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Post by joanns25 on Apr 27, 2004 14:48:30 GMT -5
I am wondering if anyone can give me some ideas on how my younger son can cope with his older brothers ADHD. My younger child is having a very difficult time dealing with his behaviors. My older son is a bully to his brother and I can not get him to stop. Any suggestions or comments would be appreciated. I feel so bad for my younger son having to be the receipient of my olders behaviors. My youngest is REALLY struggling with keeping his cool and handling his brothers problems.  |
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Post by HooDunnit on Apr 27, 2004 14:51:44 GMT -5
Hi and welcome to the forums. I have exactly the same problem at my house. My ADHD-son is 17 and 1/2 and my younger son is 8 and 1/2. What are the ages of your boys? Can you give some examples?
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Post by joanns25 on Apr 27, 2004 14:55:30 GMT -5
Kev, my oldest is soon to be 12, and Rob, my youngest, is soon to be 11. My youngest is always being controled by Kev. Being told what to do, when, and how. Rob is having a real hard time keeping his anger in check. He told me last night that with other kids his temper fuse is longer, with his brother it is instant.
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Post by HooDunnit on Apr 27, 2004 15:41:22 GMT -5
In our case, there is a greater age spread. What I would tell my older son, is that he will want to have his younger brother as a friend later in life, so he should be nice to him now. I would tell him that younger brothers often look up to their older brothers as heroes, so he should try to be a good role model.
I know that my younger son has been very discouraged on so many occasions. Usually he talks to his mother about how he feels. But he hasn't stopped being nice to his older brother and trying to engage him in a decent relationship. And I think that he is winning.
I realize that none of this may apply to your situation. The hardest part for my ADHD-son has been that he has a very sensitive nervous system, and his younger brother's incidental sounds really grate on him. Quite often, I just have to separate them.
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Post by rosyred45 on Apr 30, 2004 11:57:53 GMT -5
Well, my husband is 10 yrs older than his brother, so it's not as close as yours.....but my sister and I are only 11 months apart  gee, what was mom and dad thinking  Any how, we would torment each other to no avail. The best thing I can tell you to tell your boys is to tell them both if you catch wind of it, heads will roll. It being whatever is getting on the others nerves and heads rolling what ever punishment to deal out. Bosiness isn't in the adhd thing, well, it is a little IF it is let to be uncontrolled. My kids Tara-9(Miss bossipants) and Mikey-6/adhd will grate at each other til no end. I just tell them if they want the other to cooperate, they better remember how they treat them to begin with. But like Barry said, if it gets so they are grating on you, separate them. Tell them if they can't stop fighting, they don't need to be around each other. You wouldn't have a friend over to the house that your kids fight with constantly, so why put up with it between brothers. I know, it's a brother thing.... If it's any consolation, my sister and I don't fight like we used to. ( but then again we aren't under the same house or see each other daily either) But we aren't fighting Kaiti |
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Post by finnmom on Apr 30, 2004 15:04:28 GMT -5
Hmmmmm... This is a though one My ds8 is the oldest, brother to 2 girl´s. he love´s them dearly, but occasionally drive´s them crazy, expecially dd6  He´s so much better with dd3, he think´s she is the most wonderfull babygirl there is. dd6 get´s the uglier side. I let them fight it, whenever one of them come´s to me complaining"Mom, ¤¤¤¤ is harrassing me...." I tell them to give it back, as long as they dont hurt each other´s, they can clear it out themself. Then I usually remaind them about being sister´s, unique thing in the world. Like Barry, I tell them that this is something they can´t get rid off That they all love each other´s etc. Adhd is no excuce for bullying, nor is it any reason why not to give back if needed. I know this is not helping you, but I think you should let your younger one to show his frustration as "normal" brother´s do. If the older bro cant behave then he should be separeted alone to his room´s as long as they both get the idea of brotherhood. Like rosy said, you wouldn´t tolerate this from a friend  . May not work for you, but... my two cent´s! I wish you luck with this one! Marja |
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Post by ohmama on May 8, 2004 11:15:32 GMT -5
If it is possible you could video tape an episode of this happening without them knowing it. I wonder if sometimes the bully doesn't really know they are being a bully? When it is long over and the time is right you could play it back for him and discuss it?
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