lisle
Full Member
Posts: 142
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Post by lisle on Mar 8, 2004 10:18:06 GMT -5
I do not know how to spell "dys," (translated slang: put downs) but my son definitely does it a lot to people and is offending the administrators and teachers at his school with his putdowns of his peers. They range from not very sophisticated "duh" to "you must be insecure because you ..." to funny but insulting remarks that pick up on what a teacher has just said or a kid has remarked. Sometimes they are consenting friends dyssing each other ("your mama is so fat she can't fit on the cover of Time"), but a lot of times it's right in class and seems rude! My son is extremely witty, sarcastic, etc. and likes shows like the Simpsons or south park or Family Guy.
I know that they really pick up on his type of humor.
But he doesn't stop doing this sort of thing in school and he's been told a million times. I wonder if some of it comes from being criticized so much himself. It comes out so fast and witty that the other kids will laugh.
Sometimes it is mean, though not intentionally so--he just thinks it's funny. What to do?
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Post by camismom on Mar 8, 2004 10:33:38 GMT -5
Not to be rude, but the first thing you need to do is quit allowing him to watch The Simpsons, South Park, and Family Guy. This is where this type behavior is being learned. South Park and Family Guy are esp. inappropriate for children. Sit him down and explain to him that this is not funny. It is rude and hurtful. Then get with his school to come up with an appropriate punishment for this type behavior and make sure it is implemented each time he does it. After suffering the punishment a few times, I'm sure he'll learn his lesson.
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Post by mom2tj on Mar 8, 2004 11:05:59 GMT -5
lisle, I dont remember how old your ds is but in our house thoese shows are a BIG NO NO I dont like them. I have made it very clear to my ds that there are things you can say around friends but not around adults.... last year my ds was rude and saying inapropiate things to adults and I washed his mouth sith soap... that was the end of it!
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Post by finnmom on Mar 8, 2004 14:39:15 GMT -5
Hi I agree with other two mom´s;those show´s are NO good for a child, I deslike them myself, too, I think this world has enough bad will and intentional humiliating of other´s as it is. I dont want to offend you, please forgive me. An apropriate punishment and consistant monitoring of the use of those word´s, that should help. This is so sad behaviour because it very fast give´s your ds a label wich will be hard to loose later.  Marja |
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Post by 1mom on Mar 8, 2004 18:03:25 GMT -5
dear lisle,
i agree with the others. those shows teach our kids the wrong message about "humor" and how to get a laugh from others. my son got into the dissing and it was a real tough one to break (in fact it still sneaks out once in awhile).
i banned all 3 of those and have only just started allowing Simpsons (he's 13). any reports of rude=mouth or dissing earned him 30 min. off bedtime (his worse punishment), and after a few early nights, he got the message.
i also take the opportunity to point out each time i hear some other kid with smart-mouth, so he can hear how it really sounds, and then compliment him on HIS language.
good luck!
1mom
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Post by catatonic on Mar 9, 2004 8:14:18 GMT -5
My boy (age 9) does a lot of dissing, too...I believe under the mistaken impression that he's being funny. He just doesn't seem to pick up on people's more subtle reactions that show they're offended or put off. Now if his 15-year-old brother slugs him one, that he understands, but still seems clueless as to WHY his brother is so angry.
Your son may be different, but mine seems like he's trying to be cool but is too socially inept to pull it off. He tries this kind of humor with adults sometimes, too, and has been very slow to understand that it's NOT appropriate.
Copying bad language he's heard is a similar problem. He doesn't seem to get it that the other kids don't think he's cool for cussing, they just think he's a little weirdo. He seems to be improving some lately -- whether due to his psychologist's help or maturity or what, I don't know -- but he's still deficient in reading other people and their reactions to him. As a result, he's often baffled and hurt when others get fed up with him.
Not sure what to do about the problem. The counselor runs "social skills" classes that he's participated in, but I have no idea if they help. I haven't seen any real results, but my mom (who sees him less often) says that she has. His psychologist is supposed to be dealing with this kind of problem, but again I don't know if there's been any specific impact (although his teacher seems to think he's getting along pretty well with his classmates now). I try hard to teach him the difference between a mean mouth and a funny one, but I have no idea if he gets it!
