How do I do it?

[ohmama]

Help! My boys will be going to regular school from homeschool. I don't think it is a good idea in the middle of the year like this but the situation has become impossible. They refuse to let me teach them anymore. They are now in 4th grade, 10 yrs old and are starting to exert themselves in what they want.

I will call the school Monday. Do I request a 504? Is this done in writing or is a verbal request enough? I am familiar with an IEP and it was always very informal and easy but I wonder if a 504 is more complicated? They have problems with attention, focus, hyperactivity and my one "fire boy" is having meltdowns if there are stressful situations.

The school where I live is overcrowded and I am told by others that it is not easy to get a 504 or even to get them to do IEP testing because of the budget problems here (Oregon). They even had to close some schools because of this budget problem. The classes are very overcrowded.

When the boys were tested last year they were both found to be above average and I was told they do not qualify for IEP placement because of this. I think that means they would come under a 504 plan? They are both officially dx with multiple anxiety, adhd and more. I know they will not do well in a normal school setting. WHAT DO I DO?

[swmom]

First of all, to send them into the kind of environment you're describing sounds really difficult, but if you have no other option, you have to do it.

However, having homeschooled for a year, I might be able to offer at least one suggestion. Homeschooling kids with special needs is REALLY HARD, unless you're specially trained to do so. I was not. Because of this, I looked for other ways to teach my daughter. Down the street from us is a private school for kids with various learning disabilities such as dyslexia, etc. They took kids with ADHD and related learning problems. I had considered sending her there but it was really expensive. But, knowing that their teachers freelanced in the afternoons, I considered taking her there for specialized instruction in the subjects she was really struggling in, i.e. math and reading. I don't know why you couldn't get them to teach it all. In addition to general teaching, the teachers there could also teach ways of working around the disability plus they're used to kids who are struggling with various things. Is there a school like this near you?

We ultimately decided to send our daughter to our neighborhood school. It has worked out for many reasons perhaps the number one thing being that she simply learns better from someone other than mom. Oh the things she used to do while I was trying to teach her! I would imagine your kids are doing the same thing. With a teacher, they tend to mind a little better for fear of being humiliated in front of their classmates. Perhaps you'd find that to be the case if you find that you have to send them to a regular school.

I really wish you the best.

[HooDunnit]

Hi ohmama. Why won't they let you teach them anymore? I would think that you would be a wonderful teacher, as you explore things so thoroughly and will go to the nth degree for your kids. My situation was the opposite -- at the end of grade four I started homeschooling Robin.

Barry

[Madison]

Hi Omama,
I went to the princible. I was waiting to go on field trip with her class and decided to just TALK to the princible about my concerns. She was VERY UNDERSTANDING and had me sign a paper right away to get the process started for her evaluation. They do a SMALL evaluation first to see if there is a need for the DEEPER testing. Well, my child was in the normal range but reading was a 88% so they wanted to go with the DEEPER testing. Like I said in my other post..."there's NO worry with a child that is testing above average on the evaluations it's the slow learners/LD child they are concerned with." Truthfully if I was you and my child tested ABOVE AVERAGE don't worry one bit about them in school. There was HYPER kids in my boys class 4th grade and each passing year they get better and better. Hope this helps a little? Make sure the teacher knows your concerns too. Maybe she can correct most things in class? Beieve me there MORE hyper kids than yours going through the school system so don't think yours is the only one! I've done enough school parties to know that FIRST HAND!! There's ALOT of them hyper!! Take care....Madison

[ohmama]

swmom, Madison and Barry,
We don't have such a school here. It's either me or the regular school. The teaching was never a problem. I could be very creative and loved teaching them. We didn't stick to the books all the time as I wanted it to be fun and different so they would want to learn. It went well for the first year (3rd grade) but now they want more socialization. I'm sure that's the main thing. I must admit it is an area that is lacking but with good reason. Especially my one boy, he suffered such ridicule and abuse from the kids because of his behavior and lack of social skills. Now he has self esteem and doesn't even realize he is different. That will all be taken away from him once he is back with "normal" kids.

