the joy of exhalation

[1mom]

until today, i hadn't realized that i am a subconscious breath holder.
my ds went to a bday party/event and sleep-over with 4 other boys his age (none of which i knew). when i went to pick him up, the mom told me several times how much fun the boys had and how good they were. (her son has moderate adhd, i'm sure, although i don't know that for sure, but had all the symptoms).
i'm coming to see that because of past experiences with "friends" and "parties"....ones that haven't turned out so well, or the ones he's never invited to, that this party really meant alot to me. probably more than to ds..
anyway....my heart just lifted to hear the nice compliments and words from the mom. and i could tell she meant it, too. i watched the boys together and they were having fun and looked like not a bit of trouble had occurred.
i took a long hard look at my feelings, and i must have some deeply buried things going on. and that made me sad that i "held my breath" like that. but, i'm going to let that go and concentrate on how nice the party was for all of them........
..........and me! i'm going to stop holding my breath as much, and have more faith in my guy. he's come so far...from being the only one without an invitation to the one with plenty of invitations. he's found acceptance and maybe, just maybe, is on a level playing field in the friendship arena!
peace and prayers,
1mom

[rosyred45]

Stop, your making me cry now.....
I'm still in the hold my breathe stage. i think Mikey has only been invited to 2 other parties, but around here, we don't nmake too much of a big deal about it.
So as not to hurt feelings.

I'm glad it went well for yours. I hope it will go as well when we have something like that

Kaiti

[Linda]

Somehow,I think it goes with the territory...we have all gone through so much with our kids,that when they start to get older we start to see a payoff.

I know the feeling you are talking about...I am a breath holder too!

Give yourself a pat on the back,you are raising a fine young man.

[mom2tj]

OH you give me hope that maybe just maybe some day he will be the one invited and not the one left out. Hope that someday he will be the one kids come ring the bell. you story is funny because just yesterday DS was at a party (the only one so far this year) and when I when to get him I was expecting for something to have happened aparantly nothing did but I know this lady very well she is very nice and understanding having a child with problem herself she knows how it is.

your words hit home, I have hope thank you

[finnmom]

:)1Mom
That is so great, make´s me little weepy, but great thing though

It´s always good to hear that thing´s do improve!

GREAT, GREAT, GREAT!!!!
Marja

[1mom]

thanks for letting me vent, girls. i'm so glad you're here. nothing like having people WHO KNOW what i mean!
kaiti,
we do the same thing, not make a big deal. it's just seeing the hurt on their face (especially when they try to hide it) that's so hard to take.

linda,
it does go with the territory. i'm just thought i had a handle on the whole thing. i must have convinced myself AND ds that the party thing wasn't important.
i just wish other parents could have some of the 'exhalation' moments earlier. wouldn't that have given you more hope and positive feelings? it's just so hard to WAIT and WORRY about the social thing.

mom2tj:
yes, yes, yes! that's one of the things i wanted to share: there IS HOPE. when they get some maturity, things do level out. older kids are more accepting too. personality traits that were aggrevating in grade school don't seem to matter when in jr high/high. sometimes those 'quirks' even appeal to their peers.
congrats on an exhale of your own! there's no other feeling, eh?

marja,
i really never truly believed it when other moms told me things would get better. guess i couldn't see the forest for the trees, as the saying goes. but THEY DO!

prayers and hugs to all,
1mom

[AnneM]

What a geat post !! ... I also could relate so well !! ... Over so many years when things would go awry and I got used to holding my breath and NOW when my 15 year old has "grown up" such a lot and is really a pretty easy to have around person but I STILL find myself holding my breath a lot!! ... Always expecting something to break the "status quo" ... I am afraid it is a habit formed over many years! ..

But you are SOOO right 1Mom ... we have to allow ourselves to enjoy the improvement!! ... ;D

[Linda]

Right there with you Anne...years and years of experience!

Off topic here but I truly do hold my breath when I am sitting in the Dentists chair!!

[AnneM]

LOL Linda !! .. and boy am I glad to hear you say that ... because SO DO I !! ... I went last week and he said "How are you today?" and I said "Scared stiff and VERY nervous" .... and he said "Oh there is nothing to be afriad of here ..... " and brandished the injection and the drill ! ... (Sharp intake of breah from me!!!!) LOL

[Linda]

I just recently endured a 2 hour procedure for a "crown",and when the Dentist was done...he said...you can breathe now Linda!!! I am such a chicken!!!!