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Post by AustinsMom on Mar 9, 2004 22:25:48 GMT -5
I also notice my ds picks up on lines from movies and inserts them in conversations--like in Hercules the Danny Devito character says something about a "fur wedgie" and even now (what is this, like 4 years later??) that phrase will pop up. And obviously not everyone gets his reference. We do limit TV to 30 min a day on school nights, an hour on weekends, unless we watch something together. And sports don't count since he and his dad watch Cardinal baseball (and baseball games will never fit in an hour time slot.....). But even with those limits, he seems to find questionable phrases to throw around from Disney movies even. Or the ever present beer commercials during sports. So I have absolutely no answers but am just offering sympathy...  |
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Post by Dad2Brooke on Mar 10, 2004 16:59:01 GMT -5
lisle, I'm pretty sure the term dissing comes from disrespect ing. Also, I agree with the others about the TV shows. Brooke's grandma let her watch South Park once. She didn't have any idea what it was. She just thought it was cartoon. I told her to watch it the next time she saw it coming on. She did.  Needless to say, Brooke hasn't watched it again at her house. So what to do about it? When I was growing up, we had a "sarcasm jar." Every time we said something sarcastic (which is essentially dissing. Who knew when were so ahead on this? ;D) to someone, we had to put some of our money in the jar. We didn't get much allowance, so we wanted to keep what we got. And because I had 2 sisters, you never got away with saying something, even if mom or dad didn't hear it. That worked for us. Godd luck
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Post by LitlBaa on Mar 10, 2004 21:17:15 GMT -5
Katie's good at saying it but not good at hearing it about herself.
When she gets her feelings hurt, I remind her of that wonderfully true statement...don't dish it out if you can't take it.
It's slowed it down somewhat, but hasn't stopped altogether.
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lisle
Full Member
Posts: 142
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Post by lisle on Apr 2, 2004 9:35:37 GMT -5
Thanks for the feedback. I think it's more dys as in dysfunctional, but probably it is diss. Or just d if you use chat style. Do we love to shorten words or what? Isn't everything these days about hurrying up? I love the computer but it seems to hate language! I wonder if the sarcasm jar would work. I think I will fill up a jar with quarters and see if my son can "hold on to them" if I create two other jars. Whoever gets the insult gets the money or at the end of the week he gets it if he doesn't dys or diss. Watch him try to make us insult him. Or alternatively, I could create jars for each of us and take the money out of the dysser's (disser's)jar, putting it into the offendee's. What do you think of this?
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Post by finnmom on Apr 2, 2004 10:58:24 GMT -5
Lisle
i think this jar-idea is good, try it at least, you´ll never know otherwise.
I´ve tried behavioural-chart for 4 week´s now, it seem´s to work quite well. (Well enough ;D)
Good luck to you!!
Marja
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Post by Dad2Brooke on Apr 2, 2004 12:18:07 GMT -5
I like the idea of having the disser forfeiting money to the dissee. That is great.
My mom just kept the money in the sarcasm jar, but to actually have to give the money to a brother or sister would be unbearable. Brilliant! ;D
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Post by HooDunnit on Apr 2, 2004 16:31:20 GMT -5
RE "I wonder if some of it comes from being criticized so much himself". This could be. I would ignore it and go with the Brooks and Goldstein approach of looking for the "islands of competence" that your son can be complimented for. Everyone is good at something.
The fundamental message should be that he is acceptable as a person.
Barry
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aaa-alison
Member
"Hold on if you feel like letting go-hold on it gets better than you know"-Good Charlotte
Posts: 84
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Post by aaa-alison on Apr 5, 2004 10:51:23 GMT -5
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Post by 1mom on Apr 5, 2004 21:27:42 GMT -5
wow, a!
what a wonderfully POSITIVE post. thanks for the super advice and for helping get a peek inside.
"Hold on if you feel like letting go-hold on it gets better than you know"-Good Charlotte
did you know that every member of Good Charlotte has ADHD? my neice recently went to one of their concerts and that was one of the first things they proudly announced. awesome!
prayers,
1mom
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