Bullying

[fivegonefishing]

My 8-year old daughter is in grade three. Just before Christmas there were 3 boys who chased her around with a pin or something. The principal gave the culprits detention however I"ve since learned the principal didn't tell the VP or her teacher.

Last week my daughter informed me those boys were still bugging her every recess. I phoned the VP and she and my daughters teacher are taking care of things, I'm satisfied with that.

However, I have this gut feeling that my daughter will be the target of bullies for a long time. She doesn't play with other children well and still isn't aware of how her behaviour is seen by others.

Anyone have any tips so I can reduce the chance of my daughter being a target?

[1mom]

you're doing the best thing by making sure all the adults (teachers/VP/P) are aware of the situation. i would go one step further by writing a note to the teacher (keeping a copy for your files ALWAYS). let her know that you've instructed your dau to come to her if anyone threatens/bullies her. that way teacher will know that you're on top of things and that your dau isn't "tattling".
prayers,
1mom

[rosyred45]

this past week Mikey was getting into trouble and we found out another boy was picking on him. I agree with 1mom, definately keep a record of what you have sent. Not that the teacher isn't helping, but it is good to keep the documentation down for even behaviors and actions that may have been caused by the bullying.

Mikey's teacher definately knows he's NOT tattling when he tells her something. She and I have an agreement when it comes to Mikey:
Mikey should: # ask the person or persons to stop.
#2. if that deosn't work: tell the person to stop.
#3. Final resort (besides taking matters into his own hands, literally) Tell the teacher.

I have used this kind of "non-tattling" at SACC for the past few years. Once the kids realize that the other isn't goingto get in trouble for tattling, they usually stop.

I usually give who ever the accused is a talk about hurting feelings and friends and what not, so it isn't just about physical violence.

By the way, what kind of supervision do they have at free play? I've complained to the principal that the kids are much to wild and unsupervised. I know that it IS freeplay, but this is where alot of kids get the chance to single out others, even when they are playing "group"games.
I hope this helped a little
Kaiti

[AnneM]

I think one of the biggest lessons that my son learned as a young child (he is now 15) was that bullying CAN be stopped ...

He has been badly bullyed on two occasions (that I am aware of)- one in elementary school by a group of older girls who every break-time would surround him, trap him and proceed to insult him. The second time was around age 12 in High School when he was coming home with bruises on his arms where another boy was physically hurting him ... BOTH times it took him a LONG time to admit what was happening .... but BOTH times it was recognised and STOPPED by the school ... I remember so well him saying "Nobody can help" which is what he honestly believed ... but because it WAS helped and it WAS stopped it taught him a valuable lesson ... i.e. DON'T try to keep it a secret!!

So my feeling is that you must absolutely MAKE SURE that the school stops this and let your daughter realise that if people know about it they CAN and WILL put a stop it ... i understand one of the biggest problems with bullying is that the bullied child will say "nothing" ... believing that nobody can help and also being frightened of the bully's reaction if they do say anything ... so my really strong feeling on this (based on my son's own experience) is to really make sure the bullying IS "stopped" which will show your daughter (for any potential future times) that it really can be ...

GOOD LUCK ...

[fivegonefishing]

Great advise so far, thanks. It concerns me that when my daughter told me, she could not explain how they were teasing her. She may be eight but her social developement is behind most other kids her age. Our school has a zero tolerance for bullying and the school also appreciates how much of an advocate I am for my daughter, we have a great relationship and the school knows when Sam complains like this, it's legitimate. Sam just told me last Friday, and because of the cold temperatures, the kids have been cooped up most of last week. So this hasn't happened in a week. When they do go outside, there is not much supervision or guidance for free play. There is no apparatus to play with.

[rosyred45]

Is there anyway to approach the VP about supervision? That was a big concern when the new VP came here. She asked how I do things at SACC. So I told her. We spread out and/or play with the kids. We're big meanies because we don't let the kids run around like little wild banchees. Oh I'm sorry, our rules are more strict than school, how could I have let that slip.

We let them run, have fun and use their imaginations, but we also intervine when we see fit. In our program, to cut down on kids feeling left out or excluded, it's everybody plays or nobody plays. And if it gets to that point, one of us plays with them so as not to have them left out or belittled by the rest of the group.

I have seen kids being picked on as I come to work and the teachers are all standing around talking, laughing, having a good old time. In the mean time, poor kid at the end of the play ground is getting the crap beat outta him because he tried to get out of rats nest.

Sorry, I was the fat chick with short hair and glasses, don't even talk about having zits.....
Kaiti

[SKay]

As the others have said, you did the right thing by getting the adults involved. I don't know if this is just the way things were in the 70s when I had similar problems, but when I told my mom about it, she said to just ignore the kids. It was not possible to ignore them. A lot of the problems happened in the classroom. The teacher either didn't see it or ignored it. I think some of the teachers were actually intimidated by the some of the kids. It seems that adults are more actively involved in helping kids these days, but maybe it's just the different perspective that I have.

Kaiti, it bothers me too when I see kids being picked on. Even though it was 30 years ago, seeing kids go through what I went through makes me cringe and I try to stop the bullies.