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Post by swmom on Feb 8, 2004 11:57:36 GMT -5
Does anyone have any specific suggestions for addresssing immaturity? My daughter is SO immature.
Even children who are 6 months to a year younger than she is seem to be more mature than she is. It's really starting to stick out. Help!
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Post by AnneM on Feb 8, 2004 12:14:53 GMT -5
Hi Swmom !! Our adhd'ers are unfortunately known for their immaturity ... Some things I have read say that add/adhd'ers are approximately 1/3 of their age below in maturity (i.e. a 9 year old would have the maturity of a 6 year old) but I personally think this is an exaggeration!
However, immaturity DOES tend to be a BIG problem with add/adhd and certainly my son (when younger) was no exception.
What I can say on a positive front is that at age 15 in so many ways my son has really "caught up" ... particularly in the last year or two ... however, there are still signs of immaturity sometimes ....
I know I am not helping address the specific problem of immaturity ... I hope others have some more specific suggestions - but I do want to let you know that you are NOT alone in this and it IS a common problem with our kids....
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Post by swmom on Feb 8, 2004 13:52:07 GMT -5
What has caused your son to "catch up?" Can you put your finger on anything in particular?
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Post by AnneM on Feb 8, 2004 14:02:09 GMT -5
What has caused your son to "catch up?" Can you put your finger on anything in particular? Oh I WISH I could put m finger on some particulars!! ... OK let me think ... his psychiatrist says that he has "grown hugely in CONFIDENCE in the past couple of years" ... which he (psychiatrist) thinks has made a HUGE difference to my son ... but WHAT has caused this increase in confidence? hmmm ... The interventions in that time have been Concerta and St Johns Wort ... along really with just plain old "getting older" ... My son himself thinks that having "slightly older" rather than "younger" friends has helped him (he is because of his birthdate the youngest in his class so all his classmates are OLDER)... So maybe this has helped too ... |
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Post by mctavish23 on Feb 8, 2004 20:43:41 GMT -5
Hi, Anne you made a good point earlier about the discrepancy between chronological age and emotional maturity. The way I heard it presented this summer was very similiar, in that the presenter stated that if you take an ADHD child's chronological age and multiply by .30, then that is where they are emotionally.This was again presented as having been taken from a research study.The presenter went on to say that the ADHD person then peaks out somewhere around 18-20 something and then you're stuck there. I didnt read the study but when I told my wife that she just said..." Duh. I could have told him that without having to go to all that trouble."  To me, it doesnt matter what the multiplier is or how much of a discrepancy there is because it's obvious that immaturity is an artifact of ADHD.The important is to recognize that maturation will cause more improvement than any type of therapy, in that kids get better slowly. To what extent and how much is obviously not known, but I dont know too many people who expect their kids to grow out of it, which of course they won't. The other thing to recognize here is that immaturity is yet another developmental delay and an example of an impairment.The scary thing is when you stop and think about ADHD kids wanting to drive. Take care and good luck. mctavish23(Robert) |
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Post by 1mom on Feb 8, 2004 23:37:18 GMT -5
great points from anne and robert. the only specific thing i can point out is that hormones had a lot to do with my ds' sudden spurt in maturity. although he is not on the level of his peers (he's the youngest in class by almost 2 years), he reached adolescence much sooner than the average teen and that helped him balance out a whole lot. don't get me wrong, he's still immature in many areas, but not like he was before puberty!
compliment him on the mature areas, his decisions and when his actions warrant it---let him know how proud you are and that goes a long way in boosting confidence. the more they desire a goal, the sooner they reach it!
prayers,
1mom
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Post by AnneM on Feb 9, 2004 12:18:11 GMT -5
This is very interesting ... Robert I found your comments fascinating ... was a bit bothered by the peaking at 18-20 and then getting "stuck there" because most 18-20 year olds that I know are NOT at a maturity I would like to see "stuck there" ! (and I am talking ALL 18-20 year olds here - not just adhd'ers!!) ... AAGH!! ... Also the driving bit ... oh boy!! In the UK our kids can drive 50cc mopeds, scooters etc. at age 16 (i.e. this summer for my son!) ... and they start driving cars at age 17 ... it's coming TOOOO close for my liking!!  1Mom I also agree that hormones come into play in 'fast forwarding' maturity somewhat ... in fact thinking about it that could well be what has also helped my son in the past couple of years! ... but same as you said ... although there has been huge improvement in my son and in so many ways he definitely matches his peers there IS still room for improvement in many ways ... An interesting discussion..... |
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Post by swmom on Feb 9, 2004 13:30:06 GMT -5
Do you think it'd be too demeaning to discuss reactions to situations with her in a "Goofus and Gallant" kind of way? Goofus(the immature one) would've done/said this in this situation...Gallant(the mature one) would've handled it this way. She's 9 and may have NVLD in addition to the ADHD. We'll know definitely in a few weeks, after we complete some testing we're doing with a psychologist. The thing I'm trying to achieve here is to help her do/say more appropriate things for her age in most situations. For example, a few weeks ago a bunch of girls from her school were playing a basketball game at one of the girl's homes. Somebody accidentally bumped into somebody else and bent one of her fingers back. The girl started crying and all the girls ran over to her. The dad took the girl's hand to examine the finger, which was red and looked like it
hurt. My child said, "Do you think she(the other girl)
did it on purpose?" I quickly said, "Oh, I'm sure it was
an accident." I wanted to croak.
