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Post by Amsmom on Mar 15, 2004 8:14:16 GMT -5
I feel so sad for my ds8. Almost every time he plays with his friends, he ends up getting angry at something and screaming at his friend. It could be as simple as the other child not playing what my ds wants to play. After playing nicely for a good period of time, my ds eventually blows up over something, starts to cry and yells at his friend, which of course, then breaks up the playing. Once my ds is in that state, he has a really hard time getting out of that mood. This has been going on for years. It happened again yesterday and I felt so bad for him. After he got over the anger, he started to cry and said, "Mommy what is wrong with my brain that makes me get so angry all the time?" I hugged him and told him how much I love him. Then I told him that it was very grown up that he recognizd it. We made a plan that next time he starts to feel a little angry, that he excuse himself and come home. I don't really know that he will be able to do this, though, as he is very impulsive. This breaks my heart, I don't know how to make it better for him.
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Post by rosyred45 on Mar 15, 2004 10:05:51 GMT -5
OHHHH, my heart goes out to you and your little boy. But he is heading in the right direction for recognizing that there is something to him getting angry. And you did the best thing to tell him to try to recognize before he ends up exploding to remove his self from the situation.
My son is only 6, but very impulsive. I hope that he'll start to think of reactions BEFORE he takes action.
I have always told my kids to put themselves in the others shoes. Would that hurt MY feelings being treated like that? Would I be angry if someone said that to me? My kids work more on the empathy level, and that is really the only way we have ever tried to get them to understand things.
You might want to give him an example of something that made you angry, BUT you turned and walked away or you handled in like______. I hope that doesn't sound confusing, but I have had the best luck with any of the kids I have ben around to tell them an "I did this when I was....." story. Maybe if he sees that and he recognizes that he can be that way too someday. he'll be a little less impulsive when it comes to disagreeing with someone.
Above all, remind him that no two people are alike. We all handle situations differently. It's a matter of HOW we handle the situation. AND We are responsible for our actions.
I hope this helps a little
Kaiti
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Post by AnneM on Mar 15, 2004 12:22:04 GMT -5
As Kaiti says he has taken one giant step forward by "recognising" this and questioning it ...
When he was younger my son used to be on occasions explosive with his friends ... like your son he also used to be sorry afterwards and he would always apologise within a very short time ... (i.e. he had recognised it as him being in the wrong but like your son didn't understand WHY he got so frustrated so quickly!) ...
I can honestly say though that this is no longer the case ... I cannot actually REMEMBER the last time he got mad at friends so age and maturity HAS taken care of so much of this! ...
I used to tell him that when he started to feel angry he should count firmly to 10 slowly in his head ... sometimes he would say to me "Well I got to about 7 or 8 and couldn't stand it any more" ... but other times he would say "that really helps when I make myself count to 10 .... " (So an old fashioned remedy with 'mixed' results !) ...
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Post by 1mom on Mar 15, 2004 19:29:15 GMT -5
though it won't help right now, like anne, we also no longer have this issue.
one thing i did to help when ds was younger, and more explosive, was to have the friends come here. that way i could monitor and head the explosion off when possible. if mount impulsive blew anyway, i took the time to make sure the buddy knew that it was just a passing storm and that he could help ds by not taking it personally. another thing to try is to have friend and son set a clock/egg timer for 20-30 minutes (this was my ds' normal blow up time), and have them go outside and do some physical fun like racing, jumping jacks, shoot hoops, etc.. for some reason, this energy release more often than not prevented the blow up that builds up inside. i think it is that they are trying so darn hard to be good, have fun, do right, be liked, that all that 'holding in/stress' makes them stressed. the stress pushes the temper out of control. just think how we are as adults when we plan a dinner for 20, buy all the stuff, cook, clean, rush, plan and then by 6:00 it only takes a dropped plate or an off-hand comment to send us into orbit. same for our kids. they try SO hard, God bless 'em!
prayers,
1mom
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