I guess I will just have to see it through. No doubt I will be posting more on this in the future. It's good to know you are all here and will listen. It's really hard for me.

[AustinsMom]

ohmama--sorry you have such a tough situation with your boys and schooling right now. I am at the front end of this whole school accomodation thing so don't have alot of info. I know a diagnosis is essential, which you have. But it has to have an impact on their education, which in my case meant that ds's grades were lower than expected for his IQ. Even though ds goes to a catholic school, we have to follow public school guidelines and work with our public school to pay for anything special that is needed. The red tape seemed endless, so we elected to pay for our own eval and that speeded things up immensely. My biggest advice is to make friends and allies of your principal and teacher. They can really help you with the special services coordinator, who in my case seems more concerned with crossing i's and dotting t's than about my child. GOOD LUCK.

[ohmama]

I can't just throw them into this "lions den"! I'm going to do something radical. I'm going to bribe them. I will offer group activities.... music lessons, dance lessons, and what's that ti quan do or karate, is there a basketball class? Roller skating? Bowling? I'm loosing my mind aren't I?

[AustinsMom]

Not at all! If you can coordinate group situations to make them happy with home schooling, I say go for it! It sounds like an ideal compromise that would meet their social needs while letting you continue to see to their academic needs. Between boy scouts, parks and rec programs, church sponsored activities, etc. I' sure you can find things. Are there any home school coop situations you can connect with so you could plan some group outings with other home schoolers? I think you are on to something here...

[ohmama]

Austins mom,
Wow, other home schoolers!!!! Yes, why didn't I think of that I'm going to look into it first thing. I will stall them till I find out. Thanks so much for the suggestion. There must be other homeschool moms going through this.

[tridlette]

Oh Mama, glad to have you back with us! I have just started home schooling my middle son this year because the school wasn't ready to recognize the severity of his LD's. But anyway, to answer your question...

Several of the churches have home school groups. Most of those parents are using HS for religious reasons, but there are some of out here who have other reasons. We use www.k12.com for our HS. Sorka is too. There are web sites somewhat like this one set up for HS ers, and you can do some searches in your area.

I wish that Pennsyvania was closer to Oregon for you, because my boys could use some buddies that are oblivious to social cues too. I think that was one of the bigger reasons for bringing Patrick home. Michael has no clue what the kids say behind his back, but Patrick is very sensitive. Shaun is quite abrupt and tells the bullies that they are making themselves no friends with their behavior!

We also are involved with Boy Scouts, and now that they are in higher grades, the get to play in the band. Our district has a policy that allows Patrick to participate in all extra curricular activities! I bit the bullet and paid almost $3000 per kid to enroll them in the black belt club in karate. At least I know where they are, who they are with, and what they are doing. And as the "bus driver" I get to spend extra time with the guys going to class 2-3 times every week. I signed on as an adult Scout leader, so I get to hang out with the guys there too.

I found a few of the older Scout that live in the neighborhood that come by after school to do there homework with us before the little siblings come around. The older boys are pretty cool at ignoring the socially awkward moments of the boys, and all of them gain self esteem. I guess it is kind of like being the neighborhood after school drop in center at my house. The parents know their kids are safe here, and I enjoy the slightly older conversations!

Just some suggestions. Feel free to e-mail me if you need more thoughts. I tend to get too long winded here if given a chance!

Good luck and believe that the right answer will present itself for you soon.

Laurie

[swmom]

The year we homeschooled, we immediately found a homeschool group to be a part of. We literally couldn't have gotten through the year without them. They were our social life, totally. We went on numerous outings with them, travelled with them, went over to their houses for playdates, etc. We actually found that her social life was much better as a homeschooler because there are numerous special needs kids homeschooling. The moms are EAGER to make new friends for their kids.
Perhaps that would make things easier on you and your kids. We live in Charlotte, North Carolina and there were about 15 different homeschool groups to choose from. Many of them were conservative Christian groups, because we're in the Bible belt, which we really didn't feel comfortable with. So, we joined the secular group. It was the smartest thing we did all year.