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Post by mctavish23 on Feb 9, 2004 13:37:47 GMT -5
Hi,
You know your child better than anyones else. If you feel she learns best by role playing examples, then by all means do what you think will work. There's really no "right" or "wrong" way per se' because everyone is so different and , as such, have different learning styles.
Good luck.
mctavish23
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Post by AnneM on Feb 10, 2004 12:55:13 GMT -5
Do you think it'd be too demeaning to discuss reactions to situations with her in a "Goofus and Gallant" kind of way? Goofus(the immature one) would've done/said this in this situation...Gallant(the mature one) would've handled it this way. She's 9 and may have NVLD in addition to the ADHD. We'll know definitely in a few weeks, after we complete some testing we're doing with a psychologist. The thing I'm trying to achieve here is to help her do/say more appropriate things for her age in most situations. For example, a few weeks ago a bunch of girls from her school were playing a basketball game at one of the girl's homes. Somebody accidentally bumped into somebody else and bent one of her fingers back. The girl started crying and all the girls ran over to her. The dad took the girl's hand to examine the finger, which was red and looked like it hurt. My child said, "Do you think she(the other girl) did it on purpose?" I quickly said, "Oh, I'm sure it was an accident." I wanted to croak. I reckon this can be a VERY effective idea (i.e. the goofus/gallant one) ... I used to use something very similar on my son when he was young ... well in fact HE started it ... after misbehaving he would detach himself from the behaviour by saying "that was the BAD Sam then ... but the GOOD Sam is back now" ... It worked well ... we used to discuss how the BAD Sam would react and how the GOOD Sam would react in different situations ... Similarly this can be used for appropriateness (spelling?) ... Of course now that my son is 15 going on 16 the Good Sam/Bad Sam scenario is now finished ... but I personally would say GIVE IT A GO !! GOOD LUCK!! |
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Post by catatonic on Feb 12, 2004 9:00:40 GMT -5
I think the Goofus and Gallant idea is a really good one, and plan to steal it for use on my son. He really enjoys reading the Goofus/Gallant cartoons. It's hard to translate that into actual learning and behavior changes, though, since he doesn't always grasp the difference between someone doing something maliciously and a simple accident (to him everything is on purpose!). I think this contributes to his seemingly immature behavior, because he gets upset about things other kids would ignore and overreacts to them, unable to grasp that it's an accident and he should simply let it go. My boy tries so hard to act older, but cussing and talking about inappropriate subjects is definitely not the same thing as maturity. His behavior is much more age-appropriate when he has something to focus on that captures his interest. It's as if his concentration shuts off the overly-impulsive part of him that makes him blurt out dumb things or quarrel over trivial stuff and he seems far more "normal".
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Post by anneke on Feb 14, 2004 16:51:10 GMT -5
my brother always have been inmature i more had problems with the fact that I was too mature for my age. but then I had an early puberty and ( became a ' woman when I was just 11) and he had a late one, his voise started to change when he was 17. and now whe are on same level again. I think like it is with manny things, at the and it wil be fine. aldough sometimes
greets Anneke
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Post by BBW4EVR1 on Mar 27, 2004 3:47:57 GMT -5
I like the Goofus/Gallant idea. However, I am perfectly content where our son is. He is quite immature in some areas and a little immature in other areas. Personnaly, I am enjoying his immaturity-because in many areas of his life with ADD and Epilepsy he has to be far to mature. He knows more about medicine and medical procedures than most grown ups-so I guess I embrace his world of immaturity of snuggles and imaginary friends as I know all too soon they will be gone!  |
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Post by rosyred45 on Mar 27, 2004 7:23:27 GMT -5
Thanks for pulling this back up, I missed it the first time around. Along the lines of BBW, I see Mikey as having strong suits in certain areas. He is quite immature, but I have a hard time with the fact that he is a July baby. I caught my self comparing him to Tara. Tara is a girl number one, and she's a December Baby, so she's along the older kids line in her class. So I just need to remember to gauge him as him. Although, I have to ask those with older boys, when did they start needing deodorant? Mikey was reeking the other day  . I was early to "mature" 4th grade, so I was just wondering. Not that there is anything wrong with having to use deodorant. Tara is using here and there too. Kaiti |
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Post by AnneM on Mar 27, 2004 7:33:01 GMT -5
Kaiti I know what you mean about the "summer" babies and them benig the younger ones in class ... Sam is the same (June) and is 9 months younger than some of those in his class ... in the UK we call them the "summer strugglers" ... which definitely has to be taken into account when looking at "maturity" ... As for deodorant I think this can vary quite a bit depending on the individual ... Sam started using deodorant at around 12 I guess .... and he really didn't need it before that ... BUT when he was about 7 he had a friend who HAD to wear deodorant every day already and if he forgot EVERYONE knew about it!.. |
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