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Post by TWHSFH27 on Apr 14, 2004 20:37:26 GMT -5
Hi everyone! I have a friend question. My daugter used to be really good friends with this one girl but recently it seems things have not been going well! Apparantly this girl has been telling Alicia that she will never go to college because she has too many referals, is stupid etc. Well up until today Alicia just kind of ignored her. However today this girl went to far....Alicia is a very good field hockey player (she plays varsity), and really loves the sport, well she tore her acl in the middle of the season and has to sit out for 6 months...well today this girl felt the need to say that Alicia is making up he injury is a wimp yadda yadda yadda and she never sticks with anything...this obviously upset Alicia as it is not true...well Alicia flipped out and started yelling at this girl in the middle of lunch (not a good idea as she always gets in trouble) well the girl went up and told the aps that Alicia started everything and was being rude...All the aps (except Alicia's who knew this was not true) believed the girl and want to make Alicia sit alone at lunch  Any one have any suggestions? Thank you Angela |
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Post by 1mom on Apr 14, 2004 23:33:02 GMT -5
i can certainly understand why she exploded like she did. all the months of 'holding it in' and trying to ignore the other girl....all in the name of friendship. it sounds to me like this girl has some sort of inferiority complex or plain old jealousy toward your dd. is there any way you can get the two of them together AWAY FROM SCHOOL to talk about what's changed and what's causing the real root of the problem? i know it won't change the situation, but maybe will stem future button-pushing by this 'friend' and restore some balance. i wonder what's really behind her antagonistic behavior? a boyfriend perhaps?
prayers,
1mom
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Post by rosyred45 on Apr 15, 2004 7:27:06 GMT -5
Hi Angela, I was goin to put this at it own thread, til I came across this. I went to a bullying workshop last night for parents. The speaker was phenominal. He's a therapist that specializes in bullying. A few things he mentioned: GIRLS ARE THE WORST. And as he looked around at only women sittin gin the audience, he said that we should have already known that on  Any how. He talked about the social status and such about the bullies and how most people are by-standers. I point that out because you said Alicia used to be friends with her.....is this other girl with another crowd? are they the little snitties that pick and never get introuble for it? One thing that did stand out: most of the bullies thought that they were untouchable because they have been. Like them believing the other girl, does her family have influence at the school-ie teachers kid, board members kid, etc? Don't you love the "my child would never do that" syndrome. Mr Terrell did say you could tell the kids to ignore it till your blue in the face, but then what happened in your case is a prime example of kids trying to ignore, It bottles up and and BOOM. I think your best bet would be to go to the school. Ask them why they took the course of action that they did. Tell them that your daughter has been picked at for this long and had enough of it. Let them know that yes, there are better ways to handle situations, BUT for them to totally blame your daughter is disgraceful. Hockey syndrome 101: retailiation gets you/not them. Learned that with my son. Ask the lunch room monitors what they are doin gto combat bullying in the lunch room. That is a prime spot for it to be happening. If they say there isn't anything like that going on, let them to take off their rose colored glasses and walk around, listen to conversations and jump in if they hear something not nice. Be an adult and take responsibility over what is being said in the lunch room. Sorry for the rant: Mikey sat by himself in lunch yesterday because he said the resst of the class didn't like him....  Thank goodness a couple 5th graders came and sat with him, which they usually can't do, but the lunch room ladies let it slide  Kaiti |
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Post by Linda on Apr 15, 2004 7:41:57 GMT -5
Kaiti is so right...girls are the worst..in fact they can be downright vicious!!!
Girls are usually very verbal...they start rumors and gossip,and the worst to me is exclusion. They also use the internet and their cell phones to do there bullying.
Go to the school and ask them what they are going to do about it.Your daughter has a right to be safe at school.
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Post by camismom on Apr 15, 2004 8:52:02 GMT -5
As a mother of a 12 yo girl, I reiterate what has already been said. Girls are terrible! They will turn on each other in a minue! Cami has had this happen on several occasions and I am constantly trying to teach her the difference in a "true" and trustworthy friend, versus a "fair weather" friend. You may think there is a reason for this girl turning on your child, but sometimes it's just a matter of them growing older and going in seperate directions, getting with a new group, etc. I wouldn't worry with what caused it as much as trying to put an end to it.
If I were in your shoes I would get in touch with the Guidance Counselor and ask her to get the two girls in for a little "pow wow". Then I would definitely alert the aps that Alicia has had a problem with this girl harassing her for quite some time and Alicia has handled it and taken it so far, but yesterday it came to a head. Tell them you understand that she may deserve a mild punishment for yelling out and disrupting lunch but the other girl was also involved and deserves punishment too.
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Post by AnneM on Apr 15, 2004 11:37:25 GMT -5
... and another one to support the girls being the worst bullies ... Oh YES !! ... I am a firm believer that with boys "What you see is what you get" ... (i.e. if a boy hits another - it isn't right - but it is straightforward - it is undevious ... In fact I don't think boys are capable of being devious ... but am sure there are a few exceptions to that!!) ... With girls however I see far more deviousness, 'underhand' bullying, exclusion etc going on ... and often all with a sweet smile to put a mask over what they are actually doing!! ...
One example I read once was in relation to the different ways boys and girls would handle a kitten and a pond... (this does NOT go for ALL boys and ALL girls I might add!) but gives an indication of the difference when they ARE being cruel ... The boys are more likely to simply throw the kitten in the pond not in anyway hiding what they are doing. When confronted they will say "Well I wanted to see if it would float" ... (and probably that is exactly what they did want to do!) ... The girls on the other hand will be saying "ahhhh ... sweet little kitty .... I will look after you " and then when nobody is looking sneakily push the cat into the water and possibly even hold its head under ....
That is an extreme example and hopefully for both boys and girls NOT a common one! ... but i thought when I read it that it gave a good indication of the " Differences" between any type of bullying when it comes to the girls vs boys... !
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Post by finnmom on Apr 15, 2004 15:54:13 GMT -5
One other opinion on : girl´s ar the worst! Yea they are! One thing is ,as said already the vocality, rumer´s whispering and plain could leaving you out of the group  Bou´s get it fight over and that´s it, girl´s go on and on and on...... I can understand your dd´s reaction, too much is too much. Too bad the monitor´s didnt see the whole thing and your dd had to take the fault. I hope it get´s better soon.Ignoration is the hard, but propably the only working way to deal with these thing´s. STRENGHT to you and dd! Marja |
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Post by swmom on May 1, 2004 5:44:20 GMT -5
There is a WONDERFUL book about girls' bullying called
"Odd Girl Out" by Rachel Simmons. It's a few years old and a great read. Have some kleenex close by though. Some of the stories she shares are heart-wrenching and unfortunately typical of what girls do to one another. And usually it's all very quiet. Girls are very sneaky and can be so very cruel. I recommned this book for all females, those who are grown now will appreciate knowing that the things that happened to them growing up "weren't just in their imaginations" and those who are going through it now will find tremendous comfort in realizing why girls do this to one another. My daughter is 9 and I have warned her that girls, even those she considers friends, can be so very mean and to not be surprised if suddenly she finds that happening. I don't want her to experience the pain I did and not know why. Girls(and sometimes their moms!) can be horrible.
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