Slumber party nightmare!

[lofo]

I'm so sorry for you and really all those involved in such an act. Many times children will act out what they have seen or what has been done to them.

My DS9 has regular friends and "spend the nite" friends.
He has one close friend whose dad is an alcoholic. He has only spent the night there before I knew this info and changed our policy.

Now he has "spend the nite" friends who are friends with parents I know TEXT well.

If you thought the child was in a foster home situation that alone should raise the red flag that something is awry in that household.

That 9yo girl needs supervised visits when playing with your daughter. I would tell the mother and the daughter that she is not allowed to play with your daughter for X # of days for her behavior in your home. Certainly never let her spend the night or spend time w/ your DD alone. Let the mother know you care for the child and would not tell anyone else who is not involved in this situation. She may have alot of experiences similar to this.

Get counseling for your daughter quick. She may think this is the cool thing to do since an older girl was teaching her about a new subject.

Praying for you and how you handle this experience in your family,
Lori

[Dad2Brooke]

aimee30 said:

D2B,

I'm sure it a tough situation either way. I'm just so torn on whether or not to let them play together. Like I said before, I know that she has been in a foster home. I am worried about her too. Not just my DD or the other little girl involved. I was sexually abused as a child and I am very fearful that this may be going on now with the little girl. It may not, but there are definately some signs there. She may have been in the foster home for sexual abuse and not gotten the help she needs. I don't know the mother, but I don't think she would keep as close an eye on them playing as she should.

I would like your opinion too on something since you are on the flip side. Given what I have said about the mother do you think I should at least try to talk to her? I still haven't yet. Have been debating on it. I feel in ways that I should, but I have a gut feeling that it wouldn't accomplish anything.

I did try to call CPS today but couldn't find the number in the book. I finally called my aunt who works for the child care counsel and got it from her. By the time I did all that the kids were back home from school so I didn't have a chance to call. Will try again tomorrow.

Thanks again, and D2B let me know what you think about talking to the other mother.

aimee30, I just reread all of the posts and this really is a difficult situation.

The girl in question is 9 and your daughter is 6. That is a big difference in age and maturity. Also, it certainly appears from the posts that this is not a misunderstanding, but intentional behavior.

I do think you should talk to the other mother. She may already know, but if she doesn't she definately should know. I would definately take the approach that you are concerned for her daughter and are only letting her know because of the seriousness of the incident.

I know when the other parent approached me about what they suspect Brooke did, it was hard to hear. And as you can tell from the way I talk about it, I don't really believe it happened, or want to. But, I still have acted on it and taken steps to ensure that it doesn't happen again.

Maybe this mother will do likewise, I certainly hope so. If she blows you off, or god forbid gets ugly about it, then I would definately keep your daughter away.

Finally, please understand, that my earlier post was from the position that I have done everything possible to prevent this from happening again. I have talked to her, I have let her psychiatrist now about it, I have talked to the parents about it, and I make sure that I am present when Brooke plays with anyone. But, even with all that, the parents of the child involved, will not let Brooke play with their children, and won't speak to my wife or I.

[GSDMommy]

First of all, happy new year!!

The whole nightmare thing:

I think you did very well by separating and notifying everyone. I think the other mother should know about this however......if the girl did get this from the foster home then the mother may want to report this herself. CPS is a great idea, but the implementation is horrible. Often times it is over-worked brand new LCSWs. They often don't have the experience to deal with things well. Another thing is if it was from the foster home or someone else <not the family home> then CPS being involved would put the accusation on the parents which may not be warranted. Especially since the family has already had involvement in the past, it will be assumed that this happened in the home environment.

Have you though of talking to your family doctor? It may be a good idea to get your DD examined to make sure everything is OK. It would also provide proof to the appropriate agencies should this situation go further.

I pray for your daughter and your family....this is very shocking and scary and I am sorry this happened to you.

[camismom]

OK, here's my two cents worth:

I would talk to the mother. There was a reason this child was in Foster Care, but it may not have anything to do with the mother, we can't always assume that. Maybe when you talk to the mother she will be open with you and you'll find out why there was previous foster care. Like others have pointed out, maybe this girl learned this behavior from a foster parent, or another person, and by talking to the mother she'll be learning there is a problem and she'll herself take action. If she is ugly, blows you off, etc. THEN you can assume the parent is the problem.

I would also get CPS involved, because through them this girl can get counseling and learn this is not appropriate behavior. They will investigate and learn where this came from. Also, if the problem IS the parent, the girl will be removed from the home before it gets worse for her...

Lastly, though this girl is nine and therefore most would think she is old enough to know better, she is also young enough to not have learned this behavior on her own. This came from somewhere, so she is most likely a victim too, and doing what she herself has been "taught" and maybe made to assume is ok. Don't blame her. By banning her from playing with your daughter, she is being punished for something she may herself not understand. Let them continue to play together, but supervise this play. Do not leave them alone, but don't isolate her from peers and other adults who she can see and learn the right example from. I would talk to this girl myself, and let her know I care for her, tell her this action was inappropriate, question where she learned it, and let her know you are someone she can trust to tell if something like this has or is happening to her. If she is having troubles at home, she may need an adult she can trust, and she needs to hear from someone that this is not ok.

No matter what, this is a difficult situation, and my heart goes out to you. Keep us informed...

[tiniree]

Take heart! YOU DID NOT OVERREACT!!!!! If this child has been in a foster situation, then she was taken from her home for a very serious reason, possibly sexual abuse! Sex offenders often have a history as a child of having been sexually abused (aka:" touching you there is a way "daddy" or other person, says I love you").

I am concerned about your questioning yourself about whether to tell this childs mother. If your child had instigated something like this, wouldn't you want to know??? Please inform the mother ASAP. Your tone of voice will play an important role in HOW she takes it. But no matter what, she needs to know.

I wouldn't let my child play with this child until you know the reaction of the child's mother. If she denies a problem, then "adios". If she knows there is a problem and is open and honest with you. Well, then you need to make a judgement call. I certainly wouldn't allow playing together alone.

hang in there and know you did the right thing!