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Post by finnmom on Jan 10, 2004 14:04:42 GMT -5
AnneM
I´am so sorry for you and your son, that´s a hard situation you´re in.
I kind a agree with Barry, first when I read it I was astonished, but then I figured it out. I do agree about defending yourself when it´s the last possibility. Usually you can talk/walk/laught your way out of these, but sometime´s there is no option´s. Hitting back in a heat of the moment is not good ever, but when you´ve given a warning, and that is not followed, then you just have to deffend yourself, sounds raw, but this is, indeed, a raw world and in the end, who will deffend you if you dont?
Getting this sayed, seem´s like I´am little of the track, but in your case Anne, I think that when your son confront´s this other boy next time, he should very firmly get his point out, not trethning, but tell the boy that he want´s his money back and see how it goes. then if this boy goes like "come on and get it..." there is deffenately no other choise but to fight for it.
I think that for teen´s/kid´s, as well as adult´s too, is very important to keep our selfrespect in our´s and in other´s eyes. And teen´s/kid´s world seems to be even rawer than the adult´s world, it´s so easy to became a "bunching bag".
Iám sorry to ramble like this Anne, and so sorry not to have any good opinion´s, but this is my 2 cent´s. Hope it work´s out in some way or an other.
Marja
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Post by HooDunnit on Jan 10, 2004 14:07:40 GMT -5
What I am saying, Linda, is that you need to pick your battles. Fidel Castro is not a threat to the United States anymore, but Saddam Hussein could have been. A ten-pound note is not the end of the world. One could argue that it is the principle of the thing. By why would a person want to convince themselves of that? It is easier just to cut your losses and move on.
Now, if you DO want to get even, you don't have to deck someone. There are various ways to terrorize a person or damage their property. The problem with decking someone is that they will know who did it. And they may have friends. You only want to deck someone in self-defense. And even then, you should try to be measured in your response. Your aim is to educate the other person.
Barry
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Post by AnneM on Jan 12, 2004 12:22:07 GMT -5
Well - the update is that Sam DID get his £10 back today at school ... so (phew!!) at least the decking didn't prove necessary!! ... I am fairly certain however that this was only due to the fact that the boy's mother was aware of the situation that this was paid back today...it could I believe have been a whole different ball-game if his mother wasn't involved!!
But I hope Sam has learned a lesson here and I certainly learned a lot just from all the brilliant ideas for responses in these situations ... I passed them all onto Sam and hopefully he will remember them and make a calculated "choice" if he finds himself in a similar situation at any point in the future!
I also found the discussion that came out of this really interesting - as far as forgiveness is concerned (and I think a lot of our adhd'ers are VERY quickly forgiving) - the boy was "instantly" Sam's friend again ... now whether this is a weakness or a strength I am not sure!! ...
A BIG THANKYOU to all of you for helping us through this one!!
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Post by HooDunnit on Jan 12, 2004 12:43:44 GMT -5
That was a nice resolution. Good going. You are a super mom!!!
Barry
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Post by finnmom on Jan 12, 2004 13:09:04 GMT -5
Great Anne!
Really good thing that it solved out like that. It was a valuable lesson , fortunately it didnt´cost you too much. ;D
Marja
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Post by 1mom on Jan 12, 2004 19:44:32 GMT -5
yippeeeeeeeeeee!! so happy it was a deck-free solution. hope BOTH boys learned positive lessons.
prayers,
1mom
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Post by tiniree on Jan 14, 2004 16:06:22 GMT -5
It's a very sad day the first time your child realizes that "friend" and "trust" don't always go together. I agree with Barry that your son should "cut his losses" and move on.
But, before doing this, I would have him tell his friends mother that the money was never returned and unfortunately, because of the dishonesty on her son's part, he feels he needs to end the friendship.
If done politely, the mother will know there is a potentially serious problem with her son that she needs to address, and she will always know that your son handled the situation with maturity, not in a childish manner.
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Post by AnneM on Jan 15, 2004 13:44:18 GMT -5
Thanks to each and everyone who replied to this.. Tiniree you are so right - it WAS such a sad day when someone my son has known for years (and completely trusted with his bike and his money) let him down! ... Fortunately the money was finally returned this week but I honestly believe this was ONLY because the boy's mother was aware of the situation ... (he had even told her it HAD been returned which was totally untrue!) AND after the boy had lied blatantly to both my son and his mother AND made false promises that he had no intention of keeping ...
And Finnmom as you say it didn't cost too much !! ;D but this leads me to an interesting point ... because the 'money' itself became totally immaterial - it was the PRINCIPLE that was at stake ...
PS and the one thing which I think REALLY upset my son was the fact that he never ever got the french fries (chips) which was what he had asked for in the first place!! ;D
THANKS EVERYONE !!
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Post by HooDunnit on Jan 16, 2004 14:35:48 GMT -5
RE "because the 'money' itself became totally immaterial - it was the PRINCIPLE that was at stake ... "
Ah yes, but what is that principle?
Poor Anne -- just when it seemed like this thread might be winding up, HD has another question!!!
Barry
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Post by AnneM on Jan 18, 2004 9:02:19 GMT -5
RE "because the 'money' itself became totally immaterial - it was the PRINCIPLE that was at stake ... " Ah yes, but what is that principle? Poor Anne -- just when it seemed like this thread might be winding up, HD has another question!!! Barry HA HA ... HD and his Questions!! ... Now ... what IS the principle? ... I think the principle is: You don't run off on trust with someone else's money and spend it ... OR you give back any money in your possession that you have not rightfully gained ... OR you do not destroy a friend's trust in you ... (Er ... maybe they are in fact "morals" of the story rather than principles??? ... You have got me confused now Barry !! ... I think you should help me out here!! ;D |
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Post by HooDunnit on Jan 18, 2004 15:46:16 GMT -5
HA HA HA . . . . I'm ready to let this thread expire whenever you say.
But as far as the principle of the thing is concerned, the statements you mention are all the OTHER person's principles (or lack of them) don't you think??
Here is a joke for you. I asked my 17-year-old son the other day if Dido is English (we were listening to her new song on the radio). He said, "No, she's from the UK!!"
Barry
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Post by AnneM on Jan 20, 2004 13:43:47 GMT -5
Here is a joke for you. I asked my 17-year-old son the other day if Dido is English (we were listening to her new song on the radio). He said, "No, she's from the UK!!" Barry Oh!! I enjoyed that Barry !! ... Thanks for sharing ... (I think that is definitely a "sign of the times" ..!!) OK I now declare this thread DEAD !!!  |
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