Linda on May 23, 2004 16:50:25 GMT -5
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