[HooDunnit]

RE "I bit the bullet and paid almost $3000 per kid to enroll them in the black belt club in karate. At least I know where they are, who they are with, and what they are doing. And as the 'bus driver' I get to spend extra time with the guys going to class 2-3 times every week. I signed on as an adult Scout leader, so I get to hang out with the guys there too."

I think there is quite a bit of wisdom in the above passage. When I started homeschooling our ADHD-son at age ten, I tried him in Kung Fu. After three months, he had a blowout with the instructor. So I waited a while and tried him in Hapkido. It took him about two years to catch on as to what it was about. But then it made a big difference in him. He went from being distracted to focused. The exercise was good for him and the skill that he developed improved his self-esteem. He had been bullied in school, and came to recognize that that wouldn't happen again. He got so he went to Hapkido almost every day. His Hapkido "brothers" and "sisters" were a big part of his socialization. I tried to watch all the classes, or at least be around the dojang talking to someone. A martial art is hard work, and I noticed that the children that dropped out after a year or so had parents to simply dropped them off and picked them up. The children that toughed it out, year after year, had parents who would watch the class. It made a big difference to be able to say, "Dad, did you see that jump?" and I could say, "Yes, I did."

Barry

[Madison]

Hi Everybody!
Omama...Why don't you TRY them back into the school system for awhile? It's like EVERYBODY is thinking the WORSE and it's not happened yet! Your boys seem VERY adult to express their wants and feelings and you posted they are "Above Average" in grades. Believe me yours WON'T be the only kids they've seen on the hyper side! It might be time for your children to be accountable for their decisions? They've been home schooled and now ready to face being with children their OWN age and they've GOT to learn how to deal with this world sometime?? If you BRIBE them when does that stop??? Are you willing to keep throwing money/gifts/WHATEVER they want to keep them at home or making their own decisions?? Think about it some more! It might be some kind of relief to have other adults deal with them school wise for awhile. Kids learn real fast how to work parents. I would start them in school and MAKE them finish the year there because THEY made that decision! I hope you understand what I'm saying??? I don't mean to come off strong but they are GROWING up! Take care...much love, Madison

[ohmama]

You all gave such good advice! Oh Madison, I had your words in the back of my mind all day today and then I turned on this website and saw you said exactly what I was thinking!

I am going to increase their exposure to other kids. It's what they want and I have to let them try to fit in. I will do this outside of school with other social activities also.

So, with that in mind I saw the principal of our local school today. He was wonderful. I almost had tears in my eyes when he told me there were special classes that could help with "fire boy". I go for a meeting with the staff of special ed, a psychologist and two teachers plus an aid who is in one of the classes and helps with another child that has similar problems. I suspect this aid is there on a 504 plan for that child but is also available to the rest of the class. My boy could benefit from being put in this class.... and I didn't even have to fight for it.

Sometimes I create my own stress. I think I will give school a try. Thanks Madison and everyone else. I will follow all your advice.

[Madison]

OMama,
I'm so glad you are going to give it a try. YES...there's alot of good teachers out there and principle sounded really encouraging! There will be up's and down's but that's with everything in this world. Don't give up on it. I'm SURE your kids will start fighting again for homeschooling once they see what's expected of them from school...lol!! Don't give in to them and make sure they finish out the year there. You sound like a WONDERFUL parent and teacher and believe you ME they will find out really fast how much trouble you went through to make school FUN!! You'll still play a HUGE part in the learning process with HOMEWORK, etc but it gives them a chance to be on their own too for awhile and make new friends. Keep us posted on how their doing....Take Care...Much love...Madison

p.s. I get the business the other way...lol My boy says all the time "MOM....why can't you just pick up ALL my school material for the week and I'll stay home and turn it in at the end of the week...lol." He would LOVE to be home schooled but that's not going to happen here because it wouldn't take him NO time to stop doing all school work! lol! Take care...